July 26th, 2012

Andrew waited outside the Seattle center skatepark. I've been here before with Cody a couple of times. We always left before sundown because Cody said that’s when the tweakers came out.

They were meth heads like my brother was supposed to be.

Andrew and I went inside where he told me to wait at a bench. He left me for a minute and I watched all the guys skate around like how I watched Cody. The sun was setting and this is where I would have left with Cody.

Andrew came back into the scene with a tall but lanky black man who at first I assumed was Lyle. I stuck my hand out because I didn’t know how drug deals were supposed to go. Andrew and guy looked at each other and Andrew smirked. “How much?” the man asked.

This guy was Acid. He’s Lyle’s right-hand man or partner or employee. I didn’t really understand what Acid was. I just know whatever Lyle wanted to be done, Acid did it. Andrew once explained that Acid was MMA fighter and could take on just about anyone. Andrew was afraid of him. Andrew was never afraid of anyone.

“Oh, u-um, a hundred?”

I stupidly pulled out the cash which Acid slapped away, “Fuck, pull that shit away.”

“Let’s walk,” Andrew signaled with his head. We started to walk around the skate park

“A hundred barely a gram and three quarters. I don’t do small shit.”

“Oh, um. The max I have is 500.”

Andrew laughed, “Fuck I hate you, rich girls.”

“That’s an eight and a teen, you sure?”

“What?” I turned my head to Andrew who was looking at some of the girls skating.

“Five and a quarter grams,” Andrew said. “Half of what I had the other night.”

“Okay. Okay, I uh,” I paused to fidget the money on my pocket around. This was my first drug deal, of course, I was nervous. “Do I pull it out now or?”

Acid laughed, “Shit Andrew, where’d you find this hoe? Crumble it in your hand and give me a sec.” Acid walked us to a black SUV. I thought it was typical for a drug dealer. “Inside.” I got into the passenger's side while Andrew sat behind me. “Here,” Acid extended his hand. I shook it with the crumbled money in my hand and I hoped that was enough. I even tried to do one of those cool handshakes all the guys do but I fumbled and it made Andrew chuckle. I felt the ball in my hand swap with the money and everything felt so rewarding.

“You’re a dumbass, Eli,” Andrew said.

“Why?”

“Stop being so nervous, we’re just chilling.”

“So what now?”

“Why don’t you just get my boy Drew to hook you up?” Acid asked not even looking at me. He was looking ahead to all the parked cars ahead of us.

“I don’t want to bother Andrew all the time when I run out.”

“You shouldn’t even be involving yourself in this stuff.”

“But I want to!”

There was a strong silence after that. Acid’s phone rang. That’s when I found out Acid wasn’t Lyle as he spoke the name when he answered. Acid said his location and what he was doing. He mentioned Andrew and then asked for my name. Elizabeth. That was my name.

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We stayed in the car for another five minutes before Andrew told me it was time to go.

That was my first drug deal.

Andrew snorts up the final line of the book. We laughed together because I actually had the balls to do a drug deal. We were in my living room where the TV was playing an episode of Adventure Time.

“You’re actually fuckin’ crazy, Eli,” he said.

“Just a girl wanting to have fun.”

“Wanna do it?”

I shook my head, “I’m with Cody, remember?”

Andrew nodded, “Right, right. Not like we kissed already,” he laughed and got up from the sofa. “I’m gonna steal drinks from your fridge.”

“Go ahead.”

As I watched the commercial barely coming on, I felt that rush from a bump wasn’t as strong as I remembered. It was still strong and I felt like a Goddess but it wasn’t the same. I didn’t understand and it only made wanna do more lines from my baggie. I knew if I did that that would have made me closer to an addict. I’ve been doing the bag Andrew gave me a couple days ago ever since I got it. This new one came from the same source so my tolerance must have gone up.

Andrew came back with a can of Soda and can of sparkling water for me. He tossed my can to me and sat back next to me.

“Where do you get all the alcohol for us?”

“I have a fake ID. That and I saved the store I go to from getting robbed so the owner lets me get away with it.”

“Oh.”

We watched the show in silence. It was one of those things where we could enjoy each other's company without saying a word. Those friendships are the best ones. Whenever there’s a silence and I feel awkward about it, I know the other person does too but that hasn’t happened since I gotten to be friends with this group.

The show is a lot funnier while high. It’s funnier with pot, but coke has it’s own twist to the humor.

Some time passed and we still hadn’t found words to say to each other. I felt Andrew’s fingers crawl around my thigh but I didn’t say anything. I was wearing some ripped up jean shorts so there wasn’t much to protect my skin from his harsh fingers.

They moved slow. They’re a tiger slowly approaching its food waiting for the right moment to strike. Andrew’s fingers slowly kept crawling up and down from the middle to my knee. Each time he goes up he inches his way closer to my upper thigh. It tickled, but eventually, he got inside my shorts. I still let him.

Commercials came and the rush started to come down. Andrew had left the inside of my thigh to unbuckle my shorts. “What are you doing?” I finally asked him but either Andrew didn’t say anything or I just didn’t listen to what he said. The show started again and my shorts were down to my knees. Andrew was playing just outside, deep in my inner thigh.

And I let him.

He stuck his fingers inside, and I let him.

I thought about how Cody and I have been fighting a bit lately. This wasn’t the right thing to do, but it felt good. I had to be a good girlfriend, but I didn’t want to. Andrew is much more unpredictable and never gets stale. He does whatever he wants.

But Cody is still there.

I push Andrew’s hand away. “Do you actually hate gay people?” I asked hoping that was enough to change the subject. We haven’t looked at each other. “Like, what if your sister was gay? Would you hate her?”

Andrew chuckled, “What do you think?”

“I think you don’t let yourself show that you care about other people.”

There was a silence, this time it felt awkward.

“My mom died when I was little. My best friend was shot in front of me. I watched him die. My dad doesn’t give a fuck about us. It’s been me vs the world since I was eight, so what do you think, Eli?! Nobody gives a fuck about me so I don’t give a fuck about them.”

There was more silence.

“I do.”

More silence.

I grabbed Andrew’s hand and moved it back to where it was playing in.

My body got shook. It felt at least twice better than I expected it too. I forgot my thoughts and my morals once again as I turned to Andrew and got on top of him. His hand was on me, driving me, shaking me. I pressed further and further into his lips until he got his penis out and I wrapped my hand around it.

Andrew smiled like this was everything he wanted.

I snapped myself back into reality and got off him. I watched Andrew’s eyes as I pulled up my shorts. His eyes were intense, he wanted me and I just denied him. They were watching me like he was ready for the kill. “You should go…”

But Andrew’s gaze didn’t leave.

I wrapped my arms around my body as if I was naked thinking it would take his eyes off me. I stood there awkwardly for a full minute before Andrew finally got up and sighed. “Alright. I’ll see you later.”

Andrew closed the front door gently.