As far as planets went Bakania could only be described as empty, grey and to be perfectly honest bland. The few things that Jack could spot from the comforts of the ship were the numerous buildings that seemed to resemble random assortments of blocks in the sand than well-organised infrastructure. Suffice it to say that Bakans weren't that big on city planning. As they flew closer and got ready to land Jack started to see the grey pillars of smoke coming from each of the buildings, Ted had told him on the way that Bakans were famous for their factories and forges he just didn't think that every building on the planet was such a thing. The group landed close to one of the buildings and followed Lyra's lead towards the informant.
"We are very close now," Lyra said, pointing to a small grey block ahead of them which surprisingly did not have smoke emerging from its roof, "the informant should be there."
"Oh, what a shame!" Ted exclaimed, "I would have to continue walking through such a lovely grey planet looking at all the grey buildings and the grey ground. It's not like we could have landed next to the building or anything like that."
"We would call too much attention to ourselves that way, I think, "Jack said, "and don't be like that! Exploring new planets is exciting!"
"The first couple of planets are exciting but when you spend your life as a pilot a grey expanse of nothing doesn't really fill that adventurous spirit."
"If you are done complaining we can speak to our informant now, he would be the one sitting over there," Lyra pointed towards a bench in front of the block.
"Who? That grey fellow over there?" asked Jack.
"Jack that is a robot, and of course it is grey, it couldn't have been painted in a more exciting colour, maybe we can repaint him later," Ted said, "also why is our informant a robot? What is this group turning into!" Ted complained.
The robot now aware of their presence slowly stood up and trodded through the sand towards them moving its mechanical legs. The robot was indeed rather grey all around apart from the white lines at its joints and a face that was a perfectly dull oval apart from the two white dots which Jack thought would be its eyes.
"Hello there," the robot said in a surprisingly human-sounding voice, "I see you have brought some friends."
"Yes, we had a little change of plans, these are my companions, Jack and Ted. They've been handpicked by the emperor or at least one of them has the other just kinda tagged along."
"Hello Jack, Hello Ted. I am unit G25L4E2, it is good to make your acquaintance."
Ted chuckled, "that's quite a mouthful, isn't it."
"My friend means no offence G25L1E5," Jack said.
"It is G25L4E2. Jack. Perhaps my name is quite difficult for you to compute, scanning database. You may call me Glen if that facilitates further intercoms between us."
"Thanks, that helps a lot, Glen. I always thought robots would sound a little different if I'm honest," said Jack.
"If my voice is an inconvenience I can always change it," Glen suddenly spoke in a thick french accent. "Or is it better like this?" He changed it to that of a german woman.
"You can keep the old voice I was just surprised. Don't worry about it"
"I do not believe I have the capacity to worry."
"So... Glen, what will be the first step of our operation?" Lyra asked.
"I believe you will find it challenging to enter the Bakan factory without express permission." The factory blocks of Bakania were known to be well guarded and difficult to enter which is why usually nobody tried to steal from them.
"I have this rock that they gave me on Galarand if that helps," Jack said showing the Bakan stone he had received.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
"Computing, a Bakan stone of friendship, this will prove helpful for further communications with the locals, perhaps we should start the operations right away," Glen said and pointed towards a group of Bakans standing in front of one of the buildings. "Perhaps Jack should speak to them as he has the stone."
Sure, I can try..." Jack moved towards the Bakans. There were three of them in total, they were tall even for Bakan standards and their horns nearly shone as the only thing with colour on the planet's surface.
"Hello, gents!"
"Who are you?" the tallest of them scoffed.
"I am Jack, my friend," and he showed them the small stone.
"Oh, a Bakan friend," the three of them exclaimed, "who gave you this stone?"
“A Bakan named Borta after I won in a Tomlux gamble.”
“Borta, eyyy? Who would have thought he would lose at a Tomlux gamble, especially against such a puny being.” the Bakans laughed in unison.
“Well, anyway my friends, I was wondering if me and my friends,” Jack said pointing at the others waiting behind him, “could go and visit one of your factories.”
“Visit one of the factories? Why would you want that?”
In a moment of unparalleled genius, Jack said something that perhaps no other being had ever uttered before, "ehhm, I'm just so impressed with your architecture, it's truly marvellous and I'd like to see the details inside as well.
“That sounds reasonable, we are masterful architects after all,” said their leader searching for confirmation from the others in the group who simply nodded.
“Great, so when can we go?”
“Not so fast, you might have won a Tomlux gamble but I, the great Bardox would like to see if you are really worthy of being a Bakan friend!”
“What do we have to do? Eat another fruit?” asked Jack, who was hoping the answer would be yes.
"No, no, you have demonstrated that you have a stomach of steel but what about the rest of your body? Are you as puny as you seem? Bertol, give this Jack being your blade!” said Bardox drawing his own blade. The Bakan swords were long staffs with blades on both sides and only enough room to place a single Bakan hand on the bladeless handle, enough room for two human hands but it didn't make the prospect much more attractive to Jack.
“A sword fight? I have never used a sword, can’t we do something else?” asked Jack who was really not up for the idea of fighting a walking rhino with an unknown weapon.
“No! You shall show your might in battle as a true Bakan warrior would. Brace yourself!” screamed Bardox and made the first swing which Jack dodged by the width of a hair. This continued for a while, Bardox swung and Jack avoided or deflected the strike as if his life depended on it, the truth is, that it did. Meanwhile, Lyra and Glen started talking.
“Do you think he can win?” asked Lyra
“Processing, the chances of Jack winning are 0.01%.”
“Is there nothing he could do to win?” asked Lyra, “nothing at all, there must be something in that database of yours that could help.”
“Processing, there might be one thing,” Glen’s eyes turned blue again, “Jack, have you been informed of a thing that I believe you humans call fighting dirty?” Glen's voice projected itself over to the sword fight.
Bardox sword swiped right over Jack’s head, Jack took the moment of unbalance in Bardox’s stance to answer, “Of course I have! But isn’t that against the rules, it is also quite rude if you ask me.”
“Perhaps, you would be interested to know that the Bakans have no such thing as an understanding of fighting dirty. Nor do they have a solid concept of rudeness. A Bakan brain is too straightforward to come up with such a notion. There is only honour in victory no matter the way in which it is achieved,”
“Glen, make it quick! Are you saying I can cheat? And that it would be completely fine!”
“Yes, I do believe what you would call cheating is quite fair game as you humans say.”
“Thanks for the info!” shouted Jack dodging another swing of the blade.
Jack reached out to the dusty ground with one of his hands and picked up a fist of grey sand. The next moment the sand flew out of Jack’s hand and landed in Bardox’s face, who was immediately blinded and flailing around widely.
"Hit his right knee. According to the database they are weak at that point,” said Glen in his usual monotone voice.
While Bardox was trying to remove the sand from his eyes, Jack snuck behind him and kicked him behind the right knee. Now Bardox was not only blinded but wailing around on the floor.
“You win, you win Jack the warrior!” screamed Bardox
It took some time for Bardox to recover from his loss but once he did he spoke.
“What was that I was blinded! And then you hit my knee and I fell?”
"Well, I threw some sand in your eyes, which usually hurts and Glen says your right knee is the weak point of a Bakan.”
“Bertol come here! tell me does this blind you?” Bardox asked and threw some sand into Bertol’s eyes. Bertol immediately gave out a small scream, “and can you see?”
“I cannot, Bardox, at least not very well,” replied Bertol
“Interesting, interesting,” said Bardox nearly to himself. "Stand still for a second," Bertol was still trying to clean his eyes from the sand when Bardox kicked his right knee. Bertol fell to the ground.
“How intriguing… that you could win a fight like this. You fight well, Jack the human.”
“Thanks, I guess we visit those factories now that I have proven myself and we are all friends?” asked Jack
“Of course, great warriors deserve respect!” shouted Bardox so that everyone could hear him, “follow me!”
They followed Bardox and his men to the tallest of the Factories.
“Thanks, Glen,” said Jack, “I don’t think I could have won that without your help.”
“According to my protocols, I have been tasked to make this mission succeed. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Well, thanks for doing that then.”