Ellia didn’t know what to say to him. She hated him for believing in a religion that was no longer allowed, and hated him even more for giving up on humanity, even if it was only because the horrors he had seen had finally stacked up on top of him to the point where he had collapsed under them.
She shook his shoulder, baring her teeth like a wild animal. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you really going to just give up and let the dust settle over humanity’s bones without leaving anything prrof behind that we existed! I won’t allow it!”
“If that’s what God intended, then yes!” Nikodemus retorted. “God will grant me no male children. We all have offended him; it’s time we were washed away.”
Ellia released him. She could hardly believe her ears. “You’re pathetic…” she whispered. “You want to die, don’t you?”
Nikodemus went very still. His eyes were plastered open, unblinking. His face looked bony, his eyes were so wide that they looked like skeletal sockets instead of things to see through. Eventually, Nikodemus managed to whisper, “…yes.”
Ellia backed away from him in shock. Taken aback and completely disgusted. She almost had no words left to challenge him. What was the point of challenging a husk? “Then why? Why do you cling to life?”
Nikodemus shook his head. “Because I want to go to heaven. But also… I’m a coward. Death is scary. Ellia, if you were me… you would understand my desire for destruction. You don’t know what I’ve seen.”
Ellia shook her head, offended that he would accuse her of such a thing. “I have seen men and women I’ve loved die in the most horrendous ways, and yet I still haven’t given up! I’ve seen starving humans eating each other to stay full, I’ve seen them killing each other over food, minerals, and water that could be shared if we could put aside our differences! I’ve seen heads removed, skin removed, and everything taken from a human being except for their bones, and yet I will never give up. I won’t allow you to give up, either, because everything is predicated upon you of all people.”
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Nikodemus stared at her sightlessly. He swallowed, the lump in his throat visible. “Have you seen women you loved and had romantic relations with reduced to no more than a bloody pulp? Have you seen your children—little creatures under the age of ten—pinned to the ground, killed, and eaten due to the savagery and unsophistication of the tribes?”
Ellia knew he had her with that sentence. His eyes became glazed over and teary.
Ellia couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to see one’s children die, and suddenly, she truly and fully comprehended why he didn’t want to become close with his daughters. To feed them, change them, raise them, and love them, only to lose them in the most hideous way possible made her own eyes glassy when she thought of it. “I didn’t think of it that way…”
Nikodemus was satisfied having silenced her. In a moment, he murmured, “Ellia… may I make a request?”
Ellia crossed her arms. “After that big speech about how it’s okay for you to give up? Why should I?”
Nikodemus gave her a halfhearted smile. “Your fiery spirit breathes life into these dying lungs… please, hear me out.”
Ellia leaned on one hip, regarding him with a stern frown. “I’m listening.”
“Hilargi’s mother knew of a mutant who might be able to solve the XY problem. She left some notes… I think it would be worth it to send some scouts out to see if we can find this man.” Nikodemus whispered.
Ellia almost immediately denied the request. Her eyes narrowed and her face furrowed in anger. “That stupid girl. She should know better than to try and fill your head with such nonsense.”
Nikodemus’ frown became all-the-more downtrodden. “Please. Listen to us. I know it’s unlikely that we’ll find anything, but the possibility that we might means that we could solve the XY problem. Take a leap of faith.”
Ellia, who had been sourly looking down at her boots, now met his gaze at the mention of a leap of faith. Upon looking in his eyes, she found herself mesmerized by his look of utter belief in the fact that, perhaps, they might find something. She scratched her elbow, considering his proposition. She had few women to spare, but she had to admit, the idea that they might find someone out there who could solve the XY problem was extremely tantalizing. Nikodemus had been right about the surprise attack from the Lionesses, after all. It wasn’t a stretch that he would be right about this, too. Not only that, but it would only require a few of her women, and the benefit could be enough to save mankind. “Very well. I will speak to Hilargi about it, but I can only spare a few women.”
“Thank you…” Nikodemus bobbed his head.