“FIND HER!!!” I scream. “BRING MY CHILD BACK TO ME!!!” I shriek again. “INCREASE THE MANPOWER!! SPREAD FURTHER!! DRAG HER BACK FROM HELL IF YOU HAVE TO!!!” The guards don’t even try to argue anymore. It's been three years now. There hasn’t been a single sign of her... I do believe she's out there. She has to be... I try to get my breathing back in order and try to focus on work... Everything seems so meaningless now... All I have is complaints anyway... Lack of workers... Bite me. I shove the scrolls aside and cover my face... What am I supposed to do?
“Treasure. Please. Come home.” I try once more. “Please.” I stare at the papers in front of me.
“Priestess.” I lift my head up.
“Laira? What is it?”
“I wish to leave Astri.”
“Pardon?”
“I want to go look for Zarri too. Please. Let me.” She bows to me. I get off the chair and go over to her.
“Look at me.” She lifts her head up again. I see the determination in her eyes... “Must I let another child go?”
She nods. “They did so much for me when I needed someone the most... I want to help her too...”
“Sweet child, we don’t even know if she's...”
“No. I won’t give up on her. I want to believe she is somewhere out there.” Laira holds my gaze. “She is lost. Like I was.”
“We all are... We all have been...”
“I know. That's why I want to go. It's my turn to help her...” I am well aware there is no talking her out of it... I hug the girl to me.
“May the stars shine upon you... Be well.” I whisper. Laira nods and lets go. My heart cannot take much more of the sorrow...
“Was that wise?” A familiar cold whisper reaches me.
“When was the last time I did anything “wise?” I answer trembling.
“Well, when you put it that way...” Ira disappears quietly again.
“Ira?”
“Well now. You sound terrible.”
“Save it. Tell me, have you heard anything about something called the Anti-Death league or whatnot?”
What in the? “No. Why?”
“Nothing.”
“Boy don’t test me! What is it.” Crile takes his time to answer me.
“Breeze is getting a lot of heat for what happened with the Rebirth. Apparently, there are a lot of upset relatives of the Fallen Ones. I picked up on some rumors that there's a faction that is looking for Breeze. They wanna bring her to justice for her crimes.”
“What crimes?”
“You tell me. Apparently, her being named the War Chieftain for the last Rebirth and all didn't sit right with more than just the Council here.”
“Well good luck tracking her down. We haven’t been able to find a trace of her yet.” It's been five years now...
“Same here. Which makes me think, maybe she's staying away on purpose?”
“You mean she thinks she's a risk to us all, hence why the disappearance act?”
“Wouldn’t be too far-fetched?”
“No... It certainly wouldn’t... Though I hope she's not as stupid to honestly believe that.” I hear a muffled giggle.
“Oh, she is.” Crile says and I smile.
“How are you holding up?” I ask the kid.
“Like I’m dead. Rather, I wish I was.”
“Lose hope yet?”
“No.” He answers sharp. Good. “Time simply has slowed downed too much...”
“Yeah. That it did... Keep me posted.”
“Likewise.”
“Laira's here. We just parted. I left her in the cabin. I haven't set foot in there since it all happened... She'll have a field day with it. Least it will keep her focused...” The boy tells me.
“How is she?”
“You should ask how I am. She gave me a good trashing. Your training paid off...”
I chuckle to myself. “Was there ever any doubt?”
“I'm not answering.” Crile mumbles. I chuckle some more.
“Well?”
“She's beat up. She tried to retrace our steps on the way here. Hoping Breeze would be somewhere, but...”
“But of course, she didn't find them.”
“Yeah. Anything from your end?”
“You would have heard from me if there were.” I answer a bit bitter. “You?”
“Same.” A slight pause. “I mean, how in the world does an entire Saber go missing without a trace!! Idiots! And they call themselves trackers... How's the Priestess?” He adds there roughly.
“Made herself comfortable in her pit of despair, leaving me to run the country against my better judgment, again...”
“Yet you won't abandon her.”
“Them.”
“Them. Right. Anyways. That's all from me tonight.”
“Thanks for keeping in touch.”
“Sure. Night, Ira.”
“Night.” I stare into nothing for a good minute... “Night, Cuteness...”
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
“Priestess, there's someone here to see you...” A maiden announces. I groan under the blankets. It's been six years now since the Rebirth happened and Zarri disappeared... I gave up on leading the country and left it all in Ira's care. Again...
“Who is it?” I sit up.
“It's us, Devona.” I recognize the voice. I throw everything off me and creep around the bed. They look ghostly...
“Apologies for my appearance.” I mutter bowing.
“Likewise.” Sharden nods. Ok. Now what? We stand there staring at each other.
“Has there been any news?” Ella asks me. I shake my head. She sighs and walks over to me.
“My condolences.” She hugs me. “Least we know that our girl is really dead.” Huh? “As much as it hurts, least I can take comfort in knowing for a fact... It must be terrible for you to be in the dark like that.”
“Yes...” I whisper through the silent tears.
“You'll assume the worst, if you’re smart.” Sharden bites at me.
“I’m sorry we didn’t come around sooner... It...” Ella tries again.
I shake my head. “I understand. I apologize for...” I break up...
“You know. I thought that the world had ended when I saw Crile at our door, handing over Amana's things back to us, so we'd have something to bury... The poor child looked like he just crawled out of the depths of Hell...” Ella comforts me as she speaks softly...
“I didn’t register the fact when it was happening and all Sharden could manage was to punch the boy.” She pauses. “But he took it like a man and never said anything. He just curled up on his knees at our feet and apologized, without asking for forgiveness and walked away.”
“I never knew...” I admit.
“I’m not surprised...” I feel Ella stroke my back gently. “It took us sometime to accept the reality, but now that we have, it is the only thing keeping us sane...” She takes in a slow breath.
“Least now I can die in peace. Maybe I will see our girl again then.” She smiles at me.
“Unfortunately for you, you'll have to suffer slowly till you see your girl again and knowing that gives me some satisfaction.” Ella lets me go. I see... So that's my punishment... Very well... I bow my head to them again. They respond with a nod and leave.
“Have you heard?” Crile's voice rings inside my mind. “There's some sort of disturbance happening in Rebellion. Something about massacres all over the place?”
“Yes. I believe I heard the whispers here and there. Didn’t really catch my interest. There's always bloodshed over there.”
“Yeah, but this is targeted slaughters. Slave traders and alike.”
“Oh? Has someone decided to clean house?”
“Who knows...” It hits me.
“You think it's her?”
A long pause. “I did. At first.”
“Did? You don’t anymore?” I put the feather down.
“Rumor has it it's a winged creature or whatever.”
“Oh. Doesn't sound like a feral cat.”
“Exactly.”
I wait a little. "Did you want my approval to go there? See if it's her or not?”
“No.” A sharp, hard answer. I smile. “I have to go now.”
“Take care.” I go back to the mountain of reports... Hope you’re ok, Gorgeous...
“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!” Devona screams at me. “I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LET HER GO!! I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU!!! YOU LIED TO ME!!” Her emotions are all over the place. I can't blame her really...
“No. I said you'll regret it if you miss her grow up. I never said she'd never leave you if you did.”
“SAME DIFFERENCE!!” No, it isn't... “WHY DID I EVER LISTEN TO YOU!!! WE’RE NOT EVEN MARRIED!!!”
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CALL RAISING A CHILD FOR TWENTY YEARS TOGETHER THEN!!” A sound vaguely resembling my voice escapes my body. “Do you think chaining her in the dungeon would have made her happier!! WHAT! TELL ME!!” I keep my eyes locked on her.
“WHAT WAS THE ALTERNATIVE HERE, EXACTLY!!!” No answer. The years of pent-up sadness, hopelessness and putting up appearances take hold of me.
“ALL YOU EVER WANTED FOR HER WAS TO BE SAFE AND NOT BECAUSE OF HER, BUT BECAUSE OF YOU!!!” A flinch. Yeah. “I ONLY EVER WISHED HER HAPPINESS!! I’M NOT DOING THIS FOR YOU!!” I point to the window. “I’M DOING THIS FOR HER!!” I pant. I take a moment...
“If me being hunched over that damned table for the rest of eternity is what it takes for her to be happy, because her place in the world is not here - then I'll do it till I turn to dust again. Even if she never returns. Even if she's dead already. I. Don’t. Care.” I straighten out and run my hand through my hair.
“Least it will be worth it in my mind, because she is worth the pain, no, the love.” I tell Devona, looking right her in the eye. “Anything else, Priestess?” A single head shake.
“Well then. If you'll excuse me, I have an eternity of quiet suffering to get back to.” I bow and leave. I close the door behind me and stand there... Damn it all...
Ten. Ten years have passed already... With the nation's leader and economy in ruins I had to make the gut-wrenching choice to call off the search for Zarri... Neither Crile, nor Laira have anything to show for either... Clinging on to hope that she's somewhere out there, alive, seems so idiotic and yet...
“Blain died.” I tell the pile. It moves.
“What happened?”
“His heart stopped. So they say.” I watch for more movement. A head and a shoulder show themselves.
“We should help with the funeral. Or hold one...”
“They already took care of it.”
“I see.” Devona burrows herself back in. I sigh.
“He kept a journal. Several, actually.” Nothing. I continue. “Some of them were dedicated to Zarri.” She pops back up. “He kept looking.”
“And!” She grips the blankets.
“And nothing.”
“Ira!” She lets out a desperate breath. I know...
“He was tracking Emerald. Hoping that a beast like that would stand out. He had collected some sightings of her, but never anything concrete. Sometimes there were mentions of a rider. He assumed it had to be Zarri. 25 years' worth of research notes. Even dates scheduled for next contacts to come in.” I watch the life fade from Devona's eyes again.
“I never knew.” I confess. “He never told me... He kept it all to himself. Probably because he didn't want to give you false hope... Or just figured that no news were good news too... Problem was - the information reached him too late. By the time his friends or contacts got there she was gone...” I wait a moment. “I'll resume the search.”
“Don't. Leave her be. I wasted enough resources. Our people are taking the hit for it.” Strange. Her voice sounds stronger than she looks... “Keep Blain’s network alive with minimal expenses if possible. If not - end it.” Devona rolls over and covers herself up again. “If she's alive after all these years - she can come home on her own. Spoiled brat.” She hisses. I roll my eyes. Pot calling the kettle black.
“As you wish.” I nod and leave her alone.
“It's Zarri. She's here.” I sit up on the bed holding my breath. “Please don't let her know that I told on her... There's a situation here and, well. I just wanted you to know that she's alive.” Laira's voice trembles inside my head.
“Thank you, sweety.”
“Sure. I will try to get in touch again soon.”
“I appreciate it.” Tears flood my eyes. Fifty years... That damned child of mine!!
“I take it you heard?” A voice speaks to me from the darkness.
“When did you get in the habit of entering my bedroom at this hour?”
“When Crile told me that Laira already met with Zarri too.”
“HE KNEW FIRST!!!” I tumble in the dark, crawling out of the bed for the first time in forever.
“Where are you rushing to at this hour?”
“Existara! Where else! I have waited FIFTY DAMNED YEARS to give that blood of his a talking to!” I fall to my knees thanks to a tangled robe sash. I doubt I have felt embarrassed as I do now since my childhood... Something gently brushes the skin on my arm.
“Need a hand?” I clench my lips and take it. Ira helps me up.
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“Are you going to stop me?”
“No. I don't have the power, Queen.” He mocks me openly. “Even if I did - I wouldn’t.”
“Why?”
“Out of the two of us, I have a better handle on things here, for one.” Damn it. “Besides.” He continues. “It will be better for her if you go.”
“I think she'd prefer to see you than me.”
“Exactly why you need to go. You are the mother, after all. She needs to know you don’t hate her more.”
“What makes you think I don’t hate her? She neglected half a century of responsibilities.”
“So? You wouldn’t be standing here in the middle of your bedroom, with the intention of going to the next continent if you hated her.”
I glare at him in the feint spring moonlight.
“Take your time. We'll manage without you. We have so far.” I feel a graveyard chill run up my legs to my spine. Ira has left the chat. I sigh and go back to bed. As if I'll get anything done in this hour...