Ayumu stood before the front door with his shoes on, ready to go outside. He was the one who had brought up the fact that he needed to go grocery shopping, so he might as well be the first to get ready.
He wanted to make dinner himself… His mother was probably still worried about him, and there’s no better way to reassure her that he’s feeling better.
He had received a message back from his mother not so long ago, telling him to rest even if he feels like he’s alright now and saying how sorry she was for not waiting for him to wake up. Ayumu wished she didn’t apologize, but then again, it was not as if she knew that the “summer cold” wasn’t something so mundane.
As for himself, he didn’t feel as lethargic as he did after waking up, but there was some degree of lingering exhaustion. Perhaps it was also because of Tomos, he did say he was hiding in his shadow to speed up his recovery… somehow.
He wondered whether the cat would be exasperated by his insistence on moving around and doing things. Or maybe he was projecting his own thought process onto him, since he knew that he’d be very cross with Masaru or Yuki if they did the same.
Well, at least Haru can claim to be the reasonable one of the group. Or the one with more than half a brain- Ayumu could vividly imagine Haru saying that line verbatim.
Speaking of Haru and Yuki, Ayumu wasn’t quite sure how he would approach them in the future. He still was unsure how the Senses would impact him in his day to day life. He didn’t consider it before, but this would mean that his other two friends would be faced with the ‘him’ he had kept secret from them…
Ayumu shook his head, pushing those thoughts to the back of his head. He didn’t want to contemplate these things at that moment. Or ever, for that matter, but perhaps putting it off or giving Haru and Yuki no context while he wildly reacts to things they can’t perceive out of nowhere might be counterproductive to his ultimate goal of keeping the few friends he has been able to make. Maybe it’s the natural consequence of keeping them in the dark about his little “problem” he thought he was rid of…
He nearly jumped out of his skin at the feeling of someone grabbing his shoulders and a voice going “Boo!” near his ear loud enough for it to be startling. He whirled around while trying to throw off the grip from his shoulders, his more rational mind failing to work under the haze of terror that had filled his brain.
He frantically looked around as he stumbled to back away, and even though his eyes registered Masaru standing with his hand outstretched and a smile fading from his face, the startled animal in his brain still vehemently searched for something threatening hiding in plain sight.
“A-Akkun, it’s alright…” Masaru said in an apologetic voice as he raised his hands in front of him in a disarming way. “I’m sorry, that joke was an awful idea.”
Ayumu breathed deeply and held it in, forcing his eyes closed and bending forward to grip his knees. He could feel his heart still frantically beating in his chest, though it was beginning to slowly return to its usual pace. He exhaled slowly a few moments later and straightened up.
“It’s been a while since I needed to do that…” Ayumu noted to himself in a small voice, faintly surprised he still remembered that method of calming himself at all.
“Sorry…” Masaru said, looking down.
“It’s fine. I’m just being a weakling.” Ayumu said, forcing himself to speak and act like nothing had happened.
“You’re-” Masaru began looking indignant but Ayumu cut him off,
“Please, let’s not start again.” He sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m honestly not in the mood to argue.”
“Fine…” Masaru said, his expression falling.
“Saru, I’ll promise to stop saying those sorts of things if you promise to stop looking at me like you accidentally killed my pet rabbit.” Ayumu said, forcing a lighthearted grin, “Cheer up, I’m in the mood for something sweet after all this bullshit. We can get parfaits at that diner near the grocery store.”
“Well, if you say so.” Masaru said, obviously trying to look more cheerful, and Ayumu knew by the response that not even desserts could take his mind off things.
...Things really have changed as they’ve gotten older, huh. It was a strange feeling acknowledging how they were growing up in different ways- even as a ghost from the past had dragged itself back from its supposed grave to haunt him again.
“Come on, don’t make me find other ways to make you stop sulking.” Ayumu joked, vaguely dismayed by how unconvinced Masaru looked. “And where’s Tomos, by the way?” He then asked, partially to divert Masaru’s attention but mostly because he was genuinely wondering where the cat had vanished again.
“Oh, you didn’t notice?” Masaru asked, his eyes widening, “I saw him walk into you and just… vanish.”
“Oh…” Ayumu said, a flash of understanding going through his mind, “He must be hanging out in my shadow again, then.”
“Indeed.” Tomo’s voice said from somewhere, startling both of them, “I believe you are probably apprehensive about encountering hostile Others while outside, so I have hidden myself in your shadow to mask your Color.”
“My…” Ayumu began, but shook his head and stopped himself. He could ask later.
“Thanks, I guess. I’ll leave it to you.” Ayumu said, forcing a small smile on his face. He moved to open the front door as Masaru pulled on his shoes, but…
He realized that he couldn’t muster any force with his fingers. Or rather, his body refused to turn the doorknob and open the door. He could feel uncontrollable trembling spreading all across his body as the memories of the eyes, the strange surroundings, the kuchisake onna’s ice-cold grip and her breath which smelled of death and rot hitting his face played in his mind.
It was as though he was back to his eight or nine year old self again, who dreaded the outdoors with all his heart and screamed and cried when his parents forced him to go outside the house…
Well, it was like that at first, but he soon realized that there wasn’t anything he could do, and neither would the adults do anything besides feel sorry for him or be annoyed, so he resigned himself to whatever awaited him away from the safety of his home. Perhaps the years of not having to face such things weakened his hopelessness-fueled resignation.
He was brought out of his thoughts by the sensation of a hand slapping his back. “C’mon, we don’t have all day. At this rate it’ll be dark out.” Masaru said in a lighthearted tone, and Ayumu simply nodded and forced his body to work.
“Sorry, sorry. I was spacing out for a bit there.” Ayumu gave a laugh that wasn’t quite sincere as he stepped out into the bright summer sun, but he was thankful to Masaru for not bringing it up and just grinning as though nothing was out of the ordinary.
That’s right, he’s still a child, but he’s not as small and helpless. And more importantly, he wasn’t alone anymore. He had someone who had promised to protect him in Tomos, and he had his friend Masaru to confide in.
...He wished that resolve bled into some of the other facets of his life, such as not feeling vaguely terrified while riding behind Masaru on his bike. Motorcycles and bicycles were definitely not his cup of tea. There was also another issue he did not care to think about.
At least he had been able to find a solution to both issues over the years- sitting with his back to Masaru while riding the bike with him.
“I must admit, it has been so long since I had last been on a bone-shaker. I am incredibly thankful that they have improved them so much, the riding experience was atrocious previously.” Tomos said, and Ayumu made a mental note to check how old the term “bone-shaker” was.
“Hah, glad you’re enjoying the ride.” Masaru laughed, and Ayumu was relieved that he sounded a lot happier now that he was on his bike, “I assume that you don’t ride vehicles that often.”
“On the contrary,” Tomos voice said, unaffected by the sound of wind in Ayumu’s ears, “I found myself using ships and trains quite a lot to travel between countries. I am partial to ships by far. Aeroplanes, on the other hand? Not so much. I shall leave flight to the birds, thank you very much.” Ayumu found himself snickering at the sheer pompousness with which the cat said the last few words.
“Hm, can’t you just… teleport or something like that?” Ayumu asked after recovering, genuinely curious.
“Feh, I understand that you think me powerful- and I am powerful for a spirit of my stature.” Ayumu suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at that, “But true teleportation is something certain classes of Others can achieve under very specific circumstances, usually as a result of them being intrinsically tied to a locale or building or region. There is, perhaps, only one or two classes of Others who could claim to achieve teleportation across the globe.”
“Oh… I see.” Ayumu said, trying to absorb everything Tomos was telling him. They fell silent, letting the ambient sounds of people and the occasional vehicle come to the forefront. Ayumu closed his eyes, surrendering himself to the subtle rhythm of his friend’s pedaling behind him and the tug of wind on his hair and clothes.
He was feeling a lot calmer now that he realized that the eyes in the dark corners were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps it wasn’t dark enough for them to come out…?
Now that he thought about it- he did remember seeing those disembodied eyes during daytime as a child, but it was always in places where it was dark and deserted. They were among the things he saw which never harmed him, but they were unnerving enough to be one of the creatures his younger self feared the most.
“Hey Tomos, I had a question too.” Masru spoke up, panting slightly from exertion, “What exactly did Ayumu end up doing to that Phantom yesterday? I’m realizing that I don’t really remember most of the details…”
“What?!” Ayumu exclaimed, trying to crane his neck around to look at his friend, “What do you mean by that?”
“W-well,” Masaru stammered, sounding unsure of himself, “It feels like… I guess it’s like trying to remember a dream? I know the general outline of what happened, but some details feel like I’m forgetting the more I try to remember them.”
“That is perfectly normal for someone lacking the Senses.” Tomos’ voice told them as they zoomed towards their destination under the afternoon sun, “To you, us Others and the Other world both exist in “Lower State of Reality”, so to speak- in essence, we are like dreams to most humans. That is why humans retain very little firsthand details about the Others if they lack some amount of the Senses. This phenomenon also applies to Spiritual Arts performed by humans.”
“So, now that we have this connection, does that mean he won’t forget this stuff anymore?” Ayumu asked Tomos as Masaru’s pace steadily slowed down and they approached their destination.
“To a degree, yes.” Tomos replied, “But there will come a time where his lack of the Senses will prevent him from perceiving the same things as you in spite of the connection. But that is still years away at the very least.”
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“O-okay.” Ayumu said. So the black thing was called a Phantom, Ayumu noted.
“Now, to answer Masaru’s original question,” Tomos’ voice continued, “The Phantom devoured the remnant fragments of the self-imposed seal and was able to manifest itself fully into the world normal humans can perceive. It wanted to become “whole” so it attacked you two in hopes to consume your vital and spiritual energies. The darkness and silence you two experienced was a manifestation of its “true nature”, you could say.”
Ayumu nodded, and he noted how the bike jerked somewhat when Tomos said those words. It seemed that Masaru was particularly affected by their implication, but Ayumu had no idea what to make of the information. He was a bit annoyed that he was being kept in the dark, but… he’ll simply need to be patient and trust his friend’s judgement, if not Tomos’.
“From what you described, Ayumu must have forced his Second Heart to resonate. And before you ask,” Tomos’ voice added before either of the boys could speak up, “It is not a literal second heart. It is a colloquial term for the part of the so-called “Subtle Body” of humans which is located in the physical body’s chest area, roughly corresponding to the Anahata Chakra described in various Indic Occult and Esoteric traditions.”
Ayumu nodded, hoping he could remember all the jargon that’s being thrown at him, and Tomos continued,
“The Second Heart’s resonance allowed him to project enough of his spiritual energy to manifest two different phenomena, though forcing such a process in turn damaged it, as compelled resonance is against its nature.” Ayumu tightened his grip on the bike when they reached the usual incline right before the little shopping district, bracing himself for the coming acceleration of the bike, but still paid rapt attention to Tomos’ words all the while, “The first of them seemed to be an incomplete technique which projected a particularly powerful memory onto the world.”
Ayumu nodded, feeling glad that there wasn’t any overtly technical-sounding jargon involved yet, and Tomos continued, “The second one seems to be Ayumu somehow reenacting the kuchisake-onna’s Esse… which is to say, he projected the foundations of the kuchisake-onna’s being into an implement which enacts and imposes her true existential nature as an Other on beings.”
“...So, um, Ayumu somehow mimicked the kuchisake-onna’s power?” Masaru asked, confusion evident in his voice. Ayumu was lost as well, but he felt his skin crawl at the idea that he somehow ended up recreating the kuchisake-onna’s power and used it against something else.
“No, that would not have been remotely useful in your situation.” Tomos corrected him, “The power of that kind of spook is merely maiming and physical disfiguration. Perhaps some physical strength which exceeds normal humans, at most. What Ayumu achieved was a lot more sophisticated."
"He took the core concepts which make up the kuchisake-onna’s being and manifested a tool which can express those concepts and impose them on spiritual constructs. Think “mutilation”, as an example- by using that tool he would be able to severely harm or outright destroy things which represent the ‘perfection of form’, or some similar concept which “mutilation” is the antithesis of.” Tomos explained, finishing just as they came to a stop in front of the grocery store.
“I think I understand.” Ayumu said, making a mental note to ask Haru about the story behind the kuchisake-onna the next time they meet. He assumed she knew something about them- more than him at the very least- considering her affinity for scary stories and horror movies.
“I hope you’ll explain it to me, then.” Masaru said sheepishly as he went to leave the bike in the small bike rack outside the store, “I think I’m still lost.”
“I don’t quite expect either of you to fully understand at the moment.” Tomos’ voice said patiently while Ayumu waited in front of the doors for Masaru to return. “Neither one of you have the grounding in the basics necessary to understand most of what I am telling you beyond the surface level. I will see to it so that it does not remain the case for long.”
Ayumu barely suppressed groan. He already had enough to study without this extra work burdening him. But it couldn’t be helped, he supposed. At least these topics might turn out to be more engaging than some of his schoolwork…?
Ayumu decided he could whine about it later when he was rejoined by Masaru and they entered the grocery store. While it didn’t quite have the selection of products one could find in the larger supermarket, it had what he needed and everything was cheaper by far.
He did most of the shopping, Masaru idly following him and looking around uninterestedly like a child trailing behind his mother while the three of them spoke about nothing of importance. He did, however, remind Masaru to not buy junk food on a whim.
Granted, he himself bought a small pack of green apple flavored fruit gummies, which he adored, but that certainly didn’t count- they had real fruit juice in them, after all. It said so right on the packaging.
He noted with no small amount of amusement how cheery Tomos suddenly sounded when he bought two cans of tuna. Under all that pomp and bluster, it looked like he was still a cat.
After he was done buying everything he needed, plus some more to keep in the fridge in case of emergencies, they all made their way to the nearby diner, Masaru walking with the bike at his side and Ayumu carrying the two plastic bags full of groceries. He had insisted on carrying them on his own- they were returning to his home on Masaru’s bike after all.
Ayumu wondered if there was a way for Tomos to eat something as well without it coming across as odd to those who couldn’t see him. He didn’t quite know how important sustenance was for the supernatural cat, but he would feel uncomfortable knowing that he was left out again while he and Masaru ate.
As they were nearing their destination, Masaru spoke up in a serious tone, “So… What are you going to tell Yuki and Haru?” He asked, giving Ayumu a sidelong glance.
“I honestly don’t know.” Ayumu sighed, ignoring his urge to not reply to his friend. “I want to say that I’d feel guilty about dragging them into this, but…” He trailed off, looking guiltily in Masaru’s direction.
“Then don’t ‘drag them into’ this- let them jump right in on their own, just like me.” Masaru said, trying to project his usual cheer.
“I-Yeah, I guess I can see them doing that too. Yuki, the former delinquent and toughgirl supreme and Haru the nightmare fetishist- I don’t see either backing down.” Ayumu laughed, his words tinged with obvious affection. He messed around with the plastic bags full of groceries he was carrying, trying to assuage the sense of discomfort he felt while he struggled to articulate the truth.
“I just- I feel ashamed, alright?” Ayumu blurted out while keeping his eyes on his feet, his voice barely louder than whisper, “I’ve always felt ashamed of having this... ‘problem’. I always feel paranoid that anyone I interact with will find out somehow and avoid me or look at me like I’m some...” Ayumu screwed up his face, unable to continue and he stopped in his tracks.
There was silence as neither Masaru nor Tomos spoke up, and Ayumu preferred it that way. He didn’t know whether anything either of them said could comfort him, but it felt… “better” to be able to admit it to himself.
“I’ll try to get comfortable with the idea of telling them about this. Tomos said that I need to recover before I can have more people share my Senses, so I’ll tell them as soon as I’m able to do it.” Ayumu said; the last part was more directed towards himself than Masaru.
“Okay. Do what you think feels best.” Masaru said softly. “Now, let’s go get those parfaits. I hope they're still selling the double-chocolate mocha one” He continued, now in his usual cheery tone.
Ayumu nodded and they were off to the diner once more.
As soon as they stepped inside the diner, Tomos’ voice spoke up. “Hm… If you don’t mind, I would like to excuse myself.” And the cat smoothly rose out of his shadow as though it was a pool of water to scurry somewhere out of sight before Ayumu could even open his mouth.
Ayumu shook his head in exasperation, wondering where in the world Tomos was off to now.
“I hope this won’t be the second time I’m attacked while he’s off doing god knows what.” Ayumu said under his breath, but looked up when he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. He smiled slightly and shook his head again, this time in vague resignation.
“He’ll probably be right back.” Masaru said encouragingly as they looked for good seats., “I think he went in the direction of that table- you know, the one with the lucky charms and statues.”
“So he did.” Ayumu said, catching a glimpse of his willowy tail under the table Masaru was talking about.
The two boys walked further inside the diner while looking for good seats, and a familiar voice called out to them.
Ayumu turned towards the source and his eyes widened at the sight of Haru waving at him from a seat near the back. He was even more surprised to find the people she was sitting with- not only Yuki was present, with her waist-length black hair tied in a low ponytail, but a bespectacled girl with a back-length plait who he remembered as Shimoyama Chio, and Takanashi Izumi, the boy he lent his notes to the previous day.
“Hi, fancy meeting you two here.” Takanashi greeted the two of them with a smile from beside Shimoyama.
“Yo.” Masaru greeted casually, not commenting on how unusual it was to see him with these specific people.
“Hello,” Ayumu greeted, “I’m surprised to see all of you here as well, especially at this time.” He added, more towards Haru, who had an uncanny ability to read between lines, than the rest of the collection of people.
“You two take a seat first,” Shimoyama said politely and left her seat beside Takanashi to join the two girls on the other side of the table.
Ayumu and Masaru thanked her and took a seat beside Takanashi, Ayumu in the middle and Masaru on the other side. It was a rather tight fit, and Ayumu had to make an effort to not be shoulder-to-shoulder with Takanashi. He wasn’t comfortable with that degree of physical contact with people he didn’t know very well.
“You know, it should be me and Haru asking you what you’re doing here.” Yuki said, looking at him crossly, “Masaru sent me and Haru a message this morning. Apparently you were burning up with a fever.”
Ayumu opened his mouth and promptly closed it before shooting a sharp look towards Masaru, who nervously looked away.
“Don’t you look away from us!” Yuki snapped and Ayumu turned to nervously eye his two other friends looking at him with similar annoyed expressions, Haru looking more concerned and Yuki looking more angry. “From the looks of it, you had been grocery shopping. What the hell were you thinking?! And you!” Yuki turned to look at Masaru who looked back defiantly, “Why did you let him drag himself here in the first place?! What would you have done if he collapsed on the way or something?”
“For your information,” Masaru started, not a hint of defensiveness in his tone, “I made sure he was feeling fine before agreeing to come here, and we rode here on my bike.”
“So that he could fall off a speeding bike if he felt lightheaded or weak, right?” Yuki shot back sarcastically.
“Yuki, please, stop. I’m not in the mood for arguments!” Ayumu spoke up before things could get more heated, “I’m seriously not in the mood today. Please, both you and Haru can lecture me all you want some other day.” He looked pleadingly towards Haru, who shook her head exasperatedly and patted Yuki on the shoulder.
“Fine. But we won’t forget about your due lecture.” Haru said, half joking and half serious.
“Oh, I guess that’s why you missed practice today, Hirokawa?” Takanashi inquired, leaning forward on the table to get an unobscured view of Masaru. Instantly Ayumu gave a reproachful look at Masaru, who didn’t meet his gaze.
“Hahaha, yeah… I told them that family stuff came up.” Masaru said sheepishly, running his fingers through the hair on the back of his head while determinedly looking anywhere but in Ayumu’s direction.
Ayumu sighed, deciding that he was too thankful to him to be angry. Though he still felt like he needed to talk to him about it later. A conversion rather than a lecture.
“So what about you, Takanashi?” Masaru asked him, leaning forward to look at him as well, “Are you friends with Simoyama? I haven’t seen you hang out with either Haru or Yuki before.”
Ayumu was wondering that as well, but he thought Masaru’s approach was a bit too blunt. Maybe he was interested in one of the girls- if so, the way he phrased the question puts him in an awkward position.
As Ayumu expected, Takanashi looked very sheepish when he began, “Nah, it’s nothing like that. I was here with my friends and saw them come in. The others had to leave early but I had some time to kill so I decided to come talk to them.”
“Yeah, don’t worry, he’s been a perfect gentleman.” Haru said teasingly, and Ayumu turned his attention to her, knowing that she understood his unvoiced question, “We were talking about school and club activities, I guess. Though the rest of us were busy with Chio-chan’s little project, mostly. It was just me and Chio-chan at first, but I invited Yuki as well just in case she wanted to hang out.”
“Oh, I see.” Ayumu said, though he could still detect some awkwardness in Takanashi’s demeanor. Maybe he was reading too much into it, so he shrugged and turned his attention to the long-winded explanation of the “Project” his two friends were helping Shimoyama with. Haru seemed a lot more enthused about it than Yuki, who looked a bit annoyed at being roped into the “investigation”, as Shimoyama called it. Not like she could complain, considering she was the one who accepted the invitation, though Ayumu wondered how much of the annoyance was actually because of him and Masaru.
It wasn’t long before they bid farewell to Takanashi, who had excused himself, looking rather flustered all the while. Ayumu felt sorry for him and apologetic for possibly making things harder for him. Then again, it’s not like this was the last chance he would get to approach one of the girls if he wanted. He wished him luck in his future attempts, nonetheless- assuming he remains respectful.
Shimoyama excused herself shortly afterwards, perhaps detecting the aura projected by Yuki. So it was the four friends sitting together once more, Ayumu and Masaru still waiting for their ordered parfaits.
Silence fell over them, but Ayumu knew it wouldn’t be very long-lived. Yuki certainly will demand details, so his mind raced for a plausible story which covered his tracks-
But he instead felt his shoulders slump in resignation. He knew it- he couldn’t muster up the mindset required to lie to his two other friends. But… he couldn’t bring himself to even allude to the problem either.
He didn’t want to keep his two other friends in the dark about his past, yet, he could not muster the courage to admit it to them either.
What was he going to do? What was he going to say?
He didn’t know, nor did he have the time to figure it out.