Chapter 86: Questions and Answers
1st September 2005, Bayville
(Jean Grey POV)
Jean had no idea what to do. Or whether to trust her with undoing the Professor’s bindings. While what he did to her is disgusting, the Professor must have had a reason, and she trusted him with her life. She had to get his side of things.
“I need to talk to the Professor before doing anything.”
The history teacher sighed, “Alright, just be quick about it. This is urgent and the bindings could collapse at any time. I’m telling you, that once you leave this office, what happens to you is your responsibility and if you become a danger to everyone, I will deal with you accordingly.”
The last sentence made a chill travel through her spine; she had no illusion that her teacher would deliver on her threat. She couldn’t help but ask, “Who are you, really?”
Her teacher just smirked, “As I said before, the truth is a beautiful and terrible thing. I’ll tell you who I am when I deem you worthy.”
Jean just sighed at the response and left the classroom. She had a lot to think about and a long conversation ahead of her with the Professor.
The second she got out of the classroom; Jean felt conflicted. While she was glad with her newfound control over her abilities, her conversation with Ms. Sayre gave her a lot of answers but even more questions. She wanted nothing more than to confront the Professor, get him to explain himself, to confess to messing with her head ever since she was a child.
This explains it now, how unstable she is, how broken she truly feels. A psychic binding at that age would greatly affect anyone, especially a telepath. The Professor told her many times that a telepath was very intimately connected to their own mind. To master her powers, she should master herself. At first, she though it was some wise quote he read somewhere, maybe he was pretending to be Yoda or something, but now she understands that she never had a chance in the first place; Someone defiled her mind, scarred her. She was incomplete and she felt it.
For the first time in years, she was in control. Even if it was just a volume button, she could finally think in silence. She had forgotten what silence felt like, there was always this buzzing in the background, the constant thoughts of others that were always trying to let themselves known in her mind.
Finally at peace, she could think without interruption. She started to analyze her behavior, her actions, her actions in the past, and it left her horrified. She started with her relationship with Duncan. She her feelings for him felt artificial, far more different from her feelings for her parents. It was like they were in black in white instead of in color. It was disturbing. She traced back her feelings for him and discovered its source. It was slow but she started to get her feelings whenever she was near the cheerleading squad. Oh God, she had passively mimicked her classmate’s desires and tried to fulfill them herself. No wonder she never got physical with him; she subconsciously knew that she didn’t have any feelings for him.
Holy shit, it was like a veil was lifted, her extra-curricular activities filled this pattern. She became a cheerleader because the other girls wanted to be ones, she joined the soccer team, the basketball team and the field hockey team. What was she thinking? It was pure madness to try keeping this schedule. And she wasn’t passionate about a single one of those activities. How many of her decisions were truly hers? How many of her mannerisms are hers? Is she Jean Grey? Is there even a Jean Grey, or is she just a poor copy of everyone around her?
Jean felt nauseous and felt like she couldn’t breathe. She needed to get out of here. Jean just realized that she was in her math class. When did she get there? She was sitting in the middle of class, like always. Was that her decision to do that? It was so not the time to second guess everything. She felt like she was going to vomit, she just raised her hand and spoke, “Mr. Daniels, can I go to the restroom, please?”
The man looked at her probably pale face figuring out that something was wrong, just nodded and completed his explanation like nothing happened. She ignored Scott’s concerned gaze on the back of her head and slowly got out of class. Once she was outside, she ran to the restroom and emptied the contents of her stomach.
This was the worst thing that ever happened to her, to discover that she was truly broken. She looked back and understood her parent’s attitude towards her. The still loved her but after the accident and Annie’s death, her powers were incontrollable. Thank goodness she couldn’t user her telekinesis back then, or she might have killed someone. But after the Professor’s treatment, she acted different, she was different and it freaked her parents out. It wasn’t the fact that she was a mutant that terrified them but the fact that she became a true stranger to them and they blamed her powers for it.
Oh God, she was a terrible daughter. She had to fix this somehow. But how can she become whole? How can she become herself after almost a decade of living like a puppet to her surroundings? She needed to talk to the professor. She can’t keep living like this. She now knew that she was broken. Was it a mistake for her to know? Would it have been better if she kept living a lie? No, Jean decided, now that she knows, she can fix it. She can stop being a puppet. But first, she needs to speak with the professor, to understand what he did so she could slowly reverse it. He had a lot to explain.
If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.
She attended her next classes, waiting for the bell to ring, to get back to the mansion and confront the Professor. But her identity crisis aside, she had another mystery in the name of Jasmine Sayre, her history teacher. And while she was thankful for her aid, she was a complete stranger to Jean. She was a terrific teacher and had a way with words that made you respect her. But she was also a telepath and maybe even a telekinetic like her, considering how the classroom was unharmed after her outburst.
Maybe her suspicions were unfounded and she was simply trying to help her. She could help her train. She definitely knew her stuff, and her offer was attractive. She was someone who knew what she was talking about, considering how easily she recognized Jean’s problem and helped her. But she had learnt her lesson after the Professor, she needed to know to trust her first. Ms. Sayre definitely knew more than what she said and that made her wary. But it was nice to have her offer as a back up plan, if things go sideways and she was out of her depth.
The bell interrupted her train of thoughts regarding her history teacher. The first day of school was over, it was time to get back to the mansion. She walked out in silence to Scott’s car. She waited for Scott, Rogue, Kitty and Kurt to get there. She sat in the front seat, as usual, and strangely admired the road around her. Everything was clearer now. How could that make sense? How does understanding that her life has been a lie ever since she was eight years old change how she sees the world? She’s still broken, still not herself, she shouldn’t feel like this.
As if sensing her thoughts, Scott spoke up, “Jean,” he said in a concerning tone, “Are you alright?”
Jean just gave him a blank look, raising her eyebrow, and he continued, “It’s just that you haven’t been yourself.”
“I’m sorry,” Jean apologized in a hoarse tone; oh shit, other than excusing herself to her math teacher, she hadn’t spoken a word ever since her conversation with Ms. Sayre, “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“Anything, I can help you with?” Scott answered. He was always a helpful guy, but he was so clingy and always treated her like she was some sort of flower. Sometimes, Jean felt like punching him for underestimating her so much. And whenever she got hurt, he just abandons everyone and just jumps in her rescue, even if she wasn’t hurt, or really in danger. It was very frustrating. She knew that he has a crush on her but this is getting ridiculous.
“No,” Jean replied, “I just need to speak to the Professor.”
Scott just nodded, “Yes, the Professor will probably know what to do.”
Jean silently nodded at his answer. She never noticed it before but Scott had an unwavering confidence in professor Xavier. It was like he could do no wrong in his mind. Did she feel the same way, before her eyes were opened? Because now she sure as hell is not disillusioned anymore considering what is happening to her and how much of her situation was because of the Professor.
The question is that if the Professor knew what he was doing to her, what he was turning her into. Because if he did, if he knew what was happening, then she couldn’t stay at the same place as him. She would leave the mansion. She can’t stay in a place where someone had violated her in such a way. Even if he was innocent and he didn’t mean to do this, the man had killed her. Maybe not physically, but he destroyed her personality, stopped her emotions.
The rest of the ride was in silence. Kitty and Kurt were arguing as usual. Rogue, on the other hand, was ignoring the world around her and put on her headphones. She was in a world of her own.
They arrived to the mansion, and Jean was starting to get antsy. She was both looking forward to her conversation with the Professor but she was also nervous at the answer she would get. She found Ms. Munroe, sitting down on the sofa; she was probably taking care of Evan, also known as Spike, who was sick all day, much to his delight. The guy really needs to study and stop goofing off all the time, he almost failed his classes last year and he only passed because his aunt, Storm, decided to personally tutor him.
“Ms. Monroe, do you know where the Professor is? I want to talk to him about something,” Jean asked.
The white haired woman smiled at her, “Yeah, he’s downstairs, with Logan and Doctor McCoy.”
When she went towards the normally hidden entrance to ‘downstairs’ which pretty much had Cerebro, the danger room, and the X-men equipment, Scott ran up to her, “Let me join you. I wanted to ask Dr. McCoy about his upgrades to my glasses. He told me he should be done today.”
Jean could sense his lie and she was a bit miffed at him. She’s really trying to be understanding of his crush but there has to be boundaries and she feels like he’s trying to spend time with her whenever it’s possible. She sighed inwardly; this was not the time for this.
She took the elevator and entered the ‘secret’ corridor and the usual metallic silver greeted her eyes. She really needed to speak to someone about redecorating this thing. It looked futuristic and everything but it lacked character. On the right, she could see the entrance to the hidden garage, containing the infamous Blackbird, and a lot of odd vehicles they used for missions over the years.
They walked towards Dr. McCoy’s office and heard the Professor’s voice, “Are you sure about this, Hank?”
“Yes. Charles, Mystique’s message is true; Magneto is missing.”
Who was Magneto? What are they talking about and why are they in communication with Mystique? Jean only knew her to be the leader of the Brotherhood of mutants, a group of young mutants, who also attend Bayville High, that use their powers to their own benefits.
Jean heard the professor hum, “This is really worrying. Misguided as he might be, Magneto was a very powerful mutant. The presence of a foe capable of capturing him makes me nervous.”
With that in mind, both teachers came out of their room, to find Scott and Jean waiting for them.
“Professor,” Jean called out, “are you free? There are a few things I need to speak with you.”
“Of course, Jean. I’m always available to help my students.”
Before they could have their talk, some sort of giant purple ball materialized in the middle of the corridor. When it opened up, it revealed that inside, was some sort of blue man, probably a mutant, and a man in red wearing some sort of metal helmet.
“Get out of here now,” the professor called out, “Run…”
The man in the metal helmet just raised his hand and the professor’s wheelchair was sent towards the bubble. Was he a telekinetic too? Jean tried to summon back the Professor but was quickly overpowered and their foes had the Professor in their grasp.
Scott just released his glasses, making his eyes released a concussive blast towards them, to Dr. McCoy’s protest, who yelled out, “No!!”
The purple ball closed up and disappeared before the beam could reach them. Instead, it hit Cerebro, causing an explosion that engulfed the whole floor.
The last thing she saw was the fire going towards her, and then darkness. It seems like she won’t be getting her answers today.