They need to fuck already.

Doriyah paused, sizzling fish – always damned fish now – half-way to his mouth, grease dribbling down his chin.

With the way they looked at each other, they probably already had.

He ripped out a chunk of the fish, wincing as a few scales found their way into his gums like kernels from the Nine Hells.

They needed to do it again then. Preferably not in front of him.

Now, he wasn’t any kind of relationship expert in the slightest, not since Mom up and left him before he could even walk. Shame Dad hadn’t been in the picture either, but when you make your living hunting down dragons, eventually you were bound to find yourself chewed up and shat out. Which made his death funnier in hindsight, considering he smashed his head on the doorframe.

But you didn’t need to be an expert to see the tension between Serena and…gods, what the Hells was her name again? Weraround? Werond – Werond. Who named their kid that? Sounds like a part you’d find on a wagon.

Doriyah flung the last of the fish over his shoulder, grinning as it plopped into the water and scared the Nine Hells out of Cruck’aa. His circle of soggy friends, however, huddled around their fire, paid him no mind as he leapt up and scanned the waters, beady eyes now wide, odd shadows dancing across his form.

After a moment, he mumbled something and sat down, scooting back towards the fire, still looking like a waterlogged owl. Doriyah would have elbowed Pavel to point this out, but his buddy didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk, considering he was still damp, had half a fish in his mouth, and was still pissed at Doriyah.

He pursed his lips. He didn’t know why they were so mad still. After all, it’d been an accident, leading them all into that hole. Couldn’t see shit in the dark and they wanted to blame him for it? They were just mad that they were all short enough to fall in completely. He tried to make it up to them too – he’d manage to catch all these fish when they were down there, but that phased none of them.

Ungrateful, the whole lot.

A trickle of water cascaded onto the dirt; Doriyah glanced up to see…Werond ringing out her hair again, despite the rest of her ratty clothes looking somewhat dry. Try as she might, she couldn’t seem to get all the water out her hair. Truly the plight of those too short for this world.

The soggy lump of clothing shifted beside him. Doriyah glanced over as Serena fidgeted about, seated across the fire from Werond, eyes never leaving her damp form. Her fish lay untouched in front of her, laying on a strip of bark.

He rolled his eyes.

“You shouldn’t stare.” Doriyah declared. “It’s rude.”

Serena flinched back, her leg kicking her dinner into the fire in a brilliant puff of sparks. Everyone jerked up from their food as her hand darted in – completely unphased – and yanked the now burning fish out. With a quick snap of her fingers, the fire was extinguished, though the flames that burned in her cheeks remained.

“I know it’s bad, but it’s not that bad.” He said, shaking his head.

Pavel snorted as Jo immediately reached over and swapped her fish with Serena’s, earning her a sheepish look. But like a wet blanket ripped off a child’s bed, their horrible mood slipped away as Pavel began to explain that charring the damn thing made the flavor better. Jo just shook her head as Cruck’aa began to argue with him but listening to arguments – even stupid ones – made everything somewhat better for them.

Well, for most of them.

Doriyah leaned towards Serena, still a damp, miserable mess, marveling at just how tiny she was compared to him. She leaned away, marveling at his audacity.

“You realize,” He said, voice low over the argument. “that you can’t force your help onto her if she doesn’t want it. She proved that the first time.”

Serena grimaced and stared down at her legs. That had been a hard lesson to learn, barely an hour ago, what with all the yelling. Had to practically yank Serena off her.

“What did you do back there?” He nodded towards the waters around them. “Been a day and she’s still pissed off.”

“Healed her first.” Serena mumbled – gods, and what an unpleasant experience that was.

“After the troll attacked you?”

She nodded.

“Well, that was stupid, wasn’t it?”

Serena’s head rolled to the side, eyes squeezed shut with a grimace. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“Not after that.”

“Fair.” Doriyah shrugged. “But I’ve been thinking…might be a solution to all this, one you’re not seeing.”

Her eyes flew open and she turned to stare at him.

“See, if you just found a way to fuck her again –”

It was a shame she’d never hear the rest of his little nugget of wisdom, on account of lighting his hair on fire.

…

They should just eat him. Bet he’d taste good.

Doriyah pursed his lips, head cocked, Pavel’s words – some boast about his past military time or something – going in one ear and out the other.

Was it cannibalism to eat an Aarakocra?

Completely different species, him and the rest of them. Sure, he walked on two legs, but he was about as close to a human as a dragon was to a bird. Or something like that. Surely if they ate him, they wouldn’t get in trouble with any established law. Not to mention that what happens in a god’s forsaken swamp stays in the god’s forsaken swamp. Perfect crime, really.

Then again, didn’t ‘humanoid’ cover a broad range? Weren’t they all humanoid? If they were, then maybe that was the reason why more people didn’t hunt and eat Aarakocra. Maybe in some bizarre way, a goliath and an Aarakocra were closer than he originally thought. Although if you asked him, Cruck’aa was anything but humanoid. Had to be some kind of demon to argue that much.

He shook his head and pulled his attention back towards the waters before them. As always, he was at the front of the line, watching for holes. Dunno why they still trusted him in that regard. Falling in seemed more like a them problem anyways, what assurance did they have that he’d lead them in the right direction? At least they’d been blessed with a clear day, though it was a shame that only their backs were warmed, and not the frigid waters.

Doriyah sidestepped another hole, disguised by a swath of pussywillow. Like a gaggle of ugly ducklings, the rest of them followed behind him, edging around the hole with all the pussywillow. And of course, a couple of feet later, they had to dodge around another, the pattern repeating just as Cruck’aa had pointed out. Pussywillow and all.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

Pussywillow.

Pussywillow.

He grinned.

That’s not what it was, but it was fun to say.

That grin dropped, however, as the icepick that was Cruck’aa’s voice rammed into his ears, filling the air like a frustrated lover flinging her cheating spouse’s belongings out the window.

He glanced over his shoulder; behind them, Cruck’aa was still howling at Jo, who remained utterly stoic, eyes on her feet. How she put up with the glorified pigeon, he’d never know

“Why,” Doriyah interjected – at the wrong time, considering the look Pavel gave him. “do you all put up with him?”

“What?” Pavel asked.

“Him.” He jerked his head over his shoulder as they shuffled around a particular prickly pack of pussywillow. “Sounds like a chicken being strangled half the time, and that’s when he’s talking about things I understand. What gives?”

“Well, he’s our friend, for starters, and –”

“You sure?”

Pavel’s mouth snapped shut, his teeth descending on his bottom lip. Doriyah took the moment to glance further down the line, checking on Serena and Wear – Werond at the rear.

Yup, still five feet apart.

“I am sure.” He turned back as Pavel continued. “We’ve been with Cruck’aa for a while, He’s been a huge help in everything he does. Especially right now. I couldn’t ask for a better druid in our corner to get out of this swamp. But I mean, in general, he’s irreplaceable.”

“But…” Doriyah said.

“But he’s a fucking asshole.” Pavel answered instantly.

He grinned as Doriyah let out a laugh that could have rippled the water at their feet.

“Feels good to say it, doesn’t it?” He asked through his chuckling.

“It does. It’s a problem. I don’t think we should be talking about it though. Not when he could hear us.”

“Don’t think that’ll be a problem.” Doriyah said. “He seems a bit busy. Much like…other people.”

He glanced back again; Serena had finally caught up to Wera – Werond, though her attempts at conversation were met with a frigid shoulder. Nine Hells, that was pathetic to watch.

“I just don’t get why he wanted to stop and discuss things.” Pavel said. “Such a stupid hill to die on.”

“The whole thing was a stupid hill to die on.”

“The giant prints?”

“I didn’t stutter.”

“No, I know but…I don’t know Doriyah,” he gestured at the water. “they seem pretty important.”

Doriyah’s face twisted. He was right, they were important. The fact that they hadn’t realized that that they’d been following a trail of prints until they’d fallen into one was frustrating enough but…for there to be more giant tracks, after what they’d found in Bog’s Road? Something was indeed going on, considering that giants typically never came out this far…

But he’d be damned if he’d admit that.

“They’re not.” Doriyah said. “Out for a hike or something stupid. You know how giants are.”

“I don’t, actually, that’s why it all seems weird to me.” Pavel scratched his chin. “We’ve been out for three months…who knows what’s happened since we’ve been asleep. Giants already razed and sacked the Goldenfields twice from what I remember. And now we’re finding, I don’t know, massive holes in ghost towns and prints all over the place. It’s worrying.”

“Only if you give a shit.”

Pavel let out a puff of air and waved the comment away. “One of us has to.”

“Cruck’aa already gives a shit enough for a hundred people. I think we’re covered.”

“Maybe…so, what was I saying? Oh! Right, so anyways, as I was telling him, ‘Mercutio’, I said, ‘that’s not…’”

But Doriyah had already tuned him out, the words flowing through his head like water down a drain. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to listen to Pavel – far from it – but he couldn’t get the giants out of his head.

Why were they out here? The massive dig site in the town, well, that didn’t make much sense. Neither did the tracks they were currently following, considering there were no furrows in the ground, like the ones they’d first found. This had to be a separate group then, but that only raised more questions – why was there a second group of giants? And where in the Nine Hells were they going?

Doriyah grimaced.

That much was obvious. Considering the direction they were taking, whoever these other giants were, they had probably already reached where he and his friends wanted to go.

And that meant no civilization for them. Or a way out of the swamp.

Doriyah snorted.

That didn’t matter. He’d get himself out of here, one way or another.

…

She should be asleep.

“You should be asleep.” Doriyah said, cocking a brow.

Somehow, Serena groaned as she sat up, arms against her knees, both pulled into her chest. She was the only other one up this late at night, everyone else still dead asleep in a loose circle around the fire. How they could sleep, he’d never know, considering they snored loud enough to shake the stars.

“Listen,” Doriyah said, breaking apart a stick and tossing it into the fire. He selected another from the pile beside him, gathered hours before. “I know you’re mute, but I’m pretty sure you ain’t deaf. Said I didn’t need a change.”

“I know.” Serena – gods, those fucking signs. How did she groan like that in his head?! “Can’t sleep.”

“Hmm.” He said, suppressing a shudder. “Wish you would.”

“Same.”

“Lovely. Glad to hear we’re on the same page.”

She stared at him as he snapped a few more sticks, forcing the fire to burn a smidge brighter with each offering. Doriyah met her gaze, then went back to his sticks, shivering at the way the fire reflected from her blue eyes. Not in those dramatic ways you hear in stories though. She just looked fucking creepy sitting there with her legs pulled up – who sat compacted like that? Like something out of –

“Do you ever regret the things you’ve done in life?” Serena asked.

Oh for fuck’s sake.

“Nope, I sleep easy.” Doriyah said, biting back the edge that crept into his voice. “Sounds like a you thing. Should get that checked out.”

“Right…yeah, fuck me, I guess.”

“Not my type.”

The look she gave him matched the creepy way she was sitting – like a doll in an abandoned house that wanted to eat your soul.

“I don’t care for men.” She said, as though it were a retort.

“Good choice,” He broke down another stick. “as many of us are completely and utterly incapable of rational thought when the second head is thinking. This happens enough to be an issue, I assure you.”

“What?”

“My penis.” Doriyah looked up. “I don’t think well when I think with my penis. As do most men. Do I really need to spell it out for you?”

“I – fuck.” Serena rubbed her face. “I knew what you meant. I’ve worked in a tavern before, I –”

“Only for women, I assume.”

She rolled her eyes, though looked as though she were trying to fight back a smile.

“You’re an idiot.” She signed.

“I’ve been called worse.”

“And I’ll have you know, I was twelve when I worked in Mom’s tavern.”

“I mean…in some parts of the world…”

“Bahamut’s Teeth, really?”

“’fraid so. Sure they said something like that too.”

Serena shook her head, then flicked a finger towards the fire, her own flame leaping from her painted nail; with a low roar, the flames flared higher, licking at the night air, driving away the chill.

Doriyah snapped the stick in his hand, eyes narrowing at the smirk she gave him. All things considered though, that was pretty funny.

“Yes…” He said, grabbing the sticks and flinging them over his shoulder. “There are things I regret all the time. Like getting a bunch of sticks for no reason. And how I ended up with you people.”

“You never did tell us how you got here.” Serena signed, looking past his shoulder at where the sticks had PLOPPED into the night.

“And I won’t, for it’s a secret.”

Serena rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure. You pissed off Jarlaxle, we know that much. What’d you do?”

Doriyah stared at her, chewing his lip.

That was true, he had pissed off Jarlaxle. But how was he to know that he’d walked in on some super-secret meeting? Or whatever the hell that was about. And he didn’t mean to react like that, but that other Drow was hideous, Nine Hells. Wrinkles like canyons.

But pissing him off didn’t warrant this as a punishment. He’d been a good hire, that was for damn sure. Always did everything he wanted, always got results, never did any of the stupid shit the others did, but mess up one time and this was what he got? These people – her especially – weren’t worth the effort, why in the Nine Hells was Jarlaxle so hellbent on him watching them?

“Here,” He said. “tell you what – you tell me why you keep following Weer – Werond around, even though she wants absolutely zero to do with you, and I’ll tell you why I’m here. Seems like a fair deal, hmm?”

He met her gaze and grinned, showing off a fair number of teeth. She wasn’t about to tell him that, too personal, but it would be enough to get her away from the topic. After all, Jarlaxle had threatened his life – and more importantly, his manhood – if he breathed a word to any of them, so –

Oh gods damnit.

“Hey – okay, I’m – look I didn’t mean it like that, sorry.” He said as Serena wiped her eyes.

“I know.” She signed – gods, how in the Nine Hells did she make her voice quaver like that? “Just…sorry, it’s been…stressful.”

“Yeah, I can tell. I thought you two were getting on better.”

“We were. And I pissed her off.”

“Because of the troll.”

“No, I…it was already bad but…that made it worse.”

“So you pissed her off before the troll? What’d you do?”

It took a long time for Serena to respond, hands frozen against her knees. It took so long that Doriyah was convinced she’d up and died and decided it best to pretend he hadn’t seen anything. Let someone else deal with it in the morning. Half way to laying on the ground, however, her hands finally twisted, forming quiet words in the back of his mind.

“I don’t know.”

And then she laid back down.

Doriyah remained in an odd crunch, staring at Serena as she rolled onto her side, and cushioned her head with one of her hands.

Stupid reason, that one.