Prelude
Prelude to a Summon or How a Regal Lady was Deconstructed.
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Crown Princess Rachel was worried but that was no surprise. Anyone in her situation would be very worried. Not only she was about to be crowned queen at the tender age of 16 years but she also had lost both her parents to a suicide demon attack a week ago and more than half the continent was already under demon control. Things were so grim that the gods sent the heavenly host down to do battle. One could argue that one rogue angel started the whole mess, but the gods were deaf to the pleas of mortals.
There was still hope though. One of these angels that descended to help with the fight was a magician that could cross worlds. He had knowledge of how to summon strong heroes from another world. Heroes with such might that defeating the hordes of demons would be as easy as a child crushing an anthill. Or at least was what Princess Rachel hoped for.
Every step of the long setup for the ritual was completed. The intricate magic circle was drawn with mana-infused gold, the special candles were ready to be lit to guide the way of the heroes. Two dozen magicians were ready to sacrifice their magic power and even their lives for this unseen sliver of hope. The shrine maiden that would summon the heroes had finished her week-long purification ritual.
Pushing her fears aside, Rachel the shrine maiden rose from the bath. Her chocolate brown wet skin glistening as the first rays of the sun greeted her. She walked undaunted in that large bathhouse made of marble. It was open on all sides but she feared no gaze, for that bathhouse, was at the tallest tower of the royal castle. The cold morning wind was a concern and it made every hair of her skin stand up but she endured and slid her silk robes over her figure. They got damp from the water on her skin, but she cared not. Layer after layer of clothing was donned over these robes that doubled as underwear and the moisture would evaporate fast. She leaned on a sculpted pillar to slide the slippers on her feet and tied the ceremonial ribbons on her curled hairs that spread beautifully around her head.
After her raiment was impeccable, the girl Rachel walked to the double door that was closed during her week-long retreat. She cleared her throat to make her presence known, and the guards that were on the other side opened the doors. She stepped out and with determined steps walked the aisles that led to the summoning chamber.
She was determined to stop the demons, defeat the Demon Lord and avenge her parents at any cost. Only one ritual separated her from her goals.
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Chapter 1
I'm sad it wasn't Truck-Sama, but we're having our Isekai Blast (pat. pending) all the same!
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Bernstein and Awolowo were still screaming, clinging to each other. Anyone in their situation would be screaming like their lives were about to end, because they were. It was the most ordinary plane trip across the Atlantic one could hope for. There was the fat guy that blocked the aisle, the baby that refused to stop crying, the crazy fiction writer that annoyed the hell out of everyone by typing a bit too strong on his keyboard. There was even a minor social media celebrity that some groupies cluttered around.
It was ordinary until it became not. The allegedly safest method of transportation had a fault and started to do what every piece of metal should do when flung in the sky. It was falling down to become one more wreckage on the bottom of the ocean. The occupants of the plane were obviously annoyed and scared of this sudden development, and many of them decided to just let their voices resound on the Earth for the last time. Bernstein and Awolowo were on this latter group.
But it was long after the plane had crashed and the flabby, squishy and soft human beings inside perished. However, their minds had still not grasped it. A lot of time later, one of them noticed that he was still screaming for minutes without breathing, and thought it was very strange. He screamed for some time more and noticed he had no need to breathe. Of course, it sent another jolt of terror in his too human mind. How come he had no need to breathe and his companion that was still clinging to him was screaming without stopping for air all this time?
"Dude! Dude! Stop screaming, something is terribly wrong!"
Bernstein still took some time to notice his dark-skinned friend was trying to communicate, but when the realization hit, he stopped. "What is the matter, dude! We are plummeting and going to die!"
"I don't think it is the case anymore, brother. Look behind us, where are the seats? Or the rest of the plane, for what it is worth?"
It was indeed as Awolowo said. They were not on the plane anymore. Actually, they were nowhere. A vast whiteness spread all around them, both above and below and beyond. There were gravity and a ground upon which they were sitting, but it was absolutely featureless except for the two people still hugging each other.
Awolowo did not fail to notice the awkwardness of two young males hugging one another. "Dude, I love you, but can you let go?"
"Holy shit!" Bernstein jumped away. They were mere inches from touching their lips. Not that any of them were trying to, but still too close once you get conscious of it. "Where is this place? Did we die?"
"I am almost positive we are dead. I haven't breathed once since we began talking, and I don't feel the need to breathe," pointed out Awolowo.
"Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!Holy Shit!Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! I'm dead! I'm a ghost! I'm dead! I'm scared of ghosts! You are a ghost! Get away from me, ghost!"
"Chill, dude. You are a ghost too."
They stopped making noise for a few minutes. There wasn't much to talk about anyway. The silence was most welcome for a certain third party that was watching this development. After all, being forced to hear two humans scream like their life was being sucked out of their bodies for hours was a thing that could irritate even a celestial being. And irritate it did, trust us. The celestial being decided to make her presence aware. In her mind, everything was rehearsed to exhaustion. She would make her appearance, it would cause the human souls to become awestruck, she would grant them mightily heroic powers and usher them into their new lives in a world that called for help from beyond. it would be a grandeur event, one to enter the annals of the epics.
With such a mentality, she descended upon the demi-plane that held the two human souls chosen to become heroes and materialized. "Welcome, brave Heroes. You have died on your home planet, but a world of adventure awaits for you. The world of Eden is in dire need of help!" She then clasped her hands over her ample bosom and said as a prayer, "I beseech of you, help that world! Evil cannot prevail! To aid you in your noble quest, I shall now grant upon you mighty powers! Choose wisely, o Heroes!"
The ephemeral appearance and beauty of the divine being made the two boys drop their jaws. One was in awe because of the latter and the other scared because of the former.
"Wow, a big-breasted goddess! It was worth dying for this moment," said Awolowo.
"Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! She's a ghost! She is dead! I'm scared of ghosts! Get away from me, ghost!" screamed Bernstein like he was an old vinyl record that was broken.
Holding her cool, the divine being replied, "Rest at ease, mighty warriors. For I am a goddess in charge of the reincarnation and not a ghost."
Awolowo approached his friend and whispered, "Forget the no-feet and transparent part, dude. Look at the boobs. Boobs. Boobs," Stretching the middle vowels, the mantra had its effect. Bernstein focused on the chest of the divine being and calmed down. "You can proceed now, most divine one!" He nodded to the goddess after that.
"I shall now grant upon each one of you three powers of your choice. Choose wisely, because you will need these powers to defeat the forces of evil that threaten to destroy the world you are going to."
"Can I ask one other thing, goddess?" Awolowo raised a hand.
"Surely, hero. What is it that troubles your mind?"
"Is this world we are going to a medieval world of swords and magic with every other fantasy element present, including animal girls like bunny girls or cat girls?"
"I guess yes. I don't really grasp what 'every other fantasy element' should mean, but there are things in that world that are considered impossible in your former one. And yes, there are races with features of animals like bunnies and cats."
Awolowo turned to his friend and asked, "Dude, wanna some mofu mofu?"
"Mofu mofu?" His eyes opened wide and a renewed shine could be seen in them.
"Yeah. The goddess just told me there are animal girls in that world!"
"No freaking way! Dude, mofu mofu is worth dying for! What are we waiting for, let's go get us some girls! Oh, goddess please send me away."
"Wait, dude. Not yet, chill. We have to choose our cheats."
The goddess felt relieved that things were finally returning to normality, "Yes, heroes. Have you made your minds? Please choose three powers each."
Bernstein was excited, "Nice! Me first! I want the power of ultimate healing! No matter how grave is the wound or the damage of the body, I want the power to heal it to perfection, regrow lost limbs or damaged features and even make it younger!"
The goddess was happy. Healing others was a very selfless and heroic power! This was not going to become a complete train wreck after all! But there was a problem, "I can grant you ultimate healing, but you can't make people younger. It is... against the rules."
"No problem. I am content with that power!"
"And what are the other two?"
"I want to have infinite mana and the ability to use all and any spells."
"Infinite mana is also against the rules. I can grant you a very big mana pool and a fast regeneration instead."
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
"Deal!"
"And affinity to all forms of magic, is it?"
"No. I want the power to summon a grimoire that allows me to cast any and all spells that ever existed! And if the grimoire is lost, destroyed or stolen I can just summon it again. And it summons really fast, like 'pop' grimoire in my hand. And it shows me the spell I am thinking on really fast too."
"Wait a second." The goddess turns to a side, and for a moment it appears she is talking to someone else, but there is no sound. After a few minutes, she addresses Bernstein again."
"Your grimoire was approved, but we have to exclude the evil spells or the ones that destroy... too much. Is it enough for you?"
"That is awesome! But only the truly evil ones, okay? The ones in the gray zone or that are evil in most situations but in a few are not, I want them. I mean, we are the heroes, right? Bring it on!"
"This is acceptable. Only the utterly and irredeemably evil spells will be unavailable in your grimoire. Then your powers are chosen. Now you, Hero Awolowo. What is it that you desire?"
Awolowo made a pose and waited for what he thought was a dramatic pause.
"I want the power of..." He made some hand motions like a 3rd class magician trying to desperately misdirect the audience's attention from his cheap trick.
"SUMMON TRASH!
I want to be able to instantly summon any object I want back from Earth if it is considered trash or junk by a large portion of the people living there!"
Both Bernstein and the goddess were flabbergasted. They understood what Awolowo wanted, but it was the antithesis of what heroic should mean. Does he really want to bring the trash of Earth into Eden?
Bernstein had more intimacy and was moved to speak first, "Brother, are you crazy? You can have super strength, invincibility, invulnerability and you want to summon trash?"
"Yeah, it is fine, trust me on this one, dude!"
Bernstein was not convinced, "Goddess, please tell him this is impossible! It is not heroic."
"Indeed it is not heroic, but it is not against the rules. It is a simple power. Summon anything that is considered trash or junk by most people living on Earth, right?"
Awolowo nodded and gave the goddess a thumbs up, "That is right, celestial goddess! Please grant me this power exactly as worded!"
Buy this time, the goddess just wanted to get over with it and forget this hero power-granting session ever happened. "Granted! Now, what do you want for the other two?"
"I want the power to fix anything to perfect working conditions! It is like Bernstein's power, but for anything not living! Using only magic, no materials or parts required."
"Granted," said the goddess with a hint of defeat in her voice. This was not a very strange power, it was the inanimate version of the healing power Bernstein asked for and living things were more complex than objects, so it was a non-issue. "What is the third power you desire, hero Awolowo?"
"I want the power to decipher, copy, read, write, encode and decode and understand any kind of language, code, cipher or encryption at a very fast speed. Like in at most 5 seconds."
The goddess sighed in relief. Their first requests were strange, but in the end, their last requests involved knowledge-seeking powers. The world of Eden was an old one, and ancient ruins and relics were everywhere. The writing and language of these civilizations held powerful secrets, and bringing them back to the light of the day would be very heroic.
"Granted!" She said with a smile. "And now that your powers are selected, you should go. You are going to live again, in stronger bodies created to be just like your older ones."
"Cool. We are really going to our isekai new lives! Dude, it will be awesome!"
"Yeah! Awesome!!!"
The goddess waved at them. "Farewell heroes. We shall meet again when your mission is completed and your lives lived to their fullest! Save the world and have a wonderful new life!"
The two heroes vanished. The goddess retreated to her quarters, to retrace the events of the day and figure out what went well and what went wrong. Maybe to figure out if something went well.
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It is said that after Bernstein and Awolowo, the reincarnation department was created to address the ability-choosing process. They decided to never again let the ones being reincarnated choose their own powers.
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Chapter 2
We are here and we are doomed. But there are no anti-piracy laws in this world.
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Priestess-Princess Rachel was worried. Everything was bet on this single chance. Hero summoning. A sacred ritual only a princess with the right training could even dream of performing. Everything must be perfect, executed to precision. The drawings of the magic circle, the right tone, and tuning of the chants. The week-long purification ritual.
But now she was ready. Failure in this ritual meant death. Her death. The death of her people to the hordes of monsters gathering in the darkness of the lands beyond. She would even be graced with a quick death from the ritual's drain. She shuddered to think of the hundreds, thousands that would suffer before dying all the same.
"Clear your mind, Rachel. This is not the time to have gloomy thoughts," the future queen said to herself lightly slapping both her cheeks.
With everything prepared, she started the ritual. Words of arcane power left her mouth and kneaded the magical powers. Energy ran through the drawings of the magic circle, not unlike the electricity on a computer on the Earth. A pillar of light connected heaven and earth, and if one could look very carefully, there would be two dots in that pillar that were brighter than the rest.
these dots descended and gathered the energy necessary to materialize their bodies. Awolowo and Bernstein were those days revived on the world of Eden. The two young men indeed received a stronger body than the one their souls were 'wearing' back on Earth. A flash of light and all the lingering magical energies burst out. It was a law of the universe that magic must circulate.
Awolowo and Bernstein were there, lying on their backs on top of the summoning circle. The heavens were kind enough to not send them naked into the world, of course. They looked around, and the chocolate-colored skin of their summoner came into view.
"Hey, dude, check it out, what a babe!"
"Woot! Hello, gorgeous! I'm hero Bernstein, at your service. And who are you?"
"I am the first princess Rachel. Heroes, I called you here to save my country. The demon lord, the betrayer is gathering monsters as we speak to attack the country. We already lost most of our territory, and it is a matter of days for them to attack this place!"
"Straight into the fire pit, right Awolowo?" Bernstein gave his partner a thumbs up.
"Yeah. Status! Item box! Inventory! Menu! Character Sheet! Information! Help! Up Up Down Down..." Awolowo moved his hands up and down, left and right, made squares, waved and turned around to no avail.
Rachel approached full of curiosity. What kind of ritual, what kind of chant were the hero doing? "Sorry, Hero Awolowo, but what are you doing?"
"I am trying to see my stats. Do we need a magic plate, or guild card, or hunter license to see it? You know, those where you drop some blood and it shows your data?" said Awolowo trying to explain what he meant.
Rachel shook her head in denial, "I am terribly sorry, my Hero, but we don't have such things here."
"What? Don't you have levels, experience points, ranks, jobs, skills, attributes, and other things?"
The girl was visibly ashamed, "I never even heard of those concepts. We do have jobs though, people work to earn money."
Flustered, Awolowo thought of what to do. If he could not do something, maybe his partner could, "Bernstein, check out that grimoire of yours!"
Bernstein was itching to try his new powers! "Right on, dude. Grimoire!"
A flash of light on his stretched hand ushered into the world his grimoire. A magical leather-bound tome with iron corners two feet tall and one and a half feet across opened and floated over his hand. The grimoire hummed as if waiting to be commanded or used.
"Get a spell to measure our status!" suggested Awolowo.
"Grimoire, give me a spell to see people's status!" The parchment pages turned and flipped on their own as if a mystical wind were turning them. With intent, dozens of pages flipped in the short span of seconds. And then some other dozens, and dozens, until the grimoire reached its end and closed shut on its back cover.
"What happened?" Asked both Rachel and Awolowo at the same time.
"The grimoire said there is no such magic."
"Dude, it sucks. Hey, princess, how do people fight the monsters?"
Rachel tilted her head sideways. What did the hero mean, she wondered. Were there different ways to fight monsters? But she had to treat the heroes with the utmost respect. They were holy champions sent by the heavens to help her.
"With sword, spear, bow and arrow, shield, and guts. A few of us can use some magic spells."
"And do people level up after killing monsters? Does it becomes easier to kill stronger monsters after you killed some lower leveled ones?"
She put a finger on her cheek and thought for a while more before answering, "With training and hard work, I guess yes. Someone that killed a lot of lower-level monsters could very well become an expert on monster killing and take on stronger monsters."
Awolowo was dejected, "Dude, this is not a game-like world. It is one of those hardcore survival worlds. We are fucked."
Bernstein shared some of his friend's concerns, but he thought to be in a better position, "At least I have the Grimoire! And you, what are you going to do? Summon enough trash to scare away the monsters with the stench? Lolz, dude."
"Maybe... I can think of some ways to have that done. Say, princess, I mean no disrespect, but what should we do now?"
"It is late and I am tired of the summoning ritual. I'll show you, heroes, your quarters, please rest there for tonight." Rachel went for the summoning chamber's doors and called them, "This way, please."
Outside, the Crown Princess Rachel ordered her servants and maids. Arrangements for one hero were already made, but luck decided they would get two. The palace staff quickly decided to prepare another room but in the end, the two friends decided to share the same room, which caused several maids to swoon, their dirt fantasies running wild.
Bernstein and Awolowo were oblivious to that custom. Only mated pairs would rest in the same quarter in the royal palace.
"Dude, that princess was hot! Her skin was so soft and awesome!" Bernstein quickly threw himself on the fluffy bed.
"Yeah. Say, are you sleepy?" Asked Awolowo with a smirk on his face.
"No. Why do you ask?" Bernstein was suspicious. Every time his friend did that, he was up to no good.
"Wanna play 'Back Alley Fighter Turbo'?" He opened his arms wide and joined his hands in front of his chest, rubbing them both as if to call good luck.
"How? Are you insane? This is a medieval fantasy world! There are no video games." Disbelieved Bernstein.
"Until now, that is. Summon trash: broken Pray-Station!" Surely a lot of people on Earth would think that a broken Sunny Preystation was trash. The power activated, and the broken device surely appeared.
"What are you doing with that piece of junk? It is filthy!"
Awolowo repeated the same phrase, "Until now, that is. Perfect Repair!" The broken video game console shook and hummed. The broken pieces of plastic grew and rejoined, the dirt disappeared, the internal electronics that were broken and waterlogged cleaned and repaired themselves. After mere seconds, a brand new video game console was in front of them.
The hero repeated the process for the controllers, the game disk, cables, and a TV set. His magical powers were almost exhausted, and he was sweating.
Bernstein looked at those electronic devices he thought he would never again see in his life, but noticed something amiss, "Bro, how are you powering up these things? There is no electrical outlet."
"Yeah, I know. This is where you chip in. Find an electricity-generating spell in that grimoire of yours. And don't worry about frying the device, I can always repair it again."
After a couple hours of trial and error, they managed to get a stable 112V electrical power source going on. Awolowo got a UPS and a transformer. Bernstein found a 'living lightning' type of spell. They placed one contact inside the electrical ball and the other on the ground, regulated the transformer output and plugged everything once the fuse box of the UPS decided to stop burning on its own.
They powered the TV set that was lying on a table, the video game beside it, inserted the old school game DVD and suddenly a message appeared.
"Please connect to the internet to finish system activation."
"Fucking shit, I can't believe it! We were so close!" Bernstein threw a pillow on the floor. He was visibly angry, and anyone that spent hours making technology that should not even exist in this world work and even find a way to convert magic power into stable AC current would be visibly angry at this unforeseen but obvious development.
Awolowo was unfazed. He placed his elbows on the table and crossed his fingers in front of his mouth. Yes, he dared make THAT pose. "It is all according to plan, my dear circumcised friend. Or don't you remember my third power?"
"Yeah, what about it? Are you going to make this thing connect to the internet across worlds? Or make it work with the power of ancient languages?"
"No. I am going to crack the console and the game DRM. And rewrite it to skip the activation."
"Dude, that's a crime."
Awolowo summoned a stuffed dog toy that was only ragged and repaired it. He then looked up, made a scared face and hugged the dog, delivering a seedy catchphrase, "Bernstein, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore," and then proceeding to use his skills to rewrite the DRM.
They played Back Alley Figher Turbo the whole night, shouting and laughing. Of course, the game sound was on the loudest volume.
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With no way of understanding what was happening, the maids that were eavesdropping on the heroes heard the shouts, the curses, the yells, squeals and the game sounds. They filled the visual void with their own dirty imagination. The next day, half the castle maids were physically unable to work. The term "fujoshi" would soon be introduced to another world.
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From here they would go on to have more stupid isekai antics, aggravate the entire world's ruling class, make Rachel have a couple dozen nervous breakdowns, and set the stage to the LitRPG world of the Troll eventually.