The plan ran into problems almost immediately.
Of course it did; the plan was a half-baked idea based solely on getting Danielle out of a bad situation with very little thought to practicality. Things like how to spring her from her secluded mansion with a top of the line home defense system? Mere details. Whether to inform my parents or Jerry’s mom of what we were doing or just winging it? Couldn’t be that important. What the hell we were going to do once we got to Chicago or jumped off the train somewhere along the way? Eh, we’d figure it out. The plan had more holes in it than a colander, and it couldn’t even help make pasta.
It was sheer dumb luck that proved our greatest ally. There was a train to Chicago scheduled for late morning the next day. It just so happened to be a day Alyssa had only afternoon classes, leaving her free to ferry us to Charlottesville. We’d be able to keep Danielle’s parents largely out of the loop by going to school in the morning like normal, just immediately ditching and never showing up for class. The only somewhat tricky part was her packing a bag; Jerry and I could stow things in Alyssa’s car, but someone on her mansion’s staff would ask questions if Danielle left for school with a large duffle bag. Alyssa came through for us on that front by packing up some of her clothes and supplies, leaving Danielle to empty her normal school bookbag for her essentials. They wouldn’t be quite the right size, but it was a start. We just had to hope Danielle’s parents weren’t obsessively monitoring her bank cards, as our only other plan was her withdrawing a bunch of cash and buying out our local Target or thrift shop. If nothing else, that would make for good camouflage. No one expected the heiress to be wearing fashions from the big box store or whatever we could scrounge from the thrift shop.
To my complete lack of surprise, Jerry had a bag already packed and ready to go. He’d alluded to it before in a peculiar tone of voice, one that said it was a joke on the surface but look deeper for a moment and you’d see how serious he was. The joking veneer was completely gone now, and he just seemed exhausted, like he couldn’t be bothered to make the token effort it would take to keep it up. Now that I thought about it, he’d seemed a bit off all day, from skipping school to his adamant denial in the park to little moments of hesitation in our usual banter. He was keeping something close to his chest, something that was somehow convincing him to throw in with our mad escape plan for flimsy reasons, yet also preventing him from asking deeper questions about what was going on with me and Danielle. It was his nature to needle and deflect serious conversation, so I doubted anyone else had picked up on it, but when you develop a certain rhythm over years of friendship, the smallest disruptions seem huge.
Regardless, it was one less thing we had to deal with. I always knew Jerry wanted to get away from his mom and blaze his own trail as soon as possible, but I’d never imagined I’d be included along with a celebrity guest. Granted, this wasn’t the way he’d foreseen it either. The bag was a just-in-case measure, one he was planning on adding to until high school graduation before getting as far out of town as he could manage with his limited funds. I knew he had a group of friends online scattered throughout the country, and I figured he was planning on crashing with one of them and trying to build a life in a new state. I couldn’t exactly blame him; his family was a complete mess and it was killing him inside to see his mom become more and more manic and convinced that just one more session would bring her clarity and fated success. She was an addict, and her drug of choice was false hope.
I threw another couple of shirts into the duffle bag I was packing and sighed. This was not how I envisioned my life going. Like anyone, I’d had the usual fantasies of what my List would be, how it would connect me with my soulmate or lead me to success. For a while I’d hoped it would guide me towards acting roles that would help me make it big, until I realized that I was a medium-sized fish in a small pond: good enough for a local high school, not Hollywood or Broadway material. Miss Reinhart had called it the everyman syndrome when I’d asked her once. It wasn’t that I was bad at any aspect of acting, but I didn’t have one thing that stood out above the rest. She thought that even those actors who usually played the everyman character had some quality that always shone through - overwhelming sincerity, tenacity, or sheer presence. I had above-average comic timing and a good ability to improvise and play off others. It was more than most could say, but not enough to catapult me into stardom. It had been a rude awakening when she’d explained it last fall, but I found myself thankful now. If I’d still been clinging to that particular dream yesterday, today would have been that much more devastating.
And God, I was desperately trying not to think about my own dearth of fate. Just like I’d noticed something was up with Jerry, I’m sure he’d noticed the same with me. Hell, Danielle probably picked up on it and we’d only become friends today. I was lucky in one sense - they knew something was wrong, but I knew they’d never guess what it was in a million years. It was completely outside the realm of comprehension. If anyone had ever been Listless before me, they’d certainly never recorded it. The List was the one ubiquitous factor across countries, cultures, and languages. Even the uncontacted tribes in the Amazon presumably had Lists, probably ones that were telling them to stay away from outsiders. I was alone on my fate-deserted island, not even a volleyball companion to observe my declining grip on sanity.
Only I wasn’t alone in real life. It was a blessing and a curse. I’d heard it said that the best distraction from your own problems is helping someone else with theirs, and Danielle needed plenty of help right now. Still, it meant being in close proximity to her and Jerry for however long we could stay ahead of her parents and probably truant officers. They wouldn’t find it weird that I didn’t get a tick mark for the first few months, hell, even a year or two wasn’t out of the question for all that people thought of the first point as the easy one. But they would be curious. Jerry knew me and Danielle was scarily observant. They would see that not all my anxiety was from Danielle’s situation, and they would know as well as anyone that varied experiences usually had the best chances of ticking off a point. I’d have to tell them eventually, or else I’d slip up at the worst possible time. They’d look at me like I was an alien or a freak or a demon and abandon me in some godforsaken city in Kentucky and I’d be forced to become a farmhand to survive until an accident with an unruly horse left me in a vegetative state.
I sat down and cradled my head in my hands. Things were moving too quickly, including my thoughts. I’d had morning panic attack, yes, but what about evening panic attack? It was currently knocking on the door as I mentally cowered in a ball with all the lights off hoping it would think I wasn’t home. When it slinked away after a few deep breaths, I could only thank my mind’s No Solicitors sign. It was really doing god’s work.
Exhausted and overwhelmed, I don’t think I made the conscious choice to go to sleep so much as it snuck up and sucker-punched me. The next thing I knew, my obnoxious phone alarm was ringing and the sun was peeking over the horizon. For just a moment, I could pretend it was a regular day. I’d meet up with Jerry at school, have some unremarkable classes, admire Danielle from afar, and live my typical seven out of ten, nothing great but above average life. That fantasy was shattered as Alyssa stumbled blearily into my room, eyes full of sleepy indignation at whatever was causing that infernal racket. I grimaced and moved to shut off my alarm before she zeroed in on it. She didn’t often get to sleep in and if anything dared interrupt her on the few days she could, it very rarely survived unscathed.
I mechanically went through my morning routine, feeling detached from my physical existence. It was as if I’d overclocked my processors yesterday and now they were struggling to reestablish equilibrium. I didn’t hold out much hope of finding it, but a cup of coffee at least brought life back to my eyes. It couldn’t do anything about the bags underneath said eyes, those were packed and determined to join me on this harebrained adventure. Mom’s fidgeting seemed especially bad that morning and I could tell she was trying to puzzle out why Alyssa was awake so early and not buying her excuse of getting some extra time with the college’s fashion studio for her projects. Thankfully she had to leave for a morning shift at the office today before she could wrangle a confession out of either of us with her mothering guilt trip powers.
In my morning stupor, I’d almost forgotten Jerry had slept over until he slumped down at the breakfast table, looking as wrung out as I felt. He tipped his coffee mug in a mock toast which I returned and no words were needed. I wanted to treasure this moment of almost-normalcy as much as I could. I didn’t know when the next time would be that I’d sit at this table, dodging questions from Alyssa or poking fun at Dad for his stick in the mud ways. I realized I didn’t want any of that to end. For as much as I’d longed for something important to be on my List and a way to spread my wings, I would desperately miss coming home at the end of the day and having a family that was imperfect but loving waiting for me. I’d even miss hearing Mom fret over the latest Dateline episode and instruct me on how to avoid my hypothetical murder.
It was only then that I really accepted I was running away from home. Not in the eight-year-old throwing a tantrum kind of way and not in the troubled teen falling in with a bad crowd way, but running away from home nonetheless. All the best intentions in the world didn’t change the facts. I didn’t want to leave, but I needed to. I couldn’t abandon Danielle to whatever designer fate her parents were cooking up for her, not when I’d just managed to become her first real friend. If I abandoned her now, I doubt she’d ever trust anyone again. I couldn’t have that on my conscience. I couldn’t be the reason for her awkward sincerity being crushed into another jaded, winner-take-all Fulfiller mold. I just hoped my Mom and Dad would understand.
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“So.” Jerry broke the heavy silence that had fallen over the table. “We’re really doing this.”
“Damn straight.” I said.
“May God have mercy on our souls.”
“You’re an atheist.”
“And I still think the nonexistent big guy has more mercy to offer than the Harps.” Jerry frowned. “Well, two-thirds of the Harps, I suppose. Remains to be seen how much mercy Danielle has in reserve.”
“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Alyssa breathed.
“You’re not doing much besides driving us to Charlottesville.” I pointed out.
“Aiding and abetting! Or something like that.” She argued.
Jerry clicked his tongue. “You make us sound like criminals. For all you know, we’re just taking a spontaneous cross-country adventure like the rebellious, irresponsible teens we are. Nothing criminal about that, is there?”
“I feel like there probably is, but it’s too early in the morning for me to care enough to look it up.” She grumbled, taking another swig of coffee.
“Ignorance is bliss.” I agreed.
“Ignorance of the law is no excuse for breaking it.” She fired back halfheartedly.
“I’m almost positive nothing we’re doing is actually illegal.” Jerry pointed out. “Maybe the skipping school part. It would suck if truant officers were our downfall, wouldn’t it?”
“I’ll add that to the list of things I’m internally freaking out about, thanks.” I said dryly. Jerry just gave a thumbs-up in response, the bastard. We lapsed back into silence, each of us picking at our cereal or toast. I could only choke down a little bit, my stomach already feeling like there was a lead weight in it. I didn’t usually think of myself as a meticulous planner, but I always had more of a plan than ‘get on the train and hope for the best’. On the plus side, we’d be unpredictable. On the other hand, we had no idea what we were doing. The other hand felt pretty heavy right now.
There are certain days that were seared in my memory, where every moment was perfectly preserved and I could remember exactly how I felt at each one. Yesterday was one such day. Today was the opposite kind, where I blinked and suddenly we were pulling up to the school. It was like highway hypnosis: I knew at some point I’d gotten ready, loaded my things into Alyssa’s car, and set off for school. There had probably been a conversation in there at some point, though I’d be shocked if my responses were anything beyond grunts of acknowledgement. Either way, the next thing I knew Jerry and I were being ushered into the student council room by a flustered-looking Danielle.
It was still Danielle, so her standard of flustered was a few hairs out of place and a slight tension to her expression. A quick glance told me that she’d tried to dress down as much as possible today, but even my layman’s eye could tell that her blouse and skirt were more expensive than any piece of clothing I owned. It was her eyes that betrayed her mood the most though. Normally so inscrutable, today I could see right through the blue surface to the currents of excitement hidden within tides of anxiety. She was clearly nervous at leaving everything behind and possible parental retribution, but thrilled to finally be taking control of her own life.
“Thank you both so much.” She gushed, words moving just a hair faster than her normal cadence. “Are we ready?”
“As ready as we can be.” Jerry replied. “Good news, there’s not much of a plan if things start to go off track. Bad news, there’s not much of a plan.”
“Pretty much that.” I agreed. “I know we’ll need to disable any location tracking on your phone before we leave, but once we’re on the train we need to come up with something more solid than ‘go to Chicago’. I don’t think we stand much of a chance on the streets.”
“That’s true.” Danielle pursed her lips. “I’m sorry I can’t be more help. I only have a few personal accounts and I’m sure my parents will be monitoring them closely once they realize I’m gone.”
“Can we withdraw some cash before we leave town?” I asked. “It won’t give them much of a trail to go on but it can only help us down the line.”
She nodded. “Certainly a better idea than having it be out of reach unless we want to broadcast our location.”
“Then we just need to wait for the bell, hang a left toward the freshman classrooms, and get out the side door for Alyssa to pick us up.” Jerry said, then sighed. “Never thought I’d be doing this with you, miss president.”
“Please don’t call me that.” Danielle paused in contemplation, then decided to barrel ahead with potentially awkward questions anyway. “Forgive me for saying this, Mr. Martin, but why exactly are you coming along? I understand wanting to help Connor, but I was under the impression I wasn’t your favorite person.”
“And here I was under the same impression.” Jerry sniped back, then gave a quick huff. “If it helps you feel better, it was nothing personal. It still isn’t, not really. I’d been planning to get away for a while.”
“I see. But you must understand that coming with me is riskier than going alone. My parents won’t just throw up their hands and give up.”
“I know.” Jerry said darkly. “Let’s just say I have some experience with shitty parents. Kind of on the opposite end of the spectrum from yours, but enough that I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.” He shrugged and smirked, voice lightening. “Plus if I can turn the straight-laced Danielle Harp into a rebel, that’ll be one hell of a story to tell.”
“Revolutionary, Mr. Martin.” She reminded him with a small smile. “Those are the successful ones.”
“You better start calling me Jerry, that formality will just make you stand out. Call it the first battle of your revolution.”
She blinked. “Of course… Jerry.”
I shuddered. “Why does it sound so weird to hear you say his name?”
“Uncanny valley. It’s like someone trying to mimic being casual without knowing how.” Jerry snarked.
Danielle gave an honest to god pout. “Was it not right? I’ll have to practice… Connor, how do I usually say your name?”
I raised my hands in surrender. “Naturally?” I squeaked out. She gave me a flat look. “Less like you’re about to tell him that he’s fired? We’ll workshop it.”
“Right.” She said before the warning bell cut off the rest of her sentence.
“Looks like that’s our cue.” Jerry said, rising to his feet and grabbing his bookbag. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
The three of us made for an odd group weaving through crowds of students, but hopefully not enough to strongly stick in anyone’s memory. It helped that Danielle was doing her best to slouch and keep her eyes down, though her best on that front was slightly less than perfect posture and a three degree downturn. Baby steps that I was glad she was taking, but ones that might have made us stand out even more. Still, we made it to the side exit by the freshman classrooms and pottery studio and slipped out the door. It was a quick jaunt across the parking lot from there and a turn behind some trees until we’d reached the side street and relative safety of Alyssa’s car.
It was probably the first time Danielle had ever been in any car that wasn’t luxury. Luckily she was more curious than disdainful, but I could tell she didn’t like the incense and acetone smell any more than I did. Alyssa was strangely silent, taking our direction to head to the bank first with nothing more than a nod. I wondered if it was hitting her now that I was really leaving or if she was just intimidated to be ferrying Danielle around. Probably both.
She found her voice as she parked around the corner from the bank’s ATM. “I’ve seen enough cop shows to know not to be caught on camera. I don’t want to get tagged as an accomplice.” Danielle accepted that reasoning with a curt nod while Jerry protested that we still weren’t doing anything illegal. I had a feeling he was willing to die on that hill. Danielle returned after a few minutes of tense silence and we took off once more. It was easier to head to the thrift store on the side of town closer to Richmond, just to further confuse anyone trying to track us down. Were we being ridiculously paranoid? Absolutely. Was it effective? Probably not. We did it anyway.
This time I followed Danielle as she got out of the car while Alyssa and Jerry stayed behind, Jerry having taken Danielle’s phone to try to disable any clandestine tracking her parents had put on it and Alyssa just very into her role as getaway driver or not wanting to incriminate herself further. We browsed the racks quickly, gathering up whatever we could that would fit and wasn’t horrifically eye-catching, always a smaller selection than you’d think in a thrift store. Danielle paused as she absentmindedly looked at some neon 80’s monstrosity.
“Connor.” Her voice was soft but serious. “I know we talked about it yesterday and you must be feeling some obligation because of-”
“I’m gonna stop you there.” I interrupted. “My only obligation is to be a good friend. I could have done that by covering for you and helping you get out of town. Everything else is my choice.”
“But why?” Danielle looked so lost and frustrated in that moment.
My gaze softened. “You’re really not used to people doing things for you and not to gain favor with your family, are you?” She nodded. “We’ll add it to the list of things to fix about your life. Is it so incomprehensible that I would want to help you for your sake, not for any promise of a reward?” From the look on her face, it was exactly that incomprehensible, and I added a few more creative curses to my list of names for Danielle’s parents.
“Hey.” I said gently. “We’re gonna make it out. There’s a whole world outside that bubble they’ve kept you in, and we’re gonna see all of it that we can. You can decide which bits of your childhood are worth keeping, you don’t owe them anything anymore. You’re free to be whoever you want to be.”
Her look of watery-eyed gratitude seared itself into my brain even before she threw her arms around me in a tight hug. If she sniffled a few times, neither of us were keen to mention it. It just firmed my resolve. Now that I could see the real Danielle emerging from her shell, I wasn’t about to let her family’s fucked-up notions of success dictate her life anymore. I was gonna need to brush up on my improv skills and hope my luck was good, cause this plan had to work no matter how half-baked it was.