“How is she?” I ask Zarri one night, after Crile takes over her shift. We walk back to her room.

“Unpredictable.” Zarri yawns. “She seems fine one minute, but then grabs a knife the next. We made it strictly all wooden tableware for her and no weapons rule. Crile's gonna take a look around to make sure she hasn't hidden anything from us.” She yawns again. “With Amana's test coming up, I'll be taking her morning shift tomorrow.”

“Sounds like you guys have your hands full.” We sit down on the bed.

“Laira's our little sister. I'll do what I have to. I love her.” She leans to me.

“I'm glad you feel that way.” I rest my head on hers.

“Why does love hurt so much?”

I sigh. “Because it's beautiful. The prettier it is, the more it hurts to lose it...”

“Will Laira ever be the same again?”

“No, honey-baby. She won't. She can be ok again one day, but never the same...”

Zarri hesitates. I feel her open and close her mouth, taking a few breaths in, but holding back to ask. I smile to myself.

“Well go on, don't be shy.”

“I know Dad had parents, Emerald told me about them. So, I was wondering for a while now, how were your parents?” She looks up at me.

“I didn't have them. The Temple was my parent.” She leans back some more. “I don't even know who my parents are. Or if they are even alive anymore.” I smile at my girl. “The Temple takes in lost souls. Sometimes someone else decides it for us... I grew up in a room with another 10 girls. Can't really say we were like sisters. I hated most of them.” I scowl at the bitter memories. “Melluna was a few years younger than me. We were close. I remember when they brought her in. A one-year-old. Her parents had died the day before...”

“What's it like? The Temple life?”

“Boring. There's not much to do other than read, work, repeat. I did as I was told because I never knew there were other options... Till I grew up.”

“Is that why you studied so hard?”

“Kind of. There wasn't anything better to do. Rather - I wasn't interested in the usual girly shenanigans. So, I crammed as much knowledge as I could. Cleansing, Herbology and Mixology were my best friends.”

“And Mell?”

I smile. “And Mell.” I nod.

“Was it hard?” Zarri yawns again.

“What was?”

“Everything? Living like that?”

“I didn't think too much of it. See, when you're never given options, you never realize they exist in the first place. You can't miss what you don't know... Least that's how I thought back then.”

“What changed?”

I shrug. “I don't know. Maybe after I mastered my studies and there wasn't anything else left to do, I began watching the world around me more...”

“And?”

“And that's when I volunteered to go help out with the fighting.”

“That's when you met Dad?”

I nod and Zarri yawns again. I smile and give her a peck on the top of the head. “Yes, Treasure.” We look at each other. “Get some sleep.”

“'kay.” She nods and I get up.

“Rest well.”

“Rest well, Mom. See ya tomorrow.”

    “She's not getting any better.”

“She's gotten worse...” I confirm, as we watch the children take care of Laira. “They are trying.”

“They aren't the ones that need to try.” Ira makes a good point. As usual. “She reminds me of you.”

“Don't.” I cut him off. “Worst years of my life... As much as I'd like to forget - I can't...”

“Yeah. It's not something you can forget.” Somehow that sounds strange. I look to him.

“What?”

“Where did you go after you left here? Back then?”

“Why the sudden interest?” He holds my stare. I shrug.

“It occurred to me just now that I never asked you that before. That's all.”

A quiet laugh. “I didn't go anyplace nice, if that's what you're worried about it.”

I turn back to Ira. “How so?” I start walking again. He takes his time.

“I was in Rebellion.”

I stop. “Say again?” Ira catches up and passes by me a few steps up front.

“Wykren and I talked, before I left. He was worried about Noxians on the other side. I needed to get away from here, it seemed like a good idea at the time, so I volunteered to go and take a look.”

“Just like that?”

“Yes.” He gives me a blunt stare.

“I see.” I begin moving again. “And? How is it?”

“Bad. Everyone is like that over there.” He points back, to where we just were. “Give or take.” He adds. We walk back to the Palace. “People there do whatever it takes to survive the day. There is no future. Just the past and the present. Nobody is concerned about tomorrow. Just today. Live or die – it doesn't matter.”

“What about the children?”

“Every man and child for themselves.”

“That's...”

“Yeah.” Ira answers before I can say anything. “That's just how the lowest of the low chains live. The higher you go the worse it gets.”

“How!?”

“Slaves. Sex. Drugs. Death.” My heart sinks hearing those four words.

“Anything goes to survive?”

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“If you have money. Only then does tomorrow matters...” Ira's voice taints with a hint of grim. “Worse part of it all - I couldn't find a single way how it could be made any better...”

“The entire system is broken...”

“What system?” Ira throws me a quick glare. Right...

“And Wykren was worried about them?”

Ira smiles. “Yes. Yes, he was. He said: twenty years of Peace and our People hadn't come back yet. Something along those lines.”

“It's so like him...” I smile too.

“Yes, it was... I could never say no to the idiot...”

“So? How did you manage? Were you there the whole time you were gone?”

“Yeah. I kinda went straight there. Figured it'd be a quick recon mission and I could go someplace else.”

“But?”

“There was this man, he saw right through me.” Ira says. “He knew I wasn't from around.” He adds quickly. “He showed me how to survive there as decently as possible. Though that involved a ton of lying and cheating, but at least there was no killing.”

“Where were you, in Rebellion?”

“The Imperial City. From what I understood - as bad as it was there - it was way worse elsewhere, and that was supposed to be the "capital." Ira rolls his eyes.

“What was the man like? He have a name?”

“Fred. A Primerian. Born and raised there.”

“Sounds like an interesting specimen.” I try my best to be polite.

“He was. Slept with a different woman each night. Give or take.” Ira sees my expression and smiles. “He said that this way none of them can get hurt.” Oh! “He made his living hustling card games. Lots of money and even more danger.”

“Oh... How thoughtful of him... Can't care for something you’re not attached to? I guess?”

“Yeah. Rather - he cared about people more than he made it look.”

“Such a sad gaze you have there. Did something happen?” I ask.

“He got himself killed. Stole from the wrong kind of folk. Well, he did win the money. But they found out he cheated and how he did it. So, they took it as stealing and gutted him.”

“Why? Can't get your coins back from a dead man?”

“True. But it wasn't about the money. It was about reputation and sending a message.” Ira stares in front of him.

“I see... Were you...?”

“There when it happened? No. I found his body a few days later.”

“What did you do?”

“Left it as it was.” He answers blunt. I open my mouth and close it shut again.

“Because if you had buried him, they would have gone after you for the money too...”

“Something like it... Soon after that Lyma reached out to me and I came back.”

“Wait. You never spoke with Wykren after you left?”

“Nope. I tried, but I wasn't sure what to say. Hey, I'm in Rebellion. It's worse than we thought, but all's ok!” He looks at me. Yeah... “I was worried he'd cross over there if he knew how bad it was. So, I stayed quiet.”

“Thanks. Least he didn’t die over on that side.”

“He wasn't supposed to die at all...” Ira whispers and tears roll down my face again.

    “Long day?”

“Tell me about it...” Crile drags himself to the table, sighing.

“Dinner?”

“Pass.”

“Drink?”

“Sure.” He waves. I set two mugs down and pour. I sit down too.

“How is Laira?”

“The same.” Crile takes a sip. “She scares me sometimes. It's been over a year now and still I never know if she'll jump out the window or tear a book apart. It's terrifying, seeing her like this...”

“Yeah.” I take a sip myself.

“I hate this.”

“Why?”

“The hell ya mean WHY? Cause! Laira's like my little sister! It hurts me too when she's like this!” His disgusted tone tells me everything I need to know about the boy.

“Now you know what love looks like.” I tell him.

He shakes his head. “If that is what love does to someone then pass.” He tilts his head back with a huge gulp. I fill his mug up again.

“So you're saying you'd be better off never knowing Zarri?” I mock him.

“That's not what I said.” He glares at me. I smile. “It's not love that breaks the person... It's the losing of it, right?”

“Correct.” I nod. He doesn't say anything back, just stares at nothing.

“Like, I don't even know what she's thinking!” He throws his hands into the air. “It's like her mind is blank and her body just moves by itself! I never know what can happen next with her!” He blurs it all out quickly. Crile lowers his hands back down. “Worse part is - I don't think that anything we do is making it any better for her...”

“Course not.” I see the look aimed at me. I take another drink.

“I don't think she'd even brush her hair, let alone bathe if the girls didn't do it for her. She's like a...”

“A rag doll?”

“Yeah.” Crile stares at me again. I keep my eyes locked on the wall in front of me. “Is there a word for what Laira's going through?”

“Pain.” I look to him. “Her soul is hurting. It's not something that heals easy.” I tell the kid blunt. He lowers his gaze. I sigh.

“People say it takes time for one to come back from what Laira is feeling.” I twirl the liquor in the mug a little. “Personally, I don't believe that.” I drain the mug. Crile pours me a drink.

“What do you believe then?”

“Effort. It's gonna take Laira some effort to come back from that darkness.”

“Is there anything we can do to help her?”

“Yeah. Keep doing what you have been. She can't come back if she's dead. Her parents wouldn't want her dead at the age of nine.”

“How do you know that? “

“No parent wants that for their child. Not the kind that love them more than life.” I drain the mug again. “Night, kiddo. Keep up the good work.” I tap him on the shoulder, as I get off the chair. “Stay strong.”

“'kay. Rest well...”

“You too.”

    “I wish to join the Army.” Zarri announces to me.

“Pardon?”

“I want to know more about how our people live.”

“And is joining the local Army is the answer to that?” I stare at my daughter.

“Why not?”

“Don't you already know everything there is to know? What could you gain by entering now?”

“Information. It's not about what I can get out of this, it's about knowing more what's on the other side of these walls.”

“Like running off on your own all these years was not enough!”

“This is different!” Zarri persists.

“How?”

“It just is! Why must I justify myself to you! I said I'm doing this and that's that!” She glares at me.

“What about Laira?”

“It's been almost three years since then. She's been great, now that her powers have awakened. I mean, she's been training under you for the past six months.”

I sigh. “Fine. Fine. Do as you wish.”

“Thank you.” Zarri bows to me and leaves.

“Treasure! One thing, though.” Zarri turns around to me. “Be safe. Please.”

“Sure.” She nods.

“It's not a bad idea for her to do it, you know.” Ira speaks to me from the shadows.

“Sure. Because having my daughter used as a punching bag or worse, is something I look forward to witnessing.”

“What makes you think that will happen? From what I've seen she's more than capable.”

“It doesn't matter!” I slam my hands on the table, standing up.

“I see. If she hides her status, she'll be a punching bag, if she doesn't - she'll be right back where she started. You want her to experience life, but you can't handle seeing her get hurt still.”

“Saw right through me...” I mumble, pouting...

“Have a bit of faith in her, Devona.”

“It's not her I don't trust... She's already gotten hurt both times, when they didn't know who she was and because she's the Heir...”

“Don't worry. We'll make sure that does not happen again.” A swarm of Ira's shadows emerge in the Throne Hall. “Least while she's between the walls of the Army.” He adds and the guards vanish again.

“Oh, and I'm the one who's overreacting?” I mock Ira.

“Like you said - it's not her I don't trust.”