Thinking about the worst things that could happen would probably include these three things currently affecting Jack. Firstly, being stranded on an unknown planet, secondly only having 20 bucks to one’s name, and lastly would of course be, stubbing one’s toe. Any reasonable person should be able to agree to these statements. Jack being the sensible person he was did the only thing that could be done in situations like these. He panicked.
Jack had completed his fair share of panicking, running around in circles yelling at the purple sky above, and of cursing Tim’s name. Once he was satisfied with his showcase of panic he decided he had to do something. He decided to explore the vast city before him, as the only other option was braving the grey desert. Dragging his feet through the sand he made his way to the city. When he finally reached the first proper road to the city he couldn’t help but be astounded by what was before him. Any city called modern for his earthly standards palled in comparison. Neon lights, screens and holograms filled every inch of the city’s buildings. Strange stores filled with even stranger creatures spread out along the street as flying cars flew above his head leaving trails of white light. It was not a bizarre place, although Jack was not one to judge, he could very well be the strange one in this otherwise normal place. Most inhabitants of Galarand would agree with the latter.
Jack’s eyes darted around trying to take in as much as he could, he tried to take in the entire city as he wandered through the busy streets. Taking in all of Galarand would be considered impossible by most, the city was much too vast and Jack was starting to realise this himself. Regardless he looked for a way off the planet, one detail that Jack only realised once he started reading the signs on buildings and stores was the small fact that he did not know how to read any of them. Learning French was a cakewalk compared to taking in High Galarian from merchants and hagglers all while trying not to get ripped off. Not knowing was indeed a grave disadvantage for Jack as he had recklessly strolled past the different tourist offices and a human embassy all three of which would have taken him home in a jiffy. Another thought passed through his mind, how was he able to understand the people in the taxi without knowing their language? Questions for another time, as a more urgent matter popped into his polite little head. A matter that has plagued all living organisms since the conception of the universe, Jack was hungry. Jack had to find a place serving food, preferably something that would pass for food to Jack, and a place that took his 2014 euros.
He wandered a little further past a corner and came across a particularly strange thing. Something that seemed oddly out of place yet familiar in this alien environment. Jack saw a sign written in English. It read in pretty golden letters, “The Emperor’s Flagon”. Jack looked at the entrance of the establishment for a second weighing his options against one another and decided that this was the right one. Considering that his competition was a nice little place called Sgazasdcvzwasf and a bar called GargGargGargGarg he was sure he had made a good decision. The building was set into the frame of a much larger building, its walls were made out of brick and in the place of fancy automatic doors, there was a simple wooden door.
The inside of the Emperor’s Flagon seemed much like every other pub around Jack’s hometown. Travelling through space and time makes one thing clear, there is a constant that is immutable in the universe, that is the existence of drinking establishments, good thing that most creatures were all too happy with this arrangement or many people would be in search of a new job. The pub had some peculiarities that were not commonly found in its Earth counterparts. The patrons in the Emperor’s Flagon were pretty much exclusively alien. The bartender, a humanoid squid would also be considered out of place at a usual pub. The squid was mixing eight drinks simultaneously without spilling a single drop on his pristine suit. Once again showing the superiority of squids in the workforce.
Jack sat down at the bar and waited for the squid to attend to him. The bartender looking at him for a moment placed five drinks on the counter and spoke to Jack in a language he could not understand.
“Excuse me do you speak English?” Jack asked trying to sound polite.
“Of course, how can I help? Few humans tend to pass through here,” the squid said in flawless English.
“I’d like a drink and something to eat. Do you have pizza?”
“Of course,” the squid replied, “Do you have any money?” Jack showed the 20 euro in his pocket, “Oh how interesting, old Earth money, that will do.”
The squid moved with incredible speed and snatched the 20 euro from Jack and in an instant had prepared a glass of brown liquid on the counter, alongside a pepperoni pizza. He then placed five blue chips on the counter, “that would leave you with 10 galactic credits. I am afraid I do not have change for your Earth money.”
“That’s okay, thanks,” Jack said looking at the strange chips in his hand and placing them in his pocket.
“You’re welcome!” answered the squid while preparing another five drinks.
Sipping on the brown substance that tasted surprisingly similar to some sodas on Earth a man sat down next to him. The man was wearing leather from head to toe, a leather jacket, leather pants, leather shoes, leather everything. The man’s hair was black and combed all the way back. Above everything else, the man was indeed a man in the traditional human sense. He ordered a pint and turned towards Jack.
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“Hello, the name’s Ted. I couldn’t help but notice you seem a little distressed,” the man looked twenty-something and was leaning against the bar counter.
“Hi,” Jack answered awkwardly, “I’m Jack. Yeah, I was left here by some sort of space taxi I am not sure where I am or what’s going on but it’s good to see other… humans…”
Ted thought for a moment, “what do you mean, you don’t know where you are? We are on Galarand of course, the melting pot of the Intergalactic Union.”
“The what now?”
“The Intergalactic Union, the union that is well… intergalactic,” said Ted who seemed pleased with his explanation.
“I suppose that makes as much sense as everything else here, do you happen to know a way back to Earth, preferably 2014?”
“2014?” Ted said incredulously, “You looking so out of place is starting to make sense. I’m from Mars personally, it’s been a while since I’ve seen an actual Earth Human.”
“As I was saying, stranded on this planet by some tiny yellow dude in a space taxi.”
“I once had something similar happen to me, some small spiky yellow guy…”
“Do you mean Tim?!” Jack nearly screamed.
“Yes, yes, Tim or something like it. Remember it being a nickname of some sort. Can’t believe we allow these people to drive.”
“As we are both fellow Tim haters would you know a way back to Earth?”
“Of course, we can just order a new taxi, since the year of arrival seems to be of importance to you, we need a ship with a whirlwind drive. For the most part, they are only found in taxis.” Ted said expecting everything to make sense to Jack, “I know just the way to gather some funds for the taxi, quick and easy.”
“Quick and easy, is this some sort of Internet scheme you are trying to pull?”
“What’s the Internet?” Ted asked.
“The world wide web?” The web that is worldwide? There is lots of information on it, and a surprising amount of cat videos. You still got those?”
“Of course we have, they are the cutest little things. Are you sure you are not confusing the Internet for the Interstellar Intergalactic Information centre? Anyway, for the cash part, are you in or not?”
“It’s not like I have much of a choice, what do you in mind?”
“It’s a kind of gambling I suppose, but we can’t really lose, at least you shouldn’t. You a picky eater?”
“Can’t say I am, although I never liked the mix of bananas and cucumber.”
“Can’t say anyone does my friend!” Ted laughed and placed his arm around Jack and lead him towards the centre of the pub. “Now listen before we start this little scheme you have to know one thing. You have to act disgusted when you eat what they give you. You understand?” Ted said suddenly sounding stern, “Otherwise this little trick won’t work, and we might get ourselves in trouble.”
Jack nodded. Ted pointed his arm at the back of the bar at which a group of large aliens sat around a circular wooden table yelling at each other. The aliens looked much like humanoid rhinoceros, with grey skin, and large horns growing at their noses. Ted pushed Jack towards the group and went in search of another drink. Jack crashed into the back of one of the aliens who turned around looming over him like great grey towers. “Excuse me, good sir,” Jack said trying to keep himself from panicking, “may I participate in this game of yours.”
The Alien looked him up and down, “Do you even know what this is?” the alien said in a scruffy voice.
“No, can’t say I do, but I am new here and this seemed very interesting. I’m Jack by the way,” Jack said holding out his hand to the alien who just looked at it with concern.
“My name is Bortulo,” the alien said, “If you really want to participate it isn’t very difficult to grasp, but it is very challenging. A true tradition of the Bakans, the challenging rite of the tomlux fruit. Whoever throws it up first loses the challenge.”
“Throw up, isn’t that just a fruit? How bad could it be?” Jack asked.
“Oh it is terrible indeed,” Bortulo handed Jack a small black fruit, “since it is your first time playing I’ll cover your bet, how does that sound?” Bortulo said with a booming laugh.
“Sounds like a deal.”
Jack placed himself at the table with the rest of the Bakans and waited for a signal to start. All the Bakans standing around the table were holding a similarly small and black-looking fruit. One of the Bakans yelled out something in their language and everyone placed the Tomlux fruit in their mouths. The first impression Jack had of the fruit was simply, “this isn’t so bad,” the next thing he realised as he bit into it, “really not bad, tastes just like a tomato.” At this point, some of the Bakans were throwing up into the steel bowls on the table until only Jack and a single other Bakan remained standing. Noticing that his opponent would soon be throwing up as well, Jack remembered Ted’s warning and quickly started to act sick. He looked at Ted across the room who was giving two thumbs up. The last of the Bakans soon threw up the tomlux and Jack proceeded to spit out his own and started making gagging noises.
“Truly terrible, I am surprised I managed to hold it in that long, did I win?” Jack said, whipping some spit off his mouth with the back of his hand.
“You have indeed won, you are strong for a human,” said the alien who threw up last, “I am Borta the Iron-stomach, to beat me in tomlux eating is truly spectacular. You have won the bet so you have earned your price,” Borta said and gathered up the credits for Jack and then handed it to him.
Jack excused himself from the table and thanked the Bakans for the challenge. That is how Jack earned 500 galactic credits by eating the equivalent of a tomato. Any future human tourists finding themselves near such a group of Bakans will be distraught to hear that the rhinoceros people have unfortunately figured out the fact that humans generally don’t mind the tomlux’s taste. Humans have since been encouraged to not challenge the Bakans in this particular game, however, non-humans are always welcome to partake.