“Now that's a lot of turning” said the hero.
“Almost like he's enjoying this a bit too much.”
“Yeah” answered the dragon in safety gear.
“Why are you attributing all our dialogue?” Asked the hero. And well, it's because there's too little difference between both the hero and the dragon's mannerisms. This was solved in the first chapter
by exaggerating the enemy's accent. But the story-line can't keep rehashing the same old jokes. People get bored of those and switch to another story that has breasts and slavery. And then people make threads about it on the forum and critique the moral standing of the average writer. In short, it's a lot of drama that this world can do without. So attributions are now being used.
“What if I changed the way I spoke slightly? Maybe add a 'Gee Wiz, Heroman' at the end of every other sentence?” ejaculated the dragon in safety gear.
“What? No, I didn't. I would never.” gobbed the dragon in, well you know by now.
“I think you mean gabbed, not gobbed. Gobbed is slang for spitting in English” interrupted the hero.
“Alright then, be an asshole. See if I help you any further you pretentious sack of...”
Ok, calm down. First of, the dragon isn't going to use batman memes and the narrator will stop using attributions. He just has a few more he needs to get out of his system and he'll be done.
But the readers need something to hold on to.
“I might have some suggestions” stroked the hero, as was his usual habit in front of minors.
Feeling charitable for once, the fourth wall gave a suggestion.
Thick Bulwark: “How about just adding your own names before every line you say?”
Hero(in):” Wouldn't that turn it into a script, rather than a book?”
Discord mod 4th wall:” We're already experimenting with the basic tenets of what constitutes a book. So why not test it out? I'm certain the hundred readers we get on average won't mind.”
Hero(out): “We only got a hundred of them?”
DING
HERO HAS ACQUIRED READERS!
Level. +/- 11
STRENGTH: 0
INTELLIGENCE: 0
AGILITY: 0
DEXTERITY: 0
LUCK: +/- 222
READERS: 100
ACHIEVEMENTS:
'Oh you lucky so and so.' - S
'Innate asshole' - SSS
'I'm a kitchensink, daddy!' S
Slayer of children – Too Common, it's sad, really.
ABILITIES:
'Pelvis thrust' – Minor failure.
'Pelvic barrage' – Failure.
'Pelvic barrage-aga' – Grand Failure.
'P-p-p-elvic-c-c barrage-agaagagagagagagaaaaaaa' – Abject Failure.
Heron: “So I can use readers now? What for?”
Narrator: Any use of readers will lead to a #metoo case down the line. But the numbers of readers will directly influence the amount of people that read your adventures.
This novel's true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.
Zero: “Oh wow, and what else?”
Narrator: Well, every time the hero acquires a new readers, he also raises the amount of people that read his stories.
Her(n)o: “With you so far. What else?”
Narrator: Look, the system just needs to keep track somehow in case the website goes down. So having more readers is a good thing. It means more people can potentially tell you what a shit hero you are and end the adventure early which allows your narrator to continue his work. Everybody wins.
Her: “So it does jack shit as usual?”
…
…
…
Fero(metal)“Go on, be honest.”
…
…
…
Narrator: Yes.
HerIgo: “Well, even with only a hundred readers it won't matter much. This hero does things for the love of the craft. I even have a cool light-saber now...”
Narrator: Lightshaker. Otherwise it's copyright infringement.
HeBeBro: “Fine, lightshaker then. Also, last warning, stop with the attribution jokes, they're annoying.
Fine then. But no bitching if people run away to the slave harem book when the get confused whose talking.
“Deal, now mister 4th wall, thanks for your suggestion, but it's not manageable at the moment. We'll revise your idea on a bi-monthly basis and let a representative of the board inform you of our decision.”
“Why the sudden corporate speak?”
“Thought I'd give it a try as practice when I end up discussing a book deal down the line.”
“Did you completely forget about your current adventure or do you just not care any more?”
“Some things are supposed to be done when the necessity is there. How can you advance a story if the basic foundational buildings blocks of plot and narrative aren't set in stone yet? Especially with a highly experimental comedy such as this?”
“By just getting the job done and slogging your ass through it. That's how 99% of the civilized world functions. Now go and address the funny outfitted dragon before people forget what you're even about.”
The fourth wall withdrew himself into a nearby void, leaving behind a trail of decapitated childhood friends.
“Fine then. Hilarious dragon, what is it you contribute to advancing my plot?”
“Well, I mostly am responsible for health and safety measures. OSHA and all that good stuff. So I can give you a safety helmet and a pair of magic gloves to better hold your lightshaker?”
“Alright, let's see those gloves.”
The dragon takes out a pair of oven mitts and a bright yellow safety cap.
“These will keep you safe on your journey.”
“They'll make this entire adventure into an episode of cooking mama combined with bob the builder is what they'll do. Fuck sake, why are all my items so weird?”
A high luck modifier changes your item drops to better suit your personality.
“Oh sure, blame it on me again. Very original. And fine, let's continue this blasted quest. Where did that twirling so-not-the-main-enemy-of-the-story go to?”
The dragon pulled out a torch and guided the hero forward as if he were guiding live traffic.
“Just keep going to the tower and try and avoid touching any of the exhibits. Feel free to pick up a complementary great big evil hand-sown puppet when you reach the gift store. They're rather rare.”
“How rare?”
“Less than fifty million were made this year.”
“Ah... right... that type of rare...”