I definitely got the better deal if you think about things. I still don’t know if my crown was magic or not but this axe definitely has the special something something if you know what I mean.

It's gorgeous – the handle and blade are both wooden, the tip surprisingly sharp. Even more exciting, there’s carvings all across it and what looks like pink sap squeezed into the carved lines. The lines are nonsense – a spiral of loops and curves filled in with pink…but they look amazing. Kind of like a drawing of vines mixed with a fractal?

Supposedly this axe can cut through wood with barely any effort as well – but it has to be watered daily because it’s still living or…something?

I don’t know. All I do know is this is real magic and had the easiest looking requirement to buy it. We need a name for Miss axe. Maxy? Maxie? Sure. Let’s go with Maxie.

I make a practice swing – carefully – and smile and how nice Maxie feels. Slightly slippery but oh so smooth. Rubbing my hands up and down her slick body I realize my skill is activating in a muted sort of manner. I'm half activating it – there's nothing to stick this to currently so it's almost defaulting to sticking to me. Useful! My grip is actively getting better the more I rub the handle. I wouldn’t want the axe to slip out of my hands. Safety first and all that. Happy little accident.

Alright. We are here. The middle of the forest. Deep in the jungle stalking our prey. It was a grand journey but we made it. Was anyone left behind? Anyone have eyes on Dairy? Okay I think we are ready to get chopping.

There we go. That tree looks good. Smaller than the others – I’ve already decided no matter what I need to keep one tree just for the aesthetic and this one is stunted. Survival of the fittest.

The sun is starting to set already – what the heck happened to the day? I thought I had plenty of time left – but we should be able to chop down a few of the trees before bed in preparation for tomorrow’s building. Light is filtering through the branches above casting glowing beams of beauty across the air. Fairy environment out here boosting everything.

Yes that’s what I was implying. I think construction has to be put off till tomorrow. I’m sad too – I kept getting distracted – but I think the day was still productive. No buli!

I swing a few more times staring at my victim and think about how much work I did today. You want to know something weird? I’m suddenly ravenously craving chocolate. I really hope I can find it on the safe market – I’m not allowed eating anything from the fairy one.

Maybe I can get some when I’m done chopping. A little treat before bed – should probably see if I can buy toothbrushes as well. Dental hygiene is very important.

Walking closer to my victim I stare at one of the gnarled trunks in front of me. The whole bottom half is allllll root – I don’t know where to even start at all.

How about I go around in a circle? That seems like a good woodcutting pattern…Let's just go for it okay?

Slowly I walk around the tree swinging my axe and cutting those pesky roots in shallow swipes…it’s getting harder to aim inwards as I go. I’m well aware I’m cheating with this super axe – but it's not easy despite that! Maxie is kind of V shaped on the front so if I swing too slowly the wood squeezes in and grabs hold of the head. For some reason that’s not a problem when swinging as hard as I can – but trying to carve things carefully is still a problem.

I finally remember seeing pictures of woodcutters sort of making a V into a tree so it falls in one direction.

I’ve been doing the beaver technique of chewing around the entire trunk.

I think I’ve picked the proper method if I’m being honest. This trunk is like a meter wide – no way I can carve into the middle without chopping off these outer roots.

The axe slices through thick knots like butter and I’m reminded of those woodworking videos that pop up on my feed. Do you ever get those? They dunk knotted trunks into epoxy and then sort of spin them to make pots or tables or things…I don’t know why I get them and I don’t know why I watch them…

As I cut my “V” – I really don’t know what these are called – grows bigger. I keep slicing off new strips that fly away back and forth.

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

…I’m so glad Triboadhesion is increasing my grip. Without it, I’m confident Maxie would have flown out of my hands multiple times.

Is it done yet?

Come onnn this is getting ridiculous…I expected woodcutting to be some effort but not this much! I’m getting tired but I refuse to end before my prey has fallen!

Finally after what feels like hours – probably wasn’t thaaat long but you know – it’s done.

A heavy weight seems to fall over me causing my measured swings to pause. I listen carefully to the first of the creaking noises and quickly run away. The tree has been making slight creaks up till now but these are definitely more on the crunchy side. The crackles get louder the whole tree beginning to tip towards the water.

Suddenly it starts to fall, several loud snaps ringing out as it tilts through the air away from me.

I hide behind a tree for safety and giggle brushing Maxie’s blade while watching my handy work.

Timmberrr! For real this time!

As soon as it started to fall it was over. Its Jover. Momentum kicked in and dragged it down the rest of the way.

That crash…it was louder than I was expecting. The destruction was satisfying and yet…I feel heavy.

The tree falling fills me with exhilaration but…I’m also strangely sad as it goes. I’m so satisfied I managed to cut the tree without help…but it's also kind of sad? Is that dumb? It was stunted but I still thought it was kind of majestic. A great beast I slew for its corpse. I bow my head for a second in respect then rush over to see the damage.

My victim caught on one of the innocent bystanders as it fell, ripping off several branches in its path. It then bounced off and spun as it landed, rolling to the side and flattening some of the foliage.

For some reason it looks bigger like this. Bigger than it was standing up I mean – I don’t think it’s the space effecting it I think I just didn’t appreciate how big it was when the top was all hidden high above.

I now have a new question.

How am I going to transport this? How will I butcher my kill? For some reason the idea of cutting it down filled my head – the idea of processing it afterwards slipped my mind. A minor problem I’d leave for future me.

Well now I am future me! Future me is not amused at all at past me – leaving me to clean up after her messes. She’s so selfish!

I think…I think if I want to turn this into perfect boards I need a saw…I can’t imagine using the axe to strip it into planks. But its oh so knotted – will a saw even do anything?

Are there fairy saws as well? With how easily this axe cuts, it might be easier to use than a plain old normal saw.

And what about the stump? How do I get rid of the stump? In stardew you just smash it with your axe a few times and it disappears…what am I supposed to do in real life? Dig it up? Look how many roots there are!

Hoping there's some magic stump removal function to the axe I smash it down into the stump a few times...nope. I nearly got it stuck with that last swing I'll stop now.

I look back at the felled beast.

… it's too thick of a trunk to just stack and make a log cabin that way isn’t it? Yeah…

This is a problem I don’t know how to solve. I don’t want to just leave this on the ground…but trying to drag this tree is not happening. It’s much too big!

Sigh.

I’m turning my head back and forth surveying the majestic hunted body of my prey – a solution really isn’t coming to mind no matter how much I stare at it. I think I’ll have to try processing it here where it's fallen.

Taking a few experimental swings, I wince as I splinter and split off a single chunk.

Wow who turned off the lights?

It’s suddenly really dark. Like all of a sudden I realized it was night. It hasn’t been long at all how did the day disappear? Theres enough light to see by but even the sunbeams are gone.

Why does my triumphant woodcutter stint feel shameful? Why has this whole day been so hard?

I swing a few more times trying to sliver off some good looking beams but stop because I’m just not feeling it.

Taking one last look at the corpse I leave the fallen tree behind and make the walk of shame back to my home base. I place Maxy back in my inventory for safety then sigh pouting a bit as I stare at the ipad. I almost want to cry – this whole day has been nothing but emotions – but I push through trying to look on the bright side. Tomorrows going to be better. I know it will.

I don’t think I deserve that chocolate tonight. Maybe tomorrow. I have to do more chores don't I? I don't deserve to just give up today.

Picking one of my buckets I head out towards the water feeling a slight chill in the air in the darkness. I reach down and try and fill the bucket up all the way. If I put this by the garden I can water stuff in the morning!

Heave!

Heave!

A full bucket is too heavy for me. I struggle to carry it a tiny ways then dump half of it. It feels like giving up. I still struggle to carry this bucket all the way to my bed. The bucket is bigger than normal okay? I bet anyone would struggle.

Placing it beside the garden I sigh once again and turn away.

Making my way over to my bed I check underneath. Dairy is snoozing already – he makes me feel better in a comforting way. I’m not alone.

I mean I know you’re here but you know what I mean. He’s grounding.

I reach in and carefully stroke him a few times for good luck. “Who’s a good slime, you are! Yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you – okay. Okay you don’t like that I’ll leave you alone…yes you are!” Getting my last few pets in, I feel much better – the last of my melancholy being pushed away for now.

Rolling into bed I drag my blanket up – it's starting to feel damp for some reason – and tuck myself in.

“Night Dairy.”

“Rustle rustle”

“Tomorrow we have big plans.”

“Rustle rustle”

“You going to help me build a house?”

“Rustle rustle”

“Oh? You have your own big plans huh? Tell me how they go alright,”

“Rustle rustle”

…

...and just like that.

I fall asleep.