Alita
"Bob? What god calls himself Bob?" I asked as his name was weird or a god. Normaly it's some long winded name you'd cringe at if someone named their child it. But Bob?
"About that.....You see originally I was what is refered to as a Forgotten God. As you know once a born gods entire religion is wiped out they start to lose power and fade. I was at the very last speck of power when about 30yrs ago I felt a mass of prayers go up. They were intended to form a new religion from what I could tell. The entire religion was complete it had everything down. What would happen to the faithful, what would happen to the sinners, what the god was responsible for etc. The religion despite being quite odd held a certain appeal for me and rather than wait for it to actually form a new god I decided to take up the mantel and assume the role of this religions god." Bosbeass or Bob said.
"Wait you purposely picked up some random prayers and assumed the responsibility!? Do you know how messed up that is!? You could've been made an evil god bent on wreaking havoc!" I scolded him.
He cringed a little at my tone.
"Yea in hindsight not my best move but I was desprate and it worked out.....sorta."
"What do you mean by sorta?" Inari asked
"Weeeeelllllll, you see after I took the prayers for myself I recived quite a boost in power in just that one moment like those were sitting there for at least half a century waiting to be answered. Which is odd because most of the things I am responsible for didn't even exist on Earth until a few years later! What's more the prayers and religion were so strongly supported they instantly wiped out most of my former self and remade me in my current image. I lost practically all my memories and my original body and became what you see before you. I managed to keep my name but gained a second one as well which is Bob. Bob is the name for the god of the religion I took up. Which isn't that bad all things considered. I got to come back and gain a whole new following. The problem is all of those prayers stopped almost instantly! Here I am a newly reborn god with a new religion to lead and yet the second I come into being my religion is gone! Greatfully my comeback didn't go unnoticed and a few gods took pity on me and have been helping me out. Thanks to their help I have managed a small following and it's slowly increasing. But a few things aren't easy to swallow with my followers." Bob let out a long sigh when he finished.
"What did you get some weird cult stuff? Because if so give it a few hundred years and you can weed those things out. Mortals always tag on a few oddities from what Oinari tells me you can just kick those thing under the carpet and after a few centuries they won't be a problem anymore." April tells him.
"Yea I mean look at my lord he has sooooooo many wrong things that he's "supposed" to be responsible for but has been slowly weeding those things out by wispering in certain mortals ears. No one wants to be responsible for something stupid like "Every time you masterbate god kills a kitten." He was seriously pissed when that made it's way around and has been working very hard to make it disapear." I said.
"Wait that actually became a thing!?" They all turned and looked at me.
I just sighed and nodded."Unfortunately it became so widespread people started to believe in it and used it as threats for their children. Then well it sorta became part of gods will. So many kittens have fallen these past few years." I shuddered at memory of the first year we had to carry out that particular new law.
"Wow that's just messed up. I am sorry you have to deal with crap like that. You know what maybe things like pay to win people and pure mobile gamers are sinners and must be judged as such aren't so bad. Although I am still a little weirded out by the whole "Jocks will always be jocks and must pay in blood no matter how much of a nerd or gamer they become." I can't see how they need to pay so badly." Bob lamented to us.
"You should check in on nerds in small towns with huge amounts of love towards highschool sports. Master says they have it the hardest but one day they know they will own those bastards. Also pay to winners are just sad and should be punished. Mobile gamers are not really gamers no matter what they say. As master always says just because you play Candy Crush every day it doesn't make you a gamer." Ciar speaks up and says.
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"Hmm I see I'll have to commune more with my new faith and try to figure it all out."
"Why don't you talk to your head preist or whatever it's called?" I asked
"I don't have one and I do." We all shared confused looks and turned back to him.
"For some reason I can't appoint one because my powers say the individual already exsists. I for the life of me can't even locate this person no matter how hard I try either! I mean technicaly I can still feel them but I have no way of contacting them at all! I swear when I find out whats going I am going to kick someones ass! First will be my so called "Nerd Pope" and yes thats what the highest spot of my religion is called!" His voice got louder as he went on and was panting by the end.
I felt a bit of pity or him. Whoever is holding that spot in his religion sound like a terrible person. How can you just ignore your own god? Then again.....
"Hey Inari do you get the feeling after listening to Bob here that something seems oddly familiar and yet at the same time impossible?" She turned to me.
"Yea not only that I have this vague notion that we might even somehow be involved in some way. Not entirely sure but honestly a lot of this sounds like crap Ash would think up."
...........
"You don't think?" I said.
We both shared a look for a moment then shook our heads. "No way he's stupid at times but not even he would try something that dumb right?" we both started laughing but a sense of unease come over us and our laughter slowly turned forced.
"Maybe we should have a talk with Ash just to be sure."
"Yea probably shouldn't mention Ash to Bob here as well."
The chances of him actually being involved should be impossible but on the very small chance that he is it's best to be prepared. Please god don't let Ash be responsible for a God of nerds. Otherwise this is most definitely going to be problem.
Hmmm what's wrong with Ciar?
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Ciar
I was a little terrified. I could feel a familiar connection to this Bob man and at first I couldn't figure out why. But after listening to the man speak I came to a horrible realisation. I knew who he was!
Master confided a few things in me about what happened while he was gone. I didn't understand most of it but I remember him telling me that he was slowly losing his mind at one point and that he came up with an awesome figure in his delusions. The Great God Bob. He said he came up with everything. His version of heaven and hell, how people would be judged, what the god did ect.
This is bad I must make sure he never meets Master!
"Ciar what's wrong? You're shaking." The Chicken asks me with worried eyes.
I feel everyones gazes land on me. I hurry and steady myself before I reply.
"Nothing just excited to make those bastards pay for attacking Master and I!" I say.
"Oh you and your master have been there before?" The new Fox lady April asks. She gave off a comforting feeling but I could tell that it was just a mask hidden under that gentle and calming aura was a deadly strength.
I started to panic at my slip. Master said not to tell anyone his secrets and I just let slip he was at a place he shouldn't have been!
"Nee-san she was kidnapped back then remember? She ended up there and was saved by this master of hers."As if sensing my panic the stupid fox came to my aid. Maybe I should be nice and go back to Hag Fox?
"Hmmm is that so. Then this little one may be an ace in the hole." April gave me an apraising look that made my skin crawl.
Greatfully I didn't have to endure the stare long.
"Alright everyone I hope you are prepared we just got word somehow Abyss's minions got word of our coming and are mobilizing so hold on we are going in hot!" Rhea yelled out and then in a flash all of appeared in the City master and I just left not too long ago.
I looked around and noticed that we were on the outskirts far from the City near a big wall that was in all directions that I looked. I could see on the other side of the town the huge towering black ice Master trapped the Tiny person. I really need to ask why Master kept calling him so many names that mean small. I'll ask Mama about the meaning of Micropenis later. Master kept dodging the subject.
"Say why is it that we appeared so far away from the City?" I asked aloud.
The one to answer was Bob. "Simple at least here we can set up a strike point. If we were to all appear in the city itself we would be hit on all sides almost instantly. Don't worry teams were teleported all around the city. We are going to hit them on all sides and meet up at the black ice prison."
"Great I finally get outta Hell, manage to go shopping, have prospects to fuck a well endowed pretty boy, get trapped by a dog, and am dragged to literally the worst place on Earth to fight an ancient Evil God's minions and I am stuck with 1 immortal,1 lower- god, a crazy pycho god killer whose powers are sealed, two demigods and a freaking puppy? I mean no offense Auntie but I think we got the short end of the stick here." Racheal complains.
"Actualy out of everyone we got the best setup out there. I mean how many teams have a person with absolute destruction flames?" Bob says then turns to look at me.
I knew what he wanted right away. "I cant be sure I won't kill everyone."
"Look we are all much more powerful than you so don't worry. Just make the flames weak and cover us in them. That way we won't have to worry about Abyss's power."
"But isn't that your job?"
"Yes but whats better a young pup or an actual god?"
I decided he was right I wasn't much use to Master last time but this time I will be directly involved in everything. I nodded at him and started covering everyone in flames.
"Now that's more like it! Man I though I was just going to be on guard duty but now even I get to kick some ass!" Bob cried out in excitement.
"Hey retardidly named god we have company." Pet calls out and then pulls a really big sword out of thin air.
Everyone looks and sees a tide of creatures heading right for us.
"Wa-Pet and I will take point. Alita, Racheal you guys give support fire. Bosbeass or Bob whatever you are do what you can your powers are still limited here without many followers. Inari take out as many big ones quick and fast. Pup keep these flames up as long as possible. Now lets go meet the tide!" April shouts.