Chapter IV - Hidden shadows
“Okay...so what did she look like exactly?”
William brushed my back slowly, up and down, up and down...calming me. It was the middle of the night of the same day, and after I made sure Nelya was asleep, I went knocking on William’s door.
That thing I saw in the mirror...could have been related to my joints, and I had to tell him about it.
“She...I don’t really remember, it was a brief instant.” I shook my head, grasping his strong, big hand with mine. “But I saw a big, evil smile and blonde hair...just like mom’s.”
“Okay, and what did you feel after turning around?”
“S-Scared. I thought she was still around, but invisible.”
“Okay, so you immediately went to the ‘’it’s real’’ route, didn’t you?”
“I-I’m sorry.”
“No, no it’s okay.” He reassured me, taking a deep breath.
“I just need to know how to approach this.”
Since my brother is honest...he’s been telling me the truth since the start – all of this was probably mental.
He didn’t call me crazy, but he didn’t doubt that the puppet joints...and then that random woman I saw...it was all in my head.
Surprisingly, my emotions took that very well...it was reasonable.
After all, who could know what the hell happened to me before I lost my memories and ended up in front of that mansion? Maybe my mother was a blonde, abusive woman that hit me and made me cry all the times...and that was why I saw her that night.
William suggested many times therapy, but I couldn’t leave the mansion because of that other condition...and neither of us wanted our family to ever know a thing about this...so we couldn’t make a therapist sneak inside our home.
My best bet...was to study psychology and try to fix myself. That was the truth behind my studies. Though I had made some progress throughout those six years...I never came close to a solution.
“W-What do I do?” I asked him. “If this woman is a sign of my...mental condition worsening, that means everything I did was vain.” I mewled through my whisper, a lump in my throat forming as I felt despair.
“Hey, hey. Nothing we’ve been doing has ever been vain, okay Lillya?” He grasped my shoulders, putting his forehead against mine. “Jesus, I wish I could be here with you for a full year...I could help you more.”
“N-No...there’s no need.” I shook my head. “I have to be by myself...or I’ll never get out it.”
“Listen, here’s what you should do.” William said, staring in my eyes with a determined, strong expression. “The next time you see that woman...just pretend she is not there. Tell yourself over and over that she isn’t real, and that you are not a puppet. Okay? Can you do that for me?”
“I...y-yes. I will do it.”
“Don’t talk to her, don’t look at her. Keep going...keep going towards that direction. Don't let whatever is eating your mind win, okay? As soon as you interact with such visions, you are enforcing them.”
I nodded, keeping my tears inside my chest.
It wasn’t going to be easy...but William was right. The very fact that I went in his room, telling him about it...made that hallucination win, because I acknowledged its presence.
I stood up and took a deep breath, smiling at him. “Thank you Will...I feel a little better.”
“It’s no problem, really.” He shook his head, a warm smile. “Anything for my little sister.”
I went back after that.
My gaze fell to Nelya’s sleeping body.
I took another deep breath, my sleepiness slowly taking over my fuzzy mind. That vision scared me, but I was calmer after talking with my dear brother.
I sat on the bed, caressing Nelya’s arm with a smile. Then I laid down and closed my eyes…
...and that day was over.
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We were having breakfast together at the dining hall. I was sitting next to Nelya at the left end of the table, as always. All my siblings were going to leave for school and work that morning.
Vance and Gale were there, my other two brothers.
image [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/ktu7d81rbr00vfzqx18vh/Vance.png?rlkey=k9j5s60rh2u4l2v9ispat0z7x&raw=1]
Vance was twenty four and was an artist. His black, short hair paired with his blue eyes made him look quite ‘’plain’’, compared to our other siblings. He wasn’t a bad-looking guy though...I just think that the fourteen-year old me simply preferred more peculiar guys, such as William. He painted, painted and painted. It was his whole life. He also made a portrait for me, which hanged in my room.
image [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/jsexntbanuu2ujpvtdc1g/Gale.png?rlkey=3yidh4o0m3zq0kzw9ltfwvaeu&raw=1]
And then Gale...he was Vance’s best friend and best brother he could ask for. They were so close to each other that they almost forgot they had a whole family sometimes. He had studied at the same academy my sisters and Vance attended, and despite his high results...he wasn’t serious at all. His blonde, long hair always was a subject of debate with my mother...who wasn’t very proud of that hairstyle. But he kept them nonetheless...saying they helped him expressing himself more. He was twenty-five.
Those two always went having fun around the city...they had a whole friend group in town and sometimes, being that they both were of legal age and ‘’mature’’, they wouldn’t even come back home after school. They both didn't have a job, as they wanted to enjoy my father's wealth.
We all loved them though, and they loved us...especially me. They found me ‘’cute’’...and after anything I would say, they would ‘’aww’’ me and squeeze my tiny body.
I’ve always been happy to have them around, because they were the brightness of that otherwise calm family.
“So? What did you do last night? You didn’t come back.” Mom asked them.
“Ah! Yeah, we went to drink a few at Billy’s and we...were too drunk to reach home.” Vance nodded. “Sorry mom, should've warned you, I know.”
She sighed while my dad giggled. He was proud of their freedom.
Gale gulped down his glass of water and chuckled.
“Yeah, we were actually planning to come home but then one of our friends asked us to sleep over the booze.”
“He did well.” Dad replied, nodding solemnly. “Since you got your own horses, you are all by yourselves while traveling. You can’t risk getting robbed.”
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“I can throw punches while drunk, dad.” Vance shrugged.
“With those artist’s weak arms? I don’t think so.” Gale teased him.
“Shut up!”
Everyone laughed, except Katherine...who was reading her book as always.
Breakfast was soon over and everyone started grabbing their stuff and head out.
It was part of my routine watching Nelya hop on the carriage together with everyone else and leave. That day wasn’t an exception.
I watched Kruz as he closed the gates, Nelya’s hand waving at me from the rear little window of the carriage.
image [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/envrzh3jput8g98luhh81/Kruz.png?rlkey=1y9sbra3gf6lfnvuu8sulqdm9&raw=1]
Kruz was the only male servant of the mansion, and he was the man who opened the gates for me six years ago, making me join that beautiful family.
He was fifty-two, but he didn’t look spent or weak. He wore his years well.
He was gentle, caring and always on duty. He left no stone unturned and always knew everything that was going on at the mansion.
“Are you okay, miss Lillya?” He asked me, his tone delicate and concerned.
“Huh? U-Uhm...yes, I’m okay. Why?” I asked him, tilting my head.
“You look tired. Did you get enough sleep last night?”
We started walking back to the mansion, through the beautiful courtyard.
“Ah, yes, I did.” I replied chuckling, “It’s just that I went to bed a bit later than usual.”
“You should have slept in, then. You do not have any obligations of waking up early.”
“No…I want to see off Nelya.”
He laughed dearly, caressing my shoulder in a friendly manner. “You really are attached to her, aren’t you?”
“Yes…” I nodded, looking down. I felt embarrassed...every time I had to admit that. I didn’t really know why.
“Nothing changed between you two since that day.” He said, looking up in the sky. “It was a sunny day, just like this one.”
We reached the entrance, I stopped and started heading right. I wanted to reach my spot under the tree, as always. Kruz waved at me smiling, and then got back inside.
As I walked, I saw Steelia.
image [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/12ekm2q16ozkqo1hojdbv/Steelia.png?rlkey=i1k1lvo4lh5b2k9simmoacnoq&raw=1]
“Oh, hi Lillya!”
She was one of the four maids we had. She was in charge of the outdoor maintenance. She was a great gardener. Every flower one saw at the mansion, was a product of her hard, well-paid work...along with everything else.
Throughout those six years, I never really bonded with any of the servants...but they were all very nice and caring, and I paid them back with courtesy, respect and smiles. The family loved them and my father, the one who ‘’owned’’ them, was grateful of their presence.
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I reached the backyard like every other morning, ready to immerse myself into the book I started yesterday.
However, before I even could breathe in the fresh air and smile...I saw someone right under the tree. Arms crosses, looking up at the leaves.
I walked closer, reaching her. She turned around and scanned me...her dead eyes always rubbed me wrong.
She was, I dare to say it, the worst thing that could ever have been in that otherwise beautiful mansion.
image [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/6dzahd2wpe1gvfoymry5u/Erika.png?rlkey=2a7i1qmbzgcr9f4qgc4a7fsrg&raw=1]
Erika.
Erika was...she was my fifth sister. She was just one year older than Nelya and me...fifteen. Yet, she didn’t go to school…
...not because she didn’t want to, or because she suffered and impairment that didn’t let her…
...it was because she was a prodigy girl.
She was adopted just one year before I was, and she was given a second chance at life. It turned out that she had a powerful mind, a talentful soul and a high reputation. It was a habit of hers to tie her hair always in the same way - she had two long twin tails, and she always would put two strands of hair in front of her shoulders. I had never seen her in any other hairstyle. She had dark blue eyes, they were deep and full of judgement.
She had studied at the royal academy at the capital, instead of attending the normal (yet prestigious) one with all my other siblings. She finished all the courses in one single year, came back and started waiting for her age to go up enough to let her leave the mansion and start a rich, powerful life.
At that moment in time, in fact, we were both living the same life...bound to this mansion, waiting for our lives to make a change.
She was FAR worse than Annaliese.
How?
Well...Annaliese picked up on me, because I was weak and ‘’weird’’ to her eyes. While this girl was a cocky, sarcastic, annoying and gigantic pain in the butt to only me...but for a different reason.
She didn’t want to make fun of me, or belittle me...like Annaliese did. She wasn’t the typical girl with an issue with her own personality, that went around and projected her issues onto others.
No. Erika didn’t have any issues with herself. She was perfect to her own eyes.
She hated me because she considered me someone ‘’suspect’’ and thought I had a bad aura.
Through all those six years, she had always made me feel bad for existing.
She had called me ‘’cursed’’ since the day we met, and she was still doing it at that present time.
William, as I said, was the only one who was aware of the joints...and my whole mental problem.
But she knew. Somehow...she knew I was going through something cursed and weird, and she tried to warn my whole family about it many times.
Every single sibling, servant and even my parents luckily never listened to her, and after the first years...they kind of gave up on making us get along.
Mom and dad advised me to simply ’’ignore’’ her like I did with Annaliese. Nelya was currently the only one who tried to make us get along at the time, and it still wasn’t working of course.
The reason I was surprised seeing her at my spot was because she usually shut herself in her room, writing her dear mystery novel.
That morning, though, fate had another plan for the poor me.
“What...what are you doing here?” I asked her.
“What do you mean? This is not your bedroom. I can be here if I want.” She replied, shrugging.
“Okay…” I nodded. “...sorry, I just thought it was strange because I never saw you here.”
Despite the spiteful way I’m describing her...I was weak at the time, and I couldn’t really fight back properly.
“…” She glared at me as I sat down against the tree, opening my book. I tried to ignore her presence, but then I sighed and closed the book merely after a minute, staring at the sky. “...do you need something?”
She ignored me, looking at the trees that surrounded our backyard.
I was on edge, very much. I had seen a terrifying thing the night before, and that following morning she was there at my dear tree. I didn’t know what to do.
Then, she suddenly started speaking.
“Lillya. I have a question. Please refrain from feeling attacked from me...at least this time. I have no intention on berating you.”
“…” I slowly nodded, hugging my book closely.
She turned around, staring at me.
“Did you perhaps see anything strange around the mansion yesterday?”
That question made me lose my own words for a while, a chilling wave all through my bones made me freeze.
How could she know? My head started spinning.
“What do you mean by strange?” I mustered all the strength I could find, taking a hidden, deep breath and trying to calm myself down.
“Like, anything.” She gestured with her hand. “Anything at all. A flash of light, a figure, something moving on its own...anything.”
“Do you mean...if I saw a ghost?” I giggled nervously, trying to get her off track.
But she was relentless. She shook her head and sighed.
“Just answer me.” She demanded.
“No.” I immediately responded, shaking my head profusely.
image [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/jtigdgbhzbxqlrc8i2sza/artist_missile228-a-lot-of-particles-finely-detail-depth-of-field-masterp-s-265896606.png?rlkey=y32327ft0hqq4nblt7y7e7cno&raw=1]
image [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/slkw680sgex1h2qp8y9fh/furudo-erika-artist_missile228-a-lot-of-particles-depth-of-field-best-s-3541243648.png?rlkey=7qtrdrnwg0colzk8y93ag8imu&raw=1]
Erika stared at me. A chilling silence between us.
And then...after a couple of seconds...
“...alright. Thanks.”
...she turned around and walked back inside the mansion.
After I made sure she wasn’t watching me, my breath grew heavier. I held my dress at the level of the chest, trying to calm my heart. A few more seconds, and I would have passed out.
What does this mean?! Was that woman real?
I remembered William’s words after my thoughts. But they clashed against Erika’s question.
Was it a coincidence? Was it not?
Confusion took over, and I couldn’t read anything of that book for the rest of the day.