The Cobracat of darkness was nowhere to be seen.
Worse than that, the box showing its location and HP had disappeared as well, which meant I was literally Alone in the Dark. Not only that: I was also unarmed, unprepared, and down to a single hitpoint. Everything in my mind told me to run the heck away from that place and hide under the bed with Claire until morning came. That was the sensible thing to do, all things considered, and my mind really liked that idea.
My heart, however...
My heart told me I should stand and fight. What else was I going to do, anyway? Live in fear for the rest of my days? If this was a new world, where I could be a hero, why would I run? Besides, what was the worst that could happen? Dying? Pff... Been there. Done that.
So, hoping against hope that this would work, I turned around and ran.
Towards the barn.
And my scythe.
“I should call it a chain-scythe,” I said to myself as I ran. Yeah, when I'm nervous, I talk. If there's no one to talk to, I talk to myself. So sue me. “It sounds pretty cool. Lord of the Chain-scythe, though? Hmmm... Not so cool.”
A piercing shriek sounded from the darkness around me, and this time something bad happened: a second piercing shriek answered the first. And then a third.
“Tom, you're going to die a hero,” I said. “A stupid hero? Maybe. But a hero nonetheless.”
I saw the scythe gleaming in the darkness, not too close to the windmills, and jumped towards it – completely forgetting about the jump mechanics in this game.
As soon as my feet left the ground, I started rising in the air. Three Cobracats lunged out of the darkness and landed in the exact spot where I'd been standing just half a second before.
If I hadn't jumped, I would have died.
Instead of killing me, however, the Cobracats hit one another, and then started spitting and puffing and shrieking and trading blows. They looked mad.
“Hehe, stupid cats,” I said, falling right next to my chain-scythe, rolling over one shoulder and picking it up. “Holy s-word, when did I become so nimble? My dexterity must be off the charts!”
I got to my feet and spun the scythe around, getting ready. I was standing a few feet away from two of the windmills, which still spun furiously around me, sucking things into them like a jet turbine. I'd have to be very careful around them, unless I wanted to become a very gruesome version of Whiskas Wet Meal. At least now I knew what they were for.
“Pss pss pss!” I shouted at the cats. They stopped fighting and turned to look at me, red aura appearing around the three of them. “Come to papa!”
BATTLE MODE – ENGAGED
Cobracat of Darkness – I
Level 6
HP: 20/45
Cobracat of Darkness – II
Level 3
HP: 12/20
Cobracat of Darkness – III
Level 3
HP: 14/20
“Well, what do you know?” I said, as Epic Battle Music started playing again. It must have stopped as soon as the chain-scythe flew away from my hands, but I was too busy to notice. Now that the Battle Mode got re-engaged, however, it was playing again, and my hair stood on end once more. I wondered if I looked like an anime character at this point, generic or not. Also, it looked like all that fighting among themselves cost the cats a lot of HP. A part of my brain started screaming at me.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
“Thomas, why didn't you let the cats fight to the death?” I asked myself.
“Well, that wouldn't be very heroic, would it?” I replied.
“Have you ever heard of the Darwin Awards?”
My outer monologue was rudely interrupted when one of the Cobracats of Darkness lunged at me without warning. I thought about dodging the attack and hitting it with the scythe, but that was getting old. So, in a split-second, I decided to YOLO it all and simply jumped as high as I could.
As I went up a good eight feet in the air, I saw Cobracat III getting sucked in by one of the windmills. The cat tried to swim away in the air, but the power of the, ahem, Tower, was way too great. I thought about looking away, but couldn't. To my surprise, there was no blood, no gore, no screaming, nothing. As soon as it touched the windmill, Cobracat III simply disappeared. It was pretty clean. I liked it.
As I started falling back down, a new item appeared behind the killer windmill: it looked like half a dozen cubes of meat, each the size of my fist, neatly piled up. White aura. Click.
Cobracat of Darkness Meat
Ingredient
“Holy s-word,” I said as both my feet touched the ground. And then I heard a strange noise beside me that had absolutely nothing to do with the two remaining Cobracats.
It was my egg.
In the middle of all that chaos with the giant barn, the windmills, the mirror, the scythe, my generic appearance, the Terms and Conditions, and suddenly the attack of the beasts of darkness, I had completely forgotten about my Stupendous Egg. I could vaguely recall setting it on the grass close to the barn when Claire started my ill-fated Tour de Farm, and then it completely disappeared from my memory.
“Hi boy,” I said, and the egg freaking hopped to get close to me. For a second there I thought I was hallucinating, but then it hopped once again.
It was an egg.
And it was hopping.
As far as I knew, eggs did not hop.
I tried patting it like a dog, but the egg was so hot I pulled away in pain, blowing on my hand. Thank the Devs there was no damage there, otherwise I'd be dead.
“Hey!” I said. “I didn't mean to forget you!”
Two powerful Piercing Shrieks hit my ears at the same time, and this time it felt like someone had hammered a pair of rusty nails into my skull. The shrieks were a good reminder that my weak memory would not save me in this place.
“Be careful, boy,” I told the egg, preparing my chain-scythe. “Stay close to me. The cats are dangerous.”
The Cobracats of Darkness started pacing back and forth in front of me and my egg, letting out low growls that sounded a lot like distorted meows. For all their posing, however, they seemed reluctant to attack. Maybe seeing their friend get turned into cubes of meat put fear in their digital hearts.
On the other hand, I was completely stuck. With the single hitpoint I had left, I couldn't simply throw myself against the cats, could I? If a simple tail whip had cost me two HP...
As I looked around considering my options, my eyes fell on the pile of meat cubes behind the windmill.
“Well...” I said.
I looked at the meat cubes. Then I looked at the cats. Then I looked back at the meat cubes.
“I wonder what this will do to my karma score,” I said, and my egg shook. If that shake was approval or disappointment, I will never know.
I got down on my belly and started crawling towards the meat cubes, holding my scythe like a soldier holds his rifle during a crawling exercise. I was doing my best to avoid the deathly windmills on either side of me, eyes focused on the meat cubes ahead, when a new option appeared on my HUD:
Cobracat of Darkness Meat
Ingredient
ADD TO INVENTORY?
“Huh,” I said. I was still some five feet away from the items, so that was a welcome sight. “I can do that?”
The meat cubes disappeared from my sight and suddenly filled one of my empty slots.
“Oh, this is neat!” I said, almost getting to my feet and getting my head chopped off.
Instead, heart racing with tension, I slowly crawled back to my previous position, next to the Stupendous Egg of Flame. The egg seemed relieved to see me back in one piece. How do I know that? I have no idea. Maybe I'm just hallucinating. Maybe nothing is real. Anyway, I gave the egg a reassuring smile. I wasn't too keen on patting it again, for fear of dying a fiery death.
I opened my inventory and pulled out one of the cubes of meat, holding it in my hand. The thing was soft and squishy, and smelled of cat food.
The two Cobracats of Darkness stopped pacing and suddenly their ears perked up. They licked their lips.
“Oh man,” I said, half disappointed, half disgusted, half relieved. And before you judge me for having three halves, I'll let you know I am a complex and mysterious man of many talents. “This used to be your brother. Or sister. I can't really tell.”
The two Cobracats sat down, licking their lips.
“I can't believe this,” I said, shaking my head.
And then I threw the big meat cube to the beasts.
The two Cobracats jumped at the same time, trying to snatch it in the air.
They got tangled in one another, fell to the grass, and then they started fighting.
They hissed, they puffed, they slapped at each other a few times, and suddenly they were tangled in a big ball of meows and hisses, just like stray cats fighting on the rooftop. Except these ones were the size of panters, and made of liquid darkness. The meat cube that had once been their relative completely forgotten.
I looked at the egg, the egg looked at me, and I swear before God Almighty: the egg shrugged. The f-wording egg f-wording shrugged.
Nothing made any sense anymore, but at least the cats were gone. I had no idea how long they would keep on fighting, so I quickly added the egg to my inventory, held the scythe with both hands, and ran.