It was Sunday evening; the last rays of the sun were dancing across the tops of the Rocky Mountains like children unwilling to go to bed. The ebbing sunlight silhouetted the old stone houses and towering trees of the small town of Buttercup.

In a stone walled, one-story house Mrs. Strawberry was making strawberry tarts, kneading dough with practiced ease, glancing at the squirrels that nibbled on the peanuts on the sill of her window. The house lights bathed her in a warm glow as the sixty-something granny smiled slightly to herself. She was cherubic both in demeanor and shape. She sang melodiously to herself as she moved about her large kitchen. Oblivious to the major change about to pop up into her life.

Night had fully wrapped around her house as she took the strawberry tarts out of her oven.

BOOMF!

The sound filled the kitchen and made all the China dishes rattle. The whoosh of air caused a few of the tarts to fly through the air and land with little thuds on the floor.

There was a loud clang and a feline yowl of rage.

There was shouting and roaring and more clanging.

Mrs. Strawberry mindful of the hot tray in her hands placed it on a cooling rack. Grabbed a large black cast-iron pan and turned to see a swirl of blue smoke dissipate around three roaring, screeching combatants.

Most of the roars were coming from an eight-foot-tall biped as a large blue cat attempted to slice at him with her curved claws. The armored behemoth made a sweeping punch to smash the cat against the cupboards, the hinges on the door crumpling beneath the force of the strike, the solid wood however withstood the club with surprising resilience. The furious feline hissed and snapped at her attacker with her clawed tail, raked her claws between the gaps in his black armor to slice skin and muscle. The brute roared and slammed against her with the entire weight of his body, this time the wood cracked. Mrs. Strawberry winced and narrowed her eyes as she spun the handle of the pan in her eyes as she contemplated which one of the interlopers she would be clobbering first.

“Sorry about the mess. I’m Devourer” said the third new occupant of the large kitchen, he did acrobatic flips to land on the countertop beside her. He was a dashingly dressed. A short, blue humanoid with three long ears that flopped as he spoke. He wore a black suit, bowler hat and a brightest of blues bow tie “We needed an escape route and my little realm jumper must have messed up our landing zone.”

“Which one are we rooting for?” Mrs. Strawberry asked gesturing with her large pan towards the two combatants, ignoring all the other questions in her head and instead focusing on the one big question mark of a fight that was destroying to her beautiful kitchen.

The ever-dapper gentleman kicked his bare feet slightly back and forth leisurely. “Descendre is the one we are hoping wins, she is my colleague in the art of combat and reappropriation.” He saw the patient Mrs. Strawberry’s face, one that was growing less patient with every crunch of her tile floor as it cracked beneath the two enemies. He gulped and pointed at the blue feline that was bouncing from ceiling to wall to floor in an effort to evade her gigantic enemy. “The cat, we are ‘rooting’ for the cat.”

“Maybe you should help your ‘colleague in combat and reappropriation’.” There was no patience in her voice now, it was firm and no nonsense. “Before I have to take matters into my own hands to save my kitchen cabinets that me and my Late Husband carved and built together.”

The gentleman turned towards the cat and her assailant, then paused and looked back sheepish “Right, I would love to, but you see I am famished, it has been a long time since I’ve had a decent meal and your delicacies smell so divine, they would help re-energize me for the arduous battle.” He saw the raised eyebrow of the woman and hurried to add “It would help save your cupboards.”

Mrs. Strawberry’s grimace changed to a slight smile despite herself “You remind me of my grandson Arthur, one tart, be careful they are hot” she admonished as he reached too eagerly for a piece, “Then go help your friend.”

The gentleman nibbled the pastry daintily “This is divine, even better than I imagined. You would love this, Descendre!”

The cat turned an evil eye towards her companion and made a series of hissing rattling sounds that made it clear she was not pleased, her barbed tail trapped in one of the brute’s hands. The brawler slammed the cat into the large fridge and cracked the support wall beside it.

“Right, that’s enough, if you aren’t going to help her I will!” Mrs. Strawberry declared with firmly pressed lips. She took two steps to the brawler and swung the pan full force into his unprotected ribs.

There was an audible crunch.

The old woman was not done, she ducked beneath the back hand from her assailant, caught his hand and used his momentum to send him crashing to the tiled floor with such force that it rattled a few more of the ornate dishes from the wall. The brute attempted to stand up with a menacing growl. Mrs. Strawberry hit his helmet with a clang, she did it again. She kept doing it until he stopped trying to get up.

“Bravo!” the bow-tied fellow said with obvious delight “Can you believe it, Descendre, she took out that brute single handed. I guess cooks are the most dangerous warriors no matter which realm you go to.”

The cat made some rumbling hisses and started grooming her matted fur with a long-forked tongue.

Mrs. Strawberry looked from the defeated enemy to the cat and round hatted gentleman, her tone was sarcastic “While I love surprises this has to be one of the biggest ones I’ve experienced in recent years. Care to explain what is going on?”

The cat started grumbling and hissing again, then stopped, looked at the three-eared gentleman and made very annoyed series of growls. Devourer smacked his head dramatically while he exclaimed “Oh, I totally forgot I’m wearing the translator, gods, Descendre. You must sound like the silliest creature to the cook right now.”

The cat did not look amused while Devourer dug around into his many pockets lining the inside of his jacket “Where did I put it? Where did I put it?”

Mrs. Strawberry attention was nudged away from the befuddled gentleman and towards the cat eyeing the tarts with longing, “While we wait for Devourer how about you help yourself to a tart.” She picked up the still warm tray with her super thick oven mitt and offered it to the feline. The cat took it delicately with the claws on the end of her tail and nibbled on it with a look of bliss, she grumbled an appreciative series of sounds then rolled her eyes at the still rummaging little gent with his tilted black bowler hat.

“Got it!” Devourer cried with triumph, holding up a beautifully ornate ring, if it could be called a ring, it was large enough to be a bracelet on Mrs. Strawberry’s wrist. The ring/bracelet was an iron lizard wrapped around a tiny red stone that sparkled with starlight. He handed with great pride into the woman’s oven mitt “Be very careful, those are extremely hard to come by, I stole it (and a few other choice items) off a very unpleasant fellow.”

“It’s very pretty.” The woman said uncertainty. The creature was obviously very proud of his jewelry, but she was not a fan of bracelets or other dangling accessories. She took it, the lizard wriggled a little bit, and the ring shrank down to one no larger than her wedding ring. She slipped the metal reptilian onto a finger and the circle shrank just a little bit more to fit comfortably.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Devourer beamed at Mrs. Strawberry “Yes, well I can tell you tha—"

“--don’t let his baubles distract you” The cat interrupted in perfect English. “Or he won’t ever stop.” The cat finished her words as she popped the last of her tart into her fanged mouth.

Mrs. Strawberry peered at the large feline. “So, the ring lets you speak my language.”

The cat swished her tail again to remove any extra crumbs from the fingers on her tail. “Nope, we’re both speaking the common tongue of the realms.” She licked her paw “As well as translating words the ring creates an illusion that makes it look like our mouths are moving in accordance with the words we are both hearing.”

“Oh, otherwise it would be like one of those horribly translated movies where the lips don’t sync up.” Mrs. Strawberry mused “Now that you mention it that way, a lot of sci-fi and fantasy movies should have it be where the lips don’t match the words when they are speaking in different tongues with a translator.”

Devourer spoke up “That is why your little ring is such a rarity (but if we speak in a language that isn’t common it’ll just sound like gibberish to you) it is a gift for you, since you helped us vanquish that oaf Ulgar the Unconquerable.” Under his breath he added “And for not braining us both with that pan after we turned your kitchen into kindling.”

“That’s not his name” the cat countered with a rap of her claws against the black armored enemy, taking another offered tart from the tray “You can’t just make up nicknames for people and things.”

“Why not? ‘Ulg the Unconquerable’ is passed out and I’m pretty sure there isn’t any label on the inside of his underwear.” The gentleman argued taking a fruity treat for himself, gesturing with it to make his point.

The cat sighed with annoyance as she finished the last of her confection. “You can’t even keep your nicknames straight; you were calling him ‘Ulgar’ before.” She turned from her companion and dipped into a deep bow with one a front paw extended towards Mrs. Strawberry “We appreciate your hospitality, especially under such abrupt circumstances, but we have taken up enough of your time, and we must be returning to our companions in our own realm.”

Devourer looked crestfallen “But she can cook, I haven’t had a decent meal in weeks, can’t we take her with us?”

The cat’s tone was dripping with so much sarcasm that Mrs. Strawberry could have used it to butter toast “Oh, sure, let’s kidnap a lady that just dropped a Trilopod with a cooking implement. Then we can fight both her and the two armies chasing us.”

Mrs. Strawberry held up her hand “I could actually use an adventure, I’m happy to tag along.”

Devourer beamed at the cat “See, she wants to go with us.”

The cat scrunched her eyes closed and rubbed her forehead delicately with a claw “You always do this Devourer, you rope in hapless victims onto your mad escapades and then I am left picking up the pieces. Remember poor Onion, that entire debacle was your fault.”

Mrs. Strawberry hefted her cast iron pan and interjected “I did take out ‘Ulgar the Unconquerable’, I can handle myself pretty well. It sounds like you could use another sensible person in your party and judging by the way you both polished off those tarts you could all use a decent meal.” The cat looked defeated and nodded her head, the woman beamed and continued “I can join you guys for a week, I need to make a few calls to let my neighbors know I will be away, don’t want them to worry.”

She started doing just that, grabbing herself a sturdy backpack and stowing items into it as she called her neighbor and let him know she was going on an unexpected backpacking trip, she paused at one point, her hand hovering over an ice pick and a wide brimmed desert hat in deep closet “That is a good question, I don’t know” she turned towards Descendre “I want to be sure I am taking the correct gear. Is it going to intensely cold with snow or extremely dry desert?”

The cat shook her head in a negative, her whiskers swaying slightly with the motion. Her tail swishing languidly.

“Thank you!” Mrs. Strawberry beamed and returned to the conversation “No worries about frost bite, nice temperate weather…” she paused to look at the cat again for affirmation, the cat gave an affirmative head nod “Yep I will be back in a week. Talk to you later hun, hugs. Bye.” She closed the windows that looked out onto her lush green garden of rich strawberries, rhubarb and a hundred of veggies. She clapped her hands together in a business-like fashion “Okay, well since we are going to be travelling companions let’s make some formal introductions, my name is Carmine Ulfhethnahr Strawberry. You can call me Mrs. Strawberry though.”

The cat spoke first “Descendre of the people of the Derkaz.”

The blue skinned gentleman spoke “Devourer Entwined is my name, of the people of the Auris.” He touched one of his three ears “The translator must not be working it didn’t know how to translate your middle name, it is saying your middle name is ‘wolf skin’?”

“My father loved old Norse mythology and beliefs, my family is originally from Norway” she explained, grabbing some spices and stowing them in a secondary pouch “There were two well known types of Nordic shaman warriors, the berserker (translated to mean bear-shirt or a man that took on the semblance of a bear by wearing its pelt) and úlfheðnar (or wolf-skin). My father’s middle name was Berserker and he continued the tradition of making the middle name a reminder of our heritage. He also taught us the skill of throwing large rampaging beasts with ease.”

Devourer’s ears perked up as he looked down at the large crumpled warrior “I was gonna ask about that ability to take down such a large galoot. My race (the Auris) are all agility and speed. Not so much brawn and hand to hand battle tactics.”

“My father wanted all his children to be warriors.” The small woman smiled wistfully as she remembered a time with her father and siblings running through an obstacle course built within the forest surrounding their home, shooting wooden dummies that spun like tops if she hit the bull’s eye. She shook her head to clear away the adventures with her family and returned to her new adventure. “Now let’s be off and reconvene with the rest of your group.” She paused. “How do we get there?”

Devourer started to reach into his jacket but Descendre interrupted the action and said in a no nonsense voice “First we fix your kitchen.” She looked at the three-eared Auris expectantly “If you would please.”

“Happy to.” Devourer said, though his crestfallen tone belied those words. It was clear he wanted to be leaving on the adventure and not pulling out an ugly statue. It was a little gnarled creature with a whirlwind of gears and uncut gemstones suspended in energy around it.

“Mending magic” the blue cat explained as the suited Auris placed the item on the ground and took a step back while he muttered something under his breath. As he moved his hand in a peculiar fashion the energy became unfrozen, and the gears and the lashing power spun around, creating energy versions of the statue.

“Oh!” Mrs. Strawberry said with a tad bit of excitement, this was her first chance to see some actual high fantasy magic and she was duly impressed as the copies of the statue looked at the Auris expectantly.

Devourer caught her tone of awe and he became so excited that his words tripped over each other in his haste to speak “It costs a pretty penny to buy one of these statues. Totally worth it though. Only an idiot would run into a place and not have the means to repair things afterwards.”

The energy trailed behind the copies as they rushed around the kitchen, dancing around broken plates, mending them and lifting them back up to their places on the wall. More of the energy creatures righted the fridge and unmixed the spilled contents of the fridge, even returning smashed eggs to an uncrushed state. The wood cupboards mending back to their elegant hand carved shapes, the kitchen repairing around the unconscious Ulgar the Unconquerable.

Descendre leaned over to add “The ‘idiot’ was Devourer, it took me and Gus both to convince him to stop running headlong into danger, and then even longer to convince him to part with his coins for a Mender statue, now though he thinks it was his idea.”

The last pieces of cupboard handles were screwed back together and the energy copies faded, the only thing remaining to indicate anything was amiss was the large black armored opponent, Mrs. Strawberry gave an appreciative nod to her new friends “I appreciate the cleanup.”

The cat waved her front paw “Thank you for the tarts, let’s get going, Devourer grab the teleporter stone and give the command so that we can make this official and no mistakes happen like last time.”

The Auris pulled out a baseball sized rock. It had been carved into the face of a grimacing monster in the act of biting a thick metal ring “I swear to have you back within a week’s time.” as he said the words the stone’s eyes flashed cementing the promise, the three-eared creature smiled showing his perfect teeth “The clock is now running, we have seven days before we are returned to this spot by our teleporter stone. Let’s go..."

He held out his hand expectantly.

Mrs. Strawberry was never a fearful woman, she extended her hand with a fierce grin, he grabbed it with the eagerness of a child taking an adult to see their tree fort, as an afterthought he added “Oh, watch out for the blue mushrooms.”

Before she could ask, his hand touched hers, the blue smoke swirled out from the stone and surrounded all three of them. And they were gone. Leaving the still cooling tarts alone on the counter of the kitchen.