The advent of an actual map ignited a spark of hope in everyone’s chests, one that had disappeared the moment their feet had splashed into the endless bog, one that they all feared would never return. Yet accompanying that glimmer of hope came another tempest, eager to snuff out the flame just as soon as it had blinked into existence.
Or at least, that’s what it felt like Cruck’aa was doing.
Serena signed and leaned back in the chair as another of Cruck’aa’s screeches pierced her ears. The sun had barely slipped past the midpoint of the sky, and he was still yelling about…Bahamut’s Teeth, she didn’t even know anymore. It was as though he hadn’t even drawn a single breath from earlier.
Squinting against the sun, she twisted about in her chair, and glanced back towards the counter. Thankfully, Doriyah had taken it upon himself to corral the Aarakocra, physically holding him back as Werond and Jo poured over the map, oblivious to his irritation. Both were still hunched over it, heads almost touching, fingers jumping here and there across the parchment. Occasionally, Jo would look up and ask what Serena assumed to be questions, drowned out by Cruck’aa’s incessant shouting. Werond would nod or shake her head in response, the sun reflecting off her amber eyes at each gesture, filling them with a shimmer that banished the tired gaze she so easily wore now.
Serena couldn’t help but smile as another warmth blossomed in her chest, separate from the heat overheard. It was good to see Werond in her element, purpose once again seizing her, bringing out the woman she loved amidst a thin frame and haggard expression. She’d have to tell her when she had a chance…
Assuming that…
The warmth vanished under a wave of ice, sending a shiver down her back as Serena turned around and slumped in the chair.
Werond was going to be furious with her, Serena knew for sure. Her anger had slipped away upon the discovery of the map, but she wasn’t the type of woman to forget so easily. Perhaps she’d listen and see reason though, or at least, see Serena’s reasoning for healing her like that. But it was going to be a difficult conversation no matter how she spun it.
“You alright?”
She jerked and straightened up, somehow missing Pavel hovering beside her. Hadn’t he just gone out to make sure the troll stayed away? She asked just as much.
“He’s not coming back.” Pavel shrugged at her question. “Anyways, you alright?”
He crossed his arms and leaned in slightly, angling his head away from the sun. It seemed as though it was the first time in awhile since Serena had gotten a good look at him, and what she saw worried her. While he seemed alright, if a bit dirty, something lay behind the baggy eyes, darkening them, pulling his shoulders down along with them.
“Yeah I’m…fine.” She couldn’t suppress her sigh. “Just tired, I guess.”
“Right. No clue how magic works but I bet it’s exhausting. Like swinging a sword a bunch of times.”
“Yeah, I guess so. I wouldn’t really know though.”
“Right.”
His words trailed off, evaporating under the heat of the sun, though he remained leaned over. Serena glanced away, fingers curling into her hands, as the furious argument behind them filled the space his words had left behind.
“Hey, did you…need something?” Serena asked, looking back at Pavel. “Because you’re weirding me out.”
“Oh, I am?!” Pavel leapt back, eyes wide, arms still crossed. “Sorry, didn’t mean to!”
“It’s fine.” She waved the issue away; most men didn’t realize how intimidating they could accidently be, and Pavel was no exception. “So, what did you need?”
“I uh…” Pavel swallowed and inched closer, though he leaned away from her slightly. “I guess this is weird, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for not helping you earlier. I’ve…been thinking about it a lot.”
“Not helping me?” Serena signed. “But we took down the troll with Doriyah, I –”
“No, no, after, I mean. When you were bleeding out.”
“Oh…well I appreciate that, but I don’t think there was anything you could have done. Jo and Werond were in the same spot.”
“Maybe. I just think I spoke too soon when I saw you, and I had…other issues to deal with. But I shouldn’t have been so distracted so again, sorry about that.”
“It’s not a huge deal Pavel, but thank –”
“Yes, it is.”
Serena blinked at the sudden bitterness that crept into his voice, a shadow falling across his face as he scowled.
“I need to be more on top of things.” He said, staring at her. “Been fucking up too many times. Gods, I wish I had a sword or something but…regardless, I just need to be more aware. I have to be. It’s my only job with all of us together, and if I can’t do it, then what good am I?”
“Pavel…” Serena signed, only for him to wave her off.
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I’ll manage. I kept Cruck’aa away from you back there, so at least I managed something.”
Serena narrowed her eyes, unable to stop herself from glancing back. Werond and Jo were still engrossed by the map, and Doriyah still seemed to have a handle on Cruck’aa…though that did involve bear hugging him. A situation that neither of them were pleased about.
“What do you mean you kept Cruck’aa from us?” She signed, turning back around.
Pavel stared past her for a moment before stepping closer. He crouched down on the balls of his feet, and when he continued, arms still crossed, Serena had to lean in to hear him over the shouting.
“I have no clue if you heard anything, being passed out and all but…Cruck’aa became a bit uh, unhinged when Werond grabbed your head. I don’t think he liked it at all. He started looking like he wanted to do something, but I yanked him back and laid into him, and he laid into me, and Doriyah…I guess Doriyah had my back. But Serena…Cruck’aa was pissed.”
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“Because Werond held my head up?” She cringed as Cruck’aa shrieked again.
“Are you surprised?”
“I…no, I guess I’m not. I just thought that –”
“He’d have the decency not to try to do something in the middle of a crisis?”
Serena nodded.
“You’d think, but I guess not.” He said. “Serena, I’m getting worried. I know he hated Werond from the start, but with what he tried to do back at her house, and then in the building we woke up in, and now this…we’ve got to address it at some point. But I don’t know when we should. I don’t want something to happen to our best navigator right now.”
“That’s stupid.” Serena immediately said.
“Yeah, I know, but can you blame me?”
Her mouth twisted.
“Whatever happens, though, and whenever it happens,” Pavel said. “just know that I’ll have your back. I understand his reservations somewhat, but the way he’s going with them…just know I’m here when you guys need me. I hope it doesn’t come down to that though.”
“I…thank you Pavel, but you make it sound worse than it might actually be.”
“You sure about that?”
Serena’s face twisted again.
She wanted to be sure, but what Pavel said did make sense. Yes, Cruck’aa had never liked Werond, but these past few days had displayed a different side of their friend. And he still was their friend, or at least, Serena considered him one. But that didn’t change just how worrying he was being.
“I can…try to talk to him too. I guess.” Serena signed. “Maybe I can get him to…stop for a bit, or something.”
“Right, and next thing I know, you’ll be flying.”
Serena guffawed, fingers beginning to sign, only for a bark from Jo to rip her attention away. She was already rolling up the map when Serena glanced back, beckoning them over.
“Sounds like they figured something out.” Pavel said as Serena stood up from the chair. “Thank the gods. Glad I don’t have to think for once.”
While it was indeed a luxury to leave the thinking to someone else, Serena was still impressed with just how thorough Jo’s plans truly were. Within the span of five minutes, everyone knew exactly where they were – Bog’s Road, right in the middle of the Evermoors – and with another five, there remained little doubt between any of them how they would finally escape this god forsaken place – a straight three days walk to Nesme, then off to Silverymoon, barely a week’s march away. And with Cruck’aa’s navigation – promised after much huffing and puffing – the journey would be simple, provided they’d survive it.
That didn’t seem out of the question anymore, however, as they finally put the ruined city to their backs, striking out into the bog once more after a few hours of searching. Between the ruined homes and destroyed stores, Doriyah had managed to find a somewhat intact smithy, a smattering of weapons still strewn about the place. Despite the dust and grime, they managed to find enough blades for everyone, quelling Serena’s worries about getting attacked again.
Though that left her mind free to worry about other matters.
Serena suppressed a shudder as the bog water lapped at her calves and craned her neck to look up the line. Cruck’aa and Jo lead the way, locked in some conversation as they sliced a path through the swamp, Jo occasionally testing the ground with her newly acquired longsword. Doriyah and Pavel remained in the middle, both prattling on about their finds and why theirs was superior to the other, despite both having the same kind of war-hammer.
Aside from the splashing of water and the buzzing of bugs, it was the only sound that filled the otherwise still bog. Yet their racket was still preferable to the silence that stretched between her and Werond, situated at back of the line.
Serena glanced at her, walking with a straight back a few steps in front. She’d outright avoided Serena the few hours they remained in the ghost town, and the sparse moments that their eyes did meet…
She shivered. It wasn’t quite the anger she’d seen before, but it was close.
It didn’t help matters that Werond couldn’t properly communicate her anger either. Yes, she was getting the signs down far faster than Serena had anticipated, but it still wasn’t enough to hold a proper conversation. If she even wanted to talk to Serena in the first place.
Her anger, however uncommunicable it was, didn’t mean she couldn’t try though. And she desperately needed to talk to her. She couldn’t let the rift between them tear further apart than it already was. But what was she to say? Serena wasn’t about to go back on what she’d done, but Werond wasn’t going to see it with her logic either.
Bahamut’s Teeth, this was going to be horrible.
Serena sucked in a breath, banished the thought from her mind, and sloshed faster through the water until she fell in line with Werond. Even if the conversation – if she could call it that – was doomed to fail, it was still worth having in the first place. Though by the way Werond stared straight ahead, Serena wasn’t sure if she’d agree.
“Hey uhm…I just wanted to say,” Serena signed, watching her footing. “it was good to see you working with Jo. You really seemed…better than before.”
Werond splashed to a halt suddenly, causing Serena to stumble and flip around. Her eyes were half closed, and as Serena stared, hands against her chest, she let out a long, explosive sigh.
“Uhm…” She signed, heart thumping in her chest; if that wasn’t a sign… “I uh…I just wanted to say, about back there, I –”
Werond’s eyes flew open as she turned to stare at her; Serena wilted under the amber stare, harsher than a knife through the heart, as Werond signed a single letter:
“Y?”
“Because I needed to make sure you were okay.” Serena signed, straightening up.
Werond threw up her hands, facing twisting.
“I – Werond, I know it wasn’t that bad, but…it was a mistake I made, and I needed to fix it. It couldn’t wait, and –”
Werond barked out some guttural noise and trudged over to Serena, jabbing a finger against her chest, swiping across it in large lines. It took her a minute, and multiple swipes, to understand what she’d meant.
“I was going to be fine though.” Serena signed. “I know the slashes looked bad but…I’ve been there before. I just…I needed to fix your neck, I had to –”
“N – O.” Werond signed, eyes boring a hole through her.
“I did though, I had to. My wounds, they…I just, I just needed to fix you first. I had to, believe me.”
“N – O.”
“I-I know you don’t think so but –”
“U – M – O – R –”
“I don’t care about myself,” Serena signed. “you’re more important and –”
Her fingers curled in as Werond suddenly jerked back, eyes wide, lips parted as she stared at her in shock. Heart flying into her chest, Serena stammered as she shook out her hands.
“W-What? I – I mean that, what did – I –”
Jo’s voice pierced the air, calling for them both; Werond paid no heed as she stared at her, gaze like a vice around her heart.
“W-Werond,” Serena signed. “I don’t –”
Her signs died again as Werond raised her hands, palms toward her, and shook her head. Eyes still wide, she moved her fingers to sign, only to drop her hands after a moment, running one through her hair as she stared at her feet.
Serena wrung her hands as she waited, trembling at the avalanche of signs she wanted to unleash – to explain that she’d misspoken, that she did care for herself, but Werond was, well, Werond, and she couldn’t defend herself, unable to bounce back from things like Serena could, so it made sense that she put her above herself, and not to mention that wasn’t that what you were supposed to do, when you loved someone, put them above yourself and keep them safe, because they meant so much to you, wasn’t that what Mom did, what Dad did, what Ned did – everyone did that, what was the problem here –
She flinched as Werond raised her hands to sign, earning her a hard stare. It faded, however, as she focused on her signs.
“S – P – A – C – E.”
And patted her chest.
Serena stared at her, eyes flicking about as though the answer to whatever Werond had said lay somewhere on her shoulders, or hands, or grimacing expression. That search died when Jo’s voice – louder, angrier this time – ripped through the air once more.
Werond looked back at their friends – much further away, but thankfully waiting for them – before giving Serena a glance. As their eyes met, her grimace deepened, though she jerked her head towards their friends.
Shoving aside the hammering of her heart, Serena squeezed her eyes shut and, after a few deep breaths, nodded. Behind that smashing, behind those sighs, the numb from before had crept back into existence, tendrils curling outward from her chest and spilling into her limbs.
But she expected that, and for perhaps the first time since she’d felt it, Serena was ready for it. As desperately as she wanted to collapse and let that nothingness take her, she knew it had to be different this time, else that rift between them would only widen.
When she opened her eyes, Werond was still there, watching her. She turned her back when Serena nodded and did not look back for the rest of the day.