“Lina, I’m Lina,” she murmured, the shadow of confusion descending upon her. Without even blinking she stared into the starry night - no, into the Void - thoughts rushing through her crazed head.

This is utter madness. I ended up failing and this - whatever this is, - no doubt, is surely but a sick prank of the Universe - everything washed through her as she gasped for air. Heart pounding in her chest, someone lightly grasping, clenching it… A bit more, just a bit - and it will explode… More air. Hot flushes ran throughout her cold - she could still feel the stone altar in the bones - body.

I failed. And as a result, I’m now a vegetable, lying somewhere out there connected to countless electrodes and cables in the maze of life-supporting machines. Wherever and whatever this is - it’s a dream. A drug-induced coma that at best I brought upon myself, or at worst was pushed through by someone playing chess with my life and dragging this unwelcome charade even further - reasoning continued as she finally found her breath.

A strangely familiar hand was resting over her forehead once again as Lina realised a pair of blue eyes was staring at her.

“I must apologise, Deidre,” a kind voice echoed through the Void. “You see, one of my gifts is empathy,” his face tilted and for a second - just a split moment - the figure in front of her seemed less condescending.

“But it doesn’t quite stop there,” he continued. “I can not only sense one’s emotions, I can also alter them. To an extent, of course,” - there was a faint smile looking at me. It seemed warm and kind, yet there was something unmistakably sad about it.

“You will learn about it soon enough,” my forehead suddenly felt oddly naked and exposed as I realised the absence of his hand.

“I’m August Evander, the vaidila or krivis supreme. Please feel free to call me August when it’s just the two of us,” he continued as I attempted to digest what meaning his words held. Quite frankly, nothing made sense at this point. I reckoned the so-called vaidila was somewhat of a priest.

“This is Hiraeth,” something within me hit a cord as August continued. “This place is your sentence as well as your new abode. From now on,” a meaningful pause accompanied by a deep look, “you’re one of us.”

*

It’s been a while since she last felt anything - walking through the path of her life Lina kept emotions and feelings at bay. They seemed to be useless assets only hindering the achievement of her earthly goals. You see, she was one of those success-hungry, yet deeply moral and hardworking individuals. Success was attained through dedication and hard work and as it happened to be, emotions had no part in it.

Since there was no contribution, emotions had to be cast aside. Of course, it’s not entirely possible, but people like that - people like Lina - found a way to successfully compartmentalise them. A vault full of hidden traumas and emotions - shoved aside in a rush only to enable further survival. Or ensure unavoidable future demise…

The world trembled and as unstoppable tremors continued, the source of it all expanded. Crawling deeper, seeping in through the cracks, slithering into the vault. It was decaying, rotting away - the walls of this prison for unwanted memories and emotions.

At some point - inevitable, we all know, - it all came down. Was it an explosion? Did it melt down like an iceberg? Was it a tsunami crashing?... It only took but a split second, yet her carefully crafted vault crumbled apart. It vanished.

The collapsing tower brings ruin. Yet ruins can bring liberation. Maybe, just maybe, I can afford a bit of emotion in this place - she thought to herself whilst firmly walking towards the strange man.

“Vaidila Supreme, I expect to know more about this strange place soon. If this is to be my sentence and my prison, I better make myself comfortable,” the Void in her eyes was no longer as Lina locked her gaze on him.

“I am pleased to make your acquaintance, sir August Evander,” she continued as a faint smile ascended from the young woman’s lips.

“If you so kindly permit, I shall be more than happy to address you as August when in private,” a sudden pause fell as Lina carefully examined his expression.

“Yet I am deeply confused as to why my humble self - subject to sentencing in this odd prison - would ever enjoy the company of someone unmistakenly great and of high importance,” she finished.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

As tension grew thicker, August leisurely paced around the area. Circling in on her - she felt it was deliberate, aiming to patronise or at least to study her further - he leaned towards her and smiled.

“It is far too soon for me to give away all the answers. This is not a simple place,” the high krivi sighed.

“Hiraeth is not like any other. As such, whilst embedding yourself into this place and trying to become a part of it, you shall unravel its secrets,” his tone was comforting, yet something unmistakably eerie floated in the air. “One after the other,” he smiled.

“For now, accepting Hiraeth as your new home - your forever home - will be more than enough,” the emphasis on forever somehow ran shivers down her spine.

“I will make sure you adjust to Hiraeth as soon as…humanly possible,” - the sincerity in his voice made August less intimidating, gentle even.

“Is this my punishment? For ending that life?..” words slipped out of me, I could not grasp them, it was stronger than fear or the confusion I felt ever since opening my eyes.

Hesitation was easy to notice. August took a few steps further and as I unintentionally adored his long silky hair, shimmering in the platinum moonlight, his gaze turned distant. Clear ocean blue eyes fixated on the Void in the sky and I could sense a hint of pain, nostalgia or longing…

The high priest was gazing at someone or something - possibly somewhere? - incredibly far away. Maybe unattainable. No longer there. Or never been there in the first place… Maybe the Void showed August the impossibility itself.

“Hiraeth is many things to many beings,” he finally spoke. But it was as if the high krivi talked to the Void, not me. “It might be your punishment,” he took a deep breath. “But it just might be your destiny,” I felt his gaze on me and something within my stomach twisted. I visibly flinched.

“You, Deidre Oleander, are no longer bound by the earthly burdens, so shed away your worries and pain,” his eyes pierced through me. “Cast away what, how and why you were as Lina. That person is no more. You are now an entirely different existence and the circle of life shall continue yet again”.

Silence fell as the weight of his words came down looming like heavy clouds of a storm ready to burst. A different existence - she thought. A different life or a form of being - her mind could not stop at this point. This is both a punishment and a form of destiny - cogs kept turning.

“I assume I’m not lucky enough to have ascended to Heaven. And this looks far-fetched from what I would imagine to be Hell,” she was now thinking out loud. “Is Hiraeth the equivalent of what humans call Purgatory?” the young woman was digging holes into him, curiosity seeping through her very existence.

He scoffed. “I suppose, you can think of it as a form of Purgatory. For now,” a sigh echoed. “Hiraeth is not something a fledgling like you is capable of understanding just yet. But if it makes matters easier, think of it as a place in between - an existence or a realm in between, to be precise.”

“Why was I sleeping on a stone resembling an altar?” another thought voiced itself before I could properly process it.

“It is an altar indeed,” August grinned. “Yet, you were not exactly sleeping. Nor were you awake either,” his words only offered more confusion and made little sense. “You will come to understand in due time, Deidre,” August’s tone got softer.

“I believe it is time for us to leave the sacred circle. Let us return to the Temple,” - he gestured towards the forest, inviting me to follow.

A gentle touch as slender fingers slipped through the palm of her hand. Seconds later she was absent-mindedly following the tall figure, guiding them through the night. Lina, no, Deidre, felt the soft lullaby of the wind leading the choir of leaves, This gentle psithurism caressed her soul. She felt very much alive and present in this very moment.

How long has it been - she was wondering. How long has it been living a lonely life, not a single person to rely on? - a warm feeling tingled her skin as thoughts chased one after another. I suppose this is what people mean when they say something touched their heart… This is what it feels like to be grateful to another being - a faint smile painted Deidre’s face.

Be it Heaven, Hell or Purgatory - whatever this place is, I suppose it’s not that bad - thoughts continued pouring as two figures struggled through the deep woods.

“I shall accept Hiraeth,” - her sudden declaration killed the silence, disrupted only by the songs of chirping birds and the movement of tree branches, cuddled by the wind.

“I’m glad you came to welcome this new reality,” August’s voice was soft. “Yet I’m unsure if it was ever a matter of choice,” I could feel the soft kindness as the words left his lips. Maybe it was the heavy atmosphere of the unfamiliar dark forest or the Void still hanging somewhere up in the sky, but my insides made a painful twist.

I knew there was nothing else and no one else for me out there - whatever there or here even meant now. Yes, it was not a matter of choice, really, but a mere necessity, inevitability even. Something heavy embraced my heart. An unforetold fear seeped in… But I just followed.