Gunk-Slinger Beetles are big, stupid and annoying but relatively harmless on their own. Imagine a ladybug about three times my current size with an oily iridescent green carapaces. They’re scavengers that have a symbiotic relationship with basically any predator. Their one trick of note is they regurgitate a sticky tar like gunk they shape into balls and, you guessed it, can sling. Slowing down and binding prey until one of their nasty friends happens along to do the deed. Then they feast on the scraps. Smarter dungeon monsters set up nests of them as a quick and dirty trap. They also taste like shit. Ask me how I know.

I watched this particular specimen drunkenly tottle off on its beetle business. If one spawned here others would too. I had time to prepare an ambush and strike while it was still dazed. Was a totally unprovoked attack against a helpless target a complete bastard move? Absolutely, but a toad needs every edge he can get.

I found a good stick and started sharpening it against A rock. I didn’t have thumbs but my toad fingers were still pretty good grabbers. I was thankfully strong and dexterous enough to manage the task, and even wield my new spear to a limited degree. The advantage to being a monster toad making themselves known. I wished I could have started a fire to harden my makeshift Weapon but the bog was just too wet. Still it should do for a Gunk-Slinger.

I’d take a break and go into stealth mode whenever the tree lit up. A few more Gunk-Slingers, another Tread Toad, and some kind of evil looking dragonfly with scythes for legs. I had zero desire to mess with whatever it was. Hiding had been a brilliant strategy after all.

Once I finished my Spear of Beetle Slaying I waited till the coast was clear before moving back toward the spawn tree. I gripped the spear tight and eyed the branches for a good looking spot to aim for. Then I gave [Mighty Leap] a try. I rocketed face first into the trunk around half way up, rebounded off and landed right on my little toad ass. Fuck. Ouch. I checked my status to see the cost of [Mighty Leap] and discovered two things. One [Mighty Leap] cost a single [Mp] and two my [Hp] was down to five. With how much my face hurt it was easy to put together that [Hp] represented my physical condition.

Having figured that painful lesson out I wished there was a way to keep an eye on my [Hp] and [Mp] without having to pull up the full status. I don’t know, like a limited status that wouldn’t busy up my vision. That would be damn handy to have in combat.

[View limited Status? yes/no]

Ask and ye shall receive, score one for the toad. [yes]

In the corner of my vision and significantly more translucent than my regular status was my [Hp] and [Mp]. Also dungeon points oddly enough. But I got my combat display so I wasn’t going to complain.

I made another go at leaping into the tree. Having learned how important all four limbs were to a good leap. I held the spear in my mouth this time and I was able to shoot up in a clean arc to the canopy with a great deal more control. It was still a rough landing but I didn’t take any more damage and retained my spear so I considered it a rousing success. The high ground captured it was just a matter of waiting for my gunk-slinging victim to spawn.

While I waited I saw a bright yellow centipede that may have well had screamed “I’M POISONOUS” and two more of the scary ass scythe dragonflies. Luckily none spotted me hiding among the ample moss draping the branches. Finally the dome of a Gunk-Slinger’s back started to rise out of a circle. I moved to directly above it and readied to drop onto my unsuspecting target. I decided to wait until the circle dissipated before making my assault. I didn’t like the prospect of disrupting a magic I didn’t remotely understand. From my own experiences the beetle should still be plenty disoriented after the summoning was complete.

I fell on it like an Avenging Angel. Landing square on it’s back while driving the tip of my spear into the vulnerable gap between its head and body with pinpoint accuracy. A perfectly executed ambush.

Then everything went to complete shit.

The very much still alive beetle bucked me off while spreading its wings. I didn’t even think Gunk-Slingers had wings, let alone could fly. It wasn’t graceful or particularly swift but by the time I was back to my feet it was airborne and already out of [Mighty Leap] range. It also took my spear with it. My poorly named Spear of Beetle Slaying had still taken me at least two hours to make and I felt the loss.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

That soon became the least of my problems when the tree’s crystal flared with red light and its floating text changed.

[Spawn Point violation]

[Enforcement protocol engaged]

The entire base of the tree was engulfed in a huge angry red summoning circle.

I’d fucked up big time. It seemed Spawn Point etiquette was very much a thing and the dungeon took it fucking Seriously.

The summoning was much faster than the others I’d seen thus far. Before I could book it the hell away the angular flat head of a massive snake was already lifting from the ground. Big enough that I was easily a one bite [Delicious] treat for it. The snake glared straight at me, looking both equally hungry and pissed. It did not however look remotely dazed. It snapped at me as soon as there was enough of it manifested to reach.

A panicked [Mighty Leap] barely saved me. I couldn’t say the same for my left arm which was a bloody stump. Down three [Hp] just like that. The edge of the snake's jaw had been sharp as a razor almost beak-like.

Translucent text scrolled across my vision [Drawback Incurred: Maimed].

I just had time to think ‘No shit.’ Before I triggered another [Mighty Leap] trying to get some distance, but the loss of the limb screwed up my balance something fierce. I went spinning to the side barely a pace away from where I started. I hadn’t even noticed the strike I’d dodged. This time I was down an eye. A fang having raked across my face.

More text. [Drawback Incurred: Blindsided]

I was beyond screwed. I wouldn’t have liked my odds one on one with this thing as a hulking defender let alone as little Gods be damned three legged half blind toad. I suddenly missed being a slime. Slimes had it easy.

It was free of the circle now and drawing back for another strike. I tried to use [Sticky Maw] as a grappling line to pull myself away from the serpent’s latest attack. A complete desperation move. To my great astonishment it worked and I’d yanked myself several paces to the side of the snake. That was the last of my [Mp] however. No more toad tricks for me. I think the damn thing could sense it too. like that’s what it had been pushing for the entire time. It loomed over me like a smug fuck, taking it’s sweet time in finishing me.

In an almost lazy movement it struck. Snapping me up whole.

Oh, fuck no. I was not going to be digested alive. Not now, not ever. I kicked and struggled against the muscles flexing to pull me down the snake's throat. Then on pure instinct did something I never even imagined was possible. I called on Vitality Burst. One of the skills I wielded as an adventurer. Strength surged through me in an instant. For that moment I was the strongest, most badass toad in the gods damned universe. That’s how It felt anyway. I braced my back against the roof of the snake’s mouth and flexed my legs for all they were worth. Slowly, ever so slowly I pried its jaws apart. Just before the effects of my skill started to fade the snake stopped fighting me. Instead it opened wide, the action dropping me from my braced position onto its tongue, ready to snap down on me again. Clever prick, but unluckily for the serpent, it wasn’t the only prick here.

The Vitality burst didn’t just give me the strength of a vengeful toad god for a few seconds. It also jumped up my [Hp] by two and more Interestingly my [Mp] to full. That’s what the skill was for, to strengthen, heal, and restore Stamina all in one. It’s a basic skill, almost a prerequisite to being a frontline fighter. It was also my absolute favourite. I had zero clue it would restore [Mp] like it had, but oh boy was I glad to see it.

I triggered [Prickly Demeanour] just as the jaws slammed together. I felt the spines dig in deep. The added force driving them in much further than just triggering the skill would have on its own. The snake began to flail wildly in shock and alarm. It slammed itself against everything in reach in a flurry of pain and rage, but that only drove the spines deeper with every strike. I felt the impacts but the perk must have come with a durability boost because my [Hp] held steady under the onslaught.

“That’s right you bastard! Choke on it!” I called out in a defiant “GUB-GUB!”

I must have finally reached its brain or poked a couple holes in the spinal nerves because it gave a great twitching shudder then hit the ground with a resounding thump. It was good and dead. I’d also earned eighty dungeon points.

“They better be fucking worth this shit. Whatever the fuck they are.” I gubbed when I noticed the change in my status. My spines retracted. bloody, exhausted, and covered in snake spit, I crawled out from the dead monster’s gullet.

If that didn’t get Dunnie’s attention then nothing fucking would.