Chapter III - Birthday
“Hey Nelya, how did it go?”
“Pretty badly...I left out a whole question.”
“Aww, but we studied so hard!”
Six years. Six whole years with Lillya by my side.
It was an average day. Lillya and I walked out of the school yard as I sighed. The math test I had that morning was too hard – I felt really down.
“I know...but I just can’t seem to get things done right since inequations came in.” I sighed again. “I have to trace back and re-study them from the start, I suppose.”
“I’m helping you, don’t worry!” She patted my back, her smile encouraging me.
“Thank you, I guess.” I shrugged. “You can help, but I still have to give the brains. If I can’t be smart enough, your help will be nought.”
“Then we’ll make your smart enough! Simple!” She giggled. “Come on, Nelya. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“Anyway...what did you tell Friedrick?” I asked her. Friedrick was this nice guy that attended our school in the next class. He was Lillya’s most recent suitor. He even came to her with a letter and all.
“That I wasn’t interested.” She shrugged.
“What? Why?” I widened my eyes. “He looked like such a nice guy!”
“Eh...whatever.” She shrugged again.
The more time passed, the more beautiful she became. She was one of the most popular girls at school, and she had many suitors kneeling before her feet. She refused them all...always. I didn’t understand how and why, since I was desperate for some...girl to notice me and as messed up as I was.
Some guys confessed to me during the latest years, but I always refused them because somehow I just couldn’t feel attracted to them.
I didn't know why, or how. But for the past three years or so, I had been trying to live with my attraction to females. I felt disgusted and ashamed at first...but during this period, I was slowly accepting it and I was actively on the lookout of other girls that shared my own common idea.
“More importantly, do you want to hang out today? Or maybe you want to study?”
“Tomorrow is your birthday. Let’s wait tomorrow, so we can have fun.”
The next day would have been the day Lillya came to our house. Back then, she wanted it to be her new birthday, instead of using her old one. Nobody objected.
“Oh well, yes. It does make sense.” She nodded. “Ah, there’s Satomi, let’s go.”
We hopped on Satomi’s carriage and went back home.
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“Hm…”
I read the first notions of inequations again. I had to start over and try to catch up. Lillya was there with me, reading a book.
After a while, I decided to take a break and stretch, moving my eyes upon her. She was reading it again.
“Are you seriously reading it again?” I sighed, walking over her. “How many times have you read it by now?”
“It never gets old.” She muttered with a sweet smile. “I love it. It’s a pity that this copy is worn.”
“Huh…”
I took the book from her hands, checking its state. Yes, the pages indeed were a little yellow, and the cover was slowly coming off.
I checked the page she was on...and coincidentally, it was the same quote of back then.
> ‘’What is life? a tale that is told;
> What is life? a frenzy extreme,
> A shadow of things that seem;
> And the greatest good is but small,
> That all life is a dream to all,
> And that dreams themselves are a dream.’’
“Yes, it is...a little worn.” I sighed, giving it back to her.
“What is that look, Nelya?” She immediately asked, noticing my expression.
“Nothing. It’s just that quote.” I shook my head. “I still can’t understand why you like a book with such confusing things inside. I already hate normal books.”
“Because it means everything to me. It explains why we’re here.” She hugged it.
I turned around and sighed through my nose. Talking with her was even more boring than studying...so I sat back at my chair.
“Tomorrow I’ll be sixteen, Nelya.” She suddenly said. “Same as you.”
“Yes, I know.” I looked over her again, raising my eyebrow. “Why are you telling me?”
She smiled, turning another page.
“Because we’re finally reaching the end.”
Her voice trailed off, her eyes fixed on the book. Her gaze seemed distant, admiring something past that book, something past this room.
“The end? What?” I was confused. She blurted that nonsense out of nowhere, and I haven no idea of what to make out of it. “W-What do you mean?” I asked again.
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Instead of a reply, she smiled and closed the book gently, her fingers caressing its spine with an irreverent touch. She turned to me after standing up, going over the window to look outside.
“Nelya, there are some things you still don’t understand...like that quote in the book. There are forces...forces that guided us to meet, and to live together for these uneventful, boring six years.” She explained, playing with her own hair. “But tomorrow...all will be revealed. Tomorrow, I’ll show you true happiness.”
I felt a shiver eating my bones. What was she talking about? The first thing that came to my mind was an elaborate joke – maybe she felt a little silly and wanted to prank me.
But that gaze...that gaze oozed something I felt both attracted to and repelled from. I couldn’t convince myself she was kidding.
“If you say so…” I looked confused, giving her a final look that tried to make myself look untouched by those eerie words.
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“Aren’t you coming to school today?”
Lillya was lying on our bed, humming happily as she read that same book. I grimaced as I looked at the cover.
“It’s my birthday!”
“So?”
“So I need to prepare everything for tonight!” She exclaimed happily.
“Mom and dad will take care of that with the servants.”
“I want to help!” She pouted.
“But what about your perfect scores?” I frowned. “You didn’t miss one day.”
“There won’t be any reason to worry about school scores when this day is over.”
I swallowed nervously. That look again. Her red eyes glimmered, something ominous hidden deep within their irises.
I shook my head and sighed. “Just make sure to not make mom angry because of this. Bye.”
I closed the door and left in a hurry. I didn’t want to spend one more minute with her looking at me like that. I was very worried of what she was up to.
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We stopped at a library before going home. I asked Satomi to buy Lillya yet another present. I hopped off the carriage by myself, nodding to Satomi as to thank her.
“Isn’t she going to have a dozen of presents already?!” Annaliese retorted. “What’s the point?”
“Come on, let her buy something. She’s her best friend after all.” Rosie, which was picked up from her shop right after closing time, nudged her playfully. “Go, Nelya!”
I sighed and entered the library, and after some search I found the book I was searching for.
I stared at it, swallowing my anxiety.
Was I doing the right thing? Buying Lillya a fresh, new copy of this book would have meant bringing it up again, and her starting to talk about it.
Come on, Nelya. Don’t be ridiculous.” I muttered, clenching my fingers around the spine. “She’s just being a little playful.”
I tried to relieve my nervousness by playing with the fresh paper of the book, opening a random one.
> “What is life? a tale that is told;
> What is life? a frenzy extreme,
> A shadow of things that seem;
> And the greatest good is but small,
> That all life is a dream to all,
> And that dreams themselves are a dream.”
I widened my eyes and gasped. Everyone looked at me confused as the browsed through other books.
Again. That quote again…it didn’t want to get out of my head. I placed the book back and left in a hurry. I didn't want to buy it.
“Nelya, are you okay?” Katherine asked as I sat right beside her.
“Y-Yes...I am.” I nodded, swallowing hard. “They don't have what I'm searching for here. We're late...I'll buy her the book another day.
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We arrived at home while the sun was already setting. Satomi had to take so many detours that I didn’t even have the chance to relax a little before the party.
I hurried to my bedroom, opening the door wide. I hid the book in my school suitcase, so that she could receive in due time. I saw her on the bed, combing her hair as she wore one of her best dresses.
“Wow, you look so pretty!” I exclaimed.
“But of course, it’s my birthday...after all.” She replied calmly. “You should make yourself beautiful too, Nelya. Tonight will be very important.”
“Uhm jokes aside…” I sat beside her, looking her in the eyes through our mirror. “What the heck did you mean yesterday night?”
“I meant what I said, my dear Nelya.” She stopped combing, putting her hand on mine. “Tonight, all will be revealed.”
“Stop being so creepy!” I exclaimed, getting up from the bed and backing off. “What’s up with you?!”
“Hey, relax.” She stopped smiling, looking concerned instead. She hugged me softly. “I’m sorry. Let’s just enjoy this night together, alright?”
“M-Mh…” I nodded slowly. “I have to wash now, I’ll see you later.”
“Sure thing.” She stepped back, smiling again. “I’ll be downstairs, dinner is almost ready.”
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“And so our Lillya turns sixteen!” Gale exclaimed. Everyone clapped their hands as Lillya blew towards the candles.
“I’m so happy! Finally I’m sixteen like Nelya!” She hugged me tightly, giggling happily.
“Yes! My two babies are growing up so fast! Just like all the others…” mom looked at everyone with a bitter smile.
“Lillya, you’ve been a great addition to our household.” Dad rose his glass of wine. “I still remember the day you came to us, asking for help. You were so brave.”
“I’m glad you think so, dad.” She nodded again. “I love this family so much, these six years have been wonderful.”
Suddenly, Kruz entered the dining hall, reaching dad’s ear as he whispered something. “Whatever. We’ll look into it tomorrow morning. She’s probably taking nap...let the poor thing rest.” Dad replied.
“What’s going on?” I asked Lillya.
“Ferya is nowhere to be found since this morning.” She giggled. “I guess she really didn’t want to celebrate my birthday.”
Ferya was gone? That was odd. Even if she was very quiet, she always was around.
Kruz left the dining hall and dinner went on normally, though Lillya had a weird smile from then on.
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“Happy birthday again and goodnight.” Katherine smiled at us as we were all going to bed before disappearing inside her room.
“Ahhh! Finally, we’re alone.” Lillya plopped herself on the bed, stretching wide.
“Did you like your party?” I asked her, removing my earrings and placing them on the desk.
Suddenly, I felt her hand grabbing mine. She turned me around, bringing my body against hers...her hand on my back, firmly grasping the cloth of my dress.
“The night isn’t over, Nelya.”
She leaned closer, her breath cold against the sensitive skin of my neck. “There’s something you need to know about me, Nelya.” She whispered, her tone nothing more than a haunting murmur. “Something dark, something I’ve been hiding from you all this time, beneath the thin surface of our normal, ordinary lives.”
“W-What?” I pressed my hands against her shoulders, trying to push her away...but she held onto me, tightening her grip. Fear prickled at the edges of my mind.
“Shh...you just have to listen to me. Closely.” She muttered.
Her wet lips planted themselves on my neck. I felt a jolt of pleasure mixed with fear, running all the way down to my toes. Why was she doing such a thing? Did she know my deep secret?
“The things I’ve done, the things I’ve said – they’re all connected...woven together in a tangled web of deception. I’m sorry. I’m not who you think I am.”
“L-Lillya…” I moaned her name as she kept her lips against my neck, her teeth gently grazing the skin all of a sudden. “...s-stop…!”
“I want to reveal myself to you.” She whispered. Her tongue ran up all the way to my cheek, her breath shaky.
“I need you to accept me...Nelya.”