The tired adventures returned to the Trilopod capital city with cheers from the throngs of people. The king had announced their quest as soon as they had left and now on their return there was fanfare and celebration.
Mrs. Strawberry rode atop her Eulb beetle with Eli perched in its horns. Surround the weary team was an honor guard wearing ornate armor and banners that snapped and furled in a light breeze that smelled of lilac. The colors of the banners were deep reds and bright blues. The symbol adorning the fabric was a red vine around a blue man’s face. Similar colors and symbols were seen on street signs and the garb of the street vendors, they held out food for the insect steeds and the adventurers alike.
As they approached the castle Devourer leaned over to Descendre “I would have preferred that we stopped to put on some clothing that wasn’t stained with sweat, grime and who knows what else.”
The Derkaz chuckled “Poor Auris, I’m sure they are used to seeing adventurers returning successful and battle weary.”
“Only a fool thinks that heroes will look shiny at the end of the ordeal.” Gus agreed from atop his ant-horse. “The wise ones would be suspicious if we weren’t bedraggled.”
Descendre echoed his words “It isn’t the super shiny clean ones that get the work done, it’s those of us getting our hands dirty.”
“Fine whatever,” the Auris grumbled “But I don’t want to be remembered as Devourer the Bedraggled!”
In the courtyard of the castle the king welcomed them with a broad smile. His expression faltering slightly upon seeing the cook’s mount “That’s an Eulb beetle…”
“Yes.” The woman agreed as she slid down its side.
“They are uncontrollable.” The royal man added “How do you keep the insect in check?”
Mrs. Strawberry patted the side of the arthropod’s armored head “He became as docile as a lamb as soon as the Realm Ripper’s gate closed with the king Eulb beetle and the Realm Ripper on the other side.”
“So, the Realm Ripper is trapped?” the plain dressed king asked with an uncertainty in his voice. “Not to be rude, but they can just open another gate.”
The cook withdrew the keystone “Not without this. He and the Eulb army is trapped on the other side of that gate for a few months. And we’ll be turning it over to Realm Ripper authorities before that.”
“Ah.” The king’s expression relaxed. “And the beetle at your side…”
“He seems to get along well with my little Eli.” The woman explained. The Frozen Death was attempting to chew on one of the horns of the beetle, the beetle sedately moved the little butterball around to a smaller horn to keep him from falling.
The king’s attention shifted to the fungal knight atop his red armored steed. “Gus, welcome, welcome. Glad we no longer have to hunt you across the forest and mountains. My Coulro team is equally thrilled I am told.”
“The feeling is mutual; it has been a long time since I have had such a difficult battle.” Gus’s mushrooms flickered with orange rings, his voice sounding amused as he jerked a thumb towards the miserable Devourer. “If you don’t mind, we would like to change into more suitable clothing.”
The king beamed, his white teeth in high contrast against his dark skin “Of course, we have something better than fresh clothing for our victors.”
A short time later Onion lay back in the bubbling hot springs, his leaves darkening as they unfurled in the sulfuric water “This is glorious, I could lay here forever.” The rock around the hot springs had been carefully sculpted to mimic the symbol of the Trilopod kingdom; beautiful winding vines wrapped around the heads of stone men with serene expressions. There was a wall of the real red leafed vines that created a peaceful enclosure offering a modicum of privacy for the group.
Mrs. Strawberry sat beside the Silken as she sipped her chilled drink “It is a pleasant change to have someone cooking for us.” She paused to nibble a piece of meat dripping with juices from her skewer. Within the enclosure was a cook making dishes and a series of servants catering to the party’s every whim.
Devourer and Descendre oohed and aahed as they returned from their luxurious baths and sank into the water.
“This is amazing.” The two said in unison.
The only one not in the pool was the fungal knight. “I can believe it is amazing, I wish that my physiology allowed it.” Gus was laying on his belly on the lip of the pool using a reed to make ripples in the water. “Though I imagine it is the way I feel in a dark damp place.”
Eli came running at full speed from among the rocks, he made a little mewing roar as he used Gus as a springboard to leap high into the air before cannonballing with a mighty splash into the hot springs.
Devourer made an eek of surprise as he was suddenly drenched.
Descendre was equally drenched but she amused “It’s just a little water, mister fancy pants.” She splashed him with more water “My mother carried me across a river in her mouth during the coldest part of winter and I didn’t even make a peep.”
Devourer glowered at her as he wrung his ears out like a towel “That is not the story your mom told me. She said you were mewing and looked like a little drenched rat.”
Descendre grabbed the Auris by the ankle and yanked him underwater with her tail “Oops.”
The three-ear emerged sputtering and with a roar grabbed the cat around the neck and sent them both crashing into the water, sending huge waves everywhere. Eli made a rebuking cough and climbed out of the water fight. Onion didn’t seem to notice as cascades of water poured over him.
Mrs. Strawberry smiled to herself as she delicately enjoyed her food.
“Penny for your thoughts.” the knight said.
She looked at her paladin friend then at the ones enjoying the water fight “It’s nice to see everyone relaxing. I hadn’t realized how much had happened in such a short period of time until now.”
The fungus rolled over onto his back to stare up at the lattice work ceiling “You have definitely become part of our group quick, quicker than I have ever seen. Granted I think it is your personality. People love you liking them. Your words lift them up.”
“Help!” Devourer squeaked before getting yanked back under the water by the cat.
The older woman scooped Eli up as the Frozen Death doggy paddled by her “I just try to find the positive in people and situations, that good thing that makes them shine, I just point it out so that they shine more. And I love seeing people happy around me.”
At this point the cat and Auris both pounced on Onion and dragged him into the water fight.
Eli squirmed a little in her grasp until he was put down onto the ground beside Gus, he licked at the knight’s head, the fungus scratched him behind the ears and the Frozen Death made a happy little bark. Moments later the little blue creature was once again using the paladin as a springboard into the water.
“I think it’s your age as well,” the fungal knight noted, ignoring the constant antics of the small cub jumping off his back. “You’ve seen things that some of us haven’t and you have a perspective that some of us don’t. Like your plan with the Realm Ripper. None of us were thinking that far ahead. I guess what I am saying is that we like working with you. You’re a good addition to our team.”
“I feel the same way about the team.” The woman responded. She took a small delicate flower made out of chocolate and asked the servant. “Can you tell me what spice was added to the petals?”
“I can ask the cook!” the servant responded brightly.
After the fifth question about the ingredients Tabathar the head castle cook came out, he was whip thin and a breeze could have knocked him over. He hunkered down on the side of the hot springs and soon the two of them were deep in conversation about various garnishes and sauces. The conversation was interrupted when Eli attempted to springboard off Tabathar, the cub misjudged the distance and smacked into the thin man and knocked him off balance. The cook windmilled his arms as gravity took charge and with yips of surprise from cook and cub…
Sploosh!
Mrs. Strawberry helped the sopping wet Tabathar out of the water, Eli was most contrite after that…well for about five seconds, then his attention was distracted by a servant bringing more towels for the adventurers, the cub wiggled his stub of a tail and happily charged off to investigate.
The castle cook was too excited to bother to change clothes, instead he showed the warrior cook to the kitchen and show her various foods in pots and sauces being prepared for that night’s banquet. “This sauce created from the milk from the polka dot iava beast.” He said with a surprisingly deep voice “It took some work but I finally got some of them domesticated, granted we will have several years before we have a dependable supply from them.”
Eli meandered into the kitchen and circled around the old woman’s heels, looking up at the two cooks that were too engrossed in conversation to notice him. He made a little growl of excitement when the castle cook offered the Frozen Death a soupbone that was longer than the cub was tall. Eli proudly raised his head with oversized treat in mouth and like a drunk man swerved his way to the corner where a pet bed had been put. Once fully settled Eli started gnawing with happy little grumbles.
“Happy little fellow, isn’t he?” the Tabathar noted.
A small cat hopped from the stairs and without blinking climbed up beside the Frozen Death, she tucked her tail around herself, curled up and started purring loudly. A short time later more felines were curled up around the little rumbling Eli.
Mrs. Strawberry was keeping an eye on her small ward; she did not want to deal with a fight between some cats and her overly innocent cub “Seems like the cats like him.”
“He does seem like…” Tabathar’s voice trailed off as a large cat meandered into view. The feline was covered with more scars than stripes on a tiger. He reeked of violence and destruction the way a teenager reeks of cologne on a first date. The man spoke in a quiet (let’s not make sudden movements because we don’t want to set off a bomb) voice, “Best that you grab your beastie. That’s Nicodemus. I’ve seen him attack a horses and win. He won’t think twice about attacking your…” He trailed off as Nicodemus climbed in between the other cats without a single hiss. The other cats adjusted around the now docile killing machine. Nicodemus started to groom the Frozen Death. Eli looked up at the feline with curiosity but quickly lost interest and went back to gnawing on the soupbone.
The castle cook stared, mouth hanging open in utter befuddlement, it took a few tries for him to get the words out “Where did you get him?”
“Walked into my camp.” Mrs. Strawberry supplied. “Well flew actually. We think he came through one of the tears created by the Realm Ripper.”
“Know which realm he is from? What his species is called?”
The woman tasted one of the sauces hummed to herself as she processed the flavors before responding “No to both those questions, we are calling his species Frozen Death.”
Eli looked up at her and licked his muzzle, showing little white teeth before returning to his treat.
Tabathar offered his counterpart a slice of flash seared fish before speaking “If ever you find another Frozen Death let me know, I’d take one in a heartbeat, never seen a creature that Nicodemus tolerated. Those cats around him would have scattered at any other time. They avoid any room that he is in.”
The cat stopped grooming the cub to fix the castle cook with a glare and made a soundless hiss, before returning to his task of cleaning the Frozen Death’s head. Tabathar shot the cat back an equally lethal glare and rubbed five deep scars along his forearm. He realized that he was in a staring competition with a feline while a highly skilled cook watched. He coughed slightly in embarrassment and returned to the conversation “Enough of talking about my cooking. I would love to hear about your cooking exploits!”
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
Mrs. Strawberry opened up one of her packs “We fought some monster called Chompers, and harvested their meat, the protein is new to me.” She handed him the bag of spicy jerky before adding “I was thinking we could brainstorm on how to best utilize this unique offering.”
“Absolutely!”
The two fell into a deeper discussion of what she had tried. The assistants jotted down notes as the two talked about different types of cuts of meat from the Chomper and how to use them. As the cooks spoke they started preparing the night’s banquet, pointing at different sauces and instructing the assistants what was needed. Without any official discourse Mrs. Strawberry started directing the assistants as much as the Tabathar. She was seamlessly comfortable giving basic instructions to a nervous cook, and just as comfortable working on the chocolate lilies that she had enjoyed in the hot springs.
Two hours later Eli was snoring quietly beneath his mound of dozing felines. At that time Gus wandered in and in an uncommon tone (one reserved solely for Devourer’s disasters) said “Cook, I don’t know if you saw the time but we still have a banquet to go to and also meet with the king afterwards.”
Eli peeked an eye open at the fungal intruder, made a little woof to the purring pile around him. The cats yawned and stretched, hopped off the cub and dispersed to their various beds throughout the castle.
The Frozen Death waddled over to the paladin with a happy growl.
Mrs. Strawberry was oblivious to the rebuke in the knight’s voice and was beaming with enthusiasm. “Hello Gus, we were just starting to wrap up. We found something really interesting.”
“Oh?” the fungal knight asked curiously.
“Yes! Most meats will break down and become less tough if soaked in vinegar or honey, this Chomper meat only breaks down when exposed to cold water. Doesn’t react at all to vinegar or honey. Oddest thing!”
The castle cook chuckled tiredly and jerked a thumb towards the woman “This one keeps me on my toes, was showing me cooking techniques that have never been used here. You’re a lucky crew.”
Gus touched the brim of his organic hat “Tis true. Now, Mrs. Strawberry I believe it is time for us to go and enjoy the evening…”
“I suppose.” She said with a longing look at the various bubbling stews, soups and sauces.
The Mottoy paladin’s tone was sterner “You’ve done enough cooking, time to enjoy our victory.”
The team did enjoy the rest of the evening. There was a court magician that could pull a hat out of a rabbit’s ear, a pair of acrobatic scarabs that tumbled around the banquet hall and a bird person that sang a sad song of a mountain that wept at sunset. While they were entertained the group devoured the seven-course meal that Mrs. Strawberry had helped prepare. Once the food was properly flowing from the kitchen Tabathar joined the warrior cook at the banquet table. At one point the king was called away and Mrs. Strawberry mentioned to Tabathar “You’re king, he is both regal and down to earth. He’s amazing.”
The head cook rubbed his ear “That is the only type of king that is allowed to rule here, we don’t have time for the nonsense of a clueless moron. Might as well ask a spidermoth the best way to plant and grow a garden.”
-
Later in the evening the adventurers sat in the king’s mediation room. “When we wake up tomorrow.” Mrs. Strawberry announced, “We’ll need to make plans to find this Colligere.”
Devourer and Descendre traded looks. The Derkaz speaking “That is part of the problem, we don’t know exactly where it is.”
“I have some good news then.” The king said as he entered the room. “Well and some bad news.”
Devourer was munching on a chicken leg with gusto as he ordered. “Good new first.”
“My Coulro spies just returned, they have found Colligere.”
The Auris sat up with glee “That’s amazing! Let’s get going!!!”
“What’s the bad news?” Descendre asked.
The king was oddly uncomfortable, as if he was about to tell a child that she wasn’t getting a puppy for her birthday “Ah, yes. She is in the Mountains of Fluffiness.”
“Crud.” Devourer muttered as the glee melted from his face.
Gus pushed back his mushroom cap and rubbed his forehead “Well, that changes things, doesn’t it?”
Mrs. Strawberry looked back and forth between everyone “Okay, I’ll bite. You all look horrified; fluffiness usually means something warm and pleasant. Like a sheep or a puppy.”
“Wish it was that simple,” The three-eared gentleman said with resignation. “The Mountains of Fluffiness is a region of devastation. The region was called ‘Fluffiness’ by a moronic king that laid claim to the fertile land. He liked the thought of whimsy and was positive he could easily defeat anything that was living there. ‘After all, with such a pretty place anything here will be weak and helpless.’ He reasoned.”
“I take it wasn’t that simple.” The cook surmised.
Descendre took up the story, each sentence emphasized by a flick of her tail. “At first it seemed simple, the people built their cities, they tilled the earth and were prosperous…”
“And then?” Mrs. Strawberry asked, knowing she was waiting for the question.
The Derkaz tapped her nail against the wood floor as she answered “The monsters emerged, squat tree/octopus/briar like things. With barbed root-tentacles and gaping maws. The king was confident, his soldiers were confident and the people were confident. They all died that day. “
“Ah.” The cook said.
Gus expounded on the cat’s words; “After that Mountains of Fluffiness became a bitter joke. The monsters are known as Fluffies, they have a root/tentacle network that eats anything under the surface and it spits webbing at anything that flies overhead. Only real way to get through them is in small groups on the surface.”
“Is our group is small enough to travel without triggering the root system?” the warrior cook asked.
“Maybe.” Gus grunted. “But it won’t be a picnic of any type.”
“Good thing I didn’t pack for a picnic.” The old woman quipped.
-
Mrs. Strawberry retired her bedroom sinking into the luxuriously soft bed with Eli snuggled up against her side. The cool evening air refreshing as it moved throughout the room. As the cook and Frozen Death slept the cats from the castle crept in as silent as thieves and cuddled around the cub and cook.
Much later three white rabbits with hooves snuck in through the open window. Motes of moonlight trailed behind them as they nestled in among the cats, cook and Frozen Death. Within moments they too were snoring. Each of the rabbits resting a hoof on Eli as they slumbered.
When Mrs. Strawberry woke the only creature in the room was Eli. The small cub had woken her with licks on her face “Good morning mister chipper!” she mumbled sleepily. She lifted her arms above her head in a stretch before pausing to ponder the air “It’s odd, I smell something that smells like mint leaves, and…” she sniffed again “Paprika?”
Not understanding a word, Eli tilted his head to the side, when she didn’t say anything else he licked her chin again and woofed happily.
The warrior cook got dressed. She was brushing out her long hair as Gus entered the room with a polite knock.
His voice was relaxed as he surveyed his companion “Good morning. How did you sleep?”
“Excellent!” She smiled at him through his reflection “I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud and dancing in the moonlight.”
“That’s an oddly specific way to say you slept well.” The paladin observed.
As if to punctuate the knight’s words Onion poked his head around his friend’s legs. Leaves as pale as the moon started to grow on his face, the berries glowing with the same color. “You’re brimming with moon magic.” He peered at her suspiciously “What did you do?”
Mrs. Strawberry kept brushing her hair “Nothing.”
“Concerning?” Gus asked his four-legged companion.
The Silken nodded with a measuring look at the cook, his voice serious “Yes, we better investigate. Don’t need her to sprout wings in the middle of the night and eat us all.” His leaves sprouted out like peacock feathers as he circled the room. every time he passed the window more of the white leaves sprouted, on the third pass he definitively pointed at something on the windowsill “Here’s our source.”
Gus picked up the single white hair that glowed. “Any clue what this is from?”
Onion peered at it, grabbed a new white moon leaf from his head and crushed it between his fingers, “I call to the quizzical air that ever searches, search with me brother, show me, show me, show me what we seek.” The air became sweet on inhale and sour on exhale as the rootfire flickered around the room and then coalesced into three rabbits with hooves.
The fungal knight looked them over for a long minute before asking. “What are we looking at?”
“No clue on the species.” The Silken admitted, he climbed up onto the ledge and ran his fingers through the images as he pondered the question. “Possibly critters from another realm?”
“Does your magic say if they turned our cook into a moon monster?” Gus asked, he took a few mushrooms from off his shoulder and placed them on the table in an absentminded gesture. The mushrooms sprouted and started to send out little motes of light. “Though hopefully they didn’t and instead they have plans to make her into a stew?”
“The cook is right here.” Mrs. Strawberry reminded them curtly as she wound her hair up into a tight bun. “And if you keep talking like that you better hope I don’t make you into a stew.”
Onion perked up. “From what my magic is telling it they appear to be amicable, curious, not a threat to either of those two.” He gestured at Eli and Mrs. Strawberry. He tilted his head as he inspected his detective magic “They appear to have created something not-nice nearby...”
“How ‘not-nice’ are we talking?” Gus asked.
The Silken pondered the question before answering “Remember the debacle where Devourer ticked off that city of mages and the mages spent a year creating a blizzard that would follow us wherever we went?”
“Oh…” The Mottoy knight responded. “We almost froze to death three times before we could find a city and buy winter gear.”
“Totally on that same level. And it is about a block away.”
Gus surveyed the hair then looked out the window and sighed “That isn’t something we should just leave alone.”
“My thoughts exactly.” Onion agreed. The Silken turned and left the room in a distracted hurry, muttering about phases of the night and danger of miscalculating things.
“Will he be okay on his own?” The cook asked.
Gus ran his finger across his hat brim “Totally fine, he knows more magic than most can learn in a lifetime. He works better when he isn’t having to protect us too.”
“He does do that.” Mrs. Strawberry observed. “Protect us.”
“Yes, in his own chaotic way. Though his level of protection is more wild-animal-mothering-her-young than civilized-creature.” Gus had a smile in his voice as he added “It’s why he and I get along so well.”
“It makes sense.”
Gus swung his arms around as if he was getting ready to go for a run “While he is saving the world from unspeakable evil we can pack food and supplies.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“We have flying transports that I think you’re going to love.”
-
The flying transports were towering four-legged creatures called Grau. They were three stories tall, with orange skin and black stripes. They had a brown plated armor. And on their heads were three horns that curled on top. They were very cleverly missing wings, helicopter propellers or any other type of flying capability that the cook was familiar with seeing.
Mrs. Strawberry looked up at the Grau with uncertainty in her voice, “Those fly?”
“Yes.” Descendre responded. She looked at the flight captain and asked, “Do you mind a demonstration, Ti?”
“Happy to oblige.” Captain Ti said. He was a meter tall creature from a species called the Maw. He had a gasmask-like head that released his words from gills around the eyes. Along his shoulder and the back of his head were long white spines that stood out in stark contrast against his onyx black skin. Ti looked up at the towering Grau and shouted in a language that had a lot of honks in it. The Grau honked once and leapt into the air, its long spindly limbs transformed into well-muscled wings, with a single flap of its wings the creature vanished into the clouds.
Mrs. Strawberry was awestruck “They’re beautiful.”
“And very docile,” The Maw captain supplied. He was thoughtful for a moment, before he added. “As long as you don’t try to mess with them. I’ve had a few passengers get eaten because they tried to mess with them.”
“Oh, they eat passengers?” Devourer squawked, he yanked his hand away from the Grau he had been petting. “Descendre, that is something you’re supposed to tell us before we start putting appendages close to them!”
“They’re herbivores.” The Derkaz retorted and continued to scratch at the folds of a Grau’s eyes. The eye was as big as the cat and the creature honked in appreciation at the attention from the feline. “Don’t be a jerk and you don’t have anything to fear…” she realized who she was talking to and appended her statement “Be very scared and don’t try to annoy them. Or you go chomp-chomp.” She clicked her teeth together to emphasize her warning.
The Auris took another quick step further from the Grau as he stage whispered “Can you tell them to back away from me?”
The Grau made a loud amused honk.
“We don’t control them.” Captain Ti corrected with a wave of his chain wrapped arms.
“WHAT!?” Devourer screeched and with a quick series of steps placed himself behind Mrs. Strawberry. “Gus! Descendre! You are both lunatics and I want to disband this group immediately!”
“Don’t be so dramatic.” Descendre yawned out the words.
“Dramatic!” The Auris exclaimed with much more fervor than had been previously observed “My greatest fear is being eaten whole by a monster!!!”
The Maw was unperturbed by the interruption and continued his explanation with a deep echoing voice “The Grau sort of listen to us and then go along with what we ask because it amuses them. And they are incredibly peace loving.”
“Ah.” The tension in Devourer’s posture dissipated “I’m sort of surprised that nobody has domesticated them.”
Captain Ti chuckled and admitted “Well back in the day, a few different nations tried to capture the Grau. The Grau destroyed them and left nothing but smoldering ruins. After that everyone left the Grau alone.”
“Smart.” The Auris agreed. “But then why are you guys here?”
“Ah, there is sort of a standing truce between the Maw and the Grau, we aren’t jerks and the Grau give us free rides because they like the company.” He lifted his hand up and the Grau craned his head down for some scratches around the ear. “And the scratches.” A baseball sized insect emerged from the ear and made a high pitched buzz. The Maw captain lunged forward and skewered the bug on his long sharp claws. “And we keep them free of irritants like this Eyezz mite. Cook up good with some spices.”
The Eyezz mites were actually quite tasty. And after a quick meal of the insects and some locally sourced vegetables the work to prepare for the journey was underway.
The adventurers and crew were finishing the last of the preparations when Onion returned from his investigation, there was a series of deep slashes marks on his back leg. Several charred leaves the rest had wilted noticeably. As he stood to the side he pressed berries into the wound and grew a series of vines to cover them to staunch the bleeding.
The Silken and Mottoy met eyes and were in a corner in moments, speaking in hushed voices. After a quick discussion they both returned to the curious group.
Devourer raised an eyebrow “Everything okay?”
“Absolutely okay!” The plant mage responded with a forced grin “Couldn’t be better.”
Descendre gave the fungus and the Silken an appraising looked before she noted “You’re leaves are wilting.”
“Oh!” Onion looked at his drooping foliage and self-consciously pressed them out in an attempt to make them look less withered. “I am probably just dehydrated. You know how it is, I get too excited and forget the most basic of things.”
The Derkaz and Auris shared a look and in unison said “Of course! Absolutely okay.”
Mrs. Strawberry watched this interplay and felt a foreboding that nothing was ‘absolutely okay’ anymore. Her jaw firmed as she promised herself that she would be getting the details from Gus in the near future. She scooped up Eli as she broke the silence with a simple comment “Time to get moving.”