„He’s definitely playing with me,” SolHi hissed through her teeth the moment she made a sudden move and felt the harsh pain hurting her left wrist, which was cuffed to the bed. „Yes, he’s definitely making fun of me. Otherwise, I can’t explain how he could leave me here, like a dog on a leash while he’s God knows where,” she growled, seeing that no matter what movement she wasn’t doing, the cuffs kept injuring her skin, making her often gnashed her teeth.

Being in such a position drove her crazy because she really hated the cuffs. She hated them so much because they reminded her of the biggest nightmare of her life: the time spent in jail. „Even so, I can’t deny that the same cuffs saved my life not only once while I worked as a detective because enough bastards I arrested with them. Yet, this doesn’t mean I deserve to be treated like one. Yeah, I accept that I have enough sins in my soul but… not that many.”

„Are you talking to yourself lately?” She suddenly heard DooSan’s voice, which made her glare toward the door. The man, who was returning home with a bag full of groceries, smiled when he saw SolHi looking at him as though she was an upset pet, whom his master left alone at home for an entire day. Well… yeah, it was unfair to compare his beloved woman with a pet, but, involuntarily, this thought still crossed his mind. Then, realizing that his smile could drive SolHi crazy, he carefully closed the door behind him and went to the kitchen. Not keeping his mouth shut but saying, „I think you are right to talk to yourself because… this is a clear hint of wisdom and intelligence.”

„Are you kidding me?” SolHi growled, trying to stand up. The cuffs pulled her back right away, making her gnash her teeth again. „Damn you… and your cuffs! You are the only ones to blame for my pain.”

DooSan burst into laughter. „Now is it our fault?” He said, smiling. Then, finishing unpacking, he left everything on the table, put the bag on one of the drawers, and headed toward SolHi. Two steps from her, he squatted and insistently looked at her. SolHi didn’t look at him but somewhere to her right, growling something on her own, which made her definitely seem like an upset pet. This made DooSan burst into laughter again.

„What now?” She snapped at him, feisty. „Do I seem funny to you?”

„Aren’t you? I think yes. Why? Just… look at your face: it says thousands of things at the same time. Thus, it speaks for everything that’s in your head. And… you are really sweet, you know?”

„Ia, Han DooSan, stop this!”

„What exactly? To say what I think?”

„No: to make fun of me! And… release me at once!”

„Why would I do that?” He said, shrugging. „I’m not stupid to hang myself.” SolHi squinted at him. „What? I’m speaking with the truth because… you are the one who tried to send me to hell today, don’t you?”

„All I wanted was to convince you to work for us. That’s all.”

„With a rope around my neck?” The man asked, frowning. „Nice manner of… convincing people.” SolHi cooked her nose. Then, crouching, she turned her back to him.

„Believe what you want!” She told him upset, after a few moments of silence. „Anyway, no matter what I say can be used against me at the trial.”

„I’m glad we agree at least this time,” he replied, taking the keys out of his pocket.

The sound of the keys made SolHi attentive. She didn’t look straight at the man, only out of the corner of her eyes. Thus, she saw, among the other keys, a smaller one. „The salvation,” suddenly crossed her mind because that key was the key from the cuffs. „If I have it, I’ll certainly teach him some manners.”

„What?” The man suddenly asked, making her wince.

Looking at him this time, SolHi saw him insistently watching her. „He suspects, it seems to me,” she told herself. Then, normally sitting on the floor, she cleared her voice and stared at DooSan’s face. Thus, she realized that the man seemed thoughtful. „He’s probably trying to figure out what I’m up to. Yet… try, Han DooSan, try to find out. It’s of no guilt to try, just as I won’t ever give up on escaping this place.” Then, so suddenly that she made DooSan pull back, SolHi stretched her hand toward him, intending to take the keys. Yet, she failed, something that made her growl, „You won’t give up, will you?”

„Why would I do that?” Replied DooSan calmly, sitting on the floor and playing with the keys right in front of her nose. „I don’t have the chance to drive a ghost crazy every day.” SolHi burst into laughter, which made him confused. „What?”

„Nothing,” she said, barely controlling her laughter. „I just… realized that you have no idea what ghosts can do. I can show you that. Thus, if you ever die, you at least won’t die dumb when this happens.”

DooSan smiled. „No, thanks,” he said. „To find out what such things mean. Yet, Ghost, if we ever die, it’ll be only together, do you hear me?”

„Together?” SolHi grinned. „You have lost your mind, it seems to me. Who intends to die along with you? Definitely not me. Why? I love life too much to give up on it, just as I…”

SolHi suddenly kept silent, the moment she realized that she’d been about to tell DooSan that she also couldn’t give up on him. Yes, she definitely couldn’t do that because despite everything they had been through together, despite the pain they caused to each other, and despite the suffering others caused them, she still felt things for DooSan. „Beautiful things that I’ve tried to hide from everybody, including you, DooSan,” she told herself, looking straight into his eyes, with the same stern glance she always used when she understood that it was time to act as a serious adult and not as a naughty teenager. „Things you won’t ever find out. At least… you won’t ever find out this while you are still in danger and my name is still stained with blood.”

Suddenly, SolHi winced. This happened the moment DooSan pulled closer to her and held her to his chest. Then, touching her neck with his forehead, he whispered, „I’m sorry, SolHi, but… it was necessary.”

„What exactly?” She asked, finally turning back to her senses after his sudden reaction surprised her a lot.

„For everything! I mean… I’m sorry that you have to experience all this because of me. If I hadn’t introduced you to Captain Lee, you wouldn’t have probably been here now.”

SolHi slowly pushed him away from her. Then, staring into his eyes, she told him, „It wasn’t your fault, do you hear me? None of this is your fault. Why? It was me who chose this. I’m the one who chose to enter jail chasing ghosts. I chose to trust strangers and not you. That’s why… stop blaming yourself for things you can’t control, DooSan. If you need someone to blame for that, blame me. I’m the only one guilty for all of this.”

DooSan’s eyes suddenly filled with tears, surprising SolHi more. Especially when he touched her face with both palms and, looking straight into her eyes, he told her, „What if none of this is your fault?”

SolHi frowned. „None of this is my fault? What do you mean?”

„At… I’m not sure, yet. Even so, I feel that’s more than guilt in this story.”

„Why do you say that? Did you find out something else?”

„Yes. I found out that YuSan was working with DOC before his death. And… I think he was working on the same case Captain Lee involved you in a year ago.”

SolHi winced. „The child trafficking!”

„That’s right! Kim HanSol confirmed this to me a few days ago when she passed by here. No, she told me this the day I got my job back. It’s when she told me that YuSan might have found evidence before his death. A track or something like that.”

„Did she tell you what kind of track?”

„No. She also doesn’t know that because… YuSan was killed before telling them something. Yet, it seemed weird to me to hear that YuSan approached you while working on this case.”

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

„What? Han YuSan approached me because of the case?” DooSan approvingly nodded. „Are you sure of this?”

„No, I’m not, SolHi. As I said, it’s only a hunch… a guessing. That’s why I must tell you to stop blaming yourself for this too. Stop doing this, at least not until we find what kind of truth is hidden behind our pain.” SolHi cooked her nose. „What?”

„You mentioned the pain and I remember this,” she said, showing him the cuffs. „I might forget about it if you release me.”

DooSan smiled. „Oh, have it your way!” He whispered. Then, using the small key, he took the cuffs off. „You are free now!”

„I can’t say the same thing about you,” she said, trying to cuff him in her place. Yet, she failed because DooSan suddenly wrapped his arms around her. And, both lying on the ground, he held her to his chest. „DooSan, release me!” She demanded him, struggling to release herself. „I said to let me go!”

„What I say is to stay like that, at least for a while,” the man whispered, sinking his face into her hair. „Just a little bit, SolHi! I really missed you!”

His words finally managed to calm SolHi down. His words deeply entered her soul, making her understand that she also missed him. She missed all those moments she had spent in his arms… She missed their kisses, hugs on the sly, and, not the least, their childish rivalry because they really loved to play that game of the cat and the mouse, something they often played, although it hadn’t ever benefited any of them. Still, they couldn’t give up on this. „Yes, we really can’t do that,” she whispered, sticking her body to his. „I don’t even want that!”

„What exactly?”

„To… give up on what we have,” she replied, listening to how her heart danced on the man’s chest - a heart that had the same rhythm as his heart, something she loved the most. If she hadn’t been anything like that, she was sure that she wouldn’t have ever considered that melody as something pleasant but as something to inspire fear and hatred in her. „I also don’t want to give up on our little game,” she added, propping herself on one elbow and looking at the man’s face.

DooSan smiled. „Game? The one when we consider each other as food?”

„Yes,” she said, smiling too. „It’s something that fills us inside: eating each other with our eyes. At least it’s what I think,” she whispered, playfully touching the man’s nose with hers.

She became attentive the moment she saw DooSan so serious. She couldn’t understand what could have made him feel like that because they talked about something pleasant only moments ago. At the same time, SolHi couldn’t understand why DooSan’s eyes were bathed by tears - those that were stubborn to wash the black shiny retina of his eyes. And yes… his black eyes were so beautiful at that moment, the same eyes she fell in love with in the worst war of her life.

„Something happened?” She asked eventually, trying to bring him back to her, pulling him away from that world of sadness where he seemed to have willingly sunken.

„No,” he whispered. Then, spotting a rebellious strand of hair under her cap, DooSan stretched his hand and took that cap off, putting the strand of hair by the ear. And, smiling, he said, „I was just thinking about… how beautiful you can be.”

„With such a sour face as though the boat of your life sunken?” She asked, frowning.

DooSan smiled. „I wasn’t sad because you are beautiful but… because I can’t enjoy all this beauty every day. I can’t have you with me every single second of my life, and this hurts so much, SolHi.”

Hearing him talking like that, SolHi sat on the floor. The same DooSan did after a few moments. Then, finally clearing her mind but still not looking into his eyes but at the wooden floor where they had lay just moments ago, SolHi sadly said, „I’m sorry… for being that egoist with you, but… it was necessary.”

„Do you mean the prank from the DOC parking lot?” SolHi approvingly nodded. „Why? You are the one who said that it wasn’t really your choice but something Kim HanSol planned. She forced you to do that, right?”

„This doesn’t mean that I did things right, DooSan. Let’s admit that: not all those who love and care about others do what I’ve done. On one hand - I didn’t tell you that I was still alive. On the other hand - I came here, in a place we’ve been happy, trying to hurt you.” DooSan smiled. „Does this seem funny to you?”

„Yes,” he said, touching her cheeks. „Why? Because… I don’t hear every day that I’m loved by you.”

SolHi winced. „Loved? Did I say that?” She murmured confused. She even tried to look elsewhere. Yet, DooSan didn’t give her the chance to take that painting of beauty away from him… a face he simply adored.

„Mmm, you said that,” he confidently replied, making her wince again and look into his eyes. „Even if you try to deny what you’ve just said, I still remember your words, SolHi. Something I’ll remember all my life, especially this „Not everybody who loves…” I’ll keep this in my soul forever.”

„It was just a random sentence, DooSan,” she stuttered. „If I said that, it was to let you know that…”

„…your heart still feels love for me. If it’s so, it’s enough for me,” he whispered, holding her to his chest again. „It’s exactly what I feel,” he added, touching the top of her head with his cheek, which he had kissed first. „This love is something I won’t ever give up on ever.” When he said that, DooSan swiped the tears on the sly, those tears that were so stubborn to bathe his cheeks. „I’ll fight for this love until I die because… this is the most precious thing I have, SolHi. You are all I have in my life.”

***

Finally hearing the calm breath of the man, a hint that DooSan fell asleep, SolHi propped herself on one elbow and looked at his face. She saw him calm, although he also seemed so tired, a hint that those days after her „death” marked him a lot. This made her feel guilty because… it was something impossible not to feel this when she was aware of how much he suffered because of her… She still remembered all the painful things he’d been through also because of her. „Sad events that would have torn apart even an iron heart, something that eventually happened with a kind heart like yours, DooSan,” she said, touching the man’s cheek. „Yet, although I know that it wasn’t fair what I did, it’s still the best thing for you because it kept you safe. You’ve been safe while you’ve been away from me. If we had been together when everybody knew me alive, you would have been hunted by journalists and cops and not only by our enemies, trying to find me through you. I couldn’t allow that. That’s why I hurt you, a pain that I’ll compensate you for one day, I promise. For the moment, it’s still better for all of us if we aren’t together because… I’ll solve this alone, for all of us.”

Saying all this, only in her head, SolHi bent over the man and kissed his lips. Her kiss made him move in his sleep, turning his back to her eventually. Then, SolHi heard him whispering, „Still, we have to.” To whom he said those words, she didn’t know. It wasn’t important for her too because the most important words for her she heard when they were lying on the floor that night. Then, accompanied by the sweet melody of his heart, those words rang in her ears for so long, making her sad and melancholic at the same time. It made her sad - because she knew she didn’t have the chance to hear them more often, and melancholic - because she still heard them when, before that, in that year behind bars, she had only dreamt of them.

Actually, because of the same feeling she had behind bars, SolHi accepted to stay that night with DooSan. She did that, hoping to give him at least a certain safety when, two hours before that, she made him cross through all the circles of hell when she pretended to be his enemy, who came there to cut the thread of his life. Even so, she knew she hadn’t done enough for him because, only sleeping in his arms, she didn’t give him the confidence and safety the man might have wanted at that moment.

„Just as I can’t give you the warmth of my body right now,” she whispered, touching the man’s arm with her chin, carefully watching him sleeping. „Even though I would have liked to feel more than our hearts dancing on our chests… Even if I had liked to feel the warmth of your skin on my skin tonight, I know that’s not fair to do that because… only a jerk spends the night in your arms, making love, after everything you’ve been through because of me. I can’t do that to you, DooSan. I really can’t. If I do that, it means to be selfish and look for my pleasure only. For the moment, the best thing for us is to be two in-love people who dream of this. Then, when the right moment comes and we’ll be free and far away from the ghosts of the past, we’ll be able to live this physical love so intensely. I’ll put my soul into this, I promise, because you deserve this.”

The sound of a text message received on her phone made SolHi wince. She didn’t move from next to DooSan though, afraid not to wake him because he moved in his sleep again. Only when she was sure that he was tightly sleeping again, did SolHi stand up and approach the couch where she had left the jacket and her cap. Looking at the phone, she saw the message Ha Rin sent her, „Something happens tonight! I need you here. Today, SolHi!”

Reading the message, SolHi frowned. She didn’t do that because Ha Rin demanded her to be somewhere but because she realized that her moments of peace next to the man she loved were about to be over. Yes, her happiness was about to reach an end because she didn’t know when they’d have the chance to spend another night together and listen to each other’s heart as they had done that night, just as she didn’t know when she would hear such pleasant words told her by DooSan. „Words that made us reach Hell and Heaven at the same time,” she whispered, eyes on tears while she put her jacket and cap on. „But… I’ll compensate all this one day. I’ll compensate you for your patience, DooSan. I’ll do it undoubtedly because I’m the only one to blame for your pain. No matter what you say won’t make me feel better because I’m already aware that I’m guilty of what happened. Eventually, everything that happened was somehow related to me. Thus, as I consider myself as being the Apple of Discord in this story, I’ll do all of us a favor if I stay away from you.”

Eyes bathed by tears, SolHi finally headed toward the door. While putting the shoes on, she looked at DooSan who was so quietly sleeping, not suspecting that his love was sneaking again from next to him, running God knew where at that time. Yet, as SolHi was already sure, it was the best thing for both of them if she went like that. „Less painful because… I think you’ve suffered enough already,” she whispered, closing the door behind her.

Leaving, SolHi hoped that DooSan would suffer less. Yet, she was so wrong because DooSan wasn’t asleep. The ringtone of the received message awoke him. A message that let him know that his short happiness next to SolHi was over and that she’d walk away soon. Yet, he didn’t let her know that he was awake. He did that because he felt the same thing as her: that it would be harder for both of them if he had watched her leaving.

Yet, this didn’t mean that pain wasn’t there that night. That pain tightly held him into its arms after SolHi’s departure. Then, he held his knees to his chest and, sitting on the bed, he cried a lot, head on his knees. Yes, DooSan cried so much because he would have wished SolHi to stay with him forever.