.
.
.
“Hey! Excuse me! I heard that your team lacks a porter?”
“We do. Hm… Don’t recognize you. Fresh meat?”
“Heh, you guessed it. The name’s Joe, by the way.”
“M’ouk A’ys. Moosekin. Tank, second-in-command, Black Cats. You, ever join raid?”
“Well, no… But I know a thing or two about keeping my head down and stay out of others’ way! I also have plenty of experience carrying goods as well, so you can count on me for that!”
“Hm… Good enough, me suppose.”
“By the way, please forgive me if this sounds rude but… Why are your ears clipped like that…?”
“Mark, belonging of M’ewshine House. Me lucky. Antler grow back. Many got tail, ear, cut off. Me mate and kit back home as well.”
“Oh… I… I’m sorry… And wow, you look really young to already have a family…”
“Me already lived past 13 winter, had to do this or... worse, for both me and family… Anyway, you go there. Talk to M’ouk B’ees. Get bag holding, be ready.”
“Yessir!”
“Still. This dungeon, dangerous. Even vulture scared, not be porter. You sure, want join? Might not live.”
“… Heh. It’s either this or starve to death, I’m afraid. All the chores and fetch quests are always taken by those like me, and I’m just not strong or have good enough “potential” to make them back off.”
“Truly? Me thought, your kin, there be special deal. Even small affinitie, guild give aid, nurture so pay back later?
“I’m an unfavored… I don’t have any potential at all…”
“Oh… Me sorry.”
“… It’s ok! I have a good feeling about this dungeon. Heh, maybe it’d be like those stories I’ve read and there might be that special cheat waiting for me inside, even! Gotta think positive, amirite!?”
“Hm. Be careful.”
“I will! I will…”
.
.
.
[ | | ]
I shook myself out of the daze. Being here again, no matter how many times, still brought back unpleasant memories, it seemed…
With a sigh, I turned toward my two escorts, who were just about to speak up.
“Al… Alright, then! I’ll go first and help Bliby get some rest. Mis… Mister Joe, please behave, ok…?”
“Yeah, sure. Don’t need to tell me twice.”
With that, D'heeche R'osnace ran off with a stuttering boy in her arms – whose cheeks were flushed red from either embarrassment or pure bliss.
Having been granted entry by the bridge guards, the duo then stepped onto a green hexagram riddled with Latin mumbo jumbo, causing static to fill the air as said magic circle teleported both into the inner keep.
Good riddance…
I waited for a good while, dragging my feet as much as possible. Then again, given the increasingly irritated expression of the guards, it seemed I should stop tempting fate, lest damnation get any worse.
Soon, I was face to face with the two guards – as well as the priest and constable standing on either side of them. All frowned at me, though the holy man also sported a difficult expression on his face, as if not knowing what to make of the pagan he was looking at.
Words of what happened at the town square had long reached this place, it seemed.
Doubt and suspicion were plain to see, though at least it wasn’t the usual animosity. Quite an improvement, if I could say so myself…
Anyway.
“The Claws and Fangs sent its salutation, valiant ones!” I wasted no time brandishing the newly minted status of Mary and Gary’s knightly order - whose herald just happened to be yours truly. “This one weeps with joy, knowing the care of Folen Frontier’s most steadfast bastion lies in such vigilant hands… Nevertheless, a great summon called for this one’s presence at the keep. So, sad as-”
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
I clamped my mouth shut as the usual left palm got held in front of me. Then, as if realizing his own blunder, gatekeeper A was quick to bring his offending hand up for a cough instead.
Antagonizing a messenger that represented two divine idols would be a bad idea, after all.
“We have already received word of your arrival, outworlder.” Guard B spoke up to fill in the awkward silence, not forgetting to pin me with his signature glare. “Holy brother, if you don’t mind?”
The priest nodded, though still a bit absentmindedly. Soon enough, the familiar droplets of gold and light rained their blessings upon me, carrying promises of wounds undone.
I looked down, to where my left hand once stood.
… No dice, like always.
Sighing lightly, I turned to walk towards my transportation, now that the status of an unfavored had been confirmed.
Of course, there was certainly the chance of others disguising themselves based on my appearance, though given that unfavored folks were incredibly rare to begin, the constable simply saw it fit to let me through.
“Lord Brill!” I shouted at the snoozing dragon, who began to stir from his slumber. “Will you be so kind as to lend this one some help, given how our most ungracious portal still hates this one so?”
The overgrown lizard chuckled, stretching lazily even though he was supposed to be on the clock. Then, with a brilliant glow of chilly blue, scales of sapphire made way for soft skin as the dragon shrunk in on himself, leaving naught behind but a young-looking boy with azure hair and pale white skin in his wake.
Instead of the armaments so often associated with the royal army, said dragoon was dressed in fancy, comfortable clothes that practically oozed magical splendor. Then, flashing one cheeky smile that was so common from any other kid, the half-dragon waved off my greetings with his usual casualness.
“No need for the formality, seer… Now hold on tight… The sooner we’re done with this, the faster I can get back to my dreamy… baa baa… land… yawnnn…”
“Ah, but wouldn’t it- NO WAIT!!!”
Before I could even protest, the damn munchkin had already taken off with a flap of his wings. Then, faster the eye could blink, said brat had already dived down towards me, wrapping a tail around my waist and tugging his new luggage into the air…
God damn dragons and their flightiness… Good thing I hadn’t had lunch… BLEURGH!!!
[ | ]
.
.
.
“MY ARMMM!!! FUCK!!! IT HURTS!!! IT FUCKING HURTS!!!!!!”
“Shush! They come back! Quiet, or we die!!!”
“aArgH… fUck… fuck……”
“Take this. Me pour liquid, disinfect wound. You, bite on board, prevent scream.”
“ok… ok… gahhh……. GAAAHHHHITHURTITHURTIthurt…”
“Stay here. Wrap cloth around wound. Keep bite, help forget pain. Me scout, find survivor.”
“ok… be careful… careful…. care…ful……”
.
.
.
“you’re back… where-”
“Killed. Dead. Only we, survive…”
“… e… even that mage…? the one shooting rocks everywhere and… fuck my arm up…”
“Dead. Monster touched, rock armor, even golem, useless! Dead!!!”
“… fuck…. fuck fuck fuck…! how… I thought this would be safe…!!?”
“No idea. Never saw that. Could be, new monster.”
“… what are we going to do now…? I… I can’t die… I can’t die like this…! Not like this!!! FUCK!!!”
“Calm. Me has, this!”
“… a rope…? what-”
“Mistress gave, warned, only use, most desperate. Called it, “escape rope”. Whip dungeon floor, we free, safe outside.”
“… really? We… we can escape!?”
“Yes.”
“do it! let’s whip it already!”
“Ok. Stay back.”
*Crack*
“/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Meow~ Vice captain of Black Cats speaking~ Oh, right! This is a recording for meow favorite pet, who must be in some serious trouble to have used this, “super-duper-beyond-precious” magical tool! Meow meow meow~... Pathetic. Did you really think that meow would waste money on the likes of you? Get real. Now go back out there and bring home more precious for meow! Toodles~ ฅ^•⩊•^ฅ”
“…”
“…”
“M’ouk A’ys?”
“Yes…?”
“We’re fucked, aren’t we?”
“… Yes.”
.
.
.
* T h u m p *
“They… They are here…”
“Yes…”
“What are we going to do now… You… You have raided countless dungeons before… What are we supposed to do!? Tell me, dammit!!!”
“There is, last option. Me not like it. But now, desperate…”
“I’ll do anything at this point if it means getting out of this nightmare! C’mon, big guy! Tell me what I need to do and you’ll have my full support! We’re all counting on you here!!!”
“… Me has mate and kit, back home. Me can’t die here…”
“M’ouk A’ys? What are you-”
“Me sorry…”
*Whoosh*
*WHAM*
“OW! You… GET BACK HERE!!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!!!”
* T h u m p *
* T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P *
“No… no no no no no PLEASE!!! DON’T LEAVE ME HERE!!! SOMEONE!!!! ANYONE!!!!! HELPPP!!!!!!!!”
* T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P * T H U M P *
“STAY AWAY!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!! AHHHHHH-”
*SPLASH*
.
.
.
[ | | ]
By the time I came to, my most “gracious” transporter had already left, deeming it fit for me to get down from the battlement on my own.
Truly, the rumor of how elves and dragons shared the same ancestry might have some merit, given that both could be massive assholes without even trying!
“Heh… At least the view is great.”
I looked at the ground below and marveled at the murderous creativity of it all.
From the outside, the building might have looked like a mini castle – albeit one without any conventional entryway. However, aside from four closed-off walls that were only accessible through limited skybridges, the keep itself was actually a U-shaped fort with the upper half of said letter forming a courtyard, where visitors would be teleported to.
And, if said guests happened to be unwanted, they would find themselves standing smack dab in the middle of any invader’s worst nightmare. Or, in this case, one very, very terrible meat grinder.
Heck, being surrounded from all sides without anywhere to flee wasn’t even the worst part. After all, unlike conventional castles, attackers wouldn’t be able to see how badly their force got butchered inside this death trap, causing the rest to blissfully march towards their doom.
Given how nasty adventurers’ keep already was, you could just imagine how much worse the bunch who occupied this place would be.
… Let alone the one standing on top of them all, pulling the strings that determined if this town would live or fall.
“No point hesitating now, I guess.”
Straight toward the wolf’s den, I went…