Exiting Marie’s yard, SolHi carefully looked around, feeling anxiety sneaking into her soul. She didn’t calm down even after making sure that nothing strange was around her or a spy to keep his eyes on her, which made her more nervous. What exactly bothered her so much? She suddenly started fearing that she could see Han YuSan there.

Because of the same inner helplessness, feeling that she could not keep standing, SolHi squatted at first, to sit on the cold ground later, right in front of the gate. After sitting there, she bowed her head, hiding her face between the knees, which she held to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, a position that made her seem more helpless than she really was.

Honestly, SolHi did all this because of her crazy heart that madly beat in her chest. This happened because of the same thought that Han YuSan could have been somewhere around her. A thought that made her feel cold drops of sweat running down her back at first and that her chest hurt her too when she couldn’t freely breathe anymore. „As I have been feeling lately while thinking about the future and the danger that lurks on us from everywhere,” she thought, sighing.

Staying there, SolHi looked as though she blocked her feelings inside her. She also didn’t see anything around her, not even the shadow that headed toward her. She didn’t hear his footsteps or smelt him as it happened to her each time she fell prey to despair and thought that danger was right there, after the corner, and that there wasn’t any chance to face it. If she hadn’t thought so much about the future and lived in the present, maybe SolHi would have been more vigilant and hung more to life and its joy, and not of that past that made her so unhappy each time she thought about it.

Yes, that past caused her a lot of problems. It made her seem absent and didn’t care too much about what could have happened to her. That’s why the shadow could silently approach her and, hugging her from behind, he held her to his chest.

Looking at DooSan, who stuck his forehead to the top of her head, deeply breathing in her perfume, SolHi froze. „Why are you here?” She asked him eventually, scared.

„Because I had to be here,” the man calmly replied, having his eyes closed and looking as though he wasn’t at all afraid that someone could have seen them there.

His answer made SolHi even more confused than it made her to see him there. „You had to be here?” She asked him in disbelief.

DooSan smiled. „You are here, aren’t you?” He asked him calmly. „That’s why I had to be here too.”

„Yet, DooSan,” she rushed to cut him off. „I didn’t tell anybody that I was coming here.”

„Even so, I knew that,” the man stated, opening his eyes and kindly looking into her eyes. „Better said, I felt it because… I saw you spying on us while I argued with Mother’s secretary.”

Hearing him talking like that, SolHi frowned. Then, she tried to push him away from her but with no success because „It’s not funny at all,” she slowly growled, still fighting with him. „Nobody saw me there, just as nobody saw me entering your mother’s house.”

„It’s what you thought: that nobody saw you. I, for example, clearly saw you jumping over the fence and sneaking into the house through the terrace that’s next to the garden of roses.”

„Even so, you didn’t do anything to impede me enter. Why? I could have hurt your mother.”

The man smiled again. „I won’t say no because you could have hurt her. Yet, I was sure that this wouldn’t happen.”

„Why were you so sure of that?”

„Because I know you?”

„Honestly?”

„Honestly, SolHi! I know you very well and I know that you can’t hurt someone, not the one who gave life to me, even though you have so many reasons to do that.”

SolHi became attentive, hearing him talking like that. „Did IuNa tell you what we talked to SoRan, didn’t she?”

„Yes. IuNa told me that you found out that my mother helped me to see Park Yu Ran. Because of this, you suspected that someone who’s around her might have alerted others, and Yu Ra paid eventually for this. Something I’ve been afraid of right from the beginning. Yet, I had to do that because my mother was the only one who could help me enter that prison and see Yu Ra. If I had asked to see her directly, she would have refused me as it happened before.”

„Are you saying that you tried to talk to Park Yu Ra before?”

„Honestly, yes. I did that, feeling that the case she’d been arrested for was more complicated than she tried to make it seem at the trial when she accepted the entire fault. A pang of guilt she should have shared with Gu SilGi. Yet, that idiot had been a coward while living and he’d been so and the day he hung himself from the bars of his cell.”

SolHi sighed. „Finding out such news doesn’t surprise me at all. It wouldn’t also surprise me if we found out later that our enemies found out about our plans because of your mother. Even so, you are right: Yun Marie isn’t one of those I suspect of betrayal.”

„What made you change your opinion about my mother?” The man asked her, smiling.

„A simple hunch I have. Nothing out of the ordinary or something I’d like to talk about right now.”

Feeling anxiety in his beloved woman’s soul, anxiety about to turn itself into a storm at sea, DooSan frowned. Yes, he felt the storm in SolHi’s soul, a storm he had felt for the first time at the docks when he put his jacket on her shoulders, and then they looked in the distance of the sea for a very long time. And now, as then, DooSan felt that the sea, which SolHi loved to watch since she was a little child, a sea she’d seen so beautiful under the clear sky and the gray one because of the storm clouds when the sky was cracking because of the hatred of nature, was about to catch SolHi into its nets and take her in the distance, as far as possible from that shore where only pain and suffering waited for her. It seemed to him that the sea intended to turn SolHi into one of its seagulls, one of those that weren’t afraid to venture above the tormented water of the sea either on sunny days or on stormy ones.

When DooSan felt all this, he felt he was so powerless. Why? He’d have liked to do more for SolHi. He’d have liked to hold her to his chest for an entire life, to keep her away from problems, and protect her with his body if it had been necessary. Yet, he couldn’t do that. All he could do was to be with her and love her with all his heart for an entire life.

Such thoughts made him smile sadly again. Then, sticking her to his chest while SolHi allowed him to spoil her like a kid, he told her, „Everything will be just fine, SolHi! You’ll see: everything will be fine!”

Feeling the man’s heart so secretly beating in his chest, SolHi’s cheeks had been suddenly bathed by tears. Tears that so suddenly washed her face because she felt so protected while being held to the man’s chest. „As though I’m in my father’s arms.”

Nevertheless, her father wasn’t there, that father in whose arms she hadn’t ever been, and this made her feel the pain so intensely flapping its wings in her chest. She felt that when she finally understood how unprotected she’d been all her life and how much she’d been longing for this. „For my father to hold me in his arms, kiss the top of my head, and tell me that everything will be alright. Yet, my father hadn’t ever been there for me, just as it happened to my mother. I’ve been alone with the sea, the one that has always calmed my soul when it’s been in flames. The seagulls have been there, above the sea… my soul friends that had always been with me, and who asked me for nothing in return, just as they hadn’t ever betrayed me.”

„What are you thinking of so intently?” DooSan asked her when he’d seen her immersed in thoughts.

„Of the sea,” whispered SolHi, still stuck to his chest. „Of freedom and of the fact that I would have liked to feel safe at my father’s chest and not only at your chest.”

„I can be both if you want.”

„You can be both, DooSan. Yet, I don’t want that.”

„Why?” The man asked, slowly frowning while looking at her, although he clearly saw that SolHi’s eyes were still closed and her face hidden at his chest.

„Simply because you aren’t my father. I also don’t need a father but a man today. I want you with me, DooSan, though I feel that having you might not be fair.”

„Because of what happened once?”

„Does this seem little to you? It doesn’t seem like that to me, DooSan. Why? I’m not the only one who suffered that sad night. You also suffered, just as many others suffered too. That suffering marked us all. It mutilated our souls and made us dream of revenge.”

„It also made us stronger, SolHi. It got us closer to each other and brought us into the arms of the other one. I think that this matters more than revenge.”

Saying this, DooSan also closed his eyes, falling prey to the moment as SolHi did. They stood like that for a very long time, closely watched by Marie. She was staying in front of the window from her room, hiding behind the thick curtains and with her eyes in tears. The reason? She hadn’t ever expected to see DooSan so happy despite the pain and cruel reality he was living. Yes, the man told her about this. He told her that SolHi made him so happy, but Marie didn’t believe him. She couldn’t believe him because she didn’t think that the roses, which brought so much pain in someone’s life with their thorns, could make the same person happy, and SolHi was for Marie a rose with so few petals but with so many sharp thorns.

***

Marie eventually sighed. She did that when she caught herself whispering, „Still, he’s happy with her. He’s happy in her arms. He’s much happier than YuSan and I have ever been, and this makes me think that we haven’t ever known what happiness really means or what means to be really loved.”

Tears bathed her cheeks afterward. Tears bathed both her face and soul when she understood that she hadn’t ever been able to understand her sons, particularly DooSan. All she had done was trust her instincts, those that had often betrayed her, and be stubborn. She’d been stubborn because she thought that she was older and more experienced and that she had the right to show DooSan how it was right to live his life.

She’d been so wrong though. Yes, she’d been wrong, but Marie understood that only when she saw DooSan melting into the arms of his beloved woman. „Someone whom I’ve been hating for years, without realizing that she was your happiness in fact. She hasn’t been only your happiness but also of YuSan because I’ve seen him smiling like you… with his soul only in those months after he had met her.”

Looking to her left, at YuSan’s photo who smiled at her, Marie also smiled but sadly. She did that understanding that „I haven’t been as smart as I’ve wanted to seem. I haven’t been, YuSan, though you often told me that a smart person doesn’t believe in a simple image but the deeds. Yet, I trusted only my gut… the one influenced only by hatred and desire to get revenge. I’ve been cruel to the woman you both loved so much also because of this, a woman who won in front of me eventually, even though I won’t ever accept this in front of her.”

Why didn’t Marie want to accept in front of SolHi that she had lost that fight? Because of her ego! Yes, she was proud and couldn’t accept that she’d been wrong in front of the one whom she wanted to crush under her soles like a stinky bug. Marie wanted to destroy her rival, being the one destroyed eventually.

Understanding this cruel reality, Marie held YuSan’s photo to her chest. Then, she trotted the curtains and went to sit in the big armchair that was not far from the window. Sitting there, she leaned against the back of the armchair, closed her eyes, and listened to the silence of the night that was heard through the open window. She also felt the coldness of that night because it was the beginning of January already, a coldness that made her shake inside. Yet, this didn’t convince her to close the window or go to bed and cover herself with a thick blanket.

Sitting on that armchair, Marie often smiled. She did that sadly, sometimes demonically, and this happened because of the guilt that sneaked into her soul. Guilt that had a single source: that DNA test she asked Park GhiYon the day YuSan died, a test she asked him to be kept secret even from DooSan.

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

Hearing her asking him not to tell DooSan about the test, GhiYon frowned. „If he finds out about this later…”

„…I’ll accept the guilt and the consequences of my own decisions, Doctor Park. I’ll accept this even if this means that DooSan will hate me for his entire life.”

„Even so, you want to do that. Why?”

„Because… YuSan deserves me to find out the truth,” said Marie, looking with empty eyes at the cold table where her son’s body was lying, covered with a white sheet. „Not only DooSan shouldn’t find out about the test, Doctor Park - the rest of the world too. Better said, I’d like that test to be something only you and me know about. For this to happen, as soon as you have it, give it only to me and destroy the rest of the evidence, do you hear me?”

Not at all convinced that Marie’s plan was the right one in that situation, GhiYon approvingly nodded. Then, after Marie had left the room, the forensic doctor looked at his friend, whispering, „She didn’t shed even a tear, my friend. She didn’t cry at all, as though not her son died but an enemy, someone she wished to see on this cold heavy table for her entire life.”

After such words, GhiYon cried a lot that day. With his head on his friend’s chest and squeezing his hand, he shed a lot of tears. GhiYon held that hand, hoping to feel at least a twitch or something. What he felt instead was the coldness of death, something that made him shed more tears.

Unlike GhiYon, who she heard shedding tears that day, Marie didn’t shed a tear. She had her reasons not to cry. She also had her reasons for asking for that DNA test and asked GhiYon not to tell DooSan about this. The reason? Her past and sins were something she would have liked to be secret and forgotten. Yet, those sins caught up with her. Even so, Marie didn’t pay for them but made others pay. How? By involving herself in SolHi’s trial and trying to make her seem guilty in front of everyone. She did that hoping to bury the past. Yet, the past and the truth caught up with her eventually, calmly waiting at the gate of her life for her to reveal them in front of her son and the rest of the world.

„They’ll find out the truth I wanted to hide eventually,” Marie whispered, disappointed. „Particularly, DooSan will find out this, and he’ll hate me so much for everything I’ve done.”

Such thoughts made Marie smile sadly again. She smiled like that not only because she didn’t know the truth about her son’s death but also because she didn’t know the result of that test she asked for. Why? She didn’t dare to open it, afraid to find out that everything that happened was because of her. Even so, Marie didn’t destroy that test but kept it inside the safety deposit box in her room, a secret one - a safety box she hoped nobody would open one day, not even after her death. The reason? Marie knew she couldn’t bear it if she found out one day that she hadn’t been able to protect her beloved son that night.

***

After returning to SoRan’s house, SolHi spent a lot of time on the superior terrace, the one that could have also been considered the roof of the house. She stood there immersed in thoughts because her conversation with Yun Marie and her mentioning that DooSan hid things from her made SolHi doubt. Why exactly? That things weren’t as she imagined them to be and that she couldn’t trust those who got to be her friends eventually.

Probably because of this, she winced when she heard IuNa asking, „Have you been with DooSan tonight?”

Looking at the stairs, SolHi saw IuNa stopped on the last stair and insistently looking at her. „Yes, I’ve been with him,” she said eventually, turning her back to the young woman and looking into the distance again - at the lights of the city that were now on and then off, forming an impressive dance of colors. „We split not long ago,” she added when IuNa stopped to her right, looking in the same direction as she was looking.

Staying there, IuNa kept silent for a long time. She did that, feeling that she didn’t have enough words to continue the conversation with SolHi that night. She also kept silent because she felt that SolHi was sad. „As though something is pressing over her chest,” IuNa caught a thought crossing her mind. Then, when she could control the flow of her emotions, she looked at SolHi again, asking her, „If you’ve been together, why haven’t you spent the entire night together?”

SolHi didn’t answer. She only pulled the thick shawl closer to her body, which IuNa put on her shoulders when she approached her. Then, slowly sighing, SolHi closed her eyes and allowed the cold winter wind to surround her pleasantly, though she also felt it harshly sometimes. Not only did SolHi feel that cold well but also IuNa, who covered herself in the blanket she brought with her when she saw SolHi climbing the stairs to the roof, so immersed in thoughts.

Honestly, IuNa had one more reason to be there that night: she wanted to find out what SolHi thought about. Particularly, she wanted to find out what she felt for DooSan and what they planned. She tried to find out about this from SoRan. Yet, once SoRan had no idea about SolHi and DooSan’s relationship, IuNa was forced to talk to DooSan, but this one kept silent because he was the kind of person who loved to take his secrets with him to the grave rather than share them with others. Thus, having no other chance to find out this than asking SolHi about this, IuNa tried her luck with SolHi that night.

IuNa decided that because she felt that things were more complicated between the two lovers than she thought. Particularly, she found it complicated to approach DooSan with whom she had a close relationship before leaving Korea. Why did IuNa consider all this so complicated? Because of SolHi, „The one who might be an obstacle for me to have the one whom my heart beats for only,” she told herself, looking at the city again and not at her interlocutor.

Eventually, tired of being silent and tormenting herself with those questions with no answer, IuNa whispered, „According to me… your love is a simple prank.” A statement that made SolHi wince at first and then look at her, confused.

„A prank?” SolHi stuttered. „What makes you think that?” She asked, smiling this time, something that surprised even her. IuNa also smiled.

„Simple thoughts that I have because, though you both say you have beautiful feelings for each other, your words seem so empty to me. Why? Because you prove the contrary of what you say. How? By hiding your pain from each other, preferring to chew it silently and alone than together.”

„It’s easier this way, don’t you think so?” SolHi asked, and then she burst into laughter. „I mean… it’s easier to chew the pain when we are alone than when we are forced to talk about it or explain it. It also seems unfair to us, I agree.”

„Why? Because love is not only felt but also tried?”

„Exactly. Even so, I was talking now not about trying our love but about being cowards. Eventually, we are cowards: both DooSan and I. We love to hide behind the finger than fight for our feelings.”

„To me, this is even crueler than willingly hurting the one you love. I mean… knowing very well what the other one feels for you, you still prefer to keep him away from you instead of holding him into your arms and fully living your love.”

„We do that because it’s the only thing we can do now.”

„Because he’s a prosecutor and you a fugitive?”

„Does this seem little to you?”

„I’ll say that’s trivial and not little. Why? Because… those who love each other fight for their love and for each opportunity of being together, SolHi. They fight together despite the difficulties they meet in their way. Why? It’s the only way to reach happiness because… life is so short and you know that. I’m not mean when I say that… It’s simply the truth because… maybe you don’t know that, but they tried to kill me not only once. Not only once I’ve been forced to run and hide just to be able to survive. Not only once I’ve been forced to be a coward and give up on my love… for him.”

SolHi winced. „For him? Do you mean DooSan?” She stuttered.

IuNa smiled sadly. „That’s right. Although DooSan hasn’t ever found out about what I feel, at least I suspect he hasn’t, I’ve always had beautiful feelings for him. I’ve been loving him since we were children and we used to play together. Feelings that… I don’t have the chance to live fully with him when you have that chance. You still have that chance despite the harsh time you live. Instead of doing this, you prefer to hide and I don’t understand why.”

„Because… I’m afraid,” murmured SolHi suddenly, making IuNa more confused than she was.

„Afraid? Of whom or what?”

„I’m afraid of love, IuNa. I’m afraid of our love and that it might end before turning into something perceptible. Particularly, I’m afraid of what DooSan feels for me or what I feel for him and that… if I allow myself to feel all this, I’ll lose more than I might win eventually, including him.”

The pain felt in SolHi’s voice convinced IuNa to give her a short time to understand her own thoughts and feelings. She didn’t allow only SolHi this but herself too: to understand what she was afraid of or if she had the right to something more than to dreams. Yet, to see the truth - that she hadn’t ever had chances with DooSan and that she might not have them ever - IuNa needed only five minutes. Then, somehow eager to hurt and ginger SolHi up, wishing to make her fear that she might lose DooSan, she told her, „Fear is normal. Yet, it’s already cruelty not to do anything to impede that fear from turning into something real, SolHi.”

SolHi smiled. „Maybe you are right. Yet…”

„…I am. I’m right, SolHi. Just think about this: won’t it be a shame not to allow herself to experience what it feels to be in his arms?” SolHi winced this time, looking at IuNa with empty eyes - with the eyes of fear from her soul. Then, when she understood that IuNa was reading her soul at that moment, she looked elsewhere. She did that, trying to hide from IuNa that she really wanted to be with DooSan at least for a single night. She wanted to be his, to feel him next to her, to feel his warmth on her skin so much. Yet, the fear from her soul was also so vivid - the fear of losing him.

„Even so, I can’t do that,” SolHi murmured eventually, taking IuNa by surprise.

„What exactly? To live your love fully?”

„Honestly, yes. I also can’t understand you.” It’s been IuNa’s turn to stare at SolHi, confused. „I’m talking about that… despite the fact you have feelings for him, you spur me to throw myself into his arms. Why? I can’t understand you: if you have feelings for him, you have to fight for him.”

„Why?” IuNa suddenly asked, making SolHi wince. „Why should I talk to him about what I feel if I know that his heart beats only for you?”

„Because you have this right, for instance? To tell the one you love about what you feel?”

„This right won’t assure me a victory, SolHi. On the contrary, I can lose more than I can win if I tell him about what I feel. What can I lose? His friendship and support because DooSan would rather move away than be my friend then. Yes, he’ll do that because, for him, to forget someone means to make him leave.”

„Do you think that this helps to forget someone? The distance and time, I mean.”

„Honestly no. I’ve experienced this in my skin, just as you’ve done the same. Unlike you though, who still have a chance to live your love fully, I don’t have it, SolHi. Yes, I don’t have it. That’s why I tell you this: do it!”

„To do… what?”

„Live this moment! Give yourself a chance to be with him because… you don’t know that you’ll suffer being with him. Only being with DooSan, you can convince yourself of this.”

„Yet, you forget a thing, IuNa.”

„What exactly?”

„DooSan is also a human, one who’ll suffer a lot if being with me. If he forgets me and if he gets a chance to be with you, I’m sure things will be different. I’m sure that you’ll also have the chance to…”

„…love him as I wish?”

„Exactly! You might have this chance if I vanish and DooSan forgets me.”

„He won’t do that,” said IuNa confidently. „Even if you disappear one day and DooSan gives himself a chance to live his life in the arms of another woman, he won’t ever forget you. On the contrary - he’ll look for you in each woman he’ll see passing by him on the street, in each woman he’ll hold to his chest, and in each heart that will beat for him while his heart won’t ever beat for another heart than yours.”

„Maybe, but… it’s worth the try, don’t you think?”

„No, SolHi. It’s not worth it to be a coward and live someone else’s life. At least it’s not what I want: to be in his arms, though his heart and thoughts are for another woman.”

„The thoughts change, IuNa. The same happens to the feelings, and you know that.”

IuNa shook her head. „Being someone else’s copy doesn’t mean loving someone. I won’t have his love, not even if I take your place next to him one day. I won’t have it, not even if we look alike, SolHi. Why? Because… love is something one feels. He feels it through each pore of your skin through which you breathe. That’s why I’m sure that each time he’ll hold me in his arms, kiss, or spend the night in my bed, he won’t be with me but with you, and you know that. It’s why I prefer to keep dreaming of having him one day than being the clone of a former love. Knowing this, I ask you not to be a coward! Be with him even if life is stubborn and tries to separate you from him. If you do that and if you dare to be with him, I assure you that you won’t ever regret it because… DooSan worths each second of your time… each second you are ready to sacrifice for him.”

Such words made SolHi smile sadly. The reason? The memory of an empty room and white crumpled bedding - the evidence of intense love she’d spent in someone’s arms, of someone who vanished the very next morning as though he hadn’t ever been there. A night that often made her fear that it might repeat one day. A night that kept her away from DooSan, though she wanted so much to spend at least a hot night in his arms.

Such memories filled her eyes with tears. Memories that made her both happy and sad at the same time. IuNa’s words had the same effect on her, words the young woman told SolHi before leaving the terrace, „If you don’t dare to do what I’ve told you, I’ll do that. If he prefers me eventually, I won’t have mercy on you then.”

Looking behind IuNa, confused and afraid simultaneously, SolHi understood that she got to the edge of an abyss or maybe to a crossroads. Yet, there was no way back from that place. She could only cross that abyss, as she could. She had to do that, though she would have fallen into it eventually and vanished there forever.

That abyss wasn’t formed by the distrust of tomorrow but by the fear that DooSan would abandon her. She was damn afraid of spending another hot night in the arms of the one she wanted with her, just to wake up alone again in a cold empty bed the next morning. If this had happened, SolHi was sure she wouldn’t have survived. At the same time, she was afraid that DooSan wouldn’t have survived if he had lost her eventually and fate hadn’t given them the chance to live their love fully, even for a single night.

At the same time, SolHi knew that IuNa was right: ignoring her wishes wasn’t easier to live her life. She could only try, even if she was afraid that she would regret this later. She had to do that if she wanted her wishes not to be only dreams, but that dream to turn into a reality lived together with DooSan.

With such thoughts in mind, SolHi turned her back to the city and ran down the stairs. Only a thick warm shawl remained behind her on the cold-like ice cement floor. A floor that seemed to have stolen that cold from SolHi’s soul, from the soul of that monster that awakened inside her eight years ago when she simply wanted to live. A monster that dreamt of only being held to someone’s chest and warmed by the warm breath of love… fully lived and not only fragments. Yet… was all this possible? Not even fate knew that…

TO BE CONTINUED