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109: Villain Bar

“This place is pretty alright,” said Yuval. Taking a sip of the drink in front of her, after a cursory sniff.

“You think?” I said. After finishing through the bite of the juicy onion-ring and french-fry stuffed burger, that I’d been chewing on.

Yuval and I were hanging out. The rest of the crew had other plans so there was no point in going out to eat. Hong Mirae and Hong Soomin were doing something a few planets over. I think there was some kind of martial arts expo there or something. It was a planet that we’d had to reinforce the natural laws in because the idiots there were constantly punching the mountains apart, and splitting the oceans, which makes a bigger mess than you’d think.

Do you know how much it throws nature out of whack when the sky is suddenly darkened by rock particles that have been blown sky-high? How about the ramifications of disturbing the ocean currents, and causing countless sea life to suddenly plummet to their deaths mid-swim? No? Lucky you. I mean it’s fine everyone once in a while, but the folks on these planets were screwing things up constantly. I was almost tempted to just let that world turn into a death-world and sort things out that way…Fixing the issue, ironically resulted in that becoming the planet everyone has the big dramatic environment destroying battles in, because of how hard it was to destroy that environment and how fast it recovered.

Yoshino Yuki, and the Empty-Harvesters that had come with us to the Sigfrid Union were doing a patrol and clean-up, and the head of the Harvesters for this trip had asked permission to sample the local lifeforms, which honestly I did before. I always take biological and non-biological samples when I go someplace, never mind the fact we own this place. Yet, there was something about the look in the woman’s eyes that made me think they meant something else, and I decided not to ask about it. Trusting that it probably wasn’t something bad based on my interactions with that particular harvester and her sisters.

The end result was me and Yuval being left on our lonesome at home, so I invited her out to a particular city on the planet. The city was a bit sketchy, as was the country, though I generally left that to the mortals, and the ruling immortals to sort out, because outside of the limits, laws, and protections that our Empty-Society had already set and proscribed, it wouldn’t do for us to overstep. So as not to over-influence the independent development of the civilizations within our care.

At the very least, the country and the city seemed fairly prosperous, despite the fact a large portion of the trade was at least partially criminal. There also happened to be a certain little bar and grill that I often went to when I came to this city. The food was surprisingly good. Ditto for the drinks. Also, there seemed to be an odd twisting of the flow of fate around the area where the bar was located, which meant that sitting there one could always witness some of the oddest things going on, inside, and outside the bar. It was a great place for me to hang out thanks to my new people-watching habits.

“Hm-hm...I think I dig this place...Especially the vibe...There’s a delicious aura of sin, and I barely see anything salacious going on…” said Yuval.

“Well, this is technically a villain bar. A place for backroom deals, and general meet-ups of people walking the shadier path…” I said.

“Ah...So, that’s why...There’s one thing off about this place...I can’t quite put my finger on it,” said Yuval.

“Oh...That might be the new owner...He killed and ate the old owner to steal his identity, but I’m sensing that he’s just a little too sinister to keep this place as comfortable as it’s been...I was going to go deal with him myself in a little bit,” I said.

“Oooh...So what “I” am hearing is that this place is up for grabs then. I’ve been looking for something new to do, to kill the time,” said Yuval. Her normal cold, and often sleepy-looking, orange eyes were suddenly bright, sharp, and shining.

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“I thought you’d opened a bunch of franchise restaurants?” I said. One brow raised.

“Meh...You’re not wrong, but after the actual openings have been done, most of the work in my franchise restaurants is done and managed by my subordinates and followers...That’s why I generally like to personally run at least a few of my shops back home…” said Yuval.

“Ah...Well, have it, I guess,” I said. Nodding and smiling.

“Noice!... Be right back,” said Yuval. Finishing her drink and then hopping over the bar. Casting a quick cantrip that made the bartender and bouncers, that were about to react, dazedly forget her.

I sat in the bar waiting while Yuval went into the backrooms, setting fire to a bunch of flesh-pods, and pseudo-living bio-golems. While I waited, I looked around the establishment, where a mixture of off-duty villains, regular folk, and non-costumed criminals, and villains to be, quietly got their nightly intake of caffeine, junk food, and alcohol.

My attention was drawn to one woman. She was one of the three-eyed mortal humanoids that were common to this side of the Sigfrid Galaxy. She was a little shorter than average human height. Her figure was slight to the point of almost seeming frail. Her skin was an orange-red, or maybe a little reddish-brown. She had a square face, a softly shaped jaw, a small nose, large ears, and full lips. Her blond hair was cut short and straight but looked like it hadn’t seen a brush or comb in some time.

She had a laptop on the table, and was surrounded by textbooks, pads, scrap paper, and a whole lot of empty coffee mugs. She’d clearly been working here for a while, and it almost looked like she’d been living here a little. Still, I probably would have ignored her if she weren’t sitting so close by and muttering so loudly.

“No. No. No...The enzymes will denature in that case ....”

“No...that won’t work either. If I touch those chromosomes he’ll go blind sooner or later...Shit!”

I got curious. Sue me. And being nigh-omniscient, as soon as I was even the least bit curious, everything about the woman, including her entire life story, flowed into my head, unbidden. It was kind of the worst, part of having a deep connection to the akashic plane, and the collective unconscious, and was probably making me a lot more callous to life and people, than I normally would be...Paradoxically, it made the part of me that was still capable of empathy, really itchy. Especially stories like hers.

Yuval came back looking quite chipper, with some splotches of blood on her spring coat.

“Did you have fun?” I said.

“Puh-lease...I’ve dealt with larger chunks of meat, back when I still had to floss…”

“Demons floss?” I said. Blinking.

“Well, of course, we do. We’re demons not savages, and you don’t need to be a goodie-two-shoes to care about your own dental hygiene,” said Yuval.

“Huh…The more you know. So….”

“Yeah, I'm now the proud new owner of this lovely little dive-bar. I’ll have my people handle the paperwork…”

“Eh, I can do that for you now,” I said. Casually altering the world-data for the bar, which retroactively altered all of the bar’s actual records.

“Hm...Nifty. Are you sure, I can tempt you into working on the sides of the hells?” said Yuval.

“Meh, I prefer being neutral...Less headache that way…”I said. Shaking my head and smiling.

“Tch...I wish you were wrong, but yeah...Politics being hellish and politicians going to hell jump-past being a chicken and the egg conundrum and just turns into a sad, unfortunately self-fulfilling, prophecy….” said Yuval. Pouting a bit.

“Welp, let’s get out of here...There’s this midnight matinee that I think you might like...Apparently, a lot of the movies there are cursed…”

“Oh, is that so...Sounds fun. Let’s go,” said Yuval. Putting her arm in mine. We headed towards the exit, but then I sighed.

“One moment…” I said. Briefly extricating myself to push the tired-looking woman to the side, and quickly typing down the sequences of genomes, and chemical formulas that she needed to cure her husband’s disease.

“Alright, now we can go…” I said. Sighing in relief.

“What was that about?” said Yuval. Looking at the woman curiously.

“You know that feeling you’d get if you saw someone failing to get a flavor profile right?” I said.

“Ah...Say no more,” said Yuval.