"I know you well enough by now that I can tell when you're not bringing something up."

My eyebrow twitched as I resisted the urge to look away from my laptop. Dr. Drovanch's visage looked back at me through the screen, or I suppose it was more accurate to say they were watching me through the webcam built into the bezel. It wasn't that I was unfamiliar with the feature—this was hardly the third time I'd done my appointment remotely due to travel for work with the crew. It was just easy to forget that was the mechanism that made it all work.

"I don't want to talk uhb-out it," I replied.

"No, you want to talk about it, but you're not. Were I to make a guess, I'd propose you're afraid of the topic. The exact reason why, however, I would rather you tell me than speculate about."

"This is why people huh-ate thuh-err-uh-piss-ts," I couldn't help but complain. I tried to ignore how petulant it made me sound. "Too uhb-ser-vuh-ent."

They faintly smiled. "We of course won't talk about it, if you truly don't wish to, but I would be remiss if I didn't remind you that you can talk to me about anything."

"No, I…" I sighed and shifted how I was laying against the lip of the roof. It was dreadfully cold out here, but that was the price of privacy when the crew had been, for the most part, confined to a safe house for the past three days. I had anticipated the temperature and bundled up accordingly, but the recurring breezes had been whittling away at me for some time. At least the headphones were keeping my ears pretty warm. "It's about Faultline. You saw the news?"

"You mean the casino? Yes, I saw."

"Yes, well… There was a cuh-on-ver…"

I pulled the mitten covers attached to my fingerless gloves back, switching to the chat feature built into the program we were using. [there was a conversation that went on between faultline and waters. i can't say much, but she said something that has me wondering about some things.]

Their eyes shifted slightly to the side to read the text. "Oh? What sorts of things? You only need to say what you're comfortable sharing."

Not for the first time, I idly wished I had a Thinker power. Not instead of my power—fuck no—but in addition to it. Like, if I had been one of those grab bag capes, who got a handful of powers. How easy it would be to trust if only I had a power where I could tell someone was lying because I tasted blue, that I was in danger because my ear felt tingly, or whatever.

[the person who kidnapped elle and me in philly. faultline and the rest of the crew said they didn't know what happened to her afterwards, but the tip we came here on, i think faultline might have gotten it from her. but if that's true, then when? does she know where oct]

My fingers had gone numb. I couldn't even type her goddamn name. Some part of me felt like that was pretty pathetic, but the rest of me was caught up with trying to suppress the racing in my heart, to fucking breathe.

"Shut up. Shut up right now, or I swear to god, I'll command you to stop breathing. Do you want that? Huh?!"

Dr. Drovanch was talking. Saying something to me. I struggled to make it out.

"—okay. You're safe. Focus on your breathing. You're doing better."

My face felt wet. Was I crying? When had I started crying? "I-um oh-kay…"

"Yes, that's right. You're okay. Your breathing is so much better. You're doing great."

"I'm… okay. I'm…" I slumped, feeling drained. "… okay."

"Do you need me to call Faultline? Are you somewhere they can come get you?"

I was, but I didn't want that. I had no doubt Gregor would come up to the roof and carry me down, but it would be goddamn mortifying, especially since the stairs would bottom out by the living room where, if no one else, Emily would probably be.

"No," I croaked, shaking my head. I was still crying. Fuck. "Don't wanna."

I was slipping, and I'd promised I'd try not to. I fumbled around in my pocket for a moment, my still somewhat numb fingers having trouble alighting on the coin. Then I remembered I could just grab the coin with my power and felt ridiculous. I hurriedly tugged it out and started rolling it over my knuckles. It was almost a relief when I realized I had slumped into an uncomfortable position that was making my back hurt. That meant I was in the here and now.

I adjusted my position and breathed a sigh of relief. Dr. Drovanch still looked faintly worried, so I mumbled, "Thank you, Doc."

"You don't need to thank me, June. I'm here to help."

I shook my head. "Thank you."

They faintly chuckled. "Would you like to press on, or would you rather end here?"

"Ehn-duh here," I confirmed. The last thing I needed to do in the middle of a job was to unpack more shit than I could handle.

"Very well. We'll talk more about the topic you brought up at our next appointment, situation willing. Have a spectacular week."

"You too." I gave them a little wave, and the call ended.

I sighed and slumped back against the lip of the roof. Should I go inside? It would be nice to finally get out of the cold, but it was beginning to feel cramped in the safe house. Newter was missing at dinner, still out hunting the sewers for any sign of the Blinds. It had been days, and while there was obviously a ton of ground to cover, I also knew just how fast my teammate could move. I was beginning to fear the Blinds were aware we were searching for them and were avoiding him through their teleporter's power. If that was the case…

I shook my head. Worrying about things unnecessarily was counterproductive. When there was something I could do about the situation, I'd act then.

I started to close my laptop but paused. I actually did have a problem I could do something about, but I'd been stalling, unsure what to do about it. I pushed my screen back into position and navigated to PHO. There were some new posts on mine and the crew's threads and even some on the Blinds' thread, but I ignored all of that for the moment in favor of going to my private messages.

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

*

♦ Private messages from Taking_Back_Life:

[01/12/11]

Meteoric_Rise: therese?

Taking_Back_Life: Sorry, thinking again. In light of what I'm going to tell you, I think I won't wear a mask. It's… fitting.

Meteoric_Rise: you're really making me curious, you know.

Taking_Back_Life: I'll explain tomorrow. When/where should I meet you?

Meteoric_Rise: oakley park. it's by palanquin. 2p work?

Taking_Back_Life: I know it. I'll see you then. Gotta hop off for now. Goodnight!

Meteoric_Rise: night!

*

I stared at my screen, trying to formulate a response. I'd left Therese hanging after our meeting at the park, and not because I didn't have anything to say. On the contrary, I had too much I wanted to say but no idea what I should say. How do you explain to someone who's been nothing but sweet and friendly to me, who revealed her goddamn cape identity to me, that her power—the power she explained to me, no less—frightens me? I couldn't think of any way to do it without coming across as an inconsiderate prick… But at this point, I was pretty sure the silence was worse.

I'd just have to pray she could look past my shit way with words.

*

♦ Private messages from Taking_Back_Life:

[01/20/11]

Meteoric_Rise: hey… sorry for the radio silence. i'm also gonna apologize in advance because i have no idea how to say this the right way, so the wrong way is just gonna have to do.

Meteoric_Rise: i reacted badly. hot take, i know. your power scares me. i think i know you well enough by now to say you wouldn't ever hurt me on purpose, but

Meteoric_Rise: sorry, just realized we've come full circle. i got all pissy when i thought you were suggesting i would drop you…

Meteoric_Rise: anyway. i know you wouldn't hurt me. but i had a really, really bad (bad doesn't really begin to describe it, but i dunno what else to say) experience in philly.

Meteoric_Rise: i think you know that much? i vaguely recall amy saying something about you knowing.

Meteoric_Rise: but yeah. when you described your power… it's not the same, obviously, but i dunno, i couldn't help but draw the parallels.

Meteoric_Rise: i've been trying to figure out what to say to you because i know you're not your power and all, and i realized i've just been running around in circles and actually needed to fucking say something.

Meteoric_Rise: so i'm sorry. i'm a bitch, and i understand if you never want to talk again. i just wanted you to know it wasn't you, it was me and how fucked up i am.

*

I read and reread what I’d written, unsure I’d actually managed to say what I was trying to say. I’d certainly word vomited all over our PMs, but had I—

No. Just fucking stop, I scolded myself. Either this was enough to begin mending the tear, or else it was going to stay broken. I had no idea what to say earlier, and I had no idea what to say now. Continuing to blast her with private messages she hadn't even replied to yet—hell, she wasn't even online—was more likely to make the situation worse than it was better.

I typed out one last message then in a spur of the moment decision threw in one more for good measure.

*

♦ Private messages from Taking_Back_Life:

[01/20/11]

Meteoric_Rise: i'm gonna go. i hope you're having an awesome night fighting crime or whatever you do for fun.

Meteoric_Rise: my cell is 508-xxx-xxxx. you know. in case.

----------------------------------------

"June?"

"Mmm…?" I slowly cracked open an eye, blinking until Elle's smiling face came into focus. "Elle…?"

"Morning."

"Mornin'…" I languidly began to push myself up into a resting position on my forearm, but she reached over and firmly pushed me back down onto my back. "Mmm…?"

My hum of confusion quickly morphed into one of contentment as she leaned in and gave me a searing kiss that left me breathless. I felt her leg slipping over mine, then she was sitting on me, her weight settling into my pelvis. She didn't let up for an instant, and heat was searing through me.

"Wake up!"

"Huh?"

I blinked, pushing up my sunglasses and squinting. I could just barely make out Elle—more her outline than anything else—with the sun behind her, beating down on us with sweltering heat.

"I said, 'Wake up, sleepyhead!'" she replied, giggling as she pulled back to sit on her haunches. The movement of her body in her two-piece thoroughly distracted me for a moment, and I felt a bit of heat pooling in my cheeks.

"Aww, lookit 'er blush!" Monk stepped into view, a wide grin tugging at their lips. "What a lil' charmer you are, Ell'."

"Monk?" I muttered, feeling confused. I pushed myself up onto my forearm and tried to shade my eyes with my hand. The sand shifted under me, the coarse grains rubbing at my back, and I frowned at the unshakable feeling something was off. "We were… we were just…"

"Getting ready to go over the plan for infiltrating Eden?"

I turned at the sound of Melanie's voice and paled. "You."

Octavia grinned and gave me a mocking wave from where she stood next to a costumed up but maskless Melanie and Newter, who was wearing some sort of leather armor. "Me? You sound surprised, Fighter."

I reached for my… swords, and— Wait, no, I was trying to get… ready to cut her down, and— No…

"Fighter, that's not how the game is played," Melanie said disapprovingly as she stepped closer, drawing a revolver. Newter followed in her wake, his tail swishing violently back and forth, and at my sides, Elle and Monk grabbed hold of my arms, twisting them until I dropped my swords into the sand. And Octavia watched it all with an unfailing grin as my friends menaced me.

"She got to you too… Gregor! Emily! What did you do with them?!"

"Hm? Oh! Yeah, they didn't fit in at all. Nope, nope, had to go," Octavia casually remarked, with an indifferent shrug. A moment later she began to giggle maniacally. "Good thing we were already in a graveyard, huh?"

I struggled against Elle and Monk, desperately wanting to run Octavia through with my sword, but they held fast, their grips crushing my arms.

"Aww, don't be sad, Fighter! I can order you to not remember them, and we can get back to our fu—" Blood burst from her chest as a spike of metal erupted out of it, her grin wiped clean by a look of dismay as she coughed up blood. "Wha—?!"

She collapsed to her knees, and I noticed someone who looked just like me was standing behind her, wearing a black halter top with criss crossing lines of bright color over a torn pair of denim shorts and equally bright tights. Melanie and Newter rushed towards her, but shadows engulfed her body and a moment later Octavia stood in the other me's place, still dressed in the eclectic outfit.

"Look left, look right. Now kill yourselves."

I screamed as Melanie turned her revolver on Newter, Monk, and Elle, shooting each of them in the head before pressing it into the underside of her chin and pulling the trigger again.

"No…"

"I had to, Junebug," Aisha said as walked up to me, shadows twisting around her, bathing her in darkness just like I was drowning in my friends' blood. "I had to."

"No you didn't!" I wailed. All around us, the kitchen began to tear itself apart as my power went wild. Knives, silverware, pots, and pans swirled around us like a tornado, twisting into blades and ready to strike at my command. "No you didn't!"

"There you are."

I whirled at the sound of a man's voice in my ear, but his hand was already on my throat, hoisting me into the air. I had never seen him before, but I would know him anywhere. Dressed in the bones and blood of his enemies, the Butcher had come for me.

"I've finally found you, daughter."

"June!"

I jerked away from the hand on my shoulder, scrambling away. For the briefest of moments the sensation of falling overtook me, then I cried out as pain blossomed in my elbow and arm and I landed in a heap on the floor. My eyes shot open, and I saw Elle, her hair disheveled and her pale blue eyes wide as she looked at me.

"June," she repeated, her worry evident. "Nightmare?"

"I… I…"

I was shaking. Trembling. Elle climbed out of bed and sat down next to me, wrapping her arms around me, gently pulling me into a hug. "It's okay. I'm here."

"Elle," I sobbed. Her grip on me tightened. "I was s-so scuh-aired!"

"Don't worry…" she soothed, running her hand down my hair. "Octavia will make it better."

----------------------------------------

I screamed.

Elle jerked besides me, making sleepy noises of confusion, and I heard a crash somewhere in the distance, but I barely noticed those things as I scrambled away. For the briefest of moments the sensation of falling overtook me, then I cried out as pain blossomed in my elbow and arm and I landed in a heap on the floor. My eyes shot open, and though the room's lights were off, I could see Elle illuminated in the moonlight streaming in through the window, her hair disheveled and her pale blue eyes wide as she looked at me.

"June," she said, worry evident in her voice even as she rubbed away the last of the sleep in her eyes. "Nightmare?"

My costume pieces were on the dresser nearby, and the knives in my bandolier readily tugged themselves free and flew to me, taking up position in the air around me.

"Stuh-ay whuh-air you are," I hoarsely demanded, tripping over my words and breathing heavily.

The area around Elle began to distort and warp, but my attention was drawn to the side as the door flew open, stopping just shy of slamming into the wall. Gregor and Melanie stood there, the latter with a flashlight in hand, and Emily peeked around from behind them.

"Put down the knives, June," Melanie ordered, her voice firm but quiet. A shield, perhaps more of a barricade, had grown out of the bed by Elle, forming a wall between us.

"N-No. Duh-ream, puh-lease end... End, end, end…"

"You had a nightmare, June. You need to put the knives—" she said, taking a step forward.

"No!" I wailed, interrupting her and turning the points of my knives in their direction. Emily squeaked and ducked out of the way, Melanie froze, and Gregor pulled her back, putting himself in between us. "Stuh-ay whuh-air you are. Puh-lease…"

"June." I looked to Elle, wild-eyed, and she continued. "Keep knives. May I hug?"

"Elle," Melanie and Gregor both began to say, but she held up her hand, silently asking them to stop.

"May I?"

My heart was still pounding in my chest, but it was beginning to slow. "E-Elle?"

"Mhm," she hummed. The barrier between us began to shift and fall away. "Coming. Okay?"

I hesitantly nodded. Was I still dreaming? This felt real, but so had the nightmares. They had felt so real. She slowly slid to the edge of our bed and put her feet on the floor before lowering herself down to my level. I watched her like a hawk, waiting for the dream to change, to shift.

She crawled the short distance to me, and when she was just out of my arms reach, I whispered, "Real?"

She closed the gap and wrapped her arms around me, gently pulled me into a hug. "Real."

The knives fell to the floor, some of them banging on the surface and a couple landing tip first and jutting out. "Elle," I sobbed. Her grip on me tightened. "I was s-so scuh-aired!"

"It's okay. I'm here," she soothed, running her hand down my hair.

Melanie and Gregor hesitantly stepped into the room, and while he began to carefully collect my knives, she knelt down next to us without saying a word.

I wasn't sure how long it took my tears to dry and my breathing to slow. Other than Elle running her fingers through my hair and Melanie shifting to sit on the floor instead of kneel, neither of them moved from where they were. I wasn't sure if Emily had left, but Gregor remained, eventually sitting on the edge of our bed after depositing my knives in a pile by my costume.

"How do you know?" I quietly asked, no longer tripping over my words as badly now that I was calmer.

"Know what?" Melanie replied, just as softly.

"That you're still you?"

Elle's hug tightened. She knew the feeling just as well as me. Probably better.

It took Melanie a long time to reply. "Because I put a bullet through her head."