Ever since the eternal darkness began its dark march, the fantasy world that was Fantasia had never been the same.

Yes, yes. I already knew what you would be asking.

“Joe, you nitwit, there’s no way this place is actually called Fantasia, is it?”

Well, buddy ol' pal! Lemme tell you that I fucking wished I was joking.

Could you imagine how utterly dumbfounded I was when I first learnt of this? The fact that, out of all the isekai dumpster fires with honest-to-god magic and actual gods that might exist out there, I got kidnapped to one whose name was fucking Fantasia.

You just couldn’t make this shit up!

Hell, what kind of creator, author or whatever decided to name their creation like this? I would loveee to have a one-on-one conversation with such a “creative”, “intelligent” and utterly batshit insane specimen. Truly, I would!

Ughhh…!!!

Talk about bollocks…

Anyway, where was I?

Ahem, as the golden sun perished, another dark age began anew. Yet, unlike centuries past - where life was a constant struggle – civilization’s numerous advancements had made this new apocalypse far more manageable.

Soon enough, lights fueled by faith engulfed every settlement. It seemed that the people would adapt, just like they once did.

“Was this a crisis or an opportunity?”, some simply had to wonder. Thus, bright wizards, priests and priestesses eagerly made the bid to regain their ancient prestige, rivaling the authority of kings and queens once more.

The monarchs, in turn, scoffed as whispers of a budding theocracy began to grow. Then, just a few months after Fantasia experienced its second end time, the Golden Empire announced a world-shattering revelation, causing shock, awe and accusation of blasphemy to reverberate throughout its capitals.

“Another golden sun would grace the sky, as brightest minds united to push back the darkness.”

Some called it madness, those devout cursed the royal lines, a few shook their head at such wasteful hubris…

… Though the majority of the people simply turned their heads at the lightless heavens far above, with naught but a simple, heartfelt prayer in mind.

Thus, a third sun was lifted into the sky, amidst cheers and the occasional sneers.

And it worked!

Until it didn’t…

… Ok, it actually went incredibly bad soon after. But to be fair, I couldn’t quite agree that magic dying off was somehow the Royal Family’s fault, let alone the way permanent darkness started leaking out from the abyss.

It should also be kept in mind that, while everything I had just told you were bits and pieces put together from various sources, there was a huge discrepancy between accounts from those who followed the faith and people that didn’t.

For example, the simple question of whether dungeons appeared before or after the sun got swallowed whole.

Such a detail might look unimportant, until you attended any sermon and got told that it was the Royal Family’s arrogant deed that caused all to be punished, with dungeons clawing out from the abyss and sucking magic dry.

Meanwhile, adventurers with any tie of nobility were adamant that magic was already dying a slow death long before the first dungeon appeared. Thus, as the golden sun perished, everyone – including the Church – agreed on one desperate gamble and plundered “artifacts” from dungeons to fuel a new sun.

As if this wasn’t enough of a headache for outside observers like me, the two main sects that made up most of the faithful also had contrasting beliefs regarding the dungeons. That said, despite how much the priesthood and paladins loved arguing against clerics and inquisitors, it was undeniable that every single one of them still made use of “artifacts” all the same.

Now, you might be asking.

“That’s great and all, Joe, but what does this have to do with anything?”

Well, I’d tell you.

See, there were a lot of things that I found deplorable regarding the first emperor – who reigned over the land just some centuries ago. However, credit where credit was due, his efforts in uplifting the quality of life for everyone should never be dismissed.

Heck, improving the average life expectancy using modern knowledge? Innovating the state of art and culture thanks to “borrowed” literature? Opening the eyes of tinkerers with “original” inventions? Raising the age of marriage to 18, and with the consent of both parties no less!?

It almost made me want to forget that the fella’s inability to “keep it in his pants” ended up causing 99% of my current fucking headaches!

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

One of which, of course, was staring at me in the face right now…

[ | | ]

“Hey! Hey!!! Are you listening to me, mad prophet!? I already told you to follow, so do it, or else!”

The angry shout caused me to turn my head. Then, despite my better judgment, I simply couldn’t resist the urge.

“Or else what?”

“You…! As a staff mandated by the esteemed adventurers’ guild of Folen Frontier, I - Bliby Lowe Interest - demands that you follow me to the keep! Any unlawful attempt at resistance will incur a proper penalty, as is written in this decree right here!”

“You’re holding it upside down.”

“What!? But it shouldn’t… Wait this is not… you tricked me!!!”

“It is just a prank, bro~”

“You… you…! ARGH!!!”

“Mis… Mister Joe, please stop teasing Bliby so much… You… You will really get into trouble if you keep this up, ok…?”

With a frown, I decided to take the “scolding” for what it was and gave the two youngsters a serious nod.

“Right, right... So, I take it that the guild master wants to see me, then?”

“That’s what I just said!!!”

“No one’s asking you, little buddy.”

“You…! I’m a noble, charlatan! You better watch-”

“Please stop. Mr. Joe, I just told you that-”

“By the way, why does your ‘father’ need to see me in person, D'heeche R'osnace? Given that I’ve reported everything to him in my letters, can’t the deal made between us stay as is? That’s not mentioning how most adventurers at the guild flat out hate my guts as well.”

“I… I just… You shouldn’t-”

“Hey! She doesn’t need to tell you anything! Now just follow our order and-”

“But seriously, think about it. People at the guild don’t want to see me. You don’t want to see me. So, what’s the point of me going there and ruining everyone’s day? You should really think hard about it, Bliby…”

“I don’t need to!... I don’t… No, wait… What…”

Like a drunkard finally getting out of his hazy stupor, the little boy swayed back and forth on wobbly feet.

When compared to those four teenage adventurers that made a mess out of my workplace the other day, it was abundantly clear how young Bliby was. Soon, the air of maturity also faded away as the boy’s black vest and pants gained as many wrinkles as his forehead. Then, with an ever-messier collar, it didn’t take long before the kid’s long sleeve shirt’s paleness matched that of his own complexion.

“I… Why am I… so tired…….”

“Bliby!”

With a frantic voice, the little wolf girl held onto her lightheaded colleague in haste, before putting a hand around his waist for better balance.

“Mr. Joe!” D'heeche R'osnace barked out, her tone a far cry from the usual stuttering shyness. “Both of us are already exhausted from searching for you this entire morning, can’t you even see that!?”

Ignoring a slurry “we did?” from her partner, the tiny menace pressed on.

“Look! Whatever grievances you have with my friend… throwing a temper tantrum against someone much younger than you is just… is just beyond foolish!!! So, stop! Or… or else!!!”

Both of us locked eyes as the air turned frigid.

On one hand, there was me – a tall, beardy-looking dude covered from head to toe with a ragged, russet cloak, looking ever menacing by the lack of an arm.

On the other hand, the pouting face of a little girl who was close to tears - whose furry ears were sticking low and out to the side while a stiff tail moved ever slowly behind her back - might prove too risky to fight against…

Thus, in the end, I could only concede with a sigh, before quietly following the two little monsters back to their evil lair.

Tsk. It was worth a shot…

There was no escaping punishment, it seemed.

Well, at least Bliby was enjoying the extra care and affection from his crush, if the blushing mess on the boy’s face was anything to go by.

Ignorance was truly bliss, indeed…

[ | ]

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.

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“Welcome to the adventurers’ guild. How may I help you?”

“Uhm, hello. I’m new in town. A constable said that I can try my luck being an adventurer if destiny district and dawn district have no work for me to do?”

“I see… May I know your name, sir?”

“It’s Joe. Joe Yammington.”

“Alright. Mr. Joey-”

“Please call me Joe.”

“… Mr. Joe, do you have any prior experience with aura, magic or miracle?”

“Uh… no?”

“Right. So, I take it that you don’t have any fighting experience as well?”

“I’ve been in some brawls before-”

“Fights to the death, Mr. Joe.”

“… No.”

“I see. Well then, could you please follow me to the next room? We’ll need to have an inspector check your affinities.”

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.

.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Mr. Joe. What piques your curiosity?”

“Those posters over there… I noticed phrases like ‘tank’, ‘buff’, ‘level up’ and the like… Why exactly… No, is it possible that adventurers can open a special window that contains their stats?”

“Pardon but, ‘window’ and ‘stats’? I’m afraid that I don’t quite understand what you meant. We run a dungeon diving business, not glassmaking, after all.”

“… Just to be clear, people don’t grow stronger by killing random hobo monsters and gain special powers from that, right?”

“Of course not, sir. Life isn’t as easy as those folklore specials full of childish power fantasy nonsense make it out to be, I’m afraid.”

“... Do you know how such a trend in said stories came to be? I would also want to know who first used words like ‘tank’ and whatnot as well.”

“My word! I’ve heard that folks from the countryside can be a bit lacking in worldly knowledge, yet I’ve never thought... No, my apologies, it’s not for me to judge. Anyway, the answer to both of your queries can only be the First-”

“Excuse me. Is Joe Yammington here? We have your affinities result.”

“Maybe we can continue this talk later then, Mr. Joe. Now come, let’s see your potential and we can determine what class you’d be best suited for.”

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[ | | ]

“W… We’re almost there! Look!”

A shrill voice snapped me out of my musing, and I looked up to see the dreaded place where countless dreams had gone to die.

Standing right on the border that separated dusk district from dawn district, the adventurers’ “keep” looked more like a small fort – complete with its own moat, numerous murder holes, menacing siege engines and, of course, a dragon sleeping right next to the bridge guards.

Had I mentioned that said blizzard-breathing lizard was half as big as the fort itself? No? Well, now you knew.

“Halt! State your busine- Oh… It’s you…”

I had to admit. It still felt a bit flattering that my fame - or infamy to be honest – had become so widely-known that even gatekeepers A and B could tell who it was under the cloak with just a glance alone.

Then again, who else in Folen Frontier actually had a beardy beard on his face and just some stump where his left arm once stood? Not many, I’d wager.

They could just ask the priesthood to regrow any missing limb for them, after all…

…

Sigh.

Let’s just get this over with.

With that, I marched on, into the monster’s very lair.