Let me tell you how it came to be, then.
I was in the "secret author discord" trash-talking with XKarn, I think, when he showed one of the submissions to the January magazine contest, it was some trashy isekai story. Then I commented that someone would make a story about actual garbage, the conversation became a myriad of jokes, and then I decided that I would be the one who would write about a garbage protagonist.
It was 150% shit-posting.
I had no idea where the story would go and what it would be about. Often, I would draft a chapter and then go, "W.T.H.!! who was the idiot who drafted this?" Then I would laugh a lot at my own stupid ideas. Hopefully, you laughed as well.
I had no idea it would be a Dungeon story until it clicked. I had no idea the Dungeon would make the sort of things it did until it happened. I was rolling with my own punches.
I also had no idea it would end the way it did. I blame Cranius@YT and his "Don't make me get my main" song for that.
Then I published the last chapter and looked at the absolute insanity it was and decided to write the epilogue.
Thanks to all the equally insane but total Chad readers, it blew out of proportions. We got to the 1st place in RS, drew the attention of some publishers, and then I got to sign with one of them.
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The moment I did, everything crashed.
My mental health plummeted because of the self-imposed pressure of publishing. I stopped writing and published almost nothing in the second half of 2023. I couldn't move forward with the project and went to therapy.
My therapist made me contact the publisher and we decided to wait until I healed enough to move forward. Since no announcements came out, you can guess that I didn't. No money was exchanged either, so the damages were minimal. I was glad I had such a wonderful publisher. No, I'm not telling who it was, but one can figure it out.
Even writing this sends my heart rate to the stratosphere.
I failed in the most fundamental way.
The irony is that it happened with a story whose main message is "IT'S OKAY TO FAIL."
At the beginning of 2024, I made my mind that I had to get back. I love writing and even if I don't see a single cent, I will keep on punishing these plastic cubes. I wrote around 4 books of a fanfiction about 1% Lifesteal. No pressure, no deadlines, no expectations. Then I went back to ILH, but it was intermittent.
The fight against crushing anxiety, depression, and self-doubt is eternal. I don't think I'll ever heal from these issues, but I surely hope to grow skin thicker enough to surpass them. We're getting there at our own pace. I tried chemical help (antidepressants, etc.) but the side effects were too big. Now, all that's left for me is willpower. I'm no Bruce Wayne or Green Lantern in that regard, unfortunately.
Now, I'm writing Guild Scout. It's part of a grand project, and Skip even features in that story. Yeah, I totally took a page from Dakota Krout's playbook. Guilty as charged. Stephen King said it's cool to do that, so take your grievances to him. Or the ghost of Shakespeare will come to pull your feet while you sleep.
Will Apple core hit the bookstore named after the World's largest river? Perhaps. I don't know.
But I am still alive. Still writing. It's not the best, it's not the worst, but it will always be good enough.