The chicken explosion was so powerful it sent me flying backwards. A cloud of fire and feathers filled the air. My ears started ringing. It felt like my skull was shaking.

WARNING – HEALTH CRITICAL – WARNING

HP: 1/10

Disorientation – 30s

Rubber legs – 3 min

Reduced hearing – 5min

I was lying on my back, gazing at the clear blue sky, warnings flashing in my field of view as if someone had installed a HUD inside my head. The timers of the statuses started running down as I watched. I closed my eyes, just to see what would happen, and the warnings kept flashing. Yeah, so the HUD thing would work anyway, eyes open or closed. I couldn't tell whether that was good or bad, but at least there was no blaring siren sound to accompany them.

The grass underneath me was prickly. People who fantasize about grass usually talk about how soft and green and wonderful it is, but nobody ever talks about how much it prickles and sticks to the skin. Also, it usually smells of grass. I'm not talking about that satisfying smell of freshly-cut grass. I'm talking about the grassy grass smell. At least I was spared too much of that, because the air smelled of gunpowder and burned chicken. It made my nose sting.

Tired of contemplating grass and existence, I tried sitting up so I could make my way to the farm, but since the Disorientation debuff was still running, I immediately fell back down, head swimming. Boy, but that thing was debilitating. I would have to find some sort of Glorious Cloak of Divine and Eternal Orientation or something. Imagine facing a CC-heavy boss who could cast Disorientation? I'd be dead in a heartbeat. Since I was not dead, however, at least for the time being, I just lay there, you know, existing.

Also, there was the shock of it all.

To be honest, I never thought something like that could happen. I mean, a fire-breathing, exploding chicken? That thing was only level five and it had almost killed me. What would happen if I died? Would I respawn? Did I have any Continues? Would I go back to that office with the demons? If I died within ten minutes of spawning in a new world, I'd probably set a new record in the multiverse. I'd probably never live it down, either. On top of all that, I had only a single health point left. What now? Were there health potions in this world? Did I have to eat or rest or something?

As I lay there, thinking about what kind of rules and mechanics applied to this reality, new messages started appearing in my field of view.

New Achievement! Mob Killer

You have killed your first mob.

[Are you proud of yourself?]

New Achievement! Monster

You have killed a neutral mob.

[Shame on you.]

New Achievement! KFC

You have killed a chicken mob.

[You're still alive? Impressive.]

New Achievement! Out of your league

You have killed a mob five times your level.

[You're probably Level One at this point, so...]

New Achievement! Kamikaze

You have caused a mob to explode.

[HELL YEAH!]

I stared at the words, not sure what to make of them. There were even achievements in this reality? Talk about immersion. Who would have created such a thing? God? Or... gods? Sadistic alien developers, maybe? There were demons around... What if reality was an illusion? A simulation? Was I just a brain in a vat stored somewhere? Did it matter at all? It was pretty cool, though. Obviously dangerous, but cool.

I heard a loud POP next to my head and quickly sat up, my heart suddenly racing. At 1 HP, if anybody so much as farted in my general direction, I'd die. And speaking of dying... Where was my XP? The game clearly recognized the kill, because I'd gotten achievements, but what about the experience?

A terrible thought occurred to me: What if the neutral mob didn't count? What if I'd killed the Stupendous Chicken of Flame, and almost died in the process, for nothing? What would that do to my karma score?

I pictured the tiny demon from the Office of Reincarnation watching me on a screen, eating burned popcorn and laughing itself silly.

“Yeah,” I said, resigned. At least the debuff timers were gone, so I looked around for the source of the POP.

It was an egg.

A big chicken egg, almost the size of my head, had appeared on the grass next to me. It was white and red and – I carefully poked at it with my index finger – warm to the touch. I focused on the egg for a moment, and a faint white aura appeared around it. I had a theory I needed to test about this world`s interface, so I looked away from the egg and instead focused on the grass. Half a second later, a square patch of grass, maybe three feet by three feet, started glowing with that faint white aura as well.

“Huh...” I said. “I wonder if...”

I made a mental effort, as if trying to click or tap on something on a screen, and a window immediately popped out of the grass.

Grass

Non-edible

[Unless you're a quadruped. Are you a quadruped?]

“Hey!” I said. “This is pretty cool!”

I looked at the egg. It glowed. I mentally clicked on it.

Stupendous Chicken of Flame

Egg

Rare

"Awesome!" I said, feeling like an overenthusiastic puppy. And then I waited.

Nothing happened.

“That's... it? No information, no tutorial, nothing? I mean, how do I get it to hatch? What do I do with it?”

I looked up, maybe expecting the answer to come down from the sky, but no answer came.

"Right..."

I got up, bent down, and then picked up the big egg. It was much heavier than I'd anticipated, and much warmer than before. It shook a little on the inside, too. I hoped it didn't explode.

“HEY!” someone shouted.

The shout came out of nowhere and, considering my 1-HP state of affairs, I once again may - or may not - have let out an effeminate scream. I also may - or may not - have fumbled with my huge egg, almost dropped it, recovered it, and then played it cool.

I looked for the source of the shout and saw a girl running in my direction, waving enthusiastically. She seemed to be coming from the farm, which was good news. Maybe she was the tutorial person or something? Instead of standing still like a traffic cone, I walked slowly in her direction, egg under my right arm. No, I was not afraid of the girl. I was cautious. There's a difference.

As we approached each other, I realized she was incredibly cute. She wore her blond hair in two long braids, one over each shoulder. Her face was specked with tiny freckles, and she had sun-tanned skin and well-defined arms she probably got from working in the farm. She wore a white t-shirt, jeans overalls, and farming boots. All in all, a very standard-looking farmer. She probably was the tutorial girl.

“Hey!” she said again, as soon as she got within talking distance. She stopped to catch her breath. “Who,” she said between breaths. “Are you? It's... Nice to see a... Familiar face... Around.”

“I'm Toma-,” I started saying, but stopped myself. If this was going to be my new hero life, I had to make a good first impression. So I puffed up my chest and pitched my voice lower. “The name is Thomas,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows at her. “Thomas Hawk.”

Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.

“Oh, poor thing,” she said, touching my forehead with the back of her hand. “You got a sore throat already? I have some ginger back at the farm. I can make you some tea.”

So much for first impressions.

“Y-yeah, thanks,” I said, clearing my throat. “So, what's your n-”

“What the FUCK?” she said, and it felt like she was about to breathe fire just like the chicken. I jumped back, holding the warm egg close to my body.

“Hey! How can you swear?”

“How did you get that egg?” she accused, completely ignoring my question. She had one hand on her hip, and the other was poking me in the chest. Each poke was punctuated by, “How? Huh? How?” She looked a lot like the stupendous chicken of flame, minus, you know, the wings. “Did you attack the chicken?”

“Did I...”

“Did you attack the chicken?”

I took a deep breath. It seemed like this was one of those moments than can define your life. Where was the menu with dialogue options when you needed it?

"I will ask you one last time before I preemptively kick your ass," she said. "Did you attack the chicken?"

"Huh..." I said. “Maybe?”

“Oh, you son of a b-” she said, raising her hand to slap the s-word out of me. Her hand seemed to be glowing with a mysterious aura of power.

I closed my eyes and flinched, bracing for impact, hugging the egg tight. I could already see the laughing face of the tiny demon when I showed up again at the Office of Reincarnation.

No impact came.

I opened one eye.

The girl was fuming in front of me, pacing in a circle while looking for something inside her overalls. Considering the way her arms went down to the elbow as she did that, I had the distinct impression the overalls were far bigger on the inside.

All things considered, it looked safe, so I opened both eyes.

“Where is it?” she muttered, “Where, where, wheeeere is it?”

“Are you alright?” I asked.

“You shut your mouth!” she said, pointing at me. “I'm not done with you!”

I gulped again.

For a moment there, I considered running away with my egg, maybe in the direction of the dark forest, who knows? But something told me that the Evil Girl of Doom would be able to catch up to me in a matter of seconds. Also, it wouldn't be very heroic to just, you know, run away.

“Here it is!” she said, holding up a small corked vial filled with red liquid. She focused her furious eyes on me and offered me the vial. “Drink this.”

“What is this? Poison?”

“What does it look like?”

“It looks a lot like a health potion,” I said, and then focused on the item. It glowed. I clicked.

Potion of minor healing

Instantly recovers 15 HP.

[Looks good. Tastes bad.]

“Hey!” I said, laying down my egg and picking up the potion. “Thanks!”

I uncorked the vial and downed it in one go. It tasted like... You know when you're a kid and your parents aren't home, so you decide to make some “experiments” in the kitchen? And then you pick up a glass of cold water and add an entire bag of powdered juice to it, because you think it will taste really, really good, but then it tastes like crap? That was kind of what the health potion tasted like, even with that effect of tiny crystals that feel like sand scratching the tongue. Except it was lukewarm, and that made everything even worse.

HP 10/10

“Hey, it worked!” I said, looking at my full health.

“Did it?” the girl asked, a strange smile on her face.

“Yeah! I'm back to fu-”

The slap was so powerful I thought it was going to take my head off.

YOU ARE UNDER ATTACK!

HP: 4/10

Disorientation 10s

“What the heck?” I tried to say, but the words came out like wawewek. I was suddenly on my butt, looking up at her.

“You killed the chicken!” the girl said, standing over me like a goddess of retribution. Even her shadow was menacing.

I waited until the Disorientation debuff wore off so I could finally answer.

“The chicken was trying to kill me!”

“Oh, cut the crap! You attacked it first!”

“How do you know that?”

“Because the chicken is a neutral mob, genius!” she said, throwing her arms up. “Unless you attack it first, it will never attack you!”

“Oh,” I said, feeling stupid.

“Oh?” she said. “That's all you have to say? Oh? Let me guess. You spawned here. And then the first thing you see is the chicken. And hey, the chicken looks harmless enough, and I need to level up. So why not attack the chicken? Is that what you thought?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but then realized what she was saying. I squinted at her. “That's a very specific guess.”

“Of course you d-” she started saying, but then stopped. She suddenly looked defensive. “What do you mean?”

I got back to my feet and crossed my arms. I looked at her accusingly. “You attacked the chicken as well, didn't you?”

“Huh,” she said, taking a step back. “I...” she stammered. “We're not here to discuss whatever I may or may not have done!”

I raised my eyebrows, haughty. “Didn't you?”

“I...” she said. Then she gulped. “Maybe. What is is to you?”

“Ahhh, sweet irony,” I said, picking my egg back up. It was even warmer than before. In fact, it was so warm it was bordering on becoming uncomfortable to hold. I gave the girl a smug smile. “You know what they say, right? People who live in glass houses, et cetera et cetera.”

I started walking towards the farm, carrying my egg with me.

“Hey!” she said. “Wait for me!”

I just kept on walking, whistling to myself. It was good to be on the right for once in my life.

The girl caught up to me and started grumbling.

“What's your name?” I asked.

“Claire.”

“Just Claire?”

“Claire is good enough for you, chicken killer.”

“Looks like the pot is calling the kettle black,” I said.

She kicked me in the shins.

YOU ARE UNDER ATTACK!

HP: 3/10

“Oh, come on! How can a kick like that cost one HP?”

“It's because I'm much, much stronger than you,” she said, all smug. “If I blow air in your direction, it will probably deal some damage.”

Yeah, right.

And then it occurred to me that if the aura-click thing worked for the egg and the grass, it would probably work for the girl, too.

So I looked at her.

“What are you doing?”

She glowed.

“Hey!”

I clicked.

"Stop!"

Claire de Lune

Level 9

HP: 125/125

Chicken breeder

Totem of Infinity

Flaming Aura

“Stop that!” she said, trying to cover herself with her hands, as if she was naked.

"Seriously?" I said, trying to suppress a laughter. It ended up as a muffled chuckle. "Claire de Lune? What are you, Debussy's daughter or something?"

Her cheeks were flushed, she looked very embarrassed. “That's very rude, you know? Damn...”

I frowned at her reaction. “I was just looking at your stats,” I said. “Chicken breeder? What the heck?”

“Oh, that is what you focus on? You don't care about my Totem of Infinity or my Flaming Aura?”

“Sure,” I said. “But chicken breeder?”

“Argh!” she said, rolling her eyes and throwing her hands up. “You're hopeless.”

We'd just reached the fence, and even though it was a good six feet tall, Claire jumped over it effortlessly. She didn't even run to get momentum. She simply jumped. The movement was so simple and natural it was obvious she did that every day.

“You know,” she said, not realizing I wasn't walking beside her anymore. “I was going to t- What are you doing?”

I was trying to fit between the rails of the fence, that's what I was doing. But then I realized that I would never be able to fit. Also, the fence was very sturdy, and that dark wood looked incredibly solid.

“Well, I'm trying to follow you,” I said. “But I can't jump like that.”

She looked at me like I was the dumbest man alive. “Of course you can.”

“Nope,” I said, shaking my head. “Pretty sure I can't.”

She groaned. “Have you tried jumping since you spawned here?”

“Well, no. Not yet. No.”

“Why don't you? Nononono! Leave the egg.”

“Leave the egg?”

“Trust me. Leave the egg.”

It was hard to trust a girl who had given me a health potion just so she could slap the crap out of me but, on the other hand, she had given me the potion. She could have just PK'd my butt. Besides, she was level 9 and had three titles – even though one of them was chicken breeder – so maybe she knew what she was talking about.

I set the egg on the grass, away from the fence, just in case. It looked safe.

“Good. Now jump.”

I took a deep breath, feeling very silly. I mean, seriously, jump? Over six feet? Come on... I bent my knees and tried doing a little hop.

“HOLY S-WORD!”

My little hop made me jump a good five feet in the air. I didn't even try to jump!

"Newbies..." Claire sighed.

I was so impressed with my jump that I botched the landing and felt my ankle bending unnaturally to the side.

"F-WORD NO!" I shouted, rolling on the grass while holding my ankle. "MY ANKLE! I BROKE MY ANKLE!"

"Oh, please," Claire said. "Don't be a pussy."

"LOOK AT MY ANK-" I said, and then. "Oh, it's okay."

It really was okay. I kicked a little bit. No pain. I got back to my feet. No pain.

"What the heck?" I said, looking at Claire.

"You can't take fall damage here," she said.

I felt a surge of epic enthusiasm. "WHAT? SERIOUSLY?"

"Yup."

"NEVER?"

"Nope."

"Like, if someone, for example, hypothetically speaking I mean... If someone threw me out of an airplane, for instance. Would I die?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but then frowned. She looked at me suspiciously. "There are no airplanes in this world."

"Right, right," I said, somewhat relieved. "But there are mountains, right?"

"You're afraid I'm going to throw you down a mountain?"

"Well, not you..."

Her frown deepened. "You're a very strange dude."

"Thank you," I said proudly.

And then I spent the next few minutes jumping around, testing how high I could go and taking mental notes of it all. Claire watched me go up and down, leaning on the fence with a stupefied expression on her face. She was probably wondering how it was possible that, of all the people in the multiverse, she got stuck with the jumping maniac.

Alas, gentlemen, there is method to my madness, I assure you.

See, I realized that, when I gave it my all, I could jump a good eight feet up. I also realized that gravity in this place seemed to work a bit differently, meaning my speed did not increase as I fell. That was the strangest thing. It looked like fall speed was fixed, regardless of how high I jumped. That was probably what kept me from breaking every bone in my body as I jumped higher than any mortal in history. It took me a few tries to learn how to land properly, though, but since there was no fall damage, there was also no problem. After mastering the landing process, I picked up the egg and tried jumping again. As I suspected, carrying something did not influence how high I could go. It also did not influence fall speed. Yes, I could feel the weight of the egg I was carrying, but that didn't change the mechanics of jumping. That was pretty cool.

New Achievement! Krazy Kangaroo

You've spent ten minutes jumping around.

[Are you okay?]

"Are you done?" Claire asked as I finally grabbed my egg and jumped over to her side of the fence.

"Yeah," I said, sweating a little bit, but elated. "I could use a glass of water."

The sky was starting to turn from bright blue to slightly orange, but I had only spent a few minutes jumping. Hmm... Maybe time itself was different in this place.

"Are you sure? Don't you want to keep jumping up and down until the monsters come?"

"Nah, I'm okay. I r- MONSTERS?"

"Oh, you thought this was just a cute little world where you could have fun?"

"Well, not really... But..."

"You thought this was a safe zone, didn't you?" she said. "A place for a tutorial where you could learn mechanics and level up a little bit before you went out there? In the real world?"

I hadn't really thought about it, but now that she brought it up, I realized that I had unconsciously assumed that to be the case, yes. I gave her a half-nod and a half-shrug.

"Rule Number One, newbie: in this world, there are no safe zones."

I gulped. "No safe zones?"

"Nope," she said. "Zero. None. Nada."

"But then...?"

"Come with me if you wanna live," she said. "And quickly. Night is about to fall."