Staring at the screen of his mobile phone and often frowning, Kan murmured, upset, „I’m sure it’s somewhere here, but I can’t find that damn place.” Thus, too focused on the red point he was seeing on the screen, Kan ignored where he was going and got stuck in the mud from the river shore where he was at that moment. This drove the detective crazy, who suddenly hissed through his teeth, „Ah, Oh Yoon Suk, ah! I’ll put my paw on you and I’ll see what you say after that!” Then, struggling to take his legs out of the mud trap where he was, Kan looked around at the tall cattail that was surrounding him from everywhere. Thus, he saw a head appearing through the cattail, something that scared him to hell.
The „head” instead looked in amazement at the detective, asking Kan shortly after this, somehow confused, „Detective Kan, you here?” Then, seeing Kan looking at him like the dog at the cat, Yoon Suk smiled and got out of his hideout made from cattail.
Seeing his younger colleague just staying and not helping him, Kan squinted at him. Then, he growled, „Will you stay there for long?”
„And? What should I do if I don’t stay here? To catch rabbits like you?”
Kan didn’t taste the joke but showed his teeth to Yoon Suk. After that, deeply breathing in to calm down, he said through his teeth, „What about helping a poor soul like me instead of catching rabbits?”
Yoon Suk smiled. Then, heading toward the detective with his arms folded over his chest, he jokingly said, „Why should I waste my time helping others when I can catch rabbits and cook them later?”
„Rabbits?” Growled Kan furiously. „On the river shore?” Yoon Suk nodded yes. „You have lost your mind for sure because you catch fish and not rabbits at the river, Oh Yoon Suk! And… help me get out of here until I burn this world to the ground if I get angry!”
„If you say so!” Yoon Suk calmly replied, still smiling. After that, grabbing Kan’s arm, he pulled him toward him, taking him out of the trap of mud where he got stuck. Then, when he made sure that he wouldn’t drop Kan into another trap or hole, he made a sign to Kan to follow him to the place where he had stood hidden by then, lying on the grass and looking at the sky while two fishing rods were already prepared, waiting for the fish that wasn’t stupid to let himself be caught in the hook where a poor earthworm was.
Arriving at the place where he had stood before, Yoon Suk sat back on the warm bed of herbs and other things, which he brought with him to have where to sit. Then, he lay on that „bed” with his hands under his head, staring at the sky again, „laziness” that has been his „friend” all that year since he hit the pike, right after SolHi was sent behind bars.
Seeing Yoon Suk so calm when he passed through all the circles of hell to get there, Kan growled something unpleasant about his younger colleague. After that, feeling a cold wind coming from the river, he pulled the coat closer to his body to warm himself a little. Something that Kan didn’t manage to do eventually. Only the tip of his nose turned suddenly red, something that made him look comic: like a clown at the circus.
Eventually, realizing that sitting next to Yoon Suk would have been warmer, Kan approached him. He even sat on that bed of herbs, looking in front at the two fishing rods, whose sticks were stuck into the river shore. Not only did the detective see this there, but also a black folding chair, a not-that-big white bucket, and, next to that bucket, Kan saw a small golden tin can, which the „fisher” probably took with him to keep his bait inside… What bait? A few earthworms, scabby and skinny, which probably a hungry chicken would have also ignored if meeting them on his way, but not Yoon Suk, who considered them good for catching fish.
Seeing the can, Kan found it interesting. That’s why he stood up and, approaching it, he squatted next to it. Looking into the tin can and seeing the earthworms undulating one above the other, the detective cooked his nose. After that, smiling, he asked Yoon Suk, „Friends of yours? Or maybe… have you caught them at the river?”
Not understanding what Kan meant, Yoon Suk sat in bed and looked at the detective. Seeing that one still staring at the tin can, Yoon Suk finally understood the joke about the earthworms and showed his fangs to Kan, growling after this, „Neah, there are friends of yours, whom I decided to take with me just to give you time to breathe freely.”
The joke like any other joke was good, but not something Kan liked. Even so, not losing his temper, the detective said, squinting at the earthworms, „Are you sure they are my friends? Well, I don’t think so. Why? Because… I love them to be chubby and red. These are skinny to death. I’m not a dog who is chasing bones.”
Kan’s remark made Yoon Suk weirdly grin. „I know a red chubby one,” he suddenly said, after a few moments of silence. „I think her name is Madame Gi!”
„Ia,” shouted Kan, making poor Yoon Suk wince. „Don’t call the name of the devil if you don’t want to see him.”
„Why? Will be funnier this way, don’t you also think so?! Actually, I’m sure of this because… I still see, right in front of my eyes, the scene with her balcony and you hanging over it, in underwear… like those earthworms in that tin can. Honestly, I think we can call that scene „Going Fishing” too. Why? Because, to save your ass, the poor firefighters were forced to use the inflatable mattress. Only this way our poor lonely wolf kept his five paws safe.”
„Five? Didn’t the wolf have only four paws?” Kan asked. He was furious because he definitely hated Yoon Suk’s joke. Even so, he said that it was better to keep joking than to scold him, for all of them. If he had scolded him for his run, Kan was sure that Yoon Suk could have hit the pike again.
Yoon Suk, hearing Kan’s answer, squinted at him. „I was talking about another paw. Yet, if you haven’t understood which one, I say to let it go!”
Kan grinned again. „Good that you know everything,” the detective growled eventually, sitting by Yoon Suk and staring into the distance. Yoon Suk looked at the blue sky instead - a too-clear sky for the end of November.
Sitting like this, side by side but each of them in his own world, the two detectives kept silent for a long time. They kept silent not because they didn’t have what to talk about, but because none of them knew how to start the conversation. Only in the end, when Kan felt the cold tightly holding him in its arms, he rubbed his arms and tried to warm them up. Then, he murmured, barely heard, „What you can catch here is a cold, the sister of death, and not fish.”
„How did you know that?” Yoon Suk asked, taking Kan by surprise.
Kan frowned. „What exactly?”
„That… There are no fish here!”
The young detective’s answer made Kan widely open his eyes. After that, when he could control himself, he growled, „Are you sure that there are no fish here?”
„Sure as I can be! Actually, since I started to come here, I haven’t caught any fish!”
„Then… What the hell are you catching here if not fish? Are you spying on mermaids or what?”
„No. I only catch… what sticks into the hook. Old shoes, for example. So, if you need a pair, you can choose one from there. If you find a pair, of course!”
Kan squinted at Yoon Suk. Then, looking in the same direction where the young detective pointed with his hand at that moment, somewhere to their left, he saw a pile of old things. Not only shoes Kan saw there, but also old clothes, tin cans, plastic bottles, and other kinds of „wonders” that Yoon Suk was lucky to „fish.” This made Kan scratch the back of his head eventually. And, comically frowning, he told Yoon Suk, „You could have caught such „mermaids” in Seoul too.”
„Why waste my time there when it is funnier to do that here?”
„Funnier?” Kan asked in distrust. „How? Don’t tell me: from time to time, you also grab a snake by the tail and not only catch „fish” like that one over there? If it’s so, I must disappoint you because we also have this in Seoul. Snakes with two legs, I mean.”
Yoon Suk smiled. „I’m sure you have snakes, but not peace…” After that, he sighed. And, sitting on the bed of old things again and supporting his arms on his knees, he looked at the river again. „Just as you can hide here, but not there. You can even hide from yourself.”
Kan frowned again. „I would have also liked to hide, but I can’t leave SolHi alone.”
The detective’s remark made Yoon Suk swallow hard. After that, somehow clumsy, he started to clean the dry mud he had on his pants, murmuring eventually, „I’m sure she has someone to protect her. Just as I’m sure that she has given up on everything for him. She gave up so easily, by the way, without thinking about what we felt. She only thought about Han DooSan.”
Kan smiled. „Allow me to think differently.” This remark made Yoon Suk squint at his colleague, and then he looked at him insistently. Kan didn’t look at the young man but at the river. After that, when he felt it was time, Kan said, „I was talking about what happened a year ago, Yoon Suk. I am also talking about the fact that it might be that nothing of what we thought about all this time is real. And, if this helps you feel better, I tell you that we aren’t the only ones whom SolHi has fooled. The same happened to Han DooSan.”
„Has Han DooSan also been fooled? How?”
„She lied to him. To all of us, actually… And, it seems that she entered the jail after a pact she and Lee Do Hun had, and not because she’s really guilty of Han YuSan’s death. Which pact? Don’t ask me because she keeps silent while Lee is dead.”
„What?” Yelled Yoon Suk. „Captain Lee is dead?”
„Yes,” Kan calmly replied, looking at him this time. „A few days ago. They blew him up.”
Yoon Suk suddenly shook his head. „Wait a minute! What do you mean by… they blew him up? More than that, why don’t I know about this?”
„If you had answered the damn phone, you would have known about this. Related to „who blew him up” - I have no idea. For the moment. Yet, we’ll find out, sooner or later, I think. More than that, I think it’s better for you that you didn’t know that because… you could continue your life this way - quiet, laying on green grass, and catching plastic fish.”
„Sombe,” Yoon Suk nervously replied. „You always make fun of me when we have to be serious. Moreover now…”
Suddenly, Yoon Suk kept silent. He even swallowed hard eventually, wincing. The same Kan did when they heard the bell of one of the fishing rods clinking to announce to them about the „prey” that was caught in the hook. This made them shudder at first and exchange glances later. Because of the same „fear,” Kan asked Yoon Suk eventually in half a voice, „Didn’t you say that there is no fish here?”
„Aga, I said that!” Yoon Suk stuttered, confused.
„Then, tell me: what did you fish now? Another shoe or the day of yesterday?”
„A mermaid maybe?” Yoon Suk decided to make a joke. It was a bad one because Kan showed him his fangs right away. After that, when the bell insistently clinked and the fishing line straightened a lot in front, both of them looked toward there, scared.
„I don’t know what you caught, but I think that’s a good idea to check it,” Kan ironically said. „Who knows?! Maybe you caught the goldfish, aaa?”
„If it’s so, I throw it back!”
„Why so?”
„Because… instead of the goldfish, I might have caught a shark and, instead of fulfilling three wishes, I’ll spend the night in his belly.”
Kan squinted at him. „Sharks in the river?”
„Maybe they are, don’t you think so?!” Yoon Suk said, grinning. Seeing that Kan didn’t taste the joke, not even this time, Yoon Suk said with a certain fear in his voice, „What about checking it together? Thus, if he eats us, he at least gets a pair: you - the chubby one, and me - the bones.”
„I would bet on the goldfish because that one hides in the most unexpected places. This place… it’s perfect for hiding.”
„Just as I bet on mermaids. Thus - if I caught the goldfish, we ask for three wishes at two. If it’s the mermaid - we share her. What do you say? Is my plan a good one?”
„Hell no! I don’t intend to share anything with you. Moreover, if it’s another shoe. It won’t be enough for the two of us.”
„Then… I’ll give it to you,” said Yoon Suk, smiling. „I have enough in the store over there.”
Kan reproachfully shook his head. After that, seeing that Yoon Suk didn’t intend to approach the fishing rod alone while its line was stretching more and more along the river as though it definitely caught a shark, Kan made a sign to Yoon Suk to stand up. Then, somehow fearful, both of them approached the fishing rod and waited.
Nevertheless, to grab that fishing rod and take the „goldfish” out of the river, they were afraid. They only preferred to bend a little in front and stare at the water, trying to see what kind of „fish” Yoon Suk caught that time. Yet, because the water was muddy, they had been forced to grab the fishing rod by the tail and pull it out of the river. Instead of a „fish,” what they caught, and surprised them so much that both of them fell on their butt, was to see that they caught… a body, in fact.
***
„Such an interesting hobby you two have recently,” Iun Min Hiok jokingly said when he appeared on the river shore and approached the two detectives. After that, tapping both of them on the shoulders, he said, „Fantastic by the way because… I have never thought that one can „fish” such things in this river.”
„It wasn’t funny, by the way,” mumbled Kan.
„Why not? It was the only way I had the chance to see the „goldfish” caught by two detectives. And… tell me: did you ask for a favor? Ah no, three, right?”
„I saved the third one for you,” Yoon Suk growled. „Who knows?! Maybe you get married this year.”
Min Hiok squinted at him. „I’ll take care of my marriage, alone. Even so, I won’t say no to the third wish. Which one? To find out if you already know the name of the „fish.”
„Yeah, because it wasn’t difficult to find it out,” said Kan, scratching the back of his head. „It’s a fish many of us know.”
Prosecutor Iun grinned. „Aaa, that’s why Yoon Suk fished it and not someone else? It was because you knew him, right?” This remark enraged Yoon Suk, feeling the irony in the prosecutor’s voice. Yet, to pounce on him and bite his throat, he didn’t have time because Min Hiok slowly tapped on his shoulder, saying to him, „Don’t worry, puppy: you’ll have a chance to bite it later. Even from my flesh. Now, I think it’s time to work a little.”
„Go ahead!” Yoon Suk hissed through his teeth. „I’m out of here because the civil people have nothing to do at the crime scene.” After that, feisty because Min Hiok stepped on his tail that day with all the jokes he made, Yoon Suk turned his back to them and, with his hands stuck into his pockets, he tried to hit the pike.
Yeah, right?! Seeing Yoon Suk about to run away again, Min Hiok grabbed his hood and pulled it hard toward him, almost choking him. After that, he hissed into Yoon Suk’s ear, „Where this time, Lord Oh Yoon Suk?”
„Home?” The young detective ironically replied. „I have nothing to do here anyway, once you have invaded my „fishing zone.” And, if you need me as a witness, you already know where to find me.”
„As a witness? This is what you think: that you are only a witness in this case? No, Oh Yoon Suk: once you have caught the fish, I think it’s time to cook it too. I mean… to work and catch the criminal. Or what, do you think you’ll be lazy forever, receiving a salary from the state for nothing?”
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„In case you forgot this, I quit my job a year ago.”
„And, in case you were unaware, I inform you that nobody accepted your application for dismissal. You are still a detective, Oh Yoon Suk.”
Yoon Suk suddenly glared at Kan. „Don’t tell me that…”
„Yeah, I didn’t accept that application. And what?! Did I do something wrong? No, right?! You had time to rest and we didn’t pay you anything. That’s all. Everybody won this year. Now… we have to work!”
„Something I don’t intend to do, Sombe. I won’t work as a detective again, ever!”
„What I don’t intend is to allow you to „fish” more bodies and turn me into a polar mummy, forcing me to investigate it. So, if you don’t want me to send you behind bars for insubordination to a direct order from your boss, you’ll do all of us a favor if you start working. Today, Oh Yoon Suk, and not when you are in the mood!”
„Remind me to thank you for this later, boss!” Yoon Suk growled, grabbing on the fly his badge, which Kan threw at him. „Now, let’s investigate what we have caught today!”
„A buffalo!” They heard GhiYon’s voice behind them. „Or… Nam Beom Soo, as others knew him.”
„Lee’s assistant?” Min Hiok shouted.
„Himself,” mumbled Kan, making Min Hiok stare at him.
GhiYon smiled instead, seeing the three men exchanging glances. „You know, looking at you and seeing you so scared only by finding out his name, I wonder if it’s a good idea to tell you the rest of the news.”
„Is there something more than this?” Growled Kan.
„Yep. Like… the fact that he’s reported as a missing person after Colonel Kim Chang Hoon’s death. They suspected him of crime, but I guess they have to „fish” someone else for that death.”
„Anyway, we don’t know if he killed the Colonel or not. He could have disappeared after this.”
„Only if… dead people can kill someone.” Min Hiok frowned, and GhiYon smiled. „I mean… Buffalo was dead for about a month when the colonel died… two weeks ago. At least I think so after the preliminary investigation. Actually, we’ve been lucky to find him still in one piece because here live only fish and crabs. If there had been sharks, for example, we would have looked for him forever.”
„Even so, it’s strange.” Everybody looked at Kan. „I mean… you said that he died about a month ago. Yet, he looks like he’d been thrown in the river not long ago. Is this a kind of miracle?”
„You can say it so. It’s because of the fridge where he’d been closed.” Min Hiok looked with wide-open eyes at the forensic doctor. GhiYon smiled, seeing the prosecutor looking at him like that. „Yep, you are right: they kept him cold. The reason?! Don’t ask me. All I know is that he has traces of being frozen. And, to surprise you more than this: he was still alive when they put him in that fridge.”
„What?” The three men yelled.
„What you heard. Our Buffalo was still alive when they put him into the fridge. Who did that to him and why… you have to find out. What interests me more than who did that to the Buffalo is… where is the other hunting dog?”
„He is hunting!” Min Hiok jokingly said.
„Something that doesn’t even surprise me,” GhiYon hissed through his teeth. „Actually, I won’t be surprised if I find out that he is after something that „stinks.” And I pray not to be so because we can also fish for his body somewhere.”
Yoon Suk cooked his nose. „What about finding another joke? This is old already.”
Nobody answered his question, although Yoon Suk was sure that they heard what he said. because of this, he carefully looked at his three colleagues’faces, trying to understand what was in their mind. Then he winced like Kan and GhiYon did when Min Hiok said, „I don’t know if he’s after things that „stink,” but I know that he’s fishing right now: fish that is grown in the aquarium, by the way.”
„Ian SolHi?” GhiYon hissed through his teeth.
„I see you know whom I am talking about,” Min Hiok jokingly said. „So, if you have additional questions, you can ask your hunting dog when he appears. Pardon, your friend.” Then, still smiling, Min Hiok headed toward the mortuary sack inside which the forensic doctors intended to put Buffalo.
Looking behind prosecutor Iun, squinting behind him better said, GhiYon mumbled all the good words he knew about DooSan. He would have told those words to DooSan for sure if he had had him in front of him. Then, feeling movement in front of him, GhiYon looked at Kan, begging for an answer from him. Instead of answering, Kan shrugged, and told him drily, „If you have questions, interrogate your „mistress” when he appears. It seems to me that he betrayed you again.” After that, smiling, Kan headed toward Min Hiok.
„The mistress?” GhiYon asked himself. „Don’t tell me: did he mean the hunting dog now?”
„Not me for sure!” Yoon Suk feistily replied. „He’s the only „mistress” you have. At least this is what we all know, right?”
„It’s good that you know everything,” Doctor Park growled. After that, furious, he headed toward his team to check what was left to check.
Left alone, Yoon Suk stared behind GhiYon, frowning. „I understand that Prosecutor Han has pissed him off again, but… what is his problem with me? I am not the one who has driven him crazy! More than that… what are those two hiding from me?” He wondered this while staring at Kan and Min Hiok, who were whispering to each other at that moment. „They hide something for sure. And, also for sure, it’s something that „stinks.” Even so, I’ll find out what they hide, once they have been so „kind” to force me to return to work.” After that, determined to discover the conspiracy theory, he headed toward the two, calm.
Unlike Yoon Suk, Park GhiYon didn’t seem so calm. He, even if he joined his team to „work,” couldn’t focus on this. Something bothered him inside and it had something to do with Han DooSan, who didn’t tell him that he intended to see SolHi. Not that he didn’t suspect this after he saw DooSan leaving that night when he showed him the results of the DNA test. Even so, they were friends, right?! They swore to tell each other secrets. Even so, DooSan hid this from him, something GhiYon hated for sure.
Eventually, determined not to wait until he saw DooSan, to scold him for his „dare,” GhiYon gave him a phone call. The voicemail entered right after the first ring, letting GhiYon know that DooSan not only had secrets from him but also ignored him. This drove GhiYon again crazy, growling in the end, „Well, Han DooSan, I see that you have allied with the „enemy” now and you don’t need your friends anymore. Good! You’ll need me again and then I’ll send you to the one that you love more than me, you… traitor!” After that, glaring at Min Hiok, who was his number one „enemy” at that moment because he understood that DooSan had secrets from him but not from Min Hiok, he started to check the place again. Yet, the investigation was a poor one because GhiYon’s head wasn’t with him at that moment, but in a hidden place where he was breaking Han DooSan into pieces like a mad Pitbull.
***
It was dark all over in the former apartment of SolHi. Darkness, which gave the feeling that nobody lived there since long ago. An appearance eventually because, soon after this, the door opened, squeaking, breaking that total silence that took over that place, silence that was accompanied only by the darkness and by a pleasant scent of lavender.
The darkness and the silence were so overwhelming at that moment. It was somehow bothering the one who looked at all this for a long time because the place looked barren and gave him the feeling that he was alone in a world of shadows. Yet, it didn’t look like that for the one who entered because, after the door squeaked when it opened, it also closed with a long squeak after this. Even so, the stranger didn’t rush to turn the light on or say something. He only stood next to the door for a long time. Only his interrupted and heavy breathing was heard from time to time, giving the feeling that the one who entered suffered at that moment.
Eventually, when the light turned on, DooSan, the one who entered, took the jacket off and let it fall on the floor. After that, with sad eyes, he looked at the empty room, which looked so desolate at that moment, but which had been the Paradise for him for so long when he and SolHi lived there. Yes, that apartment seemed so weird to him and this happened because SolHi wasn’t there with him… He was alone, and that solitude seemed even more overwhelming than hell.
Even so, that „hell” was also pleasant to look at. It was also different from the time SolHi and he lived there because he changed the wallpaper, the kitchen, and the couch. Even the bed was changed, just as the big carpet from the middle of the room was, a carpet that almost touched the bed. It was a pleasant change, something that warmed him, on the inside, the one who looked at the not-that-big room. Why? Because DooSan chose warm light colors when he made the changes in the apartment. He even changed the curtains, choosing white and dark green colors for them this time, giving a little bit of color and joy to that place.
Such colors didn’t cheer DooSan up that night and neither did they make him feel better. He understood this after the sigh he left outside his throat eventually. After that, frowning, he sat on the floor, next to the jacket, with his hands hanging over his knees while looking with sad empty eyes at the „Lost Paradise.”
„A Paradise that looks so empty and sad at this moment,” DooSan murmured eventually. „It’s as empty as my soul is, although I thought I would be happy without you, SolHi. I’ve been so wrong in thinking so because not this place made me happy in the past, but you.”
Looking at the empty room, DooSan understood that there was no place for regrets at that moment because not that room was to blame for his sadness. It was only their fault. Yes, they didn’t trust each other and moved away from each other, falling prey to the madness of the world. Understanding this, for the umpteenth time, DooSan took his shoes off, put them in the small closet for shoes he had next to the door, took the jacket off the floor, and headed toward the bed, on which a big white blanket was seen.
Once next to the bed, crawling toward it more than walking, DooSan threw the jacket on the sofa, and he let himself fall onto the bed, with his arms stretched to the side and his eyes closed. Laying like that, he heard how the jacket fell off the black-leather sofa he bought instead of the old one SolHi used to use while living there. Yet, even if he heard the jacket falling, DooSan didn’t even raise his head to look at it. He didn’t care too much about this but only about the pain he felt at that moment.
Actually, it had been hard for DooSan since he moved to that apartment. He didn’t feel this while living there with SolHi, but after she had been closed and he managed to buy the apartment from the old owner and refurbish it. Then, moving again to the new place of happiness as he thought, DooSan believed that he would be able to forget everything that happened and move on. Yet, even if he changed everything in that apartment and was pleasant to live there, he felt that apartment even more deserted and empty than before.
Honestly, DooSan bought that apartment, intending to destroy it or close it forever. By doing this, he hoped to also close his pain between four walls and forget it. Yet, the memories and the pain slowly took over him, and DooSan wanted to live again there… in that Paradise where he had often smiled and felt alive. That’s why he repaired it, thinking that his life would change too. Something that didn’t happen eventually because new things do not mean a new beginning too, just as the change doesn’t mean one will feel better.
In time, he started to feel comfortable in her apartment and got used to the loneliness too. He even started to feel better because of the new things and the new place where he lived. Then, because of the memories that still lived there, memories related to the moments when they lived together there, DooSan started to feel agitated again. Even so, from time to time, DooSan smiled because there were also beautiful memories there, memories of innocence, just as it happened the first night he spent there when SolHi scratched him just to show him that she was able to protect her place. He also called her wild cat that night, a name that often made him smile after this. Yes, those pleasant memories made him understand that the apartment was his when it had been theirs before.
At that moment, after he saw SolHi again, that apartment seemed strange and empty to him. DooSan felt that it wasn’t his anymore and this was so because she wasn’t there. Yet, although he felt all this, he still thought that maybe… „One day she’ll return here and everything will be the same as before.”
He knew that it wasn’t fair to think so. He knew that it was practically impossible for SolHi to turn back there once she received a life sentence. Even so, it was pleasant to think about this: that she lived there, with him, in that place that was newly refurbished, a place that smelled like home and lavender.
DooSan not only dreamt of her while feeling her next to him. He even saw her by his side, at least from time to time, just as he saw her that night. He saw her with the eyes of his mind, sitting next to the bed, with a cup of hot tea in her hand, wearing a white pullover, and smiling while insistently looking at him. DooSan saw her image as he had seen her the night she let him freeze outside the door for about an hour and she let him in after that. Then, with her laptop on her lap, she looked at him and warmly smiled, even if she smiled because of a joke he said. Yet, at that moment when DooSan dreamt of her, SolHi smiled and saw only him.
Then, smiling, DooSan changed the image with another pleasant one when he felt SolHi’s soft arms wrapping around his neck. He also clearly felt her lavender scent and the scent of ripe chestnuts that was felt from her hair, just as he felt the soft touch of the skin of her face when she stuck her cheek to his. This made him extremely happy. And, imagining all this, DooSan felt that he touched heaven, even though these images hadn’t ever been real and neither they would have been real one day.
Eventually, he winced when he heard SolHi’s voice next to him. „It’s time to go, DooSan!” She told him in a sweet voice. „It’s time to stand up and move on because life continues and never stays in place.”
Opening his eyes, DooSan saw her lying by his side. She had her head on his arm, pulling her body closer to his so that their chests could touch each other. And, feeling her next to him, something that warmed him inside, DooSan tightly hugged her, trying to keep her by him, forever if possible.
Yet, he hugged only the air that night because when he held her to his chest, the silhouette of the imaginary SolHi suddenly vanished like multicolored sparkles. This made DooSan feel lonely again. He felt desolated and abandoned by the whole world. Even so, he knew one thing: that he couldn’t betray her, not after he swore to be with her forever from now on, no matter where the ship called Life would have taken them eventually.
Sitting on the bed, DooSan felt his head heavy. He also felt dizzy at one point. In his chest, the bird with the name Anxiety was strangely flapping her wings as though warning him about the storm that was about to come. At the same time, that bird was also scared because of the torment DooSan lived at that moment, with SolHi by his side, laying her head on his arm and watching him with love.
Turning toward her, this time she lying on the bed while he was supporting his body on his right elbow, DooSan stretched his left arm in front, intending to put the rebellious strands of hair behind her ears. Then, he slowly touched her nose, moving his finger down the tip, outlining it this way to finish his soft touch on her lips, which he slowly pressed eventually. This gentle touch made the imaginary SolHi close her eyes and smile. Then, when he kissed her, SolHi vanished again, making him sigh.
DooSan had a strong reason to sigh at that moment because he dreamt of her for a year, but he never had SolHi so close to him as he had her that day - literally and figuratively. Yes, the hug from his dream and before that, on the prison’s roof, made him extremely happy. This made him stop feeling lonely as he felt all that year because… Oh, God: he had missed her so much in all those months of solitude.
„Or maybe it’s been more than a year?” DooSan murmured, sitting on the bed again. „Yes, it has been more than a year since SolHi was arrested at the end of September. Now it’s the end of November. Fifteen months have passed since then. 456 days… 10.944 hours… 656 640 minutes and 39 398 400 seconds and… Ia, Han DooSan, stop it!” The man scolded himself. „It’s not funny at all. Counting doesn’t help you. What helps you is doing something if you don’t want to keep counting tomorrow too.”
Yes, he had to do something for sure. But… what exactly? It was damn difficult to think about something concrete at that moment. Why? Because he felt confused and had no idea of what he could do. Nothing came into his mind and this was irritating him a little.
Because of the same feeling of irritation, DooSan got out of bed, took the jacket off the floor, put it into the closet, and entered the bathroom. He intended to shower, thinking that the warm water would wash the pain and chase the thoughts away. He was wrong instead because he felt even more deserted when the water drops started dancing on his skin. Because of this, he squatted in the tub and let the water flow onto his back while his knees were touching his chest and he had his eyes closed.
Staying like this, DooSan had a single image in his mind - their image. They were both sitting on the same roof where they argued that day, leaning their backs against the not-that-high edge of the roof, with the beautiful Sunset of November somewhere behind them. Sitting like this, DooSan looked only at her while SolHi looked in front, immersed in thoughts and completely absent.
Because of her „ignore,” DooSan told her upset, „I don’t understand why you don’t see me, SolHi.”
„It’s because… I don’t think that’s real,” she responded, clumsily smiling.
„It’s not real? What exactly?”
„You! Just as I can’t believe that you are here,” she whispered, looking with love at him, a sweet whisper that made DooSan’s heart pleasantly pounce in his chest. More than that, he felt fulfilled when she lay her head on his shoulder, trying to hide the bandaged hand under her clothes.
Looking at that bandage for a while, somehow absent, DooSan frowned eventually. „How did you get hurt?” He asked her, taking her hand into his.
SolHi suddenly withdrew it. „It’s nothing,” she rushed to answer.
„You also don’t believe this,” DooSan confidently replied, taking her hand again into his. Then, slowly moving his fingers on that bandage, as though caressing the injured skin, he felt enraged. Yes, it hurt him knowing that he had been unable to protect her as he wanted and that SolHi might have been hurt so many times before he came to see her. He clearly saw this, in her eyes, on her skin, and even her hair that had been cut by an evil mind with mean intentions. Then, when he felt it, DooSan put her injured hand on his chest and whispered, „Let it hear the beats of my heart. I heard it helps to heal.”
„Are you sure?” SolHi asked him, charmingly smiling.
„As sure as I can be because… it’s what they say about love.”
„What if Love it’s only a myth, DooSan? What if we cling to something that doesn’t exist?” She asked eventually, without watching him.
DooSan didn’t answer these questions when he felt confused. He knew the answer, however. That’s why he said, in the end, „It’s impossible, SolHi! Love cannot be a myth because there are feelings where it’s love, and there are feelings between us too, SolHi. This is all that matters to me!”
„Even so, it’ll be hard, DooSan. For you, for me, for the whole world because people will judge us. Love generally is judged.”
„That’s their problem, not ours. I… don’t intend to give up. I won’t do that because I won’t ever be capable of forgiving myself after this.”
„To forgive yourself what?” She asked him, confused. Yes, she felt weird because she didn’t feel coldness in his voice anymore but fear.
„And you are right, SolHi: I’m afraid to lose you. This is what I will not be able to forgive myself for if this happens. It’s something I can’t forgive myself now for too: that I left you alone a year ago and that I haven’t been with you to protect you as I have always wanted.”
After such words, SolHi wanted to say, „It wasn’t your fault anyway!” She didn’t have time for that because their lips suddenly touched each other into a magic kiss, one that she wished for so badly. However, she, feeling the sweetness of his lips on her lips, suddenly pulled back, afraid. She feared that the kiss would chase the mirage away because she still couldn’t believe that DooSan was really there with her. Yet, he wasn’t a fake, just as their kiss wasn’t a mirage. There wasn’t only a dream - her warm palms that suddenly touched his cheek and neck, and his strong arms that suddenly wrapped around her body, pulling her closer and closer to him. Yes, they were real: the lips, his palms, and his warm arms that made her body vibrate, just as it was real the kiss and its madness.
Feeling so deeply the mirage of reunion, SolHi fell prey to dreaming, thinking that it might have been the last one. That’s why she told herself to make the most of the time together, moments she had been dreaming of all those fifteen long months of separation when she dreamt so much to hear once again the pleasant music of his chest. „Tuc-tuc, tuc-tuc,” the man’s heart was beating in his chest, pleasantly dancing on her chest too, filling her with happiness and giving her the chance to dream of a new life.