Sachihiro

I've been away from home for almost two years already and its a constant weight at the back of my mind on a daily basis. My oldest is now 16 years old and if da and Uncle Brian have anything to say about it likely already blooded, she's so blood-thirsty that one I'm sure she's been a handful. My youngest is going on 4 years old and likely doesn't even know me anymore.

{sigh.}

It helps that I get to speak with a Reaveler every other day and am constantly aware of my feelings about the things that pass through my mind's eye. There is an ache in my chest that almost feels like longing when I think of my children and wonder whether or not they know that I love them, I'm such a soppy fuck and I love it.

Deep breathe, [haaaaaaa...] a clean crisp aura exhales with the breath. An ambience of nostalgia, contentment, longing and love fills the room like a scent on the spiritual frequencies of existence, spreading. Mixing with the lust, devotion, fanatism, madness and everything else feeding the artifact vase in the central basement of the acolyte manor. I find myself suddenly dry, emotionless having been drained by that thing in my carelessness with my aura.

Consciously concentrating on my awareness I can almost manage to limit myself only to my awareness. Focusing solely on what I can perceive within my awareness its almost like I take myself away from the rest of the world except the world within my dimensional awareness. This world that I can 'see''feel' is exempt from outside influence, within it I can feel my feelings without being drained by that thing down there.

Deep breathe,[haaaaaaa...], I let my spirit breathe.

Its amazing the things they teach us here, these spiritual breathing exercises. The talking, i still can't believe they got even me who is a spy here talking about my intimate life. These people are scary subtle with their power, power you don't even realise has been used on you till you're halfway to telling them how many teeth you have in your mouth.

Eish, yazi I miss my family but talking about it to a Revealer doesn't make it feel better or really take the ache of it away. Talking about it and bringing it to the light just let's me consciously experience it and not let it be something that influences my overall behaviour or damage my psyche. I feel guilty for leaving and I feel even more so for enjoying the need to leave, to be needed in a cause that is greater than I currently am.

In these ten-daily sessions with a Revealer my opinions and feelings about things I wasn't even sure I had feelings about are revealed. There is this philosophy that emotions are experienced both with the mind and the body. Heartache, butterflies, sweaty palms, an erection, tears and many other physical tells that are experiences unto themselves but also physical tells of the emotions being experienced. Synergy in the senses.

The theory is that if you have a disconnect between what you think you feel and what the body experiences, then the mind is misleading and the physical manifestation of the emotion is the real emotion you're feeling. I have spoken at length about my mates first to the Chosen Revealer and then to my Minor Revealer Edward. These past few sessions specifically I have spoke about Shea and the fact that she is sometimes a man.

I think I find it slightly repulsive or offensive that she is also a he half the time when I conotate it with me having sex with her. But the one time I saw him naked when I ambushed her for sex my erection didn't even waver and to be honest he is almost as attractive as she is. Luckily I didn't get to dwell on it because the sight of me hard and ready to give instantly made her transition and ready to receive.

It's fortunate we didn't get to dwell on that at the time because I may have overreacted and done or said something that would have irreversibly damaged our relationship. There are two twin brothers from a monogamous background that love and share the same woman and sometimes visit the temple to give lessons to us acolytes. They say they can share the same woman without trouble only because they love each other more than they love her and that makes complete sense to me.

The one time I shared a woman with another man it brought me closer to him that it ever could to her. Henrietta is practically a stranger, a very attractive and fun stranger but a stranger none the less. While Om I still got to see almost everyday after that experience and because we had shared her together somehow we understood each other more intimately.

My mind is a convoluted labyrinth with many twists and turns today as I ponder and assimilate all this; but basically there is a part of me that is curious about sharing my mates with the male Shea as much as I want to keep them to myself. Shea is mine, she may think she is an old powerful being in comparison to me but she is in reality mine now and forever more.

But because I love her I will let her come to that conclusion when she is ready to because if I force it onto her she will bulk and be conflicted. Even as a male Shea is mine and if I give her something, I haven't given that thing away because if it's her's it's still mine. I'm still learning her male mind though and the more we are taught here the more I'm realising that she really does want me to dominate her male ego in some way for her to truly understand that she is mine as much as I am hers.

I need to claim him somehow and we both know I can't do the with martial strength, not unless I had a hundred years in which she remained stagnant. I don't have more wealth, influence or power of a position that is superior to he's. I'm not as well read or intelligent as she is and as she said to me those things will keep popping up eventually when we have disagreements.

Not because I really do feel inferior to her as she worried she'd make me feel, but because Shea is a man. And as a man she cannot yield to what she deems a clearly inferior person. She just isn't built that way, no man I know is built that way. We all growl at each other until a packing order is established.

Me and her haven't established a packing order because I haven't put him in his place yet and that is a mistake I'm realising the more I learn and gain insight from this place.

There is an exchange of power that happens during sex between a man and a woman and it has absolutely nothing to do with who is physically stronger or further in their Awakening. There is an exchange where one fucks the other and if you don't pay attention to it you may miss it but it plays a lot in power dynamics and the respect exchanged in that relationship.

An all powerful Queen of a great Queendom for instance may have full authority over all her subjects and the laws followed in her domain. But she may also have that one slave in her harem or Consort that devours her in the bedroom during sex. Though she might rule over him outside the bedroom she will never consider him truly beneath her in the role he plays in their relationship.

That is what Shea and I need to psychologically negotiate, and I don't see myself losing. Then and only then can I safely let him have his way with my mates at his and their discretion.

I also learn about being a dominant, treating a submissive or slave and how to go about properly giving them the attention and care necessary to keep everyone healthy. Its a lot, exhaustingly so, and if you watch closely you can tell that a submissive has so much more power and influence than is evidently apparent to an outsider.

A slave has less power than a submissive but also more than I had ever realised. I learn to understand some of the psycho'anology behind Mira's need for sex and being put on display even though it embarrasses her. I discover to my confusion that it arouses me to practice some of these acts with my assigned sub Gwen.

Gwen is given to me throughout the first two months as an acolyte, for me to train my dominant part on while she learns about being a submissive. The first six days I just fucked her none stop every time our schedules allowed for us to be together. I couldn't help myself I had been denied for so long. We had so much sex that she had to be taken to the apothecary for supplements so she could better keep up with me an Awakened to her mundane.

Then I started to play and experiment as I got used to her and the great hunger within me started to burn less and less. I was respectful of course, I have daughters of my own and women I love. I treated her well and with dignity, but I played with her as had been demonstrated in lessons.

It's more accurate to say we played with each other though as I kept her in submissive positions. Made her serve my needs, have sex exactly as I wanted or simply orally please me and be grateful for the privilege of getting to suck my cock. I became a bit giddy with the power as there is nothing like a genuine, 'thank you Master' from her after she has swallowed my load.

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The most fun part being that she actually is thankful, she actually is enjoying all these demeaning things I learn and do to her. Keep her kneeling at my feet, feed her from my hand, display her naked form to the other acolytes to peruse and openly praise me for how beautiful she is.

I discovered Gwen isn't even an acolyte herself exactly. Just a young woman that has 'sacrificed' herself to the temple and dedicated her life to the goddess Erotica. The realisation that she is 20 years old one day, only a year older that Cicilia currently is decides that long debate I've been having with myself of whether or not I should take her as a mate.

I grow attached to Gwen though to the extent that I start to dred the day she is taken away from me as I know she will be. I teach her to love anal sex, a carnal act I haven't taken part in since the single time in the Hidden Valleys with Mira.

I insert within her anus a small cock shaped flexible charm I purchase specifically to both stretch her open improving elasticity of her sphincter and for the pleasure of knowing she has it within her all day. She loves it very much, but doesn't actually say so. Her excitement whenever I insert it or remove it evident by how wet she becomes though.

I purchase ten more and keep them in my storage ring for when I go home. Why so many I don't know, but the improving sphincter flexibility blessing on the objects making them more ideal that even my size reducing cock for opening up women that have never before had anal sex.

There even lessons on how to force your will on a woman you can feel needs it in a healthy manner. In a sort of heathy manner. I also have sex with some of my lecturers as they demonstrate lessons and literally teach us to have sex. It's amazing, having sex with a Priestess is always amazing and I don't even mind that we sometimes have an audience that is analysing everything we do.

Others also get their turns at times and I'm the one watching. Though it's arousing to watch people have sex, in this environment there is something also very clinical about watching Priestess Orval have sex with another acolyte.

I meet with people that Sive organises for me to meet as well. People that donate to the temple for the privilege of sampling the acolytes before they become more independent priests and priestesses. The meetings are always pleasant and some even surprisingly enjoyable but they are all sort of interviews. Interviews in which I decide and the client decides whether or not they want to have sex with me.

I meet Bahar, a wealthy heiress of a merchant empire part of a syndicate that Tiba trades with from Persia. She has been in Tiba for two years, basically as long as I have and she gets bored and comes to the temple to peruse the acolytes were it's safe to fornicate without fear of theft, robbery, blackmail or any other neferous action.

Her father protects the merchant empire his father built by being an astout political animal. Her older brother runs things from Persia while she has to travel here to where they have holdings of sorts to ensure the business runs smoothly. She is prideful and has no patience for fools, even a year ago I would have labeled her as spoilt.

But we instantly click and get along on our first meeting. Our second meeting is really for her to decide whether or not she really had a stimulating conversation with someone who is clearly only a warrior. Warriors she is surrounded by all the time as guards and she has never found them to be stimulating before.

"Where are you currently on your path to being a priest?" She asks casually leaning forward and putting her chin in her cupped hands.

"I'm currently focusing on the interlersonal relationships between lovers specifically the benefits that can be garnered by both submissives and dominants in a dom sub relationship." I say watching her, she is really cute, too cute to have such a stern face so often. And her breasts are large and bouncy, reminding me of Ingwe and home.

She snorts, "I don't understand how anyone would submit themselves to another person sexually or otherwise that way."

"You wouldn't understand it until you tried it and realised whether or not it worked for you. It's an interesting field to pursue though, but its only a small part of what I'm currently learning." I sip my wine leaning back and looking at her.

It's important that she doesn't feel like she has bought time with me and thus owns me. She needs to pursue me even if she isn't consciously aware she is pursuing me and thus I gain more value in her eyes. She is a product of her upbringing, not spoilt at all. And she is a little lonely, most of the peers that are in her field are men and almost all of them too unscrupulous to be considered worthy mates.

Her family is distant since the assassination of her younger brother when she herself was a child. Most of her lovers if not all have been bought and paid for, I kind of feel sorry for her. All she has is wealth really, what a poor life to lead.

"I do understand it from the point of the dominant, who doesn't want to feel the exhilaration of being powerful and above another?"

"It isn't about that at all. How about I teach you what it's really about, you become submissive to me for an hour and we will see how you feel about it after."

Bahar laughs at me as though I were being silly but I know her weakness, trade. I place the mortar and pestle alchemy set I got from a fae storage ring on the table between us and she pauses to look at it. She is a merchant and as such her appraisal skill should be advanced to the extent that she knows the value of that thing.

"Where did you get this?" She asks, the merchant coming out.

"Spoilts of war." Is all I say and we look at each other.

"How about I place this in your hands as a deposit in exchange for that hour. If you don't enjoy yourself I don't get it back, if you do enjoy yourself then I get it back, simple." I say with open palms.

But it's not simple to her, she was enjoying my company and was being entertained within my presence when she only thought I was a whore she had bought for that very purpose. But now I've become a potential trader, a negotiation partner, almost a peer depending on how well I play the game.

"Fine." Bahar says simply, already standing and extending her hand.

In her eyes a whore she has paid to fuck is gonna fuck her anyways but instead pay her afterwards.

The first spank is hard but takes her by surprise as she squills and blinks repeatedly. Not sure whether or not this was really a good idea anymore as her bear bottom cheek reddens visibly. The second spank makes her scream out loud as my hand slaps into her, now she starts to squirm in my lap but can't get anywhere.

The third slap causes an involuntary squil she has probably never heard coming from her mouth. She protests that this is too much and that I should pause for a moment and not hit as hard. I don't pause but instead I push down on her back bending her back down onto the couch I'm sitting on.

The fourth slap is followed in quick succession by a fifth. She knows I'm serious now, protesting loudly and squirming trying to get away from me. She is threatening me with reprisals even as she's dreading that next slap.

I hit her pink bottom hard again and she pees a little with her scream. Probably never before having felt such pain, to feel so helpless in someone else's hands. There are tears now flowing down her eyes but she is still angry, very angry.

I hit her again and she squeals and another squirt of urine wets my lap. She is embarrassed, tears are rolling down her face and she is now begging, trying to placate me with promises between snorts and hiccups. It's a heart breaking sight and if I hadn't done this and seen it done before I'd probably stop at this stage.

But I spank her again and again, her bladder fully releasing even as I rub her bright red bottom and before spanking her again. I control her fully, control her pain and make her come to understand that she is in my hands at my mercy.

I feel the point at which she just gives up trying to get away and surrenders. She accepts that I have control over her and there is nothing she can do to stop me from doing what I want even as she cries through the pain. I'm rubbing her bottom and her lower back at this point as snot and tears fall from her face.

I caress her with my hands and my aura as she shakes visibly with her crying, having surrendered to someone for the first time in her life. I convey to her how safe she is in my presence with my aura as I keep repeating, 'it's okey, you did good. It's over now, you were a good girl.' over and over to her which seems to be causing her to cry harder.

I pull her off my lap and into my naked chest as I comfort her, letting her cry on my shoulder like a wailing child. My pants are drenched in urine but we are skin to skin as she is now straddling me with her naked chest to my naked chest for warmth and comfort.

Pants stay on during this exercise as this may not always end up sexual but more of a way to release stress and built up tension. I'm as hard as a rock inside my pants but I just hold her, making her feel safe until she calms down slowly over time and eventually falls asleep.

I take her to my bed that has my scent on it and place her there. I change pants wiping her and myself down before getting into bed with her and cuddling intimately. She sleeps for hours, completely exhausted from the ordeal.