Mary Sue and Gary Stu.
Mary Stew and Gary Stool….
Sometimes, this world wasn’t even subtle, not one bit.
Heh.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be the one complaining, especially when such brazen blatancies had become the bread and butter that got me ahead of the curve.
Well, I supposed an introduction to our beloved hero and heroine – who would be far above and beyond even those four named characters that made a mess out of my workplace – was in order.
Mary Stew and Gary Stool, as could be expected from their names, were anything but ordinary.
Found by an elderly mayor and his wife during a dark and stormy night, the star siblings’ origin was a subject of much debate. Of course, it certainly didn’t help when their adopted father soon passed away – a detail many haters loved to echo, especially given the rumor that their mother simply got rid of the husband to welcome in her bastard children.
Regardless, there was no denying that the old woman loved her kids dearly.
After all, just the fact Mary and Gary even got a second part to their name – unlike all other orphans – already spoke volumes of the length their adopted mother had to go, bending the Golden Empire’s ironclad rules like that.
Mysterious background, sprinkled with hints of drama and sad backstory, checked.
And now for their looks.
Welp.
How should I go about this…?
Describing a pair of overly plain, yet somehow incredibly attractive teenagers, could land me in hot water, after all.
Then again, given that both were already 18 years old, I guessed this should be fine…ish?
Ah, screw it!
Let’s just start with the lesser of those two headaches first.
Gary Stool, as one could imagine, was his sun-kissed skin seemed to glisten with the rare droplets of sweat. Of course, such had become quite a common sight, given the young lad’s love for hard and honest labor.
The boy swayed his head slightly, causing the dampness to leave his snowy hair – which seemed to possess a sheen of inky darkness at its very edge. Such an act didn’t go unnoticed. And, soon enough, songs of swoons and swears of undying affection resounded all around him.
Gary could only give the usual, nervous chuckle as some chicks – who were much younger than the lasses who had already fainted from his presence alone – boldly latched onto his knees and ankles while trying out the… less than savory gestures quite a few womanly madams had been giving him…
An angry shout could be heard as some noble blocked the path ahead, demanding a duel between men. Nearby, one young maiden could only blush, though it wasn’t the knave - who was her former fiancée mere moments ago - that the girl had decided to cheer for.
To no one’s surprise, the result of such a clash had long been set in stone.
Or, in this case, set in stool…
A golden sword was swung, only to find its sharpness deflected by three wooden legs, again and again.
A mithril shield got to cover, yet some splinters always slipped past said bulwark, even getting through layers after layers of aura underneath.
Clang. Clash. Bash. Bang. An armory of the best treasures money could buy bent and lost against stools after stools. Stool attacked. Stool defended. Some stool lost one of its legs, only to have said leg turned into a makeshift club to clang clash bash bang all over again.
The crowd could only stare in disbelief.
On one side, a noble - trained all his life in the art of aura and magic.
On the other side, a commoner - having naught but stools.
Yet, against all odds, it was the humble stools that were winning against their superiors…
Soon enough, an adamantite armor had no choice but to make its last stand. Aura flared to life. Magic flowed through the gleaming gold as the noble channeled one last spell with his sword, desperately trying to turn the tide of this one-sided battle.
“Ancient ancest'rs, spirits of the battlefield, slayeth'rs of evil and savi'rs of those in need… I SUMMON THEE!!!”
A swift incantation - spoken in the lost language reserved only for those of noble intents – made itself known.
“COMETH TO THY DESCENDANT’S AID! GRANT ME THE BOONS THEE HAS’T BEEN GIVEN FROM THE GODDESS OF WAR HERSELF!!!”
For a moment, silence.
Then…!
Glowing radiance, as divine intervention commenced!
The adamantite armor seemed to turn weightless, for its wearer now flew across the battlefield with blinding speed!!!
The mithril shield seemed to grow weighty, for its bashes now tore the ground asunder!!!
The golden sword glowed brillance, its affinity for mana increased a hundredfold!!!
And yet…
All of this… it was all for naught.
… Everything was still set in stool.
[ | | ]
“Everything is still set in- wait what the fuck am I even saying!?”
My tirade thankfully went ignored, given how everyone was as dumbfounded as I had been minutes earlier.
This was bad.
Just a week ago, I thought that I had finally managed to figure out a way to maneuver around the star siblings. Yet, just from observing Gary too much – who was even supposed to be the easier one for me to deal with – this had already happened…
“Curses! Back to the drawing board, it seems…”
My muttering was drowned out by deafening cheers from the crowd. Ironic enough, the two opposing forces – who were inches away from ripping each other to shreds just earlier - seemed to have put their differences on hold thanks to a rare moment of camaraderie.
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Of course, all it took was having the upper class being beaten to a pulp.
Go figure.
“This… this is not ov'r, scoundrel scum! retribution shall raineth upon thee!!!”
The declaration of a vendetta continued to be spatted out even as the noble staggered to his feet. All around him, a retinue of servants and bodyguards alternated between helping their young master and glaring at the hollering crowd.
A great shame had been inflicted onto his honor this day – not helped by the fact that his fiancée was still clinging onto the victor’s arm with one dreamy expression… Thus, as the young master’s archmage finished casting her spell on a glowing green carpet to make their departure, one final word of rematch was-
*Whoosh*
The teleportation fizzled, yet its intended targets remained.
Some sugar and spice - from out of nowhere - had already left in their stead…
“What the-!”
The noble’s retinue could only gasp in shock, given the ludicrousness of their situation. Then again, perhaps it was the young master himself who was most baffled.
After all, standing in front of him right now was a snow-haired maiden, dressed in naught but an apron and her battle dress.
In her left hand, a spoon of spice. On her right, a can of sugar – which was as sweet as her smile…
And that hair…
Fluffier than clouds, with a fragrance resembling that of cotton candy’s…
Just then, the dainty heroine opened her lips… which seemed so small, yet somehow… so… alluring…
“You’re not yourself when you’re angry~” The heaven sang! With one hand on her hip and the other poking a very stunned noble on his nose, the maiden continued her angelic chorus. “Sugar, spice and everything nice, that’s the secret recipe! Now, open your mouth wide~”
Young boys buckled in their knees while grown men wept in jealousy. The scene of someone being fed by the goddess herself brought about a hunger one simply couldn’t know existed! To be so close to her… To be granted the honor of tasting the food prepared by her fingers… To look down, and get to see a bountiful bosom so mouth-watering that one would… kill for just… a closer… glimpse-
-Wait a minute…
Did I just… lust over the chest of a chick way younger than me?
… Oh fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!
SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
[ | | ]
To any normal bystander, seeing a young adult slapping himself repeatedly with his only arm would be beyond bizarre.
Yet.
Right now, for this very crowd, nobody could care less.
Everyone was still entranced by the visage of a goddess, after all…
“An angel… She’s an angel!!!”
“Did you hear that? The noble just apologized to a pair of lowly commoners! Perhaps, there is still hope for this empire of ours…”
“I want to suck on her fingers!”
“Sigh… Boys…”
“Give me a break! You said the same thing for wonder boy back when he was beating that noble up as well!”
“Abs are not fingers, you weirdo!”
“You’re the weirdo!”
“Nuh uh!!!”
“Yuh huh!!!”
As people continued to ooh and aah at the pair of star siblings, I could only grasp my chest with the only arm I had left, gasping all the while.
“Fuck…! That was close… Way too close…”
I really, really needed to find a better way and deal with this. Else, the possibility of waking up one day only to find that I had joined Mary’s cohort of simps might not even be a joke at this point…
Steadying myself with one deep breath, I proceeded to put on the façade of a mysterious seer once more. It was just in time, as even the band of beastmen surrounding me was beginning to quieten down.
The reason for such soon became obvious enough, given how Mary and Gary were now standing at the very center of everyone’s attention, their speeches at the ready.
“Brave neighbors! Valiant countrymen! Stalwart seekers of a new home! Heed me!”
Shouts of acknowledgement to all groups that made up the mass reverberated throughout the town square, earning Gary many nods of approval – including those who had wanted to take over Folen Frontier just now.
“Me and mine are just a pair of simple siblings, wanting naught but a place to call our own. Just a few weeks prior, we were just like so many refugees standing here: vagrant, starving, afraid...”
The words were simple. Yet… Somehow, even the most cold-hearted of folks looked touched by the youth’s passionate speech.
“Our village was long swallowed by the endless darkness, leaving us no choice but to embark on an exodus towards this safe haven long thought to be hearsay… And, to our amazement, we actually found it! A beacon of hope, shining brightly in this darkest hour of the Golden Empire!”
Pride adorned the face of every “true” citizen – especially the elderly pioneers who had migrated to this faraway land following their lord’s exile.
Of course, what was said next quickly turned said pride into shame.
“… Sadly, fear and hunger never left us. Even when we were given alms and provided shelter, it was made clear that we were not truly welcome in this sanctuary. We starved for recognition and understanding from fellow compatriots, yet got told that faithless fleas should just stay in the dusk district... We strived for comraderies with mighty warriors from the tribes, yet got beaten black and blue for our trouble… We wanted to help and earn our place, yet the only form of aid this town would accept was treasures from the dungeons – which so few of us are capable of raiding…”
Enlightened folks looked down in guilt. Downtrodden outlanders looked on in glee. However, Gary’s next words caused even the latter group to feel chastised.
“I’m not blaming anyone for this. Even I - a youngster wet behind his ear - understand that using artifacts to fuel magic and miracles is the only way we can survive this apocalypse… Thus, faithful followers that can aid in performing miracles, as well as adventurers that can provide artifacts… I get that they and they alone had become the only groups of any real importance… I truly do… But…”
Gary paused, as if struggling to find the right words.
Everyone could only hold their breath, desperate to hear what the young hero had to say.
So enraptured was the crowd that, when Mary stepped onto a stool to continue her brother’s speech, most could only gasp in amazement.
“But! We’re all family here! One messed-up family, full of brothers and sisters bickering all day long… And that’s fine!”
People swooned and heaven sighed.
“We all have our differences, for they’re what make us unique! Yet, as long as we can still look past such and focus on building a harmonious home - where all can find a place to call their own - that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”
The angel’s song continued to make its way beyond, pouring into one’s very own heart and soul.
“For our home! For our children! For our future! Will you not join me? Will you not take my hand and walk alongside me, as we both take the first steps towards a brave new world, where happily ever after isn’t just a fairy tale?”
Hedge knights fell onto their knees, offering devotion unto death.
Magicians pulled out birds from their hats – which went on to drop beautiful flowers near the maiden’s feet.
Mighty and powerful fighters, who had been looking at Mary with either lust or jealousy, had to wipe away drops of tears from the corner of their eyes.
Even beastmen that had been raring to raise hell earlier now looked even more docile than some house pets…
“Everyone! I want to hear you say it! Are you with me?”
“YES!”
“I can’t hearrr youuu~”
“YES!!!”
“Again!”
“YES!!! YES!!! YESSS!!!!!!!!”
The town square exploded into shouts of cheers and agreement. So great was such fervor that, at the moment, it might not even be wrong to claim the faith in one duo of hero and heroine had eclipsed that of the Golden faith itself.
It was as if everyone had set aside their petty grudges and whatnot – even if only for this rare moment of unity – to hold hands and sing a happy song.
… Wait, no. People were really singing the national anthem right now.
I didn’t know if I should laugh, cry or facepalm at this point…
That said.
No sooner had the hymn finished its last chord did a troublesome menace rear her head towards me once more.
“Mister seer, don’t think that I didn’t notice! We still haven’t heard you say anything!”
Being put on the spot was an ordeal in and of itself, I could tell you that much.
Now, imagine that a gigantic mob also had its gaze upon your every movement, expecting you to go along with the flow.
It certainly didn’t help that even my “followers” were sporting a certain crazed look in their eyes, with a few nodding enthusiastically as I continued to be urged by the crowd’s beloved darling.
“Don’t be shy, Mr. Joe! C’mon, join us~ Let’s save the world together!”
Mary’s enthusiasm, combined with the public pressure weighing down on my shoulders, left me with only a single choice.
After all…
Only a madman would say anything but yes in this situation, wouldn’t it?
“No.”
“That’s great! Now we can- Wah… wait… what-!!?”
I had to admit. The absolute shock from the crowd - as well as Mary’s slack-jawed expression - was certainly a sight to behold.