When the azure smoke cleared, they stood in a valley atop a hill surrounded by tall black mushrooms (very similar to a Boggy Brittlegill mushroom Mrs. Strawberry noted to herself), some towering at three meters. Descendre took one look at a doused campfire and footprints along the ground. Her tone was not pleased. “They’re not here, Devourer!”
The Auris peered at the soggy ash “That’s odd. I can understand Onion wandering off to stare at some plant or another. But Gus is ever the focused one…” he pulled a long-curved knife and spun it like a top in agitation.
“We need to look for them.” Descendre announced surveying the tracks. The blue feline carefully stepped around blue crushed mushrooms that oozed a cyan colored liquid. “Gus’s defensive ring has been destroyed which means one of the armies probably found the two of them.” She moved closer to the ground, almost touching it with her pink nose. “Looks like it was the Trilopod army, you can tell by the regulation boots.”
“What happened I wonder.” Mrs. Strawberry mused.
Devourer was looking off into the distance towards some figures “Mmm, I suppose they might be able to answer our questions, though I would probably first focus on avoiding those arrows being fired.” He stepped beneath the cover of a black mushroom’s cap.
The cat and woman both looked to the sky, cursed and dove beneath the mushrooms as well. The arrows thunked harmlessly into the sheltering mushrooms. Mrs. Strawberry looked at one of the projectiles that had embedded in the ground nearby, a green toxic liquid coating the barbed arrowhead. “Poisonous?”
Descendre licked the liquid with her long-forked tongue “Definitely poisoned, noxious variant that causes hallucinations on contact with skin. Deadly when it enters the blood stream or ingested.”
“You just licked it.” The woman pointed out.
Devourer seemed unconcerned “Descendre enjoys shocking new people with that trick. She is from the Derkaz species, the cats are immune to all poisons, she could take a bath in the stuff and not feel a thing. Only other real benefit to their race is the fur gets almost instantly lighter or darker depending on the environment.”
Descendre added “Which means I vanish into the shadows.”
There was a far-off shout, more black armored figures arriving on the ridge overlooking the mushrooms.
Descendre peered up at the enemy as they notched new arrows into their bows “Looks like they have us blocked on one side.” She shot a glance towards the Auris “Can your teleport rock get us out of here?”
Devourer looked at the monster faced rock, its eyes were cold and lifeless, he knocked it hard against his fist “Nope, looks like it isn’t feeling helpful at the moment.” He caught the questioning look from Mrs. Strawberry. “It sometimes it just doesn’t wanna help.”
Mrs. Strawberry pointed towards the other side of the valley devoid of archers “Could we head that way?”
Before anybody could answer, figures rose up on that side, these ones had striped armor, Devourer groaned “Oh geez, I forgot about them. They have some mean beasties they like to throw at their enemies.”
Winged creatures screeched in fury and rose from the striped Var army’s ranks. The trio standing on the hill couldn’t stare too long at the flying beasts as the Trilopod archers let loose their deadly bolts. The rain of arrow impaled the ground with a thud heavy enough that the cook could feel it through her heavy soled boots. The mushroom was fortunately sturdy enough to weather the storm of deadly metal. There was a far-off cry for archers to re-nock their arrows and continue the barrage.
The long-eared Devourer tipped his round hat as he said brightly "Well, here is your seven day adventure, first thing on the docket is escape from enemy territory. Oh, watch out for the low aimed arrows it looks like those may not be deflected by the mushroom above us.”
"They weren't enemies til you pulled your little stunt.” The large cat grumbled before catching two arrows between her teeth. Accidentally snapping one, she made an almost comical wince as the splinters jammed into her gums, she growled through the pain towards Mrs. Strawberry “I for one vote we turn Devourer over to the Trilopod army."
Devourer pirouetted in place, his three armored ears spinning around him with deadly elegance deflecting more of the arrows "I would offer you a chance to try it, Descendre. But we know how well that went last time."
The Derkaz touched her ear where there was a single nick. "We were three years old; you tripped and bit my ear, you were crying more about hurting me than I was."
Devourer stuck his tongue out “Who won the last hunting competition?”
“You’re a moron.” The cat harumphed before turning her back on the group and curling up at the edge of the mushroom umbrella to brood “At least I don’t have to eat any more of your stupid cooking, my stomach is still twitching from the last disgusting mess you tried making.”
Mrs. Strawberry towards short Auris "Should we try running away?”
Devourer shook his head in negative “No, if you notice the armies aren’t making a move, they are neighboring kingdoms and they don’t wanna start a skirmish over us, they are just gonna shoot arrows at us and wait us out. So maybe cook us up something while we wait for it to get dark?”
Mrs. Strawberry smiled at him “Sure, let me see what I can whip up, just stop any arrows from hitting me.”
She busied herself, ignoring the near constant rain of death being blocked by fungus “You are awfully calm for all this chaos.” The Auris mused, whipping out a hand to catch a low arrow.
The cook flipped one of her cutting knives in the with ease “This is sort of low key in comparison to other things I’ve dealt with throughout the years. What happened to your last good cook?
“Left us high and dry.” Devourer snarled.
Mrs. Strawberry was focused on the food as she responded with a simple “Oh?”
"He joined us to find adventure and love.” The Auris explained. Then his expression soured. “Wouldn't you know he found a love and left. He was the only one that would play cards with me in the group."
The cat shot him a nasty look “It’s because you cheat, and the last cool only put up with you because he cheated better.”
“Losing friends is difficult.” Mrs. Strawberry said as she carefully placed a hand on the Auris’s shoulder; avoiding the bladed, plate armor that covered his ears. "When my friend Pearl moved to Florida to be with her kids I lost my Othello playing companion."
An extra loud thunkity-thunk of arrows drew her attention back to the downpour of deadly arrows "I'll need supplies if I am to cook, is there a different way out of this warzone?"
The suited Auris flounced out his coattails to sit down on one of the oversized black toadstools growing from the base of the giant mushroom ."Well they have to run out of arrows eventually. And if that doesn't happen we can sneak off in cover of the night." He started buffing his nails with a file from a small manicure kit he pulled from another of his inner pockets.
Mrs. Strawberry started searching through one of the large backpacks to find a thick piece of cloth and pulled the frying pan off the fire "No need to keep heating this if we don't have food."
She was looking for place to put it away when a black armored Trilopod soldier charged around one of the craggy boulders with a sword upraised, Mrs. Strawberry grabbed the pan handle with her other hand and swung full force into the soldier's unprotected face. There was an audible clang and crunch, the soldier collapsed to the ground in a heap. Mrs. Strawberry curtly said to the prone figure, "Shouldn't try to ambush people while they're talking."
Devourer hopped from his fungus and sat down atop the unconscious soldier, tapping his bare feet against his chest armor.
"Can you pick an actual rhythm? I’m trying to brood over here." Descendre grumbled (her fur now changed from bright blue to black in the shade of the mushroom.), her tail flicked back and forth, her two bone fingers on the end of the striped tail clicking together with agitation.
Devourer was quizzical as he pondered something, he snapped his fingers as realization dawned “You’re still sore that you didn’t get to try that Bern dish at the Trilopod banquet.”
“I see you finally figured it out!” The cat snapped.
Devourer beamed at her “It was really good, too bad you missed it. Oh, well next time."
Descendre turned her head slowly towards the hatted fellow, her stare more deadly than the metal rain around them "That dish and that banquet is a once-in-a-lifetime event. It only happens every three hundred years. How will I be enjoying the ‘next time’?"
Mrs. Strawberry watched the two with amusement; it was clear that these two were old combat companions, they would argue about the stupidest things for hours and would still cover each other’s backs in battle (or sacrifice themselves for the other) without a thought. She tilted her head towards the armies around them, noticing the change in sound, it was dwindling, the arrows no longer falling. She interrupted the two creatures that were nose to nose in heated argument. "It’s getting dark, do we want to make an escape now?"
The two stopped their bickering to notice the reddening sky, the purple lit clouds silhouetting the military armor as the enemy troops shuffled and prepared for the night by lighting torches.
The cat's eyes slitted as she glared at her three-eared companion "It seems a truce is in order."
Devourer tipped the brim of his hat with a toothy grin "You’re a lucky pussy cat, I was about to unleash a tornado of death."
The feline raised an unimpressed eyebrow as she put out the fire by smothering it with dirt "Ah, ’Tornado of death’ yes, I agree that is what I would call your fashion taste. At least on the eyes. Mine bleed every time I look at that suit."
"Ha, hardy har har.” He drawled.
The three escaped as silent as the shadows.
-
It was an hour later when they finally stopped to make camp, Mrs. Strawberry leaned back against a cool boulder and looked up at the stars "You know, I am deeply impressed by the armies, I was not expecting this much adventure so quickly."
Descendre leaned up against the woman and the large cat started to purr, her black fur making her difficult to perceive among the shadows "I’m glad to have you, we needed at least one more sensible member of our adventure party. Cause Devourer and Onion are both hopeless.”
The cat used her tail fingers to open a satchel and withdraw a few small mushrooms. She planted a red and white fungus in the moss between two trees. From the mushroom rose little twining tendrils that built upon each other until a fifteen-meter-tall house formed. Mrs. Strawberry approached and let wonder fill her voice as she touched the sturdy building "This is some cool magic."
Devourer was bursting with pride. "It's from Gus. He left me some magic mushrooms to create lodgings and protections."
"He left ‘ME’ the fungus!” The shadowy cat corrected curtly. “He knew you’d waste them, probably to impress an Auris with ten ears.”
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
Devourer blushed with chagrin, obviously he had done something to earn that comment, "I have my priorities.” He mumbled.
"I need to put up some defensive spores." The Derkaz cat announced to change the subject. She pulled out three small mushrooms; a tall, thin spore (much like a Parasol Mushroom) that was a bright blue in color, the second had a cap formed with a hexagonal lattice work (similar to a morel mushroom) that glowed. The last was an orange Collared Earthstar fungus with little black lettering across it.
Descendre dropped to them to ground without ceremony. The lattice work mushroom took root and released glowing motes that floated to the nearby trees, the motes sank into the bark and became mushrooms that pleasantly lit up the area. The blue mushroom sank into the ground out of sight with nary a sound. The orange mushroom sent out a root network in all directions, more of the Collared Earthstar mushrooms growing in the underbrush and up the sides of trees.
Mrs. Strawberry peered at the orange mushrooms with the spiral pattern of black curling lettering "They're beautiful."
“They are pretty,” Devourer agreed “But they are passive. They don’t do much until something triggers them.”
The feline stretched, showing all her teeth "If you stayed still they would be more effective. Hard to put up a defense when you dash off every five minutes."
Mrs. Strawberry watched the two return to their routine of bickering, before it could spiral too far she interrupted them with a question that halted the Auris and Derkaz mid-sentence and set their stomachs to gurgling “What about I make some food?"
Descendre pointed towards the small cottage "The house will be fully stocked with morel mushrooms and the like, you should be able to cook us something palatable."
"Should you be eating mushrooms?" Mrs. Strawberry asked the cat, remembering that some mushrooms that were edible to humans could kill a cat.
"Yes, Derkaz are omnivores. With with a refined palette." The cat reassured her as the side of the house unwove itself to allow all three to walk in. The single room was pleasantly lit by more of the Collared Earthstar mushrooms. There were three beds, a fireplace and a small food prep area.
"Impressive." the woman breathed with awe.
Devourer beamed "Lots of cool stuff like this when travelling with us."
Descendre extended a long sharp claw that had been hidden in her pads, she moved about the house, slicing the stems of various mushrooms finesse and caught them in a large fungus cap. Once done with her harvesting she placed them on a hard flat spore.
"Gus calls it a cutting board,” she supplied with a fanged grin “Gus is pretty clever with designing these things, most other mushroom folk don't have the skill. He could have been an architect for fungus kings, but instead decided to adventure with us."
"Decided to adventure with ME." Devourer interjected.
Descendre shot him a displeased look "Correction, Onion decided to party with you, Gus was against it. He wants to keep the gullible plant out of trouble.”
“It’s the same thing,” The Auris countered. “They’re a package deal. Wherever Onion goes Gus tags along.”
"Why are you here?" Mrs. Strawberry asked the cat with a curious tone, only paying half attention as she removed her boots, opened her backpack removed items and slipped on some well-worn house slippers, a comfortable bathrobe and her apron.
The cat flicked her tail as if it was the most important thing in the world "Someone has to keep him alive."
Mrs. Strawberry saw the Auris was about to retort, she curtailed the comments decisively “Devourer, I could use some sticks, I noticed there was a small fallen tree nearby, could you grab me some.”
Devourer paused with his mouth open, it was killing him to not say his comment, but the look she fixed the three-ear with caused him to instead turn and with a grumble leave the cottage.
The stout woman waited until the wall reformed before asking “So, Gus designed this mushroom house?” she pulled out her favorite vegetable knives and started to slice the mushrooms up.
The cat groomed her dark fur with her forked tongue, the colors changed to become striped black and blue as she settled down “Yes, he takes a spore and with some magic cleverness creates a new spore species. Any spores that are propagated from that fungus will carry the same design as the original unique spore.”
Mrs. Strawberry grabbed a small packet of kindling wrapped in fabric from her backpack, she started stacking them together then pulled flint and copper to try to strike a fire “The black mushrooms that sheltered us when I first arrived, those were his as well?”
The cat looked pleased “You figured that out fast,” she used her tail to nab one of the slices of mushroom and daintily nibbled on it “Yes, those were his.”
“He sounds clever.”
The Derkaz feline pondered the woman’s words before she spoke “He is a genius when it comes to designing his mushroom constructs… and fighting. Just don’t expect a lot of talk from him, or humor. Or anything that involves interacting with others. The only one he gets along with is Onion. Don’t take it personal if he doesn’t talk to you.”
“I’ve known of few like that.” Mrs. Strawberry said as the sparks finally took to the kindling and a little tongue of flame started to flicker. Mrs. Strawberry got down and started to breathe onto the flame, encouraging it to life. Once it was self-sustaining, she returned to the conversation. “You’ll find that I don’t take much personally, dear. Life can be hard, no need to make it harder on ourselves or others.” She said it with a smile still on her face. Not a hint of sadness in her words. She had said it like one might say that it is a sunny day, or that they like orange marmalade.
Devourer entered the cottage and wordlessly put the broken branches beside the kneeling cook. The cat and woman both built up more of the structure as the flame started to grow and greedily feed on the dry wood. The Auris watched the activity a judgmental eye “You know, if you’d built it into stack from the beginning you wouldn’t have to keep on feeding it like that.”
The woman leaned back looking at her fire with satisfaction, she turned her smile towards the Auris “Devourer, it sounds like you are very knowledgeable, next time you can do the fire so I can see how you like to build it.”
The three-eared gentleman stammered as he realized he was being put on the spot. “Oh, that’s not necessary.”
Mrs. Strawberry ignored his words “I would love to learn from you. It’s settled next time we make camp you will show me. Now hand me the sliced mushrooms and the pan from the pack.”
Devourer brought the requested items over, he noted “The pan is dented.”
Mrs. Strawberry wiped the pan down with a bit of salt and water from a flask before pouring the mushrooms from the bowl into the pan “Well that Trilopod soldier will likely remember to not sneak up on someone in the future. Especially innocent old ladies.”
Devourer sat back up on the counter and swung his feet back and forth, he started to spin a knife between the opposable toes on his feet as they swayed creating an elegant flowing pattern “You are far from an innocent old lady.” He looked down at the blade for a moment before he said “…I wonder how long it’ll take for Gus to find us.”
“Pass me the spices please.” Mrs. Strawberry said to the cat.
The Derkaz feline passed the spices over to the cook before answering the three-eared Auris “Gus once told me that he can detect any of his fungus houses like a homing pigeon. He’ll lose the Trilopod soldiers and then circle back to us.”
“Do they have homing pigeons here?” Mrs. Strawberry smelled the various spices from the pack that had been left behind by the previous cook and picked one that was bright green, it was a mix of cayenne and garlic with an aromatic flavor that she had never experienced before.
The dark furred cat answered “They are not native here, there are a few breeds that were brought from your realm but they are very rare.”
Devourer piped in quickly “We use Stragglerocks instead, they aren’t as dependable, get easily distracted by shiny objects but eventually they return home. Even if it is twenty years later. Somehow they always return home.”
Descendre leaned over to mutter in the woman’s ear “He can’t help but offer advice and information, even when it is unsolicited.”
Mrs. Strawberry smiled and patted the cat’s furry paw “I enjoy the information, so, it is fine, my grandson Tarasque does the same thing.”
The cat looked quizzically at the woman “Tarasque?”
“Named after a fierce dragon, his mother loved the story as a child, so, when she had a son, she named him after the dragon.” Mrs. Strawberry smiled bemused thinking of her daughter. “Wonderful woman, just don’t bring up football if her team isn’t in the playoffs, then she unpleasant.”
In a very cat-like fashion Descendre slid her head under the woman’s hand and said, “If you would be so kind as to scratch at the base of my ears, I would appreciate it.” The woman started to scratch; the cat purred out the rest of her thought “I can see where your daughter got her spirit from.”
Mrs. Strawberry chuckled “You’re only saying that because of the scratches.”
Devourer unable to be excluded any longer interjected “My middle name is ‘Dragon god’.”
Descendre rolled her eyes “No it isn’t, it’s--“
“--nah, nah, nah, nobody asked you cat!” the three-eared gentleman shouted waving his hands to stop the feline revealing an obviously embarrassing middle name, he turned the tables with his words, “or else I tell her your middle name.”
There was an audible silence as the two eyed each other, Devourer was the first to look away, disguising it with a question to the cook "I learned how to start a fire from my Tentra, where did you learn to start a fire?"
Mrs. Strawberry adjusted one of the logs, attempting to hide her bemused smile at the two’s antics "I learned on my own as a small girl, loved hiking and adventuring. It's actually how my Marshall and I met."
Descendre snagged a morsel of mushroom and nibbled on it as she stretched a little, relaxing and curling up on the floor, "Oh?"
The woman smiled thinking of the memory, "Yeah, I had built my treehouse, he had shown up out of the blue and asked to join me. Not an iota of hesitancy, just a straightforward question and no fear whether I said yes or no."
“And you said yes by dumping hot coals on him? Wouldn’t that have been dangerous in a tree." Devourer asked with fascination.
"Not everyone has complex courting rituals like the Auris." the cat snipped, her fur shifting to black in her annoyance, she took another nibble of a mushroom and her fur returned to azure.
The woman ignored the argument, still caught up in the memory "I told him he had to bring me fried chicken if he wanted to join me in the tree house.”
“Why fried chicken?” The Auris asked.
“My favorite dish to this day.” The cook explained “He scampered off and a short time later returned with a bucket full of breaded and fried poultry."
"Where did he get it?" Devourer asked curious, she was so caught up in the moment that her fur turned an extra light blue.
"He made it with his father’s help. His father was the best cook I've ever met. I learned most of my cooking skills from him throughout the years." She stirred the mushrooms again and then divided them into three separate caps/bowls.
They ate in companionable silence. Devourer speaking only after he had licked the juices from the bottom of his bowl "That was way better than our last cook's, it’s official we are taking you with us for the next adventure too."
Descendre raised an unimpressed eyebrow at her suited companion and added "She also can handle herself with a makeshift weapon, imagine if we get her some armor and a real weapon, she could even be a top ranked fighter. Maybe good enough to challenge Gus."
Mrs. Strawberry smiled "Well that’s a relief that you liked the cooking, I will try some of my own spices next time, see what you guys like… Now what exactly is this current adventure about?"
"Devourer, you didn't tell her?" the cat asked, her fur shivering to black with annoyance.
The three-eared fellow blushed, his face turning a deeper shade of blue "I forgot. We were in the middle of a warzone, the rock teleported us to her kitchen to escape the ambush. Totally spaced my mind."
The cat’s fur stayed blue “You were thinking with your stomach, that means we use your hat for target practice tonight.”
The Auris grumbled good naturedly and tossed his hat into the air, the cat threw her plate at it with expert precision, knocking it higher into the air. Her plate continuing to sail through the air and shattering against the far wall.
Mrs. Strawberry looked at the broken dish "That was a lovely dish, wish you hadn't broken it."
"They’re meant to be broken, come on, your turn to toss my hat.” Devourer threw his dish towards the descending hat, missing it by a good meter while explaining “The dishes are supposed to be broken, they break down into basis elements to feed the house. I jumped higher than a frightened cat first time Gus threw a bowl. The house will grow more for us."
The cat threw his hat into the air again “Go ahead, this is one of our pastimes at night, the goal is to keep his hat in the air.”
Mrs. Strawberry threw her plate and knocked the head ornamentation to the ceiling, she made a whoop of victory as the plate smashed against the wall. The broken pieces started to bubble and then dissolved into the soft moss carpet. The woman watched the process occur before asking “The quest?"
Devourer looked up to collect his thoughts. “There is a magical creature that kidnapped our country, we are seeking it to destroy the beast and save our people.”
“Oh.” She said taking in this bombshell of information, before she could speak further the mushroom lights flickered sunset red.
With a focused expression Devourer snapped on his ear armor-blades and pulled on his milk white gloves, he placed his hat atop his head as he explained “Red lights mean we have an enemy approaching!”
“Best we hide in the shadows.” Descendre suggested as she moved fluidly out from the woman’s hand and slunk out from the house soundlessly. Mrs. Strawberry hefted her frying pan and followed the cat into the darkness of the trees.
Four soldiers stepped into the clearing with their weapons drawn.
The leader of the group whispered, “They don’t know we’re here, we throw a torch through a window and cut them down as they escape.”
There was a flash of white as Devourer dropped from the trees above and landed in their midst. In each hand was a dagger. His feet held a long walking cane. He spun in place knocking an armored foe to the ground. The Auris used a spinning kick and knocked the second enemy down with a skull cracking sound. The last attempted to skewer the three-eared menace. Devourer caught the long blade with his daggers, the Auris caught his assailant in the ribs and with a very simple backwards somersault slammed him painfully into the ground.
The ear armored male looked about for more assailants.
There was silence for a long moment.
Crash!
The sound came from the trees above, Mrs. Strawberry readied her pan with grim determination.
“That’s Descendre.” The fancy dressed fellow reassured her. “And it sounds like she found some enemies hiding in the treetops.”
Over the course of the next several seconds ten soldiers fell from the trees and slammed into the ground like puppets with cut strings. A short time later the black furred Derkaz descended in a more dignified manner. “Well, that was a nice relaxing way to start our evening.” She glanced at Devourer “They found us pretty quick, means they have a scryer to find us with their magic ball and troops ready to be deployed, do we head out tonight?”
Devourer used one of his knives to delicately scratch his forehead. “It sucks but we probably should”’ He looked at Mrs. Strawberry “What do you think, cook?”
There was a loud trumpet blast.
“We leave now.” Mrs. Strawberry eyed the fallen soldiers, her bunny slippers, the loud noises of another approaching group and the quaint little house “Not even giving us enough time to change clothes or put on decent shoes. Let’s go.”
The three disappeared into the darkness of the forest