Ash

"Hell huh? Way to be subtle about." I say out loud with as much sarcasm as I can muster.

Currently I was standing in front of a sign the said "WELCOME TO HELL! Where your soul will spend its next period of time."

The sign looked like one of those that you would see at a traveling circus and for some reason pissed me off a little bit.

"Might be because of clowns really hate those bastards." I answer myself.

There was a line of people going into hell. From what I could tell hell wasn't all that bad so far. There was a sky although it was filled with red mist and looked kinda badass in a way. The place looked like a modern city with buildings, vehicles, and even Holy Shit a Taco Bell!

Yep hell definitely beats 1980's Russia! Outside the city though there seems to be separate areas. Two more to be exact. One looks like a dead city surrounded by a sea of lava. The other looks like a high-class resort. They sat on opposite sides of the first city with the welcome sign.

With nothing better to do I decided to wait in line. Dear Goddess was that boring as-Wait you know what screw that I am better than such a pun. Anyway after what seemed like hours I finally made it into a building that had a lot of receptionists. Not bad looking ones either. 

All of them were clearly demons but not the bleh kind more of damn am I glad I went to hell kind. They wore loose fitting clothes, had petite bodies, their skin was a reddish-pink color and they had cute little horns on their head. In short they were the adorable yet sexy demon girls. 

"Hell is starting to look better than home." I say with a smile on my face.

A few people give me odd looks, but their are some that give me knowing smiles. Ahh brothers in arms hope they don't end up somewhere shitty.

Since it didn't seem to matter which one I went to I picked the one with the shortest line and waited yet again. Watching the process they seem to scan you with something and then one of three doors open behind them. The person goes through and its repeated for the next person.

By the time I make it to the desk I am tired as shit. 

"Hold please." The little demon girl at the counter says.

"Yea yea I know the deal seen it a few hundred times already." I reply annoyance evident in my voice.

The demon must have picked up on it because she looked up at me and gave me an annoyed look. "Look here we process thousands of souls a day most of which are not happy to end up in hell as it is so if you could keep the snark down a bit and let the process continue that would be nice."

I decided keeping quiet is best. That look was all to familiar and she is just doing her job anyway. She pulls out her scanner and scans me while one handed typing on her computer.

"You got skills respect." I say watching her.

"Anyone would after the first million souls or so-Oh no. Why me! Damnit! Hey send me a fucking manager."The demon girl stands up and shouts. I can see a nametag now that says "Hi my name is Rachel."

"Hey uh Rachel is it whats up?" I ask her.

"Well first off not only are kitsune supposed to end up somewhere else you seem to be some weird hybrid! I mean angel, kitsune, human, and God bloodlines are all present. Only two of those can be allowed down here and one of them is if they betray God himself! To top it off died fighting a dark god of evil? What the here man!?" Rachel seems a little annoyed.

One of the doors behind her opens and out walks a man in a business suit. His suit was definitely expensive. The man was tall and broad shouldered. His looks would make even some of the straightest men gay. Gratefully I have a penis and ass that are terrified of such things so I wasn't swayed. Oddly though he wasn't a demon from what I could tell. He looked human for the most part.

"Ah sorry about that Rachel I intercepted his soul and sorta lost contact with it on the way down. My bad. It's here trying to intercept a soul from the other parties." The man says.

Huh british accent might be a demon after all.

Rachel had an annoyed look on here face. "Dad why are you intercepting souls meant for other gods? I swear if I have to bail you out again I am going to be severely upset and tell mom about Hel."

The man got a frantic look on his face."Now no need to get hasty dear! No need to tell your mother things that would only upset her!" The man looked so much like my father at that moment it was scary and Rachel had a familiar calculating look.

Glancing at me she freezes for a second then smiles. I smile back. We could tell we were birds of a feather. Then she turns back to her father.

"You realize if anyone but me got him there would be some serious problems?" She says.

"Yes I know dear. And I am glad you got him but daddy needs to talk with the young man."He replies.

"Good I'll come with. I need to take a break for the rest of the week anyway."

"Rest of the week!? You are being punished for-

Rachel pulls out a phone and call someone."Hi mom!" The man freezes.

"Oh nothing much I just wanted to tell you something about dad. You know about tha-" The man rushes forward and snatches the phone from her and covers her mouth.

"Hi honey! Oh Rachel? I am just having her finish up this last soul and then letting her off for the week. Yep thats what she was going to tell you. Yep love you too." The man hung up with a defeated look.

Rachel had a smirk on her face. At that moment I was in awe of her skills. 

"Right Ash if you would follow me-Us." The man said.

One of the doors opened in the back and I followed them through it. We came out in a perfect representation of what Cancun looks like on tv.

I let out a long whistle at the sight. The place was nice. The two led me through a gorgeous hotel lobby and into a room off to the side. Inside was your typical rich waiting room with two couches and a table with a bottle of wine and glasses.

Motioning for me to sit the other two take a seat opposite of me. So I take a seat on the couch and pour them a glass of wine while I start chugging from the bottle. The man smirks at me.

"Well I guess some introductions are to be made. I am Lucifer Morningstar and this is my daughter Rachel Morningstar." Lucifer says.

I almost spit up the wine and ended up coughing."Lucifer? As in ruler of hell Lucifer?"

He smiles."The one and only. Guess you've heard of me? Well of course you have I am positivly delightful and people are sure to spread as much." Hey says with a wink.

I empty the wine bottle."We may need another ten or so of these. Although Whiskey would be appreciated." I say.

Lucifer waves his hand and several more bottles appear. All top of the line whiskeys even one that were limited to a certain amount of bottles in the real world. At that moment I didn't care. I had the devil himself sitting right in front of me I was going to get plastered.

Then again I did just watch him get blackmailed by his daughter....Kinda kills it a little.

"I am sure you are wondering how you ended up down here." he starts saying.

"Not really I died and you intercepted my soul before anyone else could. Seems pretty straight forward to me." I reply.

"It's not exactly that simple. You see this isn't hell in the 1980's this hell in 2016."

"Wait have I been here for 20 years already!?"

Rachel laughs at me."No hell runs on the same time as North America. As to why well look at your country."

"That's fair."

"I have been watching you ever since you saved my dear Sister. Which I must thank you for by the way. I was ready to obliterate those priests."His eyes turned dark and the room started to shake.

I almost pissed my pants at the pressure he was letting out. Rachel reached up and smacked him upside his head.

"Quit it dad! And why wasn't I told Aunt Alita was in trouble! Mom is going to be pissed when she finds out. This isn't something you are getting out of." She promises.

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I see a flash of fear cross his face. Ya know seeing the lord of hell taken down by his daughter goes to show. Women control everything everywhere. Kinda a scary thought.

"I am sorry dear but she was ambushed and I had no time to react! But gratefully this young man save here and in quite the intresting way." He then goes on to fill in his daughter about what I went through with Alita and Inari.

I was completely shocked at how much he knew."How do you know all of this!? I am supposed to be outside of fate and not even gods should be able to view me unless I allow it. You should just be a really overpowered angel right?"

"Nope I am a God. Got my own religion and everything. Of course the one on Earth is kind of stupid. I blame Micheal he was pissed when I became a god and he is still an Arch Angel. So he started spreading the whole devil and goat thing. As to how? Well I tend to keep an eye out for my youngest sister. You see she wasn't born an Arch Angel and I have always been a little over protective. So when you merged your souls by accident I slipped a bit of myself in to keep watch and make sure you didn't do anything." He says casually.

Okay Lucifer is a god. Didn't see that one coming. "So how did I end up here in present hell?"

"When you went through the portal Chronos kept it open I just pulled your soul through its a god thing don't read to much into it." He replies

Yea no kinda want to know but arguing with a god might not be my best idea.

"So let me guess you want me to owe you a favor to be paid back when you decide or something right?"

"No I was paying you back for saving my sister. In fact I am going to be sending you back to your body soon. Just wanted to talk to you for a second."

"Wait I'm not dead?"

"Oh no you are but I am a god so." He just kinda let that hang and didn't elaborate.

"Sweet."

"He may not have a favor to ask of you but do you think you could do me one?" Rachel speaks up.

I give her a go on look.

"It boring down here and I would like to spend some time up on Earth but dad won't let me without an escort so would you mind being mine? Plus I could take the chance and visit aunt Alita." 

"Uh I guess if its just escorting. Although I am not sure about Alita. Pretty sure she is dealing with some stuff up in heaven." I reply.

I don't mind to much. Show a girl around how much trouble could that possibly cause? Plus I mean her dad is sorta bringing me back to life.

"Oh don't worry."She gives me a wink and her face is filled with joy.

Ah shit now I am worried.

"Well that about wraps this up. Be sure to give me a call sometime we can go out for drinks. My wife tends to scare off all my guy friends."

"Uh Rhea doesn't like me praying to other gods."

"Oh don't worry nothing she can do since I never took that small part of me out of you. Well have fun and don't die again!"

He waves his hand.

"Wait what!?" I shout but next thing I know I am waking up on a sheet of black ice.

"Motherfucker!"

I look around and notice the crappy landscape. "Yay back in Chernobyl." There was no enthusiasm in my voice. I take a look over myself and notice I am covered in scars. In the middle of my chest is a huge one. But I had a pleasant surprise.

"Lefty! Welcome back bud. Don't worry first thing we are going to do when we get home is find some lotion and watch porn for hours!" It seems Lucifer patched me up as well.

"Master!" I hear a voice cry out and then a ball of fur collides with my chest.

"Whats up pup?" I say with a grin.

"I thought you were gone!" Ciar crys.

I pet and comfort the pup. Then I look for the twins. I commanded the attack to avoid them but I wasn't a hundred percent sure.

The ice was everywhere and stretched taller than any of the houses or businesses.

"Say pup you know where the twins are?"

She looks up, nods, and jumps from my arms. "Follow me."

I follow the pup through the black ice field and we reach a huge slab of black ice sticking out of the ground the twins are right in front of it.

Hearing our approach they turn around in surprise. "Your alive!" They say.

"Yea lets just say no good dead goes unpunished." 

I look at the ice in front of them more specifically at the person inside of the ice. "Sup Micro."

Abyss who is trapped in the ice shoots his eyes at me. The dude can;t move but apparently his eyes can. The ice works in ways I don't understand as Ice is the one who came up with it. So I will just chalk it up to overpowered crap that really doesn't concern me. His eyes show surprise at me being here.

"Yep last attack failed. I guess you can't finish the job in anything you do. Ah impotence is really a crime." I shake my head.

"Welp later I got a hot date and two girls to drop off!" I can the anger and hatred in the gaze burning into my back as I walk away.

"Are you just going to leave him there? Doesn't that weapon you had have the ability to kill him?"Ciar asks.

"Oh that reminds me!" I call out to the lance in my soul and it reappears in my hand. Then I drop it into the shadows.

"To answer you question no. I cant kill him. Not without the essence of a god or a stronger soul. This weapon has a few limitations to it that I can't get around yet. Besides killing a god brings way to much heat."

With that we all started walking out of town. The second we were outside the range of Abyss's effect a portal opened and we went through it and ended up back in Chronos's domain.

"Welcome back! Oh I knew you would bring them back!" I am swept up into a hug with my face pressed firmly between Rhea's breasts.

Worth it. 

She lets go of me and turns to the twins. A gentle look over takes her face."Hello girls."

"Hello grandmother."They say with a tinge of anger.

Rhea flinches a little at the tone but lets out a sigh and gives me a sad smile. 

"I take it they filled you in on some things?" she asks.

"Yea well not like I care. Your guy's family problems are your own deal."

"Right well girls follow Chronos while I have a chat with Ash." The girls just nod and follow the Annoying little prick.

One day Chronos I will have my revenge. I narrow my eyes at his back.

"Now first off we need to have a talk about a certain weapon." Rhea snaps me out of my thoughts.

Oh crap.

"Look I needed it plain and simple. I also will not remove my soul imprint." My voice was firm.

"*Sigh*Do you know whay I took it in the first place?"

I shake my head.

"The weapon is a godkiller Ash. If any god were to see you have one you would instantly become a target and so would your family. I was trying to help you. But if you insist on keeping the weapon you must promise me to only use it as a last resort."

"No problem."

"Good now for you reward."Her voice turned sultry.

YES! HERE IT IS! going to need to send Ciar off for a while but YES! Sexy time with a hot Goddess! Images flowed through my head but the one where I lick chocolate off her was the one I wanted to do first.

She loosened her clothes and sauntered up to me and leaned down for a kiss. 

"Oh that reminds me why did you need the lance anyway." She asks.

"Huh oh uh yea Chernobyl was all some ass hole false gods fault. He goes by the name Abyss."

In the next second her hands lock on my head and she peers into my eyes.

"What did you just say!" She shouts.

"Chernobyl was started by a False God called Abyss." I say a little startled.

She shoots back and starts pacing.

"This isn't good! I am going to have to call a council. Thanks Ash this portal should take you home." She waves her hand and disappears.

"But my reward.......WHAT ABOUT MY SEXY TIME!?"