I have stood in front of this massive pile of shit for at least an hour now! I have my grimoire in hand and it tells me step by step on the page how to operate the spell. Only the instructions are so fucking obscure. Allow the mana of the world to enter your body it says. Let the mana flow down your arm and gather in your hand it says. Imagine the mana connecting itself to the shit it says. Then it has a nice little incantation to ease the burden of the mana on my body. 

Well fuck! Even a five year old can use mana in such a way. Putting mana into mana stones is how everything operates! Put mana into a water stone and it generates water, put mana into a fire stone and it generates fire! Yet when I try to allow the mana to flowing into my arm to gather in my hand it simply explodes! I can see my own mana and it just won't work. I can't form a connection with shit! That's fucking disgusting! 

In my frustration I'm gathering mana into my hand. I wish this shit would just explode, go away damn it! I don't want to have this damned magic!

*BOOM*

Shit was just flung all over my face. My magic worked without an incantation, I should be happy. I would be happy if it wasn't  for the taste of shit in my fucking mouth! I think I'm going to throw up. 

"Gaaaaaaaaaaah" in my frustration it seems I'm losing myself again. Fuck it all. Just fuck this shit and my damned shitty magic. My vision is turning red again. Ah, I'm not even going to resist this rage. Damn it all!

***

*Phew*

*Phew*

*Phew 

It's this familiar feeling again. My chest is heavy. My eyes are clearing up. I feel a lot better after that tantrum. 

I look around me and my blood runs cold. I'm so screwed. In my anger it seems I had flung the shit everywhere. That might be good if I had done it over the flower garden. Well fuck me! How long was I blinded by my rage that I could create such a monstrosity?!

Those previously pristine white marble steps. Those epic statues. The green grass. The clear windows. All of it is now colored in a layer of brown. I'm dead. I'm already smashing my head into the ground and praying for rain. It still isn't raining.

I hear the front entrance open. It's my grandpa... he has a paddle that is as long as a man's leg. I gulp involuntarily when I see his serious expression. This isn't going to be pretty. Time to run.

"Ya lil' fucker don't you try and get your ass away from me!" God why couldn't I have a magic that makes me faster?!

*Smacking and incomprehensible screams of agony*

***

I'm waddling back to my room. I think I won't be able to sit down for another week. I didn't eat dinner and I had to scrub the walls of the academy until spotless. To be honest I never finished but it is already too dark to do anything more about it. I want to sleep but I seriously smell like shit and I'm covered in it.

Fuck this world. Fuck magic! Isn't this too much? 

With a sigh I grab a pair of clean clothes. I'm heading to the showers right down the hall. 

The bathroom isn't bad really quite nice. Spacious and has many mirrors. The perfume makes me think of a women's room but whatever. Probably just the smell of a cleaning agent. 

I pump enough mana into a water stone for a half an hour long shower. I rub at my skin so hard it almost bleeds. I want to get the stench of shit off of me. Fucking world. Isn't magic meant to make our lives easier?! Damn. 

I dry off and put on some clean clothes before tossing my dirty clothes into a trash bin. There is no way that many shit stains will ever wash out. 

I do a swan dive onto my bed before passing out. It's going to be tough. I can already taste the shit in my mouth. I hate this.

***

I woke up this morning to being poked in the side. I turn over to see my grandfather. He is snuggled up next to me. His wrinkly face is only a couple inches from my own. Damn that's fucking creepy. What is he poking me with? My blood runs cold when I remember the phrase "I'll be an ancient relic that is stiff as can be." 

I'm already out of bed. I think I'm about to die. Wait, he's not hard. He is just holding that paddle. I loose breathe of relief. Wait. Paddle? Fuck!

"This is your wake up call boyo! Can't have shit covering the building and stinking up the place now can we?" He slaps the paddle onto his open palm. I jump. 

After getting beat with that thing before there is no way I'm going to let it happen again! I'm already out of the door. I look at the large clock in the main hall. It says 5:30 A.M.. Think you could've at least given me some time to rest after yesterday! 

I'm now on the ladder I had gotten out yesterday. I have a bucket and a water stone in my hand. I also have a few rags hanging out my pockets. Time for some monotonous work. Damn it!

Fill the bucket. Toss water. Scrub. Repeat. Fill the bucket. Toss water. Scrub. Repeat. Fill the bucket. Toss water. Scrub. Repeat. Fill the bucket. Toss water. Scrub. Repeat.

***

I have been moving around cleaning up my mess and all I can say is I'm hungry and that my hands hurt. I don't want to sound like a masochist but I like the pain in my muscles. It beats having shit fly into your face. Speaking of which, after yesterday my magic has improved. I have to use an incantation but I'll get it one out of every twenty tries... this sucks. If I could use my magic I wouldn't have to use such a monotonous cleaning method.

I seriously am despising my magic. I mean I know that learning magic is hard work but isn't it better to work hard knowing you'll get somewhere? What am I working towards? Shit! Literally! 

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I shake my head before going down and sitting on one of the few clean sections of the stairs. I lie on my back because I'm so tired and... I'm so hungry. I already missed breakfast by now and I missed dinner yesterday. Not to mention dinner time isn't until a few hours. So... damn... hungry... I close my eyes in the hopes to nap away my hunger.

*Growl~~~*

"Shh stomach. Just blame that wrinkly old man. It's his fault I tell ya. Crazy fucker is into some nasty shit. And now he is getting off to tormenting me. *shivers running down spine*" I talk to myself out of despair before shivers run down my spine at the thought of the old me getting off to me playing with shit.

I feel something heavy land on my stomach. It hurts! I open my eyes to see the very devil himself! My grandfather is staring down at me with a smile. He has his foot on my stomach. "Who's this 'old man' you were talking about? *stomp* Who's this 'crazy fucker' that dares to torment my lovely grandson! *repeated stomping*" Help! He won't stop crushing my stomach. I'm crying out in pain but no one is here to help me! Fuck!!!

My vision is going dark. Suddenly his stomping stops, my whimpers continue. I hear something drop next to my head. "A gift from a crazy old fucker." I hear him say this. Now he is walking away. Crazy old man! Has me playing with shit then he beats me up! Now he is giving me gifts! I can't keep my eyes open to see what it is. I'm getting sleepy. I need to sleep off this pain...

***

I open my eyes and there it is. A picnic basket. It has to be at least two cubic feet. It's pretty big for a picnic basket. I would open it and dig right in if that old man wasn't the one who had given it to me. I'm fighting hunger here. That is exactly why I simply cannot win.

I open the basket with caution. There are stacks of cutely cut and stacked sandwiches, some fruit, and those cute little hotdog octopi on top of steamed vegetables. Was this really made by my sadistic grandfather? It all looks too perfect... yet I can't stop myself from grabbing a sandwich. I take a bite.

If heaven could be compressed into a sandwich this would be that sandwich. What kind of sorcery is this? No, really. There is no way he made this without the assistance of magic. Whatever.

Before I knew it I had already eaten everything in the basket. I can't help but give words to my satisfaction, "So fucking tasty!"

"I know your grandmother can make a mean sandwich. It's an all natural aphrodisiac, god I love that woman." My grandfather startled me. Was he sitting behind me the entire time? Wait...

"A-aphrodisiac?" I was tricked again! Fuck!

"Her lovey-dovey magic is quite masterful. So, enjoy the sandwiches? Good aren't they?" Don't say that to me with a smile! Old pervert! You drugged me! 

"Don't worry I'm here to suppress all the blood rushing to your little pecker. Hehehe..  I remember when I made your father try and suppress it himself to help him hone his blood magic. Good times..." I think I just saw a glimpse of the past in those beady eyes my grandfather has. It wasn't pretty.

***

It's been a couple days since I was drugged by my grandfather and I've now made it a habit to arrive at the cafeteria on time. No other students are here yet so I just sit by myself at breakfast and dinner. I finish cleaning everything yesterday too. And this morning I found another pile of shit where the other one was last time. My grandfather is persistent.

Now I wasted a good few days and I still need to move shit. I've opted for physical labor. A shovel is a lot more reliable than my shit magic. I guess it defeats the purpose but I don't care.

***

Three days before school starts now. Some students have been arriving but I only see them at breakfast and dinner time. I have yet to meet my roommate. I am done shoveling and spreading shit. I had worked deep into the night to finish the job. I now have three days to rest my sore shoulders on my bed. It might seem inconsiderate but I seem to have developed a habit of walking around my room naked.

I'll have to fix my new habit before my roommate gets here. He will probably want to kill me. Whatever, after the last few stressful days it's nice to just let it all "hang free" I suppose. I'm scum... what do I care? Won't kill anyone. Just me here for now anyway.

***

It is around noon and the day before school starts. I'm lying on my bed, naked. I'm going to just stare at my ceiling. Having peace and quiet is the best.

*Click-click-Creak~~~*

Fuck the door just unlocked. It's opening. I can't get covers over myself in time! Standing there in the doorway is a beauty. Her busty chest, hourglass figure, and flaming red hair. She is standing there with her bags and I'm completely naked on my bed. I think it looks like I'm striking a modeling pose. 

She just ran out of the room after dropping her bags. I can hear her screaming, "Pervert! Exhibitionist! Help!" Fuck. I finally meet a girl my age and her first impression is that I'm pervert. Wait. She went to get help... Oh fuck. I'm dead. I'll be lynched! I'm still thirteen I don't want to be castrated! 

I can hear the voices of angry women. It's an angry mob! They are calling out, "Off with his head!" Only I'm scared of which head they are talking about. Help me!!!!! I swear it's a misunderstanding!

{CHAPTER END}

[NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]

[I Swear It's a Misunderstanding!]