Sound is carried with the wind across the chilly planes of spiky brush veldt, echoing chanting getting lost with the howling winds. A fire burns bright casting exaggerated menace of the silhouette of the beings surrounding it, people circling two men naked drinking blood from each others wrists in unholy matrimony. No bat flies by, no rabbit wonders close, no fox comes to investing the howling sounds or the light of fire that usually means humans and easy food. Nothing approaches as two men swear to each other in unnatural communion that connects their souls to touch as close as twins of the same seed. This a bastarded version of the same bond manufactured here by the faceless silhouettes circling and chanting. Maintained and established by the two figures reaching at each other taking and giving to the other of themselves in ancient ritual of twinning souls.
Michael
I'm at Dr. Foxworthy's office first thing in the morning and we go through all the tests. Blood samples, biopsies, urine, reflexes, electro stimulation, a CAT scan, xrays, C.T, M.R.I. I'm watched by residents with clipboards as I go through my regular physio session with Henry.
I spend two hours at the hospital as doctors come and go discussing my results. Its frustrating to be watched like a lab experiment, especially when no one is upfront with me.
But eventually I am alone with Anne, Dr. Foxworthy, after almost losing my legendary patience. She looks through my results one last time before taking her glasses off to look at me seriously.
"Michael, we have to be honest with one another. I'd like to think we've been friends a while now and your checkups are some of the few I actually look forward to," she says seriously.
I smile slowly, she wants something and I hope I'm correct in my guess of what that something is.
"I always liked you as well Anne, your no none sense attitude, your professionalism, your stunning legs. We have a great repore you and I I agree. You are yet to take me up on that coffee date though. You thinking of getting back together with your ex?" I ask smoothly, this is more my forte. Having information coming in, even if in drips and drabs.
"We can talk about my dating life later," she sighs. "I want to know what you've been doing to yourself Michael, how are the drugs treating you?"
"Come now Anne, you know I haven't taken anything besides vitamins and supplements in two years. Since the U.T.I I've been careful to ensure I don't need anymore pharmaceutical drugs."
She nods, "Just double checking. And your lab work seems to confirm that, though you do have substances in your blood we can't yet identify. Would you mind meeting with our dietitian after and speak of your eating habits?"
I shrug, "depends what's in it for me and if I have time. Might need to be later in the week."
She says, then leans forward on her desk. "Ok, here is what's been driving everyone crazy. You have a complete break at the spinal cord at S1, you know this,'' she says emphasizing her point like she's worried I'll dispute that fact."There is a disconnect between your lower body and your brain. There shouldn't be any signals at all, your not even supposed to have reflex action or sensation,'' my heart is pounding. I'm listening to her words very carefully. "Spinal injuries differ, some have exaggerated reflexes because there are still some peripheral nerves that go to the lower body from other parts of the spinal cord. You had nothing, if you remember."
She sighs, "and yet somehow you've developed reflexes again. The break on your cord is all scar tissue now, making getting a clean imagine difficult but nerve cells don't regenerate so something else is going on here. Either your nerves are somehow bypassing the break site, or we missed something and it wasn't a complete break, or something. I don't know what to tell you." She stands and starts pacing around, clearly frustrated.
"Look, I'm sorry if we misdiagnosed you. I'm not supposed to say that due to liabilities and things but I've said it, I'm sorry." She looks at my face seriously as she says that. I keep a stern face as I look back at her, and then a grin slowly fills my face. She sighs in relief before sitting back down.
"You have excellent muscle tone and circulation in your legs by the way. Comparable to extreme athletes in fact. The head of the physio department is having a word with your friend Henry Wess."
"Thanks, must be the yoga," I respond nonchalantly. "So what's the new prognosis?"
"Honestly, I have no idea. Things like this just don't happen often enough and aren't documented well enough. And if they are, no one who knows the medicine believes it."
I nod at her. "Tell me what you know, best estimates."
"Well best estimates... You will never walk again that's just outside the realm of possibility and I don't want you to even entertain the hope." She pauses to get her point across.
"But your lower body seems to be receiving and sending signals to your brain. At least from the brain scans. Nothing motor mind you, but somehow your brain and legs still talk. Its fascinating really and our head of Neuro is going over everything with his team. Anyways, though you can't feel anything, everything still works. That's the gist of what I'm trying to say."
"What do you mean everything still works?" I ask seriously.
"Michael, your blood pressure on your legs is great, your circulation is great, your muscle tone is phenomenal, nothing has atrophied but you do need a bit more fat on your legs and gluts.
"Though you may not feel anything, whatever you've been doing in yoga or wherever has been working-"
"What about my penis?" I ask quickly.
"Theoretically, if you took a Viagra you'd get an erection-"
"YES!" My fist goes in the air in victory. God answers prayer, the universe aligns for those that work diligently and seek its favour.
"I said 'theoretically'!'' She shouts over me trying to calm me down, but fuck I'm happy! ''And you wouldn't feel anything at all. I can't stress that enough." Dr. Foxworthy says but she is also smiling with me, infected by my mood.
"Ok, so I take a pill, I get an erection, but I still have no sensation, no control and no movement?"
"I'd like to run a test to see how the pill will affect your blood pressure but test that's the theory of it."
I calm myself down, maybe I don't need to get a divorce. Maybe I can live a semi happier life, though not feeling sucks I can still satisfy my woman. Or at least I hope I can.
"And fertility? Can I have kids?" I ask seriously, calming myself down some.
"That's something I was going to propose we test when we test the Viagra for any unwanted side effects. If you can manage to masterbate and ejaculate then that will be a phenomenal achievement!" She says enthusiastically. ''Though we can also draw sperm directly from your testicles as a second option if that is preferable.''
"Ok, let's do it, the first one." I say, eager to see my dick hard for the first time in years.
"Before that we discuss that further, I'd like to write a paper on you with your permission of course. And of course I would exclude your name but it would be great for my career and maybe attract other people in your condition to try similar therapies-"
"How about over diner sometime. You've been dodging my advances for years now. If my dick works you will hardly have an excuse anymore."
And for the first time in years I make the good doctor blush. I think my mojo is back.
*
I wheel myself to the room where it seems these things normally take place in fertility clinics. A room with sex magazines and porn DVDs. I can't remember the last time I watched porn, I've basically been an eunuch for the past five years.
A monitor is attached to keep track of my heart rate and blood pressure. I take the pill and then take out my journal from my chairs pouch. Its gonna take a while to work and I won't waste my time reading porn magazines that don't affect me.
*
Since the accident one of my favourite pass times have become watching and researching storms and living through other people. My son being my favourite person to experience life through.
By watching storms I literary mean watching storms. Whenever there is a storm coming I roll myself to the balcony and enjoy the buildup. The scent of rain on fresh cut grass, or hot asphalt, or dry soil. The wind picking up and touching my skin harshly, the rustling of leaves on a tree, the deep rumble that is a prelude to thunder or lightning. And then the storm arrives in all its majesty.
Be it a hail storm, a thunder storm, a quick shower of rain, a tornado or a lightning storm I watch it if I can. Letting the droplets of rain buffet me so I can feel it better, be part of it.
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
Sometimes when the thunder is particularly powerful I can feel the concussive force as it roars its majesty. Buffeting me like I'm a kitten before the roar of a lion. I even followed storms for a while, until my family protested thinking I wanted to kill myself. I was lucky enough to witness a catatumbo lightning storm at Lake Maracaibo in Venezuela. A majestic sight that gave perspective to my life. Who was I in the face of the power of nature? Blue lightning bolts that fell continuously, long and bright, losing energy as light strong enough to leave those that gaze at it too long blinded if its close enough.
I followed a tornado once with a group of storm chasers I funded for the trip. The power of those storms is phenomenal. I had already experienced a sand storm in the middle east that got my fascinating with storms started.
A tsunami was on my bucketlist but my family but a stop to all that, particularly my wife-
*
"Michael, you have an erection." Someone says over the P.A system excitedly.
"Jesus, are you guys watching me?" I say looking down and behold. My penis is standing rock steady in all it's 7 inch circumcised glory. I touch it, it feels weird, like I imagine touching someone else's dick would be because I can't feel my hand with my dick but I can feel my dick with my hand.
The heart monitor is picking up, I've never been fitter, with a resting heart rate of 62 bpms. But its definitely picking up now.
"Stop fucken' watching!" I say out loud.
"Ok, ok." Someone says and I hear a click.
I stroke it a few times, its really hard and full of blood. But I really can't feel shit. I grab the gel and get started on stroking myself. It's extremly rigid but soft to the touch, almost yielding yet not. I keep stroking nice and slow for a while, then faster when nothing but pre cum comes out.
After 15 minutes I'm tired and I'm worried about chaffing. I can't fucken' come, shit. I grab my phone and call Candice.
"Hey there handsome," she answers with a smile on her voice.
"Hey, ahh.. Are you busy right now?" I ask, this is awkward. But I really don't wanna ask Alice, not if this doesn't work.
"I could change my plans, what's up?" I honestly don't understand how this woman likes a guy in a wheelchair with no working dick.
We are practically dating now in all but name and she doesn't seem bothered in the least. Weirdest chick ever, but hot, flexible and keeps her pussy clean, so I eat it when she wants it eaten.
"I'm gonna send my guy to come pick you up, I'm at the hospital and ahh... I'm not really sure how to say this but my dick might work and-"
"Really? That's great, which hospital I'm on my way!" She says with excitement. I tell her the address and she hangs up.
I call Dr. Foxworthy's line and tell her I have a friend coming over to help with the tests. I explain my trouble over the phone and she doesn't seem surprised.
I tell her only the female staff can watch if they insist on monitoring the situation.
15 minutes later Edgar is texting me, telling me she's escorting Candice upstairs.
Dr. Foxworthy comes in to check on everything first.
"After this long with an erection if you could feel anything, I dare say you'd be in a great deal of discomfort." She says looking at the purple head of my penis but trying not to be too obvious about it.
"I'd be in excruciating pain Doc, wanna touch it?" I whisper, startling her into moving back and looking at me like I've just shocked her more than she's ever been schocked in her life.
"I'll be outside if you need me." She says composing herself and rushing out of the room unhurriedly. I smile at her.
Candice comes in practically bouncing with excitement.
"Let me see, let me see." She says eagerly as she looks at the tented towel on my lap. She gets close and I expose myself to her.
"Haahhh..." She exclaims as though she's seen the biggest of surprises. "Its beautiful. May I?"
"That's why you're here." I say, not sure whether to be nervous or not.
She touches it and starts stroking it expertly. "Oh, wow. Its so warm and hard. What do I do?" She asks still stroking it.
"Anything you want," I say and she grins at me before licking it expertly from base to head a few times.
My mind is also as horny as my body now, before it was just touching a dick and that does nothing for me. Now its watching a hot 20 something year old play with a dick like it tastes great. My head is definitely in the game now even though I can't feel it.
I touch her head, encouraging her to suck, and she does. The sounds loud and lewd. I pull up her top and pop a breast out of her blouse. I pull her up and we kiss as I fondle her body.
She touches me, pushing her hands under my T-shirt as well. I push her back and take of my t-shirts as she kicks her shoes off and steps out of her pants.
I roll to the couch and hoist myself onto it. Candice is on my dick as soon as she can be. Somehow sinking deep in one move and she groans with her eyes closed as I sink all the way.
She stays there and breathes for a moment with her eyes closed before opening her eyes and looking at me with a big smile.
"It works!" She says excitedly and I can't help but laugh.
She fucks me slowly as we kiss and fondle each other. I'm mostly doing the kissing and fondling while she licks me now and again but focuses mostly on the dick she's riding.
She comes quickly and loudly, but I stay hard inside her so she starts humping me again even as sweat drenched as she is getting. I have all the time in the world to pay close attention to her body, kissing her and touching while not feeling anything on my dick, my attention appreciated in involuntery maons and a responsive body.
She eventually comes seven times in 20 minutes before she gives up. Completely spent, looking at my hard and bobbing dick like it's done something offensives.
She takes it in her hand and strokes it a few more times. "What's wrong with it?" She asks upset.
"I don't know. But that was great, thank you," I say, also tired and satisfied somehow even if my dick won't attest to that.
"Should I try again,'' she says bringing it to her lips and suckling on the head lightly. Gods, how I wish I could feel that. And her innocent enthusiasm is so eandering, so sexy, so cute.
"Its fine, let's get dressed and let the doctors in. We'll talk about it later."
She gets dressed, I dress in my t-shirt and put a towel on my lap. I need this fixed, and that's what is immediately done by a 'male' doctor I can't help but notice.
My dick is drained of blood using a big ass syringe and it gets flaccid again.
*
"So, what's the verdict?" I ask as I sit before Dr. Foxworthy again.
"Well everything works, but ejaculation is more mental it is physical. It's triggered in the brain, so it seems that signal isn't going through."
"Understandable, I think I've been here long enough Doc. I'll email you the details of our date later today, we'll talk better then." I say already heading for the door.
I leave with Edgar and Candice, I have a lot to think about.
*
I meditate at the temple after dropping Candice off, I have a cryptic conversation with Master Yoshi everything. I'm book for another trip around Asia in six months and I head home.
*
Nothing much changes for me the next few months, at least outwardly. Inwaedly i had never been more whole and at peace in my life.
I had a date with Dr. Anne Foxworthy and I gave her permission to do her paper.
I give her details of my schedule, my yoga, my training, my meditation, my prayer, diet, everything. I tell her about my trip to Beijing, and Mumbai, leaving out Terhan for some reason.
James starts at the new school without much incident. I stay at the cusp of divorce but Alice doesn't seem ready to pull the trigger, sleeping over every other weekend. But I know she has a boyfriend, or someone she has sex with.
She suspects I have a girlfriend, but she has always suspected I have girlfriends. I don't tell her that my dick works so its mainly oral and cuddling whenever she's around.
Candice uses my dick every few days, saying its the best, though I hardly do much. I have a pill that deflates it when I'm ready now, I don't like pills but everything has its use.
I don't take it easy on myself in yoga classes, especially now that I know my body can feel it even though I can't. Not feeling pain or discomfort means I can go deeply into stretches that would normally feel uncomfortable to other people. I made sure not to permanently hurt myself though.
I even started flirting with the paralyzed women in our basketball games, Suzen in particular. Who eventually worked up the courage to ask me as her date to her sister's wedding. We had fun, it was great even with the looks of pity we got from some of her relatives.
Six months later it was time for my second trip to the three cities, Beijing, Mumbai and Tehran.