Chapter 85: Life and Death
1st September 2005, Bayville
(Jean Grey POV)
“Have you been ill in the last few days?”
“No, Ms. Sayre.”
The history professor was frowning, “Alright, this getting nowhere. Alright, Ms. Grey, can you tell me why did you think it was a good idea to send in a telepathic blast in the middle of a classroom filled with students?”
To say that Jean was caught off guard would be an understatement.
What did she know? How could she know it? Is she a mutant as well? Did she work with Mystique and her mysterious backer? Questions kept flowing in her head. So much so that Jean was starting to lose control over her telepathy again.
She took a deep breath to compose herself. She realized that she was hyperventilating. In through the nose, out through the mouth. She never thought Ms. Munroe’s meditation exercises would be effective for anything. She guessed that she owed her an apology for being so dismissive.
Back to the conversation at hand, she needed to handle this situation delicately. Denying everything was always a good step. Not that she thought it would fool anyone but it would make her history teacher or whoever replaced her reveal more.
Clearing her throat, she answered, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ms. Sayre.”
The black haired woman just smirked at her, “Come on, Jean, can I call you Jean?” Before Jean could deny her request, the history teacher continued, “Okay, Jean, I’m talking about the telepathic blast that would have lobotomized the entire class, maybe even the entire school, had I not intervened.”
This is not going well; she had almost killed her classmates, maybe even the entire school and that was truly horrifying. How many lives would have been lost if it wasn’t for her teacher stopping her. Her lack of control was starting to get really dangerous. She really needs to tell the Professor about it, maybe he would know how to help her. At least she learnt that Ms. Sayre recognized a mental attack. And she was probably the one responsible to putting her to sleep. Jean didn’t know whether to be thankful for it or not. For now, she’ll stay neutral.
“Telepathic blast, Ms. Sayre? Have you been reading some science fiction? You’re not making any sense,” the redhead denied.
The green eyed history teach her gave her a look that made Jean feel like she was being an idiot, “Look, kid, I already know about your kind and about Xavier’s little school.” At Jean’s shocked look, she continued, “Yeah, I know who Charles Xavier really is and what he can do. I have been keeping tabs on him and Erik ever since the mess in Cuba. I can’t believe the two idiots were having an ideological debate in what could have been World War III. Anyway, I had to make sure that neither of them would destroy the damn planet in a foolish attempt to prove that they’re right.”
What is she implying? Who is Erik? What rivalry was she talking about? What happened in Cuba? How does she know so much? Was she part of the government or something?
“But the Professor wouldn’t blow up the planet…”
Ms. Sayre interrupted her, “Kid, everyone has a past, even your professor. He means well, I’ll give you back, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t mess up. Now back to our topic, why did you almost kill everyone in this school with your telepathy.”
Jean refused to answer, to admit of what could have happened because she didn’t confide in anyone about her problems with her powers.
However, her history teacher wasn’t relenting, “I’m not kidding here, you almost killed hundreds of people. Not just people but teenagers who had their entire lives ahead of them. They would have been in agony, trapped in their own minds for what seemed like an eternity, but it would be for just a few seconds outside. In the end, they would just be a vegetable, their bodies would have survived but they will not have any spark of life, they would be dead, maybe they would wish they would be. Even your teammates would suffer the same fate. You would have killed off the entire X-men, you would have killed Xavier’s dreams. Your powers are a responsibility and they should be used appropriately. You almost committed murder here, kid. I need to understand why you would do something like this.”
With every statement, Jean’s will was breaking bit by bit. Her fragile mental shields were cracking over the images of her fellow X-men dying by her hand. Slowly, the pressure built in her mind.
The tables and chairs started floating because of her uncontrollable telekinesis. It was even worse than it had been during class, it was just personal anger at Duncan’s infidelity and her friend’s betrayal. But this was pure and utter devastation.
The pressure kept building up, until it was almost too much for her to try to contain, but then it dissipated completely. The furniture slowly got down and put themselves in their place. It was as in nothing happened. The telepathic burst was stopped somehow. Jean had been afraid of accidentally killing everyone like she had almost done during Ms. Sayre’s lesson.
Suddenly, the dam broke and her emotions ran wild, and she started sobbing in front of her teacher. It didn’t matter that she was practically a stranger. She saved her from committing an atrocity and that was all that mattered. While she was crying, she kept babbling, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. It was getting too much; the voices were too loud. I’m so sorry…”
Her mind was unshielded and the voices returned. Jean closed her mind, praying for the torture to stop. Inside her mind, she heard a voice that was louder than everyone else’, “Jean, listen to me, you need to learn how to control the voices. Imagine speaker in your mind, a giant speaker where all the voices came from.”
Jean didn’t know why she trusted the voice, but it was better than keep hearing the voice. She just followed the voice’s instruction. A giant speaker appeared in her mind. She could feel the noise coming from it, the yelling, the murmuring, everything. The noise was entirely coming from the speakers.
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The voice continued, “Good job, now picture a button connected to the speakers. I’m talking about a button that turns, like the one on a stereo.” When Jean was done, the voice gave her another instruction, “Now this button is the Volume button for the speakers. It controls how loud the voices are. To make sure the volume goes down, all you have to do is turn it counterclockwise. Just like the stereo at home. Now try it.”
Jean kept following the voice’s instruction and slowly but surely, the voices kept quieting down. It was slow but the yelling and screaming started to turn into a normal volume and then into a quiet murmur until finally, all that was left was silence; the speaker was entirely muted.
She opened her eyes, to find green concerned eyes looking at her. The silence was blissful, and all she could do was say, “Thank you.”
Jean’s teacher just chuckled at her, “Don’t worry about it. This trick I taught you is to just regulate the input. You still have not control over the voices. All I did was help you install a small mental trigger to help you control your telepathy. It’s a small trick so that you wouldn’t be overwhelmed, it doesn’t mean in any way that you have actual control over your telepathy. But you have a lot to explain, kiddo; this shouldn’t happen to you at that age.”
The redhead sighed, “I know. I guess I owe you that much. I’ve been having problems with my abilities. They keep fluctuating all the time. I got overwhelmed during the lesson and I guess I just reacted.”
“And by reacting, you almost killed two dozen other students. Can I take a look? You really should have more control, considering how long you’ve had your abilities.”
What? How much did she know? Is she a danger to the institute?
“Relax, kiddo. I’ve known about your abilities and those of your teammate, and the members of the so called brotherhood of mutants,” she snorted at the name, “you’re a telepath and a telekinetic. Summers releases a concussive blast from his eyes, although he has no control over it, Wagner can teleport but is actually blue but is wearing an image inducer, Kitty Pryde can phase through anything, Evan Daniels can bet bones to emerge from his body and Rogue who can absorb the lifeforce of others, along with their powers and some of their memories. You have three other instructors, other than Xavier that is, there’s Ororo Munroe who can control the weather, Logan who can regenerate from pretty much everything and has an Adamantium skeleton, and Henry McCoy also known as Beast, who looks blue and furry. Is that enough? I already pretty much know everything. You need help, Jean, and the fact that you told no one about your problems is telling me that you either don’t trust them or you’re not comfortable enough for their help.”
Jean just gaped at her teacher, she really knew a lot, didn’t she? What does she have to lose? Finally, she just decided to risk it. She really needed help. “For a few months now, I have been having trouble with my powers. They’re kinda inconsistent. One second, they’re too weak, then they get really strong. I don’t know what’s going on. I was afraid to tell the Professor, because he would have banned me from going to school.”
“And he would be right to do so. Your abilities are very powerful but they’re also very dangerous. You could do some serious damage if you lose control.”
At her downtrodden look, the green eyed teacher looked a her in the eyes and said soothingly, “Don’t worry, now. I’ll take a look in your mind and tell you what’s wrong. You seem physically fine so whatever’s happening to you is probably mental. Don’t worry you won’t feel a thing.”
Before she could answer, she felt some kind of presence in her mind. It was faint, far more subtle than the professor’s mind probes. Jean tried to follow it, but couldn’t. It was like trying to grab sand. The moment she felt she was closer to the invading probe; it would escape her once more. A couple of moments later, the pressure in her mind receded and she knew that Ms. Sayre had finished her mental scan.
She took a look at her teacher and her heart fell at the grim look on her face, “Alright kid, I know what’s wrong with you and it’s not pretty.”
“What is it?”
“Sometime when you were younger, Xavier put a block on your power. It made sense; I suppose. I can understand the decision, even if I don’t agree with it. But you can’t change the past.”
At her indigent look, Ms. Sayre explained further, “You’re very powerful Jean, like absurdly so. You truly cannot imagine what you are capable of. Xavier probably assumed that this power is too much of a responsibility for a girl your age to manage and normally he would be right. He probably wanted you to learn control and be responsible enough to use them productively. Trust me, a criminal with your powers could do some serious damage and there are few individuals in the world who could stop them.”
“But happened to the bloc. Is it failing?”
“No,” the history teacher denied, “it’s working exactly as intended. If you were any other mutant, it would have worked perfectly but you’re special, you’re more than just a mutant. And that came with automatic defenses.”
“How am I different?”
“You’re not ready to know that yet.” At her frown, Ms. Sayre sighed and continued, “The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution. What is said cannot be unsaid, and the answers you seek would just overwhelm you. I will tell you when the time is right, as a desperate bid for you to preserve your innocence and your childhood.”
Jean just stayed silent, processing what has been said. She knew that her teacher would not say anything further, “Then how to we fix it. Do I reinforce the bloc somehow?”
“No,” Ms. Sayre denied, “Your bindings are basically like a wooden damn trying to hold down an ocean. What you’ve been experiencing is just a few drops of power that overflowed making your abilities fluctuate in strength. The mental bloc doesn’t just affect your abilities but also certain aspects of your personalities that have been sealed up ever since your childhood. What happened to you now was something that happened to every telepath, even myself and Xavier. But that usually happens when our abilities first showed themselves, which was when we were children. The bindings have shielded you of these attacks until they started to happen again. Normally, when we react the way you do, the worst we could do is cause everyone around up to have a headache, but you are a lot powerful than a child just discovering their abilities. Your reaction was a lot more dangerous to everyone around you.”
“Then do we remove the blocs?”
“Again, no. It would hurt you. You have no idea how truly powerful you are. You would get consumed in your power and would most likely end up killing thousands of people. The only way to solve this, is the same way is to slowly dissolve the bridge, letting you get used to a power level and slowly increase your strength. It’s the only viable solution I have.”
Jean was undecided; she had no idea what to do. Or whether to trust her with undoing the Professor’s bindings. While what he did to her is disgusting, the Professor must have had a reason, and she trusted him with her life. She had to get his side of things.
“I need to talk to the Professor before doing anything.”
The history teacher sighed, “Alright, just be quick about it. This is urgent and the bindings could collapse at any time. I’m telling you, that once you leave this office, what happens to you is your responsibility and if you become a danger to everyone, I will deal with you accordingly.”
The last sentence made a chill travel through her spine; she had no illusion that her teacher would deliver on her threat. She couldn’t help but ask, “Who are you, really?”
Her teacher just smirked, “As I said before, the truth is a beautiful and terrible thing. I’ll tell you who I am when I deem you worthy.”
Jean just sighed at the response and left the classroom. She had a lot to think about and a long conversation ahead of her with the Professor.