Chapter 281: Trust My Rage
11th February 2013, Sayre Manor
(Loki Odinson POV)
He still had trouble saying his name, even in his mind. Whenever he thought of HIM, he remembered his pain. He remembered his psyche being flayed where his very self was shown bare in front of the monster.
“I never said that your madness originated from the Titan. The compulsions inside your mind are too ingrained, too old. You’ve been manipulated for a very long time.”
Loki was confused, but Thor somehow understood what the woman was referencing, “Are you saying that THEY did this? THEY made him betray our family, betray me?”
“Yes. It wasn’t completely their fault, the seeds were there, but they made him act on them.”
Slowly getting angry Loki asked, “What are your two talking about?”
“It’s a long story, kiddo, and it involves you. Let me tell you about the cycle of Ragnarök, and the beings that feed on it.”
What followed was a long and frankly confusing explanation to the origins of Asgard and the Odinforce. Loki had heard some farfetched tales in his days, but never anything like this. He gave his brother and the Morrigan an incredulous look, “So, you’re telling me that the entirety of Asgard has been living in a cycle of constant death and rebirth for eons, and that only the All-Father knows about it.”
Thor’s teacher nodded, “Well, yes. But it’s not the same every time. There’s a sense of randomness involved. For example, you, Loki, weren’t a pure Jotun in the last life. You were an Asgardian Jotun hybrid. Sometimes, you’re Odin’s trueborn son, but most of the time you’re adopted. There are some fixed points of course, like Odin being the All-Father and gaining access to his knowledge of runes and to the power of the Odinforce. Thor’s birth as Odin’s firstborn son is a fixed point, and Odin being your father, by blood or adoption, is one as well. But other than a few quirks that keep the cycle going, it’s really random, or at least it used to be.”
Loki dreamed for a second to being Odin’s trueborn son. Would the man dislike him as he does today? Would he treat him as an outcast, because of his Frost Giant blood? Perhaps, the old man loved him in a previous life. Was there a lifetime where he was cherished?
Loki could see the appeal of the cycle. It was a form of immortality for every soul born in the nine realms. It provided different chances, different choices. This was proof that life had a random element to it. But someone had tampered with it. Someone thought that they were above the rules of life and death, that they could play with the lives, the souls, of every inhabitant in the Nine Realms.
With fire in his eyes, he asked, “These Shadows were responsible, I presume.”
The Morrigan nodded, “Yes, they were. They decide what happens, they play with your emotions, write out your lives like stories and manipulate you to achieve their optimal outcome, where they get the most energy when the cycle is completed.”
Still uncertain, Loki responded, “What proof do you have of this?”
It might be his imagination, but Loki saw a glimmer of approval in the Morrigan’s eyes, “There are thousands of irregularities if you know where to look. One of which is the fact that tales of you and Thor have existed from before you were even born, before Odin was even born. It wasn’t just empty prophecies, since the tales are different from your current lives, even if your personalities are similar. There are tales of Asgard’s end as well.”
Loki shrugged, “Perhaps you are telling the truth, but I don’t see why this would matter. Ragnarök was always prophesized, even from our Seers. Asgard’s destruction is inevitable. The fact that these Shadows gain the most out of it, is not my problem.”
Thor protested, “Are you serious, brother? Are you telling me that you hate us so much that you would let these monsters play with our lives like that?”
“It’s no different than what the infamous Norns do. They are instruments of Fate, weavers of the tapestry of the nine realms. You did not protest with pretentions of freedoms when you learnt of their existence.”
The green eyed witch snorted, “Who do you think the Norns work for? They are the Seers of Those Who Sit Above in Shadow. They use their gifts to see the possible timelines and choices, and then get the Shadows to manipulate your lives to their preferred outcome. Their prophecies are not issued by Fate. They are not immutable, instead, they are self-fulfilling, by both their sight and the manipulation of the Shadows.”
“Again, why should I care?” Loki knew that he was being callous now, but Asgard had done nothing but bring him pain and despair ever since he was born, “Asgard could burn before my eyes, and I would not bat an eyelash.”
Thor made a noise to protest but the Morrigan silenced him with a look, “Is that so? Even if your mother dies because of your cowardice? You wouldn’t even care about the woman who raised you, that taught you her skills and magic, dying afraid in the dark? Aren’t you a terrible son.”
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The God of Mischief tried not to tremble at the thought, but he failed, judging by the smug look that the witch gave him. The thought of his mother dying because of his indifference unsettled him greatly. It wouldn’t be his fault, not really, but his love for Frigga dwarfed whatever hatred the Prince held for Odin and his manipulations.
However, he was still resistant to the idea of working with his brother once more. Truthfully, he didn’t even trust himself to be able to do so without attempting to kill Thor. It was too ingrained into him. It was his madness that was always ready to burst at any moment.
Loki answered, “Perhaps I am. I could just do nothing and wait for the next cycle. I could be born in my next life with a loving father at the very least. Someone who appreciates me and my skills, who doesn’t disapprove of my magic, who won’t observe me with suspicion in his eyes.”
It was a beautiful dream, having a loving family. It would be so easy to just let go, and live a new life, free of burdens. He could forget the torture he held at the hands of the Mad Titan, his heartbreak from the hateful murmurs of the court. He was always too skinny, too womanly for their tastes. He could forget the sneers he received whenever he used his magic. Perhaps even his madness would be gone in his next life. It’s not a bad deal, all things considered. It was a cowardly move, but Loki never pretended to be brave.
His thoughts were broking by the Morrigan’s neutral tone, “That will never happen.”
She said this with such a surety, such confidence, that Loki was sure that the woman believed her words with absolute certainty. His heart broke when her words registered, and the God of Mischief looked her in the eyes, “Why?”
“Because you’re their favorite Loki. You are their instrument that always brings forth the beginning of the end. They like to keep an eye on you, manipulate you into betraying everyone you have ever loved, to fall into your madness. They whisper in your ears, change your very being, urging you to kill Thor for a throne that deep down, you don’t even want. You always love your brother, but it’s always there lurking in the back of your head, how much your father favors him over you, even if Frigga does the opposite to you.”
Loki’s face paled. How had the witch known about his madness? This wasn’t true. The Jotun kept mumbling, “No. No. No…”
The witch didn’t seem to care and continued, “You are Loki, the God of Mischief, but to them, you are the God of Lies, the God of Betrayal, the God of Chaos. You are their favorite tool. They don’t even consider you to be a person, you are theirs and they know it. They always make sure that you feel misunderstood, alone, and unloved. Envy over your brother’s accomplishments is a natural thing, but not to this scale, not to your scale. If he had mistreated you, then I would understand, but Thor loves you as a brother, more than that, as a trusted friend, Jotun or not, adopted or not. And yet you hate him so much, don’t you? You hate him with every fiber in your body, and you never even thought to ask yourself why you hate him so.”
Loki kept shaking more and more as the Morrigan kept talking. She reminded him eerily of the Mad Titan, in the way she read him so easily, that she found his insecurities and stripped him bare of any disguise. He hated this feeling, he really did, far more than anything Odin had ever done to him.
But looking back, he could see an origin to the madness. His reveal of his heritage as a Jotun. Loki didn’t even know why he started hating Thor because of it. Sure, the blond God of Thunder was very spoilt and arrogant, but he was always good at heart. Why did Loki hate him so?
Was the woman telling the truth? Was he nothing more than a pawn in a game of gods, a weapon to be pointed against his own family? It made too much sense for it to be nonsense. No one knew about the Madness lurking deep in his mind. No one knew about the constant fight he put up to be sane. Were these Shadows responsible for his suffering?
He looked at Thor’s teacher, pleadingly, “Why?”
“Because it’s so easy. They can’t control Thor, and Odin knows of their existence and hence manipulate things to his advantage if he ever finds a way. Your position is the best one, being a Prince of Asgard and yet an outsider at the same time. You are powerful, and yet foolish, Intelligent and yet unwise. In every iteration, Loki Odinson lives an empty life, manipulated by higher beings to destroy his home, causing the collapse of the entire nine realms.”
“Is that why Odin distrusts me so much?”
The Morrigan nodded, “Odin remembers the actions of your predecessors. Wouldn’t you be wary of the man who always kills your family and destroys everything you worked for? Ever since the Shadows took over the cycle, your actions have caused the downfall of Asgard. He looks at you and remembers the misery you caused. He always loves you, that’s the sad part. No matter what you do, he always loves you as his son. He simply waits for the moment you will snap and betray your family as you have done many times before. Sometimes, he’s not even in control. The Shadows do tend to go overboard whenever you are involved. You are their prized weapon, after all. You can’t go out of their control.”
Loki’s eyes, who were tearing up were replaced with steel. His anger was not as maddening as it used to be towards Thor. No, it was cold, calculating. It felt right. He was never the explosive kind. He planned and manipulated to get what he wants and right now, he wants to wipe these Shadows from existence.
The Morrigan spoke once more, “This is the last chance you have to free yourself completely from the Shadows’ control. The last Thor had dealt them a grievous blow, and now, even their Seers are useless. We will never have a better chance at this.”
Thor interrupted him before he could answer, “Are we just going to trust him, after all he has done?”
“Trust my rage, brother. I am no one’s puppet. No one dictates my actions.” The God of Mischief then turned to the witch and gave her a very dangerous smile, “What do you need me to do?”
The woman returned his smile, “I have a plan that you will be perfect for.”
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