Gentle sunlight warmed Liam’s chest, waking him as it filtered through several sets of shutters. He groaned, wanting to sit up but feeling like that time Sarah had talked him into going out drinking and introduced him to her special mai tais, the ones mixed with a shot of everclear. He –foolishly– hadn’t questioned her, since it was the day after his last final for the semester. And all parts of his brain had been squeezed dry of intelligence. After the tenth drink he lost his shirt in the bar, after the twelfth, well, he didn’t remember much of anything after the eleventh cocktail, but Sarah had taken pictures…
Liam shuddered, and immediately regretted it. Everything ached. Even his skin felt like it was rubbing against sandpaper.
Ah, what the hell? I need to heal.
He activated his life affinity, sending it coursing through his body, but found only organic tissues, all bones were in order, blood was circulating, his lungs expanded and contracted on schedule, and in general, he was a whole man. Why do I feel so awful then? Did one of the paladin girls slip me something? Oh gawd. Thought Liam, reaching out terrified of finding someone in his bed, and unable to live with not knowing.
He was alone.
In a bed.
There shouldn’t be a bed.
We’re traveling in wagons. Aint nobody got time for mattresses. Thought Liam, finally blinking open his eyes.
The sun was high above the windows, cloistered shutters protected his eyes from the brightest rays. He blinked, laying still as they adjusted to the dimness. The walls and ceiling were made of wood. Not planks of wood, but of a complete whole that ran together and shared a single grain. This room was surrounded by a singular tree, or carved into it.
“Now I have to get up. I didn’t grow this in my sleep did I? That dream, Blackwood, ah.” Groaned Liam, schooching himself up in bed.
Pain rippled across his skin, but he fought through it, rising past the pillow until naked shoulderblades touched wood. His shirt was gone. As were his pants and skivvies. Someone had stripped him naked and left him in bed. With a hangover.
Okay, now I'm cranky.
‘Quetz, can you hear me?’ Thought Liam, trying to touch the familiar’s mind.
‘I can always hear you. Now where did you get your furry mammal ass off to?’ Said the short tempered serpent.
A sigh escaped Liam’s lips. Maybe he and Quetz just weren’t meant to be friends. ‘Listen up you inflatable noodle! Where are you!? Huh? I can see through your eyes, so why don’t you try seeing through mine?’ Snapped Liam.
A tingling filled his ocular cavity and he was immediately aware of another mind using his eyes. It wasn’t painful, or uncomfortable, but it felt incredibly foreign.
‘Are… Are you in an Aelorn tree? Look outside! I have to be sure.’ Said Quetz.
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Liam pried the nearest shutter open, finding it to be made out of woven wicker strands, still green and flexible and living. Outside the window lay a forest, with mountainsides giving the green ocean a simulacrum of waves.
“There were no mountains near us… The closest range was to the west of Khereshetal, the Akhatar mountains.” Muttered Liam, knowing that on earth the horizon was roughly twenty two miles away. But these mountain were immense, they would be visible for a substantially greater distance.
‘You’re not in Kheresh. Hey, this is important. Bite the tree.’
‘Are you fucking with me?’
‘I thought mammals enjoyed eating wood! Just do it.’ Answered Quetz.
Liam rolled his eyes, and bit off a piece of the green wicker shutter, chewing as the most bitter fluid he had ever tasted entered his mouth.
‘Yep, just as I thought. Now spit that out. It’s poisonous.’
‘QUETZ!’ Thought Liam, spitting out the stem and conjuring fresh water to rinse out his mouth.
‘It won’t kill you. Just make your heart beat a lil weird. Besides, some of you mammals seem to enjoy the side effects.’
“That’s literally the definition of a heart attack you little asshole!” Snapped Liam, summoning water directly into his mouth and launching it forward.
Despite the rinse his heart was beating faster, as if he’d been out for a jog, and there was a second side effect. Liam looked down, mind racing as he pondered why. Then he remembered something from a lecture on off label prescriptions. A certain blue pill had received FDA approval for use in treating heart arrhythmias, and was prescribed to those who disliked the existing medications. It was extremely popular, largely because that blue pill had a highly desirable side effect. The drug’s name was Viagra, and the side effect was the cure for erectile dysfunction.
“I’ve been drugged, stripped, and imprisoned in the boner tree.”
‘Quetz, you need to come get me. Like, RIGHT NOW! This is not at all cool!’ Said Liam.
‘Get comfortable, I’m already flying there, but it’ll take a couple of weeks. How did you even cross the entire continent? I thought you were a mammal, not a flying squirrel.’
Liam shook his head, starting to wonder what Quetz actually meant when he said ‘mammal’. Something about his mental diction was strange, as if the words were translated by a half-baked system. Instead of answering Quetz he explored the room, taking stock of his surroundings. His boots were present, but socks and clothes were gone, replaced with simpler fare of a green shirt and brown trousers. Homespun threads that itched enough to set his skin on fire. For now he elected to remain in the buff. Eschewing clothes to combat the pain. Liam sat down and crossed his legs, calling upon his life magic for a second time. There was something in his blood, and lungs, and sinuses, and pretty much every cell in his body, a poison that life magic seemed unable to purge. He needed purification. Like the holy wards Ami and Elise had shown in his dream.
He turned all attention to that thought, replaying their casts in his mind again and again and again. Liam activated his mana, opening his power to the world. All his mind was devoted to bringing the holy ward into existence. Sparks seemed to pop from his ears, like roman candles that shot out of his nose and ears.
[light affinity increased to level 1] appeared in his mind.
Ha, piece of cake. Thanks for the pointers Thaddeus. Thought Liam, activating his newfound affinity and circulating it through his body. At level one the power was weak, and he knew it would not be strong enough to purify his whole body so he focused on his lungs first, using the holy affinity to scrape his lungs of the poison and ‘hawk tuah’-ing it out a window. His sinuses were next, then his brain, at which point the holy magic ran dry.
Liam inhaled deeply, tasting the fresh air of a mountain forest. There was pain now, but it was bearable. No longer so agonizing that he wished for his skin to peel off.
“Alright, who am I gonna murder for kidnapping me?” Said Liam, standing and carefully surveying the forest from each window.