Chapter 8: Filth
There I was, surrounded on all sides by murderous machines, preparing to meet my end, when the god finally spoke to me. I hadn’t heard them since the start of this mistake, yet Shiquoth seemed oddly unconcerned with the situation. Did they not understand or was it a simple lack of caring? Either way, the situation remained hopeless as the roaring danger grew closer. My leg was aflame yet growing cold, and a fountain of crimson liquid gushed forth to pool on the dirt beneath me. I bit down and let out a sob. Every time I tried to move it felt wrong, the missing limb failing to support me.
You have invited demise. But I do not permit you to perish. Survive and serve me.
The god was anything but helpful. How did it expect me to survive? I was mortally wounded, surrounded, disarmed and dislegged. It was hopeless.
“There’s nothing I can do. There are too many of them and I have no way to fight back. What are you expecting from me, that I run?”
Recover your weapon. It is behind you. Keep them at bay.
I don’t know why I moved. It was useless, I was going to die anyway, and I would only be prolonging my suffering, exactly what this evil god would want, but I still moved. I pushed my right leg against the ground and used my arms to flip myself over onto my stomach. The front of my outfit quickly grew sickeningly damp, but I ignored it. I grunted and forced myself forward, dirt digging into my nails as I crawled across the ground, left leg screaming in protest. But I had to move. These things weren’t going to make my death quick or painless, so I might as well survive. That’s what my god wanted, after all. My eyes scanned the shadows ahead, and eventually caught the slightest shimmer of silver. The roaring was growing louder, slowly but steadily. I desperately dragged myself towards the sliver of hope. I was panting and lightheaded, but what I needed to do remained clear.
I grabbed the wand and pointed it towards where the closest sound was coming from. A heartless red glow stared back at me, but before I could fire it dashed behind a tree. I turned to aim in the opposite direction only for the other robot to do the same. Worse, they both went quiet. I instinctively turned to find the first one trying to sneak around while I wasn’t looking, and once again it moved to hide from me. I yelled out in frustration, pain, and fear. They were getting closer. Even if I could stop one, the other would use the opening to make its way towards me. And they were too cautious, not leaving an opening for me to attack. If I couldn’t break one, stop it from advancing, then they would quickly corner me. And even if I did, that would only buy me time to bleed to death. I didn’t even know what the third robot was doing, the one with my leg. Was it still motionless? Watching? I couldn’t think and couldn’t care. It wasn’t a threat. I spun and aimed at the second one again to keep it from approaching.
“What now?”
I had no ideas and needed help.
Destroy them.
I was doomed.
I quickly turned to face the first robot, and it took cover just as quickly.
“Stop hiding you cowards! Useless hunks of scrap! Fucking face me!”
It was desperate, pathetic, and obviously didn’t work. The machines didn’t care that I was slandering them. They had no pride to hurt; only a methodical determination to kill. I was just prey, and I felt embarrassed for even trying. Cold tears ran down my cheeks. The other one would already be sneaking up behind me, but I didn’t have the energy left to stop it. I was tired. Maybe that was for the best. I could just close my eyes, and then none of it would need to be real.
“Over there!”
Suddenly, a new voice cut through the darkness, and shortly after a flash of orange did the same. A young girl in a bright outfit ran towards me from across the clearing. Two more followed behind her, one in pink and the other in purple. Magical girls. Probably the ones on patrol.
Heretical filth has arrived. They might save you. If you are lucky.
Shiquoth did not sound convinced, but I felt nothing but relieved. Help had arrived. They raced over, and as they got close they kept their focus trained behind me. They were on guard. Was it the other robot, the one with my leg? The girl in pink seemed to notice something and then looked down at me in horror.
“Oh my god, her leg! It has her leg! We have to help!”
“Hold on” replied the one in orange, “it sounds like we’re not supposed to? Maybe? I don’t get it.”
“What do you mean you don’t get it?! She’s dying! I’m not going to leave a fellow magical girl like that, no matter what the Lords say. If she’s fighting the machines then that makes her a friend.”
“I get that, but…”
“Enough” the girl in purple cut in. “I am the leader, and I have no issue with her. We are going to help. Friendship, you take care of first aid. Dentinella, help me with the machine.”
It sounded like I was lucky after all. Orange wasn’t quite on my side, but pink and purple were willing to help. They missed something though. I had to warn them.
“Wait” I coughed out. They all stopped and looked at me. “Two more. Hiding. Left and right.”
My voice was hoarse and I was short on breath, but I managed to get it out. The girls formed a circle around me, backs to each other, readied their various weapons, and scanned the trees. A raging whir sounded out, and the machines revealed themselves. I guess they were preparing for a fight.
“Okay, new plan. Friendship, first aid then recover the leg. That one doesn’t seem to be moving. Dentinella and I will each take one of the others. Go.”
And with that, the other two girls dashed off while pink kneeled beside me. I got a good look at her face and realized something.
“Oh. Madam Friendship. From the news.”
“Quiet, quiet. You’re, uh, gonna be okay. I have to stop the bleeding first, right?”
All of the confidence she showed earlier seemed to suddenly vanish. Is she even qualified for this? I was starting to lose confidence myself. She reached down, then visibly looked away from the open wound and tightly grabbed my leg.
Pain flashed, causing me to yelp and kick out with what I could. Madam Friendship flinched and let go.
“Sorry! Sorry. Did that hurt? I guess it would, wouldn’t it. Um, should I do it more gently? But it needs pressure, right?”
I glared at her. “I’m dying. Just fucking do something.”
“Right, right. Sorry. Um, I might actually have something for this.” She dug through a frilly pink bag hanging from her waist before pulling out a salmon colored band of nylon with a clasp and small rod on one side. Why didn’t she just get that from the start?
The Pink Lord’s trash. This one is especially incompetent. Their assistance will be crucial regardless. But do not feel thankful.
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For once, I was inclined to agree with Shiquoth’s sudden scathing review. Maybe it wasn’t a nice way to look at my savior, but so far she wasn’t making me feel very saved.
The girl wrapped the strap around my thigh, secured it, and then started twisting the rod to tighten the apparatus. It hurt, but I was ready this time and grit my teeth. Compared to losing the leg, this was nothing. But still, she kept apologizing.
“Sorry. I’m Sorry.”
It annoyed me, but now wasn’t the time to complain. When she was done, I could hardly feel what remained of my leg, and then she dug through her bag and pulled out a metallic syringe filled with red liquid.
“Alright, now this might sting a little, but I’m going to give you some blood.”
Vile sewage. But necessary.
I didn’t comment, not even when she asked for permission to inject it, but after she did, a sudden wave of euphoria washed over me. My heart raced, my body heated up, my breaths grew deeper, and the pain dulled. It felt like electricity was racing through my veins as every corner of my body came back to life. I almost thanked her, and then stopped when I remembered that I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe I should have, but disobeying Shiquoth once was what got me here to begin with. Though maybe that wasn’t so bad. After all, I was feeling GREAT.
“You should be stable now. Apparently, um, the effects will wear off in a bit? I don’t know, but I need to go get your leg. Uh, yell if you need anything. I’ll be back soon.”
And with that, Madam Friendship stood up, drew a silvery sword from her waist, and then ran off in the direction of the third robot, the one with the rest of my leg. I couldn’t do much, and the world spun when I tried to get up, so I just lay there and watched the orange girl fight. I think they called her Dentinella.
She was swinging around what looked like a spiked bat, but each long, glistening nail was capped with a pearly white tooth. Gross. The robot tried to dodge, but was slightly too slow as she swung down, crushing the robots head. It reeled back, but despite the damage the machine continued to move effortlessly. The metallic skull dangled limply from its neck, and the singular eye began to flash and spark, but the machine betrayed no concern for the direction of its gaze. Were those not eyes after all? Then how else would it see? How could it even move like that? The orange girl seemed to have a similar question.
“I broke its head, why is it still alive?!”
“They aren’t alive! They’re machines!” Yelled back the girl in purple. “Their processors aren’t in the heads either! Just break the whole thing!”
“Got it!” And then the orange girl charged forward and swung her bat again, but this time the robot nimbly dodged out of the way.
I looked over to watch the purple girl, and she was fighting a lot more carefully. Maintaining a safe distance, she kept her long rapier trained directly on the machine. She would thrust forward, only for it to dodge back. It would lunge forward, maw wide and teeth spinning, only for her to sidestep and jab into its body. Could she even break it like that? Maybe there was some magic at work, but it was less fun to watch. I turned back to Dentinella, who continued her reckless assault. Behind me, Madam Friendship call out “Hey, get back here!” I guess the one with my leg was running. I hope she can catch it, not that it would listen to her. Suddenly, Dentinella’s robot made a mistake, trying to dodge straight into a tree. She quickly caught it with a swing to the side before it could recover, pulverizing the steel and causing the machine to crumple. She got it!
“One down! I’m coming to help, Mary!”
“Rosemary! Use the full name! And help Friendship first, I have this handled!”
Odd that she would use a shortening herself despite that insistence. It would be nice to have my leg back soon though. Not that I needed it anymore. I was feeling just peachy. But the fight was really dragging on, and I was getting a bit bored. And tired.
“How much longer is this supposed to take anyway?”
Consider it over.
Before I could ask what Shi meant, four thin beams of light simultaneously pierced Rosemary’s robot, swirling and eviscerating it. The other girls cried out behind me, and I assumed the one they were chasing met a similar fate. I looked for where the beams came from, and out of the darkness emerged a familiar figure.
“Nightingale!” I chimed.
It was so nice to see her. She had all of her eyes out, but I didn’t mind too much. Slowly, she walked over and squatted in front of me, staring into me in every way should could. She looked sad, but I couldn’t tell why. I was safe now though, and could finally relax.
“You’re a damned fool, Rebecca” she whispered.
I smiled back, and slowly drifted to sleep.
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When I came to, I was already home. Outside of home, specifically. Hidden away in some of the bushes out back. With a gasp, I sat up and grabbed for my leg; it was there. No pain, not even a scar, almost as though everything that happened was a dream. But it wasn’t, and I knew as much. I had made a terrible mistake. Many of them.
I looked down at my lap to find my wand resting there, unblinking, and I remembered what Nightingale had told me. What she had insisted I remember. ‘Don’t lose it.’ But I lost it, and lost my leg shortly after. She was right, I truly am a fool. I had to make sure I would never lose it again. Slowly, I stood up. I was exhausted, but the motion felt a lot easier than it should have been. I checked the windows for lights as I made my way to the back door, but saw nothing. We usually left this door unlocked, even though we shouldn’t, but I still didn’t want to be caught sneaking in. Would anyone be awake? I had no idea.
“Lord Shiquoth, what time is it?”
I am not a clock, Maiden. Do not attempt to use me as one.
I hated to admit it, but that made sense, as unhelpful as it was. Carefully, I opened the door and slipped inside. The house was dark and quiet. I tiptoed up to my room, and eased the door shut so as to not make any noise. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked down as I rolled the wand in my hand. It couldn’t look back up at me, but I knew it wanted to. I didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t want to do this. But the longer I spent replaying what happened in my mind, and the horrors that followed, the more I understood what I had to do. So I reached down and grabbed the eye. It felt disgusting to hold, just like before, but I couldn’t let that stop me. I tore it off the spike with greater ease than I expected, and then watched the eye sit in my palm as I dropped the now empty wand to the floor.
“Lord Shiquoth, how do I do this? How do I add the eye… to my body?”
I felt sick putting it into words.
Open a wound. Affix the catalyst. Devote it to me. I will make it yours.
I froze. A wound? A wound. The god was telling me to fucking cut myself and stick this disgusting, sentient eyeball under my skin. It was a cruel joke. I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it.
But I had to.
No, there was no way I was going to hurt myself like that. To disfigure my own body. To personally put the blade against my flesh.
But worse things would happen if I didn’t.
Surely there was another way. This couldn’t be normal. Nobody in their right mind would do this.
But I knew it was the truth. So I walked back to the door and opened it.
This wasn’t right.
I made my way downstairs.
I was making another mistake.
I walked into the kitchen.
A permanent mistake that I would regret forever. More than anything else.
And I picked up a knife.
Every fiber of my being was screaming, tearing me in opposite directions, any direction other than the one I was headed in.
My hands shook as I set down the eye, moving the knife into my left and staring into my right. How deep would it need to be? I didn’t know.
I knew this was a bad idea.
So before I could have second thoughts, I lined up the knife, took a sharp breath, and cut. Straight across the middle, thumb to pinky, about half an inch deep. It stung. But rather than the pain in my right hand, the pain in my left was worse. The feeling of cutting open flesh, my own flesh, with my own hand. Forcing apart skin and sinew with a tool designed for violence. Penetrating and violating my own body. I cried and the wound cried.
I dropped the knife and grabbed the eye, pressing it into the opening so this could all be over. I felt my skin give way as a revolting object forced it apart, and I prayed.
“Please, Lord Shiquoth. I offer you this wound, so please give me the eye.”
I did not receive a response, but I could feel it. The bulging sphere twisted and squirmed before settling into place, and my palm quickly deflated back to a natural size, almost as though there were nothing intruding in it. The eye turned towards me, and as I looked down at it I looked back up at myself.
My pulse quickened.
I blinked and watched myself blink.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.
I cried blood and watched as my face grew red.
I needed to scream, but could not allow myself to be heard.
I shut my eyes, closed my palm, and curled up on the floor.
Everything was dark, just as it should be, but I was still a monster.