If you’ve ever fed a cat some catnip, you would understand just how frantically the felinids tore into the griffon. Something about the mana rich meat called out to the slaves. From eclipsiarch, to pantherian, to pardanite, all gathered. They came from across the forest, feeding tens of thousands and creating an industry that would last for several months as the beast was broken down into workable components. Even the elves joined in, with Leandry leading caravans of spiders to and from the carcass, moving mountainous thighs –all four of them– to dinner plates. Her spiders had never feasted so well. Nor on meat so fresh.
Entire houses were crafted from the feathers, with a dozen pillows for each home. And most importantly, Liam was able to make griffon nuggets with a little bit of help from Selewyne and a troublesome amount of input from Moriel Nekohiro, who kept sneaking bites of egg washed or half breaded nuggies.
"Uncle Liam, what exactly are you planning on doing with that?" Nekohiro’s voice broke the silence.
She lingered in her human form, her arms crossed in a display of curious skepticism. While her locks fell in messy strands around her face, the ends curling slightly from the kitchen’s heat.
Liam scratched his beard, his thoughts drifting. "What kinda teenager doesn’t like chicken nuggets?! Stop stealing bits and wait!”
Nekohiro blinked. "Chicken nuggets? But it’s a griffon?"
"Griffon nuggets then," he reasoned. "It’s got a bird head, bird feathers, and bird bones, so there’s bound to be some kind of bird meat in there."
"Griffons don’t exactly scream 'chicken,' Uncle."
“Good thing I made it scream ‘uncle’ instead.” Answered Liam, getting an eyeroll from his niece.
Selewyne, the ever-sophistic mentor, appeared from the kitchen’s edge, his gaze tranquil but his eyebrows slightly raised. "Chicken nuggets, Liam?"
The Lightning Lord shrugged. "I’ve heard legends of roasted griffon wings. Why not chicken nuggets? It’s not like we can have a thigh each! Seriously, those thighs are thicccer than a castle.”
Selewyne sighed, stepping forward to inspect their work. Liam had shredded the meat into a fine mush then squished it all together with a few egg yolks –much to Nekohiro’s horror– to act as a binding agent. In his long life, Selewyne had seen many dishes, including a dozen ways to prepare griffon, but there had never been such large beast slain, and ‘nuggets’ were something new. Culinary experiments held no magical intrigue so shrugged.
“Griffon meat is normally rare, but I daresay, we’ll be tired of griffon jerky before the year is out. Ha, can’t hurt to try something new Princess Moriel, even if it’s just a nibble.” He said, winking at Nekohiro like a secret.
“Trust me, I’m not great at cooking, but nuggets? Once upon a time I told grandma how much I loved them, and she made me chicken nuggets for the rest of my life! Even when I brought my prom date home, there was a plate of nuggets waiting for us.” Liam grinned.
“What’sa ‘prom’?” asked Moriel, her mouth full of an unfried chicken nugget.
“They aren’t done yet!” Snapped Liam, scowling at the impertinent princess. “It’s… uh… It’s when all the boys and girls of a certain age get together, and dance.”
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
“Why aren’t there parents there for the festival?” Asked Moriel, scowling at the eggwashed meat and putting a half eaten nugget back on the table.
If she weren’t a princess, Liam would have spanked her with a wooden spoon for her atrocious manners. But she was. So his hand was stayed.
“Ya know, for three years of my life, mom would have killed for a chicken nugget.” Growled Liam, a little more lightning creeping into his voice than he meant.
Moriel’s eyes widened, the vertical pupils dilating as she smelled the ozone. She took a step back, ready to bolt, when Raina joined them.
“Prom, it’s where eligible bachelors announce their manhood, and express interest in women, right?” Raina said, making Liam’s face scrunch up in confusion.
She wasn’t right, but her flawed understanding of prom wasn’t wrong enough to correct.
Liam shrugged, tossing a few griffon nuggets into an egg wash then into a mixture of salt and flour. There were a few spices, but Liam didn’t dare include them in his first batch of nuggets. Undeterred by the lack of modern amenities, Liam cooked away, with Nekohiro watching him behind Raina’s thinly veiled amusement.
"Cook the meat once, then tear it up, coat it with egg yolks so everything delicious sticks, coat with flour and breadcrumbs, then fry.” Repeated Liam, dunking a dozen nuggets into a pot of hot oil.
Nekohiro rolled her eyes. "This still feels wrong." She said, not realizing her tail was standing on end, twitching as she watched the oil bubble.
"It’s a foreign dish. But I can promise it’ll be better than escargo, with a far more pleasing texture than what you’re used to." Liam answered lifting his first batch of nuggets out of another pot.
They dripped warm oil, and he spread them across a round serving tray, one that Raina had assured him would absorb the oil without cracking. Elven cookware was beyond strange to Liam, with no concept of germs, all cutlery was shared, but the elves were also long lived enough to see dozens of reincarnated during their lives, leading to a nonsensical mix and match of different cooking implements. At some point, roughly six hundred years ago, one reincarnated woman developed a way of frying potatoes into thin strips. A sort of twice baked french fry that somehow stayed crispy for a week, a coincidence that greatly aided Liam’s quest for nuggets. Since frying baskets were already made and understood. And soon, the savory scent of fried nuggets began to waft through the small kitchen.
Golden nuggets cooled quickly, the wood somehow absorbing excess oil more cleanly than paper towels. The first batch turned golden brown, with a hungry quartet eyeing the nuggets. Selewyne folded his arms.
"Well, it smells decent enough."
Liam didn’t bother to plate the nuggets. He held one hand above them, pulling heat out of them with his mastery of fire.
"Alright Moriel, give it a try. That is, if you haven’t made yourself sick on egg wash.” Said Liam, making a point of handing her the same nugget she had taken a bite out of earlier.
Moriel took a tentative bite first, her expression cautious. Sharp teeth biting through the crisp nugget, squeezing the juice out of the tender griffon meat within. Her eyes lit up as she experienced the first ‘chicken nugget’ of this world. Eagerly popping the rest into her mouth and chomping away.
Then, her eyes eyelids drooped. Ears twitching as she chewed. A long moment passed, with everyone hanging on her next words.
"I guess this is alright." She took another bite, tail flicking like a dog’s.
Liam grinned triumphantly, serving everyone else before enjoying his own creation. Selewyne, though slower to sample, finally partook. His eyebrows lifting in surprise as he chewed thoughtfully. "By Taloc’s own kitchen! Soft, yet crispy, tender yet with substance! This is marvelous."
Satisfied, Liam offered a nugget to Raina, who took it in hand, they bumped the nuggets together in a mock toast, and tossed it back.
Flavor exploded in Liam’s mouth—rich, slightly gamey like wild fowl, but tender, with a unique depth that ordinary chicken could never achieve. Frying the meat cut the gamey taste and filled the nugget with delicious fat, a technique this world had not yet discovered.
Oh dang. These are really good.
Like, really really good.
I hope I didn’t introduce obesity to the elves… Or the felinids. Potatoe cats are kinda cute… But chubby catgirls? Uhh…