Chapter 98: Awaken
2nd September 2005, Bayville
(Jean POV)
Jean had the strangest dream. She had the worst day ever. She lost control over her powers during class which resulted into some sort of altercation with her history teacher. Then she ended up in some sort of suicide mission to get the Professor against some sort of blue god who kicked their asses. The dream must have ended because the last thing she remembered was Professor Xavier telling her about some sort of plan.
The redhead still closed her eyes, like it would take a lot of effort to actually open them. It was then that she noticed how sore she actually was. It was like her muscles were on fire after a particularly intensive training session, but a hundred times worse. She’s definitely not up to go to school today, she was even considering not even getting out of bed for the rest of the day. What the hell happened? She was sure that she hadn’t worked out the day before?
There was also something different. Something more. She felt everything, all her emotions, all her senses to a point that was astonishing. Was it always meant to be like this, was everything meant to feel this way? Then, her memories started to play in her mind. It started with the accident, with Annie. It was where it all began. She had unlocked her telepathy, trying to save her, to force her to stay alive but ended up almost joining her in death. She should have died, she had died, hadn’t she? But then she had been saved. She had no idea by who but it felt warm, protective, and safe.
The world became more vibrant, more passionate when she came back. But she had no control over her newly awakened telepathy. She felt the pain at the noises around her, but then came the Professor. He put her to sleep and stopped the pain but the world started losing it colors. She watched as she became a broken thing, hurting her parents from her indifference. She wanted nothing more than to hug them, tell them she loved them. But it wasn’t to be.
She watched herself move to the institute, she looked at the world around her and felt passion, anger, jealousy, envy. She felt what she should have when she lived. It was too much; it became too much. She decided to bottle it up. Every time she heard those rumors about her from school, she bottled it up. Every time Scott was trying to protect her as if she was some kind of glass figurine that needed to be defended at all costs despite being far stronger than him. She had never felt this much anger when it happened to her, barely some sort of mild irritation. But now, it felt like an uncontrollable fire bursting to get out of her.
She felt everything, the fear before her exams, the hatred at Duncan who cheated on her, the minimal amount of happiness with the rest of the X-men but most of all, she felt the rage. She took some deep breaths and calmed herself. She bottled everything; she will deal with this later. She didn’t have the energy to do it now. What the hell happened to her?
Before she could contemplate further, she felt something odd in her mind. Like someone was trying to poke her head for some reason. It annoyed her a lot but she couldn’t be bothered to stop it, her arms felt like lead and could barely move them. Instead, she listened, “So what’s the verdict, Chuck? Is she going to be okay or is she going nuclear like she did yesterday?”
The voice was gruff and harsh. This must be Logan.
“I’m afraid that I don’t know. I put these bindings on her to stop this particular phenomenon. Right now, while I can enter her mind like I always do because she still hasn’t learnt to protect her mind, I cannot make any sort of alteration. Which means I cannot reinstall the bindings again. Something is blocking me, it’s not Jean, it’s like something is doing it on her behalf.”
What are they talking about? What was that about bindings? She remembered the conversation she had with Ms. Sayre in her dream. Didn’t she say something about the Professor putting bindings on her powers? She wanted to talk to him about it but then he got kidnapped. Oh shit, that wasn’t a dream, was it? Did she really fight that blue mutant god thing? What was his name again? Apocalypse. The name sent in shivers in her spine and out of fear, she finally opened her eyes and sat up suddenly.
She was in the infirmary; she could see that much. Next to her were the Professor and Logan who had his claws pointing at her. Why was she in the infirmary? What the hell happened?
Jean tried to speak but her mouth was dry, raspy. She just motioned to her visitors to get her some water. Both of them relaxed, the tension seemingly draining from their shoulders for some reason. Logan stood up and got her a cup of water that Jean drank eagerly.
After that was done and she could start speaking without her throat feeling like it was a desert, “What happened?”
The Professor looked at her gently, “What is the last thing you remember, Jean.”
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“I remember Apocalypse. We defeated Magneto, Pyro and Angel. We fought Apocalypse after that. It’s a little fuzzy. I think Kurt brought me to you. You said something about having a plan and then nothing…”
“Do not concern yourself with this child. Perhaps it’s better that you not know.”
A spark or pure rage shot through her so strong her body shuddered but took a deep breath and she fought it back. She had to learn to control herself better until she figured out what was wrong with her emotions. However, the rage got her to remember something. It was only for a fracture of a second but she remembered the fire. The all encompassing flames all around her. What the hell happened?
“That’s enough, Professor. You’ve done enough. We’re talking about this and we’re going to do it privately.”
Logan growled at her, “If you think for one moment that I’m going to leave you alone with him…”
The Professor interrupted him, “Logan that’s enough. She has questions and I have shirked around the issue for long enough.”
Logan didn’t seem enthused with the matter but still obeyed the Professor. Dear god, it’s like he’s an attack dog or something.
When he left, and awkward silence reigned. Jean realized that the older man will not start the conversation so she began, “Before we could start, I have to ask. Did you but bindings on me?”
The Professor seemed resigned and nodded, “Yes. I did.”
The rage once again almost got the best of her before she reigned it in. She gritted her teeth and asked, “Why?”
The Professor signed in resignation, “Do you remember the first time we met?”
Jean nodded, “Yes. What about it?”
“You only have your view of the interaction, not mine. The day you awakened your powers, the day Annie died, I felt a giant psychic pulse at you awakening. I barely had to use Cerebro for a second to find you; you were lit up like a giant bonfire in a world of darkness. When I tracked you down, I was surprised to find a child, not even ten years old. That type of power is often seen when someone hones their gifts day and night for at least a decade. Yet, you a child had as much. You have to understand, you were a child, scared out their mind and in pain but you were a child and as such had a child’s mentality.
But most of all, you were as strong as I was at the time and would only grow stronger as you age. You had the power to reshape the world but none of the maturity to do so. Imagine it Jean, a child capable to brainwashing people, of possessing them, of altering their memories on the scale of an entire city. When you later unlocked your telekinesis, you could actually control the world around you. I couldn’t in good faith risk it. The potential of you turning against humanity, of being found and turned into a weapon was enough for me to limit you before it became too late.
I put a mental block in your mind, stopping you from using the true extend of your powers. It saddened me, but for the greater good of the world, it had to be done.”
Jean stayed silent at his explanation, “Is that all you have done to me?”
Xavier nodded in confirmation.
“So, you taking me in, training me, my friends, everything was so you could have an eye on me?”
“Not particularly. I have to say that moving you into the mansion was mainly to keep an eye on you. I normally ask people to move in if they had no control over their powers. And you had almost no control over your powers. For everything else, I just treated you like I did all the other children in my care.”
Jean sneered at him, “you really have no idea what you did to me, Professor, do you?”
The man tilted his head, confused.
Jean continued, getting angrier and angrier, “I can understand you blocking my powers, I really do. But are you so arrogant that you think that you are infallible?”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand…”
“Yes, that’s the problem. You didn’t just lock up my powers, you locked everything that wasn’t my memories. YOU LOCKED UP MY FUCKING EMOTIONS. YOU BROKE ME. YOU KILLED EVERYTHING THAT WAS ME, TURNING ME INTO A FUCKING THING THAT WASN’T HUMAN. I WAS BARELY A LIVING HUSK. I USED MY TELEPATHY TO IMITATE EVERYONE AROUND ME. I HAD NO AMBITIONS, NO DESIRES THAT IS MINE. I EXPERIENCED NO LOVE, OR HATRED. I KNEW NOTHING BUT EMPTINESS FOR TEN YEATS. YOU KILLED ME, CHARLES XAVIER. BUT YOU NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE BECAUSE CHARLES FUCKING XAVIER CAN NEVER DO WRONG!”
The Professor paled at her words and the redhead was gasping at the pure emotions she just expressed.
The crippled man in front of her tried to appease her, “Jean, please. I had no idea…”
“OF COURSE, YOU HAD NO IDEA. YOU CAN NEVER COMPREHEND THE IDEA OF YOU MAKING A MISTAKE. THE WORST THING IS THAT YOU TRIED TO DO IT AGAIN!!!”
“I’m sorry Jean, I really am. But when I unlocked your bindings in Egypt, you were taken over by your powers. You stopped being Jean and became this empty thing that almost killed everyone. I did it because I’m terrified of you Jean.”
This answer took the breath out of her. He was scared of her?
The Professor continued, “I was scared that you were going to wake up as the monster I saw in Egypt, that you were dead. I still am scared that you’ll stop being the girl I see as a daughter and start becoming the monster I saw in the fight against Apocalypse. I would rather see you broken than see you like this. I understand if you never forgive me, Jean, and I am sorry for the misery my actions have condemned you to, but if I have to choose between you and the entire world, I will choose the world.”
Jean deflated, her anger almost vanishing. She didn’t notice that her eyes were blurry and the tears streaks across her cheeks.
She sighed and just said, “I’m not sure I can trust you, Professor.”
“I know Jean, but before you do anything rash, I would like you to see someone.”
“Why?”
The Professor replied, “look at you belly, Jean.”
Jean looked down, to see some sort of tattoo. It was some kind of lightning bolt, with some weird symbols coming from it.
“What the hell is that,” she exclaimed.
“I don’t know. Hank ran some search at the symbols and found them to be some sort of runes. Magical letters from what I could understand. From the legends, they are immensely powerful and we have no idea what these do. I called an expert to decipher them.”
“Who could possibly understand magical letters?”
“His name is Doctor Stephen Strange.”