Prologue.

There has been a strange rumor going around on the internet recently. It was something that I randomly came across one day while I slowly found myself stumbling deeper and deeper into the weird side of the internet.

It was a post I found on a certain message board. The title was “Sightings of the Ghost Girlfriend.”

Being the atheist I was, at first, I scoffed it off as rubbish, but when I opened up the thread and read through it, I found that it was actually quite intriguing.

The title of the thread read “Anon: Hello world, I got a girlfriend! :’D”

The thread played out as one would expect when one ventured through the weird side of the internet.

“Troll1: Fake and gay.”

“Troll2: Post nudes with today’s newspaper for proof.”

“Troll3: OP is faggot.”

“Troll4: ^2nded”

“UpstandingSamaritan: Congratulations Anon!”

“Anon: ^Thank you!”

“FirstToParty: first”

“Troll1: ^lol too slow noob. I am god of the firsts.”

“FirstToParty: ^Damn it, I’ll remember this!”

“Troll1: ^Get gud nub.”

“Troll2: @FirstToParty number 1 grunt line.”

“Anon: Uh... this is a thread about my first girlfriend, right?”

“Troll3: OP is pleb and newfag.”

“Anon: I’m a lurker, this is my first post. Please cut me some slack.”

“Troll2: ^Virgin poster. *inserts gay brony pron*”

“WhiteKnight: ^Ugh! Disgusting!”

“UpstandingSamaritan: OP, who’s the lucky lady?”

“Anon: You wouldn’t believe me even if I said it.”

“Troll1: lol virgin noob, unless it was a ghost I wouldn’t believe it.”

“Anon: … “

“Troll1: ^???”

“Anon: How’d you know she was a ghost?”

“Troll2: ^lol gtfo. You can’t troll the trolls.”

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

“Troll4: lmao”

“Troll3: OP #1Virgin4Lyfe #Unsurpassable #Unrivalled”

“Troll1: ^that :’D”

“UpstandingSamaritan: She’s a ghost?!”

“Troll1: ^gullible newfag.”

“Anon: @UpstandingSumaritan yeah”

“UpstandingSamaritan: … how did you meet?”

“Anon: My friend gave me an old VHS tape and told me it was a classic movie. So I watched it and fell asleep halfway through. When I woke up, she was already in front of me and told me we were dating now.”

“UpstandingSamaritan: *gulps* good luck my friend. May the gods have mercy on your pitiful soul.”

“Anon: ^?”

“Troll1: ^lol this nub doesn’t even realize the shit he got himself into. Even UpstandingNewfag has heard.”

“Troll2: ^exactly my thoughts”

“Anon: What are you guys talking about?”

“WhiteKnight: Don’t listen to these clowns, you must treasure all women.”

“TriggeredLady: ^exactly”

“Troll4: ^Oh no, the social justice task force approaches.”

“SocialJusticeWarrior1: You called?”

“SocialJusticeLeader: Attention!”

“SocialJusticeWarrior2: Reporting for duty!”

“Troll3: Ugh. It’s a raid! Troll squad scatter!”

“Troll2: Nuuoooo! Not again!”

After that, the thread was flooded by a bunch of social justice warriors advocating for equality and women’s rights. After a while, I found a second thread from the OP shortly after.

“Anon: Anon from the last thread here. What is wrong with my ghost girlfriend? Can people please explain to me what’s going on?”

“FirstToParty: First! Guy below, get rekt.”

“Troll1: You’re going to die dumbass. Have you really not heard any of the rumors circulating around? *inserts serious troll face with hands overlapping on table picture*”

“Troll1:@FirstToParty get a life please.”

“Anon: What rumors?”

“Troll1: *rolls eyes* OP is done for.”

“Troll3: OP #Doomed4Sure”

“Troll4: Any time now.”

“Troll2: Wait for it. Wait for it.”

“Anon: He…”

“Troll1: It’s here!”

“Anon: is…”

“UpstandingSamaritan: I was too late.”

“Anon: dead.”

“Troll2: This again?”

“Troll1: Do you think the OP is just another trolling copycat?”

“Troll3: But this is how every thread ends whenever the ghost girl of rumors from the mysterious VHS tape is brought up. Isn’t it too elaborate for it to just be trolling? Threads like this have been popping up for a year now.”

“Troll4: Yeah.”

“Troll1: Whoever it is, is really quite dedicated to the cause. I traced the IP of 12 previous OPs, but they were always scattered all across the world to make it look like they were all different people. Doing a check on each of the IPs, they don’t appear to be from known VPNs or proxy servers which is annoying.”

“Troll2: How much dedication can one person have to this same old story over such an extended period of time? Shouldn’t he have gotten bored by now?”

“Troll1: They could just be imitators.”

“Anon: Yooooooou’re... neeeeeeext.”

“Troll1: She’s picking her next “victim” again. How scary. She allegedly picks one of the unsuspecting lurkers in threads, but that’s just a rumor.”

“Troll3: Plot twist, OP was #CreepyGhostGirl and never existed the entire time. It was all a ruse to find her next target.”

“Troll1: lol”

“Troll 4: rofl”

After that, no one bumped the thread and it died off not long after.

“Haha, creepy ghost girls? Where can I find one of those? Haaaah. My luck with real women is terrible enough as it is, you think a ghost girlfriend is scary? Take a look at my exes and you’ll be even more terrified. Seriously though, ghosts? It’s obviously just another random troll trying to be the next big creepypasta.”

Of course, I had no idea at this point in time just how much I would come to regret my naive thoughts.