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Crux

“Werond, I said – ow! Ow! I can heal – ow, Werond!”

Werond pulled away the foul-smelling rag, dripping with Bahamut knew what, from the burn on Serena’s arm. Not a shred of sympathy lay behind her eyes as she glared at Serena, who leaned away from her, into the table.

“Can you please stop!?” She signed, arm throbbing. “I can heal it myself, just please – Werond!”

Wood ground upon wood, and the bottles of medicine rattled as Serena jerked away, shoving the table back as Werond tried to grab at her arm. She ground her teeth and flung the rag onto the table, landing with a disgusting squelch, almost hitting her bundle of parchment. She snatched it up and plucked the charcoal stick from her ear and furiously scribbled on it; it took Serena a moment to read her words when she flipped the parchment around, her handwriting nothing but angry squiggles.

“Maybe if you didn’t want this,” It read. “you wouldn’t have fought those two!”

“What did you want me to do?!” Serena signed. “Nothing?! Just let them walk up to the house?!”

Werond nodded vigorously, but wrote something still; gods, how awkward it was, waiting for her to write when she remained furious at her.

“Yes! Had you just listened to what they wanted or come with us, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“Are you kidding me?! Werond, you saw them, they looked ready to kill! I had to defend you!”

“You didn’t know what’s going on! Nura could have handled it!”

“ And what if that wasn’t the case?! What if it got worse?”

“It did get worse! You got attacked!

“And? I handled myself fine, I –”

Werond jabbed a finger at the cut on Serena’s arm, framed by the burn-print from her hand.

“I slipped, okay?” Serena signed. “It was an accident. And I’m fine!”

“And what if you weren’t?” Werond wrote. “You got lucky. What if you don’t?”

“I don’t care about that, I’d be fine, we’d figure something out. And besides –”

But Werond yelled some guttural noise, rolled up her parchment, and smacked Serena’s head with it; yelping, Serena threw up her hands as Werond tried again, hitting her arms over and over and over again – until she finally flung the rolled up tube back onto the table, shoved off her chair, and stomped over to the kitchen counter, smacking her hands on it as she leaned against it, head bowed.

Serena rubbed her head and tried to ignore the stinging in her eyes. She wasn’t expecting to be lauded for what she’d done, but neither had she expected the absolute fury from so many; from Jo, yelling about how further everything had been ruined; from Nura, as she glared at her, trying desperately to calm her children and hold back Baron; even from Werond, manhandling her back to their house, medicine bag from Hugo in hand, despite her protests. Cruck’aa had said something too, but his fury had long ago ceased to matter. And not a single one of them had cared that she’d managed to burn the poison out of her.

Which…was fair, given the circumstance.

She sighed, glancing at the cauterized wound. Fair as it might be, she wished they didn’t mark her with so much anger. More than likely, it was just frustration at a worsened situation, but it was hard to not take things personally, especially from someone you loved. Besides, what was she supposed to do, let them come back to the house? She was right to stall them, even if she hadn’t known what they were capable of, and Serena would never forgive herself had something happened to Werond if they’d truly meant harm. She’d rather die to their blades than let them come anywhere near her.

A grassy ridge flashed through her mind – with it, the blue of the sky and the snatches of conversation they’d had, after so many silent days. And though it brought her a twinge of joy, that feeling was crushed beneath the talons that gripped her heart.

Werond’s anger wasn’t borne of ruining an already terrible situation, and even if she wouldn’t understand Serena’s position, she at least needed to hear it. Letting the silence fester between them would only make it worse.

Picking up Werond’s parchment, and ignoring the ache in her heart, Serena urged the well within to fill her free hand with silver light. She clapped it over her wound, winching as the flesh sizzled, and stood up from the chair; in the second it took for her to reach Werond, only a few paces away, the wound had healed, the cut closed and burn print vanished.

Werond glanced back, shook her head, then turned fully around to snatch the parchment from Serena’s outstretched hand. She didn’t turn back around, however, instead staring at Serena with tired eyes. How difficult it was to sign under her gaze, yet Serena forced herself to speak all the same.

“Werond,” She signed. “I’m sorry for what I did, a-and making you worry, I just…”

Her signs faltered as Werond balanced the parchment on an arm, quickly scratching out a few words.

“No,” The parchment read. “you’re not.”

A slap to the face would have felt better.

Serena began to sign but Werond twisted around, placing the parchment on the counter, necessary with how much she wrote. And despite having so much to say, so much to plead, Serena kept her hands against her chest, if only to be polite, until Werond held up the parchment again.

“I know,” She wrote. “that you felt like you had to do something. To stall or something. But Serena you keep getting hurt. You keep doing stupid things and it’s killing you. First Bogs Road now this. If you truly were sorry we wouldn’t be talking like this. So why do you not care about yourself?”

“I do care.” Serena mumbled, looking away.

“Don’t lie to me if we’re going to talk.”

Serena grimanced. It wasn’t a lie, but how could she explain it so that it made sense?

“I…I do care about myself, Werond.” She began. “It’s just…I needed to make sure they weren’t going to hurt anyone…especially you.”

She remained silent as Werond’s gaze bore a hole through her. It took another moment before she put the charcoal back to the parchment.

“You weren’t out there to protect the kids.” Her words read.

“Yes I was.” Serena signed. “But…I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t because something could have happened to you too. And…and I just hate the thought of that. So…I had to do it, and I wanted to do it. It doesn’t matter to me if I got hurt because I know you’d be alright. Better me than you.”

In any other time and place, she might have expected to see a softness descend over Werond, her eyes crinkling as she smiled. Yet these past days – Bahamut’s Teeth, how long had it been? – taught her better, for Werond sighed deeply and shook her head, eyes squeezing shut as though she couldn’t bear to look at her. When they opened, they darted to the parchment as she wrote, only meeting her gaze when she flipped her words around.

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“You can’t keep doing this.” They read.

“What…loving you? Because I won’t.” Serena signed.

“Serena I’m not worth it.”

Serena flinched – from the words, and from the anger that flared within her pounding heart.

“W-what, not worth it?! Werond, where did that come from, of course you’re worth it!” She signed. “You’re a wonderful person, you’re caring, you’re kind, a-and…” Her signs faltered at how quickly Werond’s face fell. “I mean, I just – I just don’t understand, what do you mean you’re not worth it?”

Werond tapped the parchment.

“No, that doesn’t make sense!” Serena stepped closer, even as Werond flipped the parchment back around. “You’re worth it to me! I know you are, you’re valuable, you’re – you’re wonderful, you’re – I-I just don’t know – where is this –”

But the parchment flipped around, almost directly in her face. Werond had only added a few words to the last sentence.

“I’m not worth it. Not when I keep hurting you.”

“What? Werond, you’re not hurting me. I-I don’t even know what you mean, you’re not doing anything! I-I mean, before, when you weren’t talking to me, that hurt, but Werond, you’re not hurting me. That doesn’t make sense! I…”

Her signs trailed off as Werond wrote – stopped, stared at the parchment, wrote, then stopped again. Her mouth worked around some unspoken word, as though she were debating even saying, or writing, anything at all. And even from the angle, Serena could make out the sudden glassiness of her eyes, her heart leaping at the sight. How much she wanted to throw her arms around Werond, to promise her that things would be okay, yet she knew the situation to be anything but.

So, Serena waited, hands against her chest, until Werond drew up the courage to finally finish her sentence and flip the parchment around, unable to meet her gaze.

“I can’t have you be like Tai.”

Serena felt her heart stop.

A thousand signs sprang to life within her mind, with them, everything she wanted to say – to scream that that would never be the case, to cry as she finally understood Werond’s pain, to reassure her that everything would be alright. Yet everything blurred together as a maelstrom within her head, nothing coming to her fingers, for what could she truly say? She’d seen the power that simple name had over Werond, seen what the remnants of her time with him had done to her. Serena knew, through the smashing of her heart, through the numb that flooded her chest with each horrible thud, that not a thing she’d sign would make a difference. Not after Werond had predicted this back in Waterdeep, so long ago.

She knew this, she acknowledged, yet as Serena fought against the numb, fought against the trembling, fought against the desire to collapse back in a chair and accept her demise, she denied it. It was all she could do. To put Werond above herself was what she knew to be right; that’s what loved ones did for each other. It’s what Mom did for Dad, and Dad to her, what Ned had done for her, and what she’d do for Werond. And had it not been for the love that still seared her body and brain, then it was for the simple fact that Serena couldn’t bear to see Werond in any more pain. Yes, she might get hurt in her pursuit for Werond’s love, but when everything came to a close, she knew it would all be worth it.

Sucking in a breath, fighting against the numbness within, Serena lurched forward, back to that familiar closeness between them as she tried to place her hands against Werond’s chest, where they belonged. Werond jerked back, dropping her parchment as she crossed her arms over herself, Serena’s hands against them instead.

“W-Werond, I…” She could barely sign, so hard did her hands quaver. “I won’t be Tai, I won’t! I-I know you’re scared but I can take care of myself, I’ll be okay! It won’t – I won’t, I – Werond, please just trust me. I…” Serena sucked in a breath, her body shuddering from the effort. “I don’t know what else I can do!”

Werond flinched, eyes wide; she slipped an arm out from under Serena, pawing at the counter for her parchment that wasn’t there, her gaze never leaving hers.

“J-just, please, you have to trust me! I c-can’t – I won’t end up like him, a-and I know it’s hard but p-please, just trust me, I won’t –”

The door smashed open.

Serena shoved herself backwards, stumbling away as Werond caught herself against the counter, just as Doriyah led the rest of their friends in, bootsteps thudding against the floor. The giant man headed straight for the firepit, crouching over it as he began fiddling with the wood, while Jo and Pavel, feet dragging, collapsed into the chairs at the table. None of them so much as glanced at Serena and Werond, the only sound between them the scraping of wood against wood, and the flapping of wings just outside the door, quickly fading.

Despite the distance between them, and the hammering of her heart, Serena couldn’t help but share a look with Werond, mirroring her concern. Frustration seemed to pool from Pavel and Jo, though Doriyah looked somewhat happy as he began striking the fire-rocks together. Had something –

Serena shook her head, turning back to Werond; they could wait, she needed to keep talking, she needed Werond to understand, nothing else mattered save –

In a flash, Werond’s hands darted out and snatched hers up, pressing them together. She had to stop herself from flinching when she met Werond’s gaze, as she mouthed a word:

Don’t.

Werond released her hands and turned back to pick up her parchment. Serena remained in place, body trembling, heart hammering, mind going back and forth, back and forth. Eventually, despite every fiber of her being telling her otherwise, Serena forced herself to turn and move towards the table. Jo didn’t glance up when she stood beside her, oblivious to how much effort it took Serena to stand and pretend that she was fine.

“Did uhm…” Serena signed. “did everything go alright?”

“It did,” Serena looked at Pavel as he spoke, the bags under his eyes almost standing out. “it did…best we can hope for, given the circumstances.”

“You don’t sound…convinced.”

“I mean, I am.” Pavel shrugged. “It’s just –”

“We’re to do the heavy lifting.” Jo cut in and pointed at Serena. “Thanks to you.”

“R-right.” A shiver shot up Serena’s spine. “Uh, I’m –”

“Jo,” Pavel said, straightening up and turning in his chair. “you know as well as I do that blaming Serena for what happened isn’t fair. Just because everything didn’t go the way you wanted doesn’t mean you can lash out like that.”

Another shiver tore through her as Jo glared at Pavel. Fortunately, that glare melted away as she nodded, waving a hand at Serena as the wood creaked behind her.

“Right,” She sighed, Serena keenly aware of Werond slightly behind her. “right. You’re right. Frustrated is all. Sorry.”

She leaned back in the chair, watching for a moment as Doriyah fiddled with the firepit, a meager flame crawling to life between the tinder and wood.

“Plan is…” Jo said. “is to get a spot ready to ambush however many comes out of the hole. Nura reckons that we have, at most, a day. Made mention of a spot between two houses, could manage it there. But that means we’re hitting the ground hard tomorrow to get everything ready.”

“Not that we have a choice.” Pavel said.

“No, we don’t.” Jo sighed. “Nura believes their response is going to be worse. Have to act tomorrow. Don’t and we miss any opportunity to slip out.”

“Right. Doriyah and I will do the heavy lifting, getting the spot prepped,” Pavel continued. “and Jo will keep a look out on the wall, just in case. Cruck’aa is doing…something.” He eyed the door. “I wasn’t listening if I’m being honest. He started arguing with Nura about her family and we all kind of…zoned out as she yelled at him.”

“That makes sense.” Serena signed; she couldn’t blame them. “What about me and Werond? Do we –”

“Helping Nura and Hugo get their family ready.” Jo replied. “Said she’d need the help, there’s a lot to do. Imagine they need to figure something out with their people upstairs.”

“O-oh. I guess that’s fine.”

“Each of us has an important part to share. Yours is just as important as everyone else’s. After all, we’re doing this for Nura’s family. If we didn’t help them in what they needed, what would be the point?” Pavel said.

The fatigue that plagued his voice was suddenly gone as Pavel spoke those words; had Serena the energy, she might have asked if he’d rehearsed them on the way over, but as it stood, she just wanted to get back to Werond, to try to convince her against her greatest fears. Even then, Serena doubted she’d be able to sign properly.

“With that being said though,” Pavel continued, groaning a bit as he stood up from the chair. “we’ll need to eat and hit the hay. I know it’s a bit early but the better prepared we are for tomorrow, the better. Did we…shit, did we ask Nura for any food?”

“Answered your own question.” Jo said. “Asked Cruck’aa to get something for us. Hopefully he will.”

“You’re…you’re trusting he’ll come back with something?” Pavel asked. “Something that won’t be grass?”

“Yes. Considering you two got banned from going back into the forest, he’s really our only hope.”

“Banned?” Serena asked.

“Full of shit!” Everyone jumped as Doriyah barked the curse; he leapt up from the firepit, now blazing with life, head almost brushing the ceiling. “Can’t keep me from going out there, absolute –”

“Yes, it can.” Jo said flatly. “Else we don’t get our supplies.”

“Why the fuck do we need their supplies?!” Doriyah yelled back. “We have the bird! We’ll be fine!”

“Do we though?”

For once, Doriyah looked as though he didn’t know what to say, instead glaring at Jo. He waved her off and turned back to the fire, though he seemed to be pouting more than warming himself.

“You two were banned?” Serena asked, tearing her gaze away from him.

“Yeah…” Pavel said. “Part of the agreement we put together. Nura didn’t have much faith in us after what had happened.”

“Makes sense, I guess.”

“Mm-hmm.” Pavel looked between her and Werond. “You two alright? I know we were gone for a while.”

Serena glanced at Werond, who, after a moment, turned away.

“Yeah…” Serena signed, chest growing tight. “We’re…okay.”

“Good. Right!” Pavel clapped his hands together. “Better prepare for whatever Cruck’aa is dragging in. Didn’t we find some pots or pans or something?”

Serena nodded, ignoring the numb slowly spreading within her chest. “Yeah, they’re over here…”