In the evening, though, I went back and decided to look back at Caruncle. He was lying with Evelyn on her bed. Evelyn was trying to sleep but Caruncle tried to get close to her and kissed her on the neck a couple of times, going upwards towards her mouth. Yes, it was actually really awkward. You see, truth to be told, Caruncle was a hateable man, the more you looked at him the more you would feel your insides boil, he was a shell of a man, and I liked to see him fail.

I looked a little bit around the bedroom, it was a big room with wooden walls and floors, there was nothing really of my interest for me to describe, really, but I could tell the air in the room was also hard to breathe in, more than the one in the dining hall even so, considering the room didn’t have any windows of any sort, the air felt stagnant and smells would accumulate inside. When I got closer to Caruncle, I could feel his respiration becoming uneasy and laborious.

“Wait, stop, stop!” Evelyn woke up and pushed him aside. “I told you to not kiss me like that unprompted, please.” She talked weirdly too at times, but unlike with Caruncle, she didn’t make me hate her at all.

“Uh, you told me to wake you up around 9, we are going to Percival’s home, remember?”

“Yes but…” Evelyn slowly sat down at the edge of the bed, looking away from Caruncle, “don’t wake me up like that, I really don’t like it. Seriously.”

“I don’t know what you expect me to do at this point,” Caruncle sat at the edge on the other side of the bed.

“What? Are you doing it because you are supposed to?”

“Aren’t I?”

“Look, nevermind,” she rolled her eyes.

“See? And people say I’m the one that plays games.”

“What are you gonna tell your brother?”

“What?”

“Your brother, Valentin, you said that you had something serious to tell him, will you even let me know what it is before we go to Percival’s house?”

“... I can’t.” Here, right here, see? This is where the Caruncle specimen did his retreat, gather around folks, this is where you can start and see all his patheticness in full vivid detail.

“Why?” She raised her eyes, her pained expression was already starting to make me feel sorry for her.

“Please, I just… I… you know how I am, right? I only have so much strength, and I need to save it for when I say it just this once, please… don’t ask me more of what I can already give.”

For a moment Evelyn turned her head around to see if she was able to catch his expression, his tone of voice sounded defeated most of the time, but at that moment what he said sounded more like an order than a proper lament.

“Maybe you can tell me now, and I will tell the others.”

“That won’t work.”

“Why?”

“Well, why do you not like me when I kiss you?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It has something to do with it, I feel. Maybe everything, actually.”

“Caruncle?”

“Yes?”

“Do you really love me?” This part I have never understood, she sounded serious to me when I first heard it, but going back to it, I just can think she was being sarcastic.

“I think you are beautiful, you are… a wonderful woman, and if I could be close to you for the rest of my life, maybe I could feel somewhat complete even if nothing else changes for me.” Pathetic, he was pathetic, that’s all what he was.

“Somewhat complete?”

“Yes.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t feel complete.”

“How so?”

“Tell me, why do you dislike it when I kiss you? When I hug you? When you ask me to give you space?”

“We have already talked about this, I didn’t ask for this, I don’t approve of arranged marriages, this is not the way we did things, back in Salento.”

“Remember when you told your father that you would try and warm up to me given the circumstances? That never really happened.”

“Caruncle…”

“If you want to leave me for someone else, go ahead..”

“Listen, Caruncle.”

“Yes?” That mopey expression, that mopey expression in his eyes, I hated it so much. You just don’t know how much I would pay to let you see that stupid expression he made of sadness, it was everything bad that existed with the human being, all broken and unrepairable fault you could imagine, I always tried to punch him, but my hand would always pass through.

“Why do you always look like it hurts you to touch me? Why when we spend the night together, you make that face of pure disgust towards me? Why do I have to ask you to simply pay attention to me and you only approach me when I'm not paying attention to you?” Okay, maybe I did hate both a little bit.

“I said I wouldn’t kiss you again when you are asleep.”

“You know pretty well this isn’t about that.”

“I know.”

“So, can you tell me why? Why do you always look so afraid of me? Why do you always look so uncomfortable when I’m looking at you?”

No one said anything. For a moment, I could only hear the tick of the clock in the room. That clock was a good friend, he didn’t complain, cry, or make sarcastic remarks, it only did its job as it should.

“Can I ask you something first?” This was Caruncle, if you feel you hate the speaker, it's because it's Caruncle, and always Caruncle.

“What is it?”

“Do you find me unpleasant?”

“Unpleasant?”

“Yes.”

“Is this because our relationship was prearranged?”

“No, this is about me.”

“I think you are a good guy, Caruncle, but there is something clearly going on with your head.”

“Do you know what it is?”

“I don’t know, I feel that if I asked you, you wouldn’t tell me, but I can see that you want to run away.”

“I find myself unpleasant, really unpleasant.”

“Is this what it is about? You don’t like yourself at all?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm… no, that would be one thing, but I see you are always desperate, desperate either because of me, because–”

“You know it is not because of you.”

“Please, let me finish. You are desperate, either because of me, because of some revolution going on inside your head, because of your father, because of anything, but you refuse to talk about it, you refuse to talk about it and it is eating you inside. If you don’t want to talk about it, that is your choice, but I can’t let it consume me too.”

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Now this, this was the good stuff.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t have loved you the way that I should have. You deserve someone better than me.”

“Caruncle, please… we are still young, okay? And there is still time for you to change, step by step. I will be here, I just need you to talk with me.”

“Let’s go to Percival’s house, we don’t really want to be late.”

“Caruncle…”

“I need to get my mind out of this matter first. Maybe afterwards it will make things a bit clearer to you.”

Thankfully they finally both started to get dressed. Occasions like that were starting to tire me out, I was able to remember all the times he felt straight tired with himself, I would get tired myself and abandon him because all he would do is cry, cry. I would eventually come back out of morbid curiosity, but I would get sick of hearing him whine about his punishment, when mine was a lot lot worse.

The both of them walked out of Evelyn’s home, Caruncle was holding the woman’s arm but his walk was stiff and his mannerisms awkward. They got outside and looked towards the full moon looking over them that night.

For a moment, Evelyn thought that maybe in another life, she would have liked to see and explore the night sky, leave the planet, and never look back the rest of her life. Caruncle on the other hand looked at the whole street and couldn’t shake the feeling of unfamiliarity with his surroundings. The gas lights, the carriages, the road built out of seemingly flat but rough stone cravings joined together with cement that wore out the carriages, everything looked so worn out, so dirty, and the streets smelled terrible.

They didn’t say a word to each other outside, each one of them deep inside their own little world. Finally after a couple of minutes their carriage arrived and they got inside.

“What were you thinking about?” Evelyn tried to start a conversation, she didn’t want the trip to Percival’s home any more awkward than what it should be.

“What do you mean?”

“Just now, before the carriage came over.”

“Oh, that.”

“Yes, tell me.”

“Well…” Come on Caruncle, say it, say what you will have been waiting to say all this time, it’s not like its going to make any fucking difference. “I was thinking that no matter how long it has been, I still haven’t gotten used to this place.” A terrible half compromise.

“What place? The city?”

“Well… you could say so, I guess.”

Evelyn looked out of the window, she was waiting to see the moon once again, but she couldn’t find it at all from her side of the road. I looked at the velvet furnishing of the carriage, my only and good companionship while that dumb trip was over.

“Did you ever get lost in the city when you were a kid?”

“Hmm, I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember?”

“I don’t remember that much of my childhood.”

“I see.”

After half an hour they reached Percival’s home. When Caruncle got out of the carriage and saw the old house it gave him the sensation that the whole building was about to fall over at any second, he just didn’t know he was actually thinking about his life.

They announced themselves and were received by Percival or something along those lines. Pleasantries have never been my interest, but I remember clearly how the dark hallway at the entrance felt more and more suffocating for Caruncle with every step he took. The only light at that moment was from Percival’s candle. All the way through, Caruncle kept thinking to run away, but his feet didn’t obey him. I chuckled when I saw him realise the hallway was over and everyone else had already arrived. He didn’t say anything and sat down on one of the chairs closer to the fireplace.

“I hope that you are doing alright right now, Caruncle,” Percival said from behind while he placed the candlestick on the wall. His tone was warm but Caruncle felt a chill down his spine when he heard it.

“Why are you here tonight?” Caruncle asked Felicity.

“Evelyn had asked me to come,” Felicity said while crossing her legs under her big puffy dress. And yes, yes, I know. It has indeed come to my mind that I should rather describe these other people, but at this very moment, I do not feel like this is necessary, I feel I rather imagine them the way I remember them, maybe you could do the same, you will never see how they look like, I can’t show them to you either, but maybe you and me both can come up with an image that satisfies us both.I have been a historian all my life, I have documented every single detail and bit of what I have seen and experienced but now I’m longer a historian and keeping the past intact when nobody will be around to hear about it doesn’t appeal to me anymore.

For Felicity I’m seeing a rather yellow, big puffy dress, with black, leather boots. Her hair was so big and puffy it was brown and bright, cut in a beehive style. She had big eyes and a mocking expression most of the time, I still liked her freckles, though, all things considered.

“I thought she could hear what you have to say if that is okay with you,” Evelyn answered him while she sat down at his side. She, I could certainly describe, but I will limit myself to say that she was very beautiful, her hair was really short, but it has a pretty auburn colour. She was also taller for the average woman, even surpassing Caruncle himself who was a measly 160 cm tall, while she was 170 cm tall, I think, not that I was measuring them with any tape or whatever. That night she was wearing a velvet dress, and while she was wearing a corset, this one didn’t necessarily hide all her own figure, which on its own stood up already very nicely, but I am letting myself go. Point is, she looked really pretty.

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“Suit yourselves,” Caruncle scratched his head. I know you might be wondering how he actually looked too and well… I mean, he just liked like any other guy, he was a normal, very normal looking man, his skin was pale, his hair was cut in a nondescript short style, his hair was brown, his eyes were brown, his face was… his face was oval shaped, a bit, he had a strong jaw and a big nose as well, so to say. That was his face since he came here, really, but he was the most nondescript man you could ever think of, he blended with everyone around him because it was even barely possible to remember his face at all. He was now dressed with a starched white shirt, a waistcoat, his trousers and a sack coat, all in a very pale and worn out black colour. He was also wearing some lace up shoes, and nothing else, no hat, since it made him feel too hot, and that’s about it, no hats, no neckwear, no accessories or anything of the sort.

“We were hoping you would get to the point sooner rather than later, Caruncle, if that’s okay with you, we feel like it might make things a little bit faster.” Percival was… well, I’m not really interested in describing Percival, or Valentin, for that matter. Thing is that, while I don’t remember well anymore, I had become a historian to please Jazmin back when we had met. I was in love with her, not with history. I don’t feel sad by being unable to document things over, I just feel rather… empty.

Caruncle looked at Valentin, he hadn’t said anything since he arrived and was only looking at him while holding his jaw with his hand.

“You want me to talk, you think that I can help you out, but I don’t think I can help, on the other hand, I don’t think you can help me either way, so I’m just going to say what I came to say so at least we can leave things clear.”

“Caruncle, excuse me if I’m interrupting again, but you still haven’t told us what we would need help with,” Felicity raised her hand while smirking at him.

“You want to know what I know, right?”

“Yes, we do,” She answered.

“Well, I can’t tell you what I know, because I know you won’t help me if I do.”

“Caruncle, if I might be so bold, would you mind if I make an observation about this whole matter?”

“Go ahead.”

“It seems we are just going in circles, you tell us that you know something that would benefit us to know, you tell us that you can't say what you know, and you say that if you tell us, you are going to need our help. Regardless of the fact that if this thing you know would actually help us or not, it is clear you need us for something, is that right? If we agree to help you out, then you might tell us what you feel would help us to be aware of, is that correct?”

“I… uh, yes.”

“In that case, let’s start from there, shall we?”

“I don’t feel like I can really say it,” his voice was quivering. I looked down and I could see him shake his leg over and over as he spoke.

“I know you have mentioned the why, but at this point I must insist you to please say it and go on. It is the only way for us to move forward or at least it is right now I’m afraid.”

“It won’t work.”

“Just say it,” Valentin finally raised his voice, the rest of the room stayed silent.

Caruncle scratched his forehead again and he looked at the fireplace, it looked ever so threatening. The more time passed with him looking at it the more it felt for him that the fire inside would completely consume him. His heart was going so fast he felt it could go out of his ribcage at any second now.

“I want to be a woman,” he looked down when he said it, he didn’t want to face anyone in the room. While the ridiculousness of his words made me feel second hand embarrassment, I did appreciate his bluntness this time around.

“...”

“What?” Valentin tilted his head, his voice was barely audible.

“I want to be a woman, that’s what I said.”

“Pfft… hahaha! He is messing with us again!” Felicity started cackling on her own.

“Felicity, please, can you wait for a moment to see if we can understand well what he said? Caruncle, what do you mean? I just don’t think we heard you properly and–” Percival asked meekly, Caruncle turned around to face him.

“I meant what I meant, I want to be just like Evelyn, like Felicity, like your mother or mine, that’s what I mean, isn’t that clear eno–” Caruncle got cut off by Valentin.

“This is ridiculous,” Valentin scoffed, scratching his head, he rolled his eyes and he just sounded tired. "What are you even talking about?"

“If you don’t want to hear me out you can leave right now.”

“You said that you would tell us something really serious, and is this what you decide to waste our time with? Is this your grand revelation?” Valentin started to tap his foot impatiently.

“I told you what I needed,” Caruncle looked like he was about to cry, but tried to hold up.

“You just told us you are hysterical.” Valentine frowned, but I noticed he was also clenching his jaw. “I’m pretty sure that the only thing a doctor would prescribe you is a knife through your balls, and maybe a hammer going through your own head.”

“Oh really? I didn’t know you were such a doctor, are you going to include stuff like that in your next novel?” At the words of Caruncle, Valentin stood up with a clenched fist, I was hoping he would finally hit him. Yes, I know he looks bad right now, he surely had seen better days, but I liked to think that his goals were actually very sound.

“Please Valentin, let’s all sit down and talk like civilised people.” Percival tried to calm Valentin down but he was barely listening, he had his eyes stuck on Caruncle, who on his own end looked like he was stuck to the chair. Evelyn forced Valentin to sit back on one of the chairs and he was now crossing his arms while sitting in a chair further away from him. “Can you tell us more about what you are talking about? When you say you want to be a woman, what does that entail?”

“A physical change.”

“Okay, do you know how you envision this physical change to be?”

“Well, I know what I want it to look like,” he started eating his nails again.

“Please, let’s just stop right here,” Valentin asked, “it’s clear he is just feeble minded since he got hit in the head.”

“Of all the things you could have said, Caruncle” Evelyn was scratching both of her eyes with her right hand, “I would have never expected you to say something like that. You might as well have said you wanted to be a frog.”

“Ha, or a pig, so he can stay all day wallowing as he always does,” Felicity snickered.

“That sounds more like you than me,” Caruncle scowled at her, she just chuckled.

“Wait, Caruncle, everyone, I feel we started on the wrong foot,” Percival was the only one standing up from the group. He looked worried, as if he feared Valentin would start to attack Caruncle again, but he somewhat managed to sound calm. “We have known each other for quite awhile, haven’t we? I feel that you have always been, well, if you allow me the impertinence, unsure about your own qualities, I feel that perhaps you might be, I don’t know, looking for a reason, something to help you find a way to escape those doubts you have about yourself, maybe you are saying, if I was something else, if I didn't have that many responsibilities or if I was in a place that not so much was expected about me, I would be able to hold up, but if I am being honest, I feel you only need to look within your own self to try and find that answer you are looking for, instead of wishing you were something you really aren’t.”

Caruncle looked at Percival without saying a word. He was doing one of those long pauses that made me insane. Anything could happen in those precious seconds and he forced them to extend even further.

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” he finally spoke, his eyes looked empty and his voice came as barely more than a whisper.

“Also, I must remind you that Divinity wouldn’t approve of thoughts like this, Caruncle.”

Caruncle looked at the little statue of a naked, buff man with curls sitting on a rock, it was quite the nifty little statue, I liked the passion that the man looked like he was in and to me, he was quite a refreshing symbol of worship compared to what I had seen in other civilizations in this world. And yes, there wasn’t a trace of Jazmin in the minds of the people anywhere at all, it had been like that for a while.

“Your God's judgement holds no sway over my convictions, Percival,” he spitted on the floor, Felicity gasped and Evelyn yelled at him, Percival frowned at him, Valentin just chuckled.

“Okay but,” Percival felt he was starting to lose the thread of the whole conversation, that spit had made him upset, “as Valentin mentioned before, have you considered the possibility that your feelings stem from a sort of... nervous affliction?” He scratched his head, he was exhaling air from his nose slowly while he looked at the spit in the carpet. “Physicians have documented cases of 'hysteria' in women, driven by their delicate constitution. It's not entirely inconceivable that a man might suffer from a similar disturbance of the nerves.”

“We adhere to the natural order as divinity intended because that is what gives us order,” Felicity added. “Men have their place, and women theirs. To blur these lines wouldn’t make him any happier, and you know it.”

“I understand, but I still want to be one.”

“A what?” Valentine asked with that sarcastic tone.

“A wo…man.” With the words already out, he was barely able to repeat them one more time. I knew that he felt it, he felt it, he felt how embarrassing it was to say.

“Caruncle, you know what I went through, right? Do you remember when my family moved here?” Evelyn asked.

“Yes, remember it well.”

“So why are you saying all this? If you were a woman, you would have to follow the same path. My studies? They are being paid by your family, I wasn’t even able to choose my own profession, do you know why? Because everything I do, has to involve you.”

“I’m well aware.”

“You… you remember why we are together, right? It’s not because we love each other,” she was cleaning the tears from her eyes, unable to look at him any longer.

“You don’t have to blame yourself.”

“Really?” Felicity frowned at him.

“What?” He turned his eyes towards her but he barely moved, it was a bit eerie. It was at those times that while I got curious to see what was going through his mind, but my body wouldn’t move towards him to touch him, I stayed far away from him, a bit dopey to the fact that even after death I had to deal with human reflexes. Rather than making me feel more alive, they made me feel more trapped.

“She doesn’t care about you, don’t you have anything else to say?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Felicity,” Evelyn said without looking at her.

“She doesn’t love me, but I do,” he looked downwards, unable to keep up with Felicity’s eyes.

“Really, even as a faggot?” Valentin interjected, nobody looked at him or tried to answer.

“I feel this might deserve a talk on its own, but in the meantime we should go back to the topic at hand,” Percival added, “you say that you want to be a woman, does that mean that you… want to be married to a man?”

“No, I don’t see myself with a man.”

“You can’t stop the act now” Valentin interjected, the others turned around to him “you barely touch your fiance, you want to escape your duties as a man, what else would you want to dress in drag for if not to be the toy of another man?”

“That would be immoral,” Felicity whispered.

“I don’t want to be in drag, I want to be a woman.”

“And what are you supposed to do if you don't find a suitor?” Percival raised an eyebrow, sometimes he made me uneasy with how “nice” he was, not seeing what made someone angry made me feel that they had something to hide. Now, I know, I know I could just look inside of him, it was a question that had its answer at not more than a few metres, but here is the thing, the more I looked into the minds of other humans I felt that I lost something of my own self, so I decided to let my curiosity go for the time being, I already had my toy to laugh at, I didn’t need to be so nosy all the time.

“I don’t know.”

“You need to learn your own place,” Felicity said while crossing her arms “your job is to provide, that isn’t something you can’t avoid.”

“I still want to be a woman.”

“You just can’t escape your own responsibility,” Valentin was still tapping his foot, he was crossing his arms while scratching them with his own nails as hard as he could. “you can’t choose an easier life simply because you are disappointed in yourself, you will end up burning the reputation of our family right to the ground as everyone hears we have a deviant among us.”

"Escape? Do you think I would choose something like this? Do you think this is easy?”

“You are mentally ill,” Valentin stood up and crossed his arms. “Living with someone who is this hysterical is not something I want to be a part of. I would rather have you cured, or exorcised.”

“I’m not hysterical…”

“You still have a penis, how do you think you are going to change that?” The rest of the people in the room gasped at the mention of the thing, as if it was something so improper and even immoral, Felicity though? She just chuckled, she was my girl in all the middle of the commotion she knew that it was just a stupid thing to get surprised about, the whole question was even kinda stupid, but well, who gives. I feel that in another life the two of us would be the best of friends.

“I can’t…” Caruncle gave an empty gaze at his hands, “not here, it isn’t possible here.”

“Is not possible here or anywhere,” Felicity added back in “the most you could do is take off your balls and even then, you wouldn’t be a woman, because you are not.”

I had noticed that Evelyn hadn’t said anything in a long while. Her silence exasperated me sometimes. I looked at her and she just had that mopey expression in her eyes. I wanted to tell her to face it, to accept that her man was a twat.

“Do you understand what the life of a woman is?” She finally spoke, she looked angry.

“I understand.”

“No, I don’t think you do, because if you did, you wouldn’t be wishing for something like that.” I still found it funny how they would get so angry at something that was rather impossible to achieve, why were they angry at the fact that the looney man wanted to get to Mars on foot? Maybe they all were looney themselves, too.

“I would accept any sort of pain in the world, as long as I could live as a woman.” He turned toward her, he frowned trying to appear serious, but his eyes looked sad.

“But why? Why do you want to be a woman?”

“I just want to.”

“If you were a woman, you wouldn’t be just vulnerable, but also weaker,” Percival said, scratching his forehead.

“I am fine with that,” Caruncle said while caressing his hands, “maybe who I am inside isn’t someone that isn’t strong.”

“You sound like one of those flamboyant homosexuals,” Valentin chuckled while shaking his head, his heart beating faster and faster everytime he spoke. “Really, it’s all just so queer of you, would you like me to bring you a skirt? Huh? Would you put it on and try it? Like a pretty little girl?”

“What if I donned a skirt? Afraid you will get infected?”

“I’m really sorry for you, Evelyn,” Felicity patted her on the shoulder while Felicity tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, "Caruncle, you subject your lady to humiliation and I suggest you stop.”

“I’m not trying to humiliate anybody, I’m just saying what I am feeling.”

“But, I still don’t understand,” Felicity added “why?”

“I’ll tell you why,” Felicity snapped her fingers “because, sadly, your fiance right here is a pervert, he’s has completely lost his sense of reason and now he’s just following his perversions.” I’m not sure why, but while I was agreeing with Felicity most of the conversation, what she said right here made me rather angry.

“I always wondered what was wrong with you, but now that you told us, it makes perfect sense,” Valentin got closer and closer to him, “I bet you take your woman’s clothes and wear them in secret, sniffing them, getting a boner just at the thought of wearing them,” he smiled and slapped him in the cheek, I didn’t smile this time.

“Valentin, I must ask you to not do this at my own home,” Percival finally raised his voice.

“You will have to forgive me, but I need to bring some sense into my brother right now,” he frowned and punched him in the stomach. Caruncle fell on his knees towards the floor while gasping for air. Percival and Felicity stood up but didn’t move towards them, they looked at each other and then back to Valentin and Caruncle, Evelyn had tears on her eyes and was clenching her fists, this time she didn’t say anything. This wasn’t even funny anymore, this was just… boring, it was boring that’s what it all was. Hopefully the candles would end up making the curtains catch fire so maybe the house would fall over them.

“You will stop talking nonsense,” Valentin crouched towards Caruncle and spoke close to his ear, “this feeling of yours threatens more than just societal disdain. It beckons scandal and disgrace, do you understand?”

“Being a man has to be the grossest thing I ever had to experience,” Caruncle started sobbing, I rolled my eyes in exasperation. “I told you that you couldn’t help me, but don’t make things worse than what they already are.”

Okay, maybe he just needed another beating.

“Oh? Help? Do you want help? Then I will help you become a man. I knew something had gone wrong when you started to grow hair in your scrotum because since you started growing up you have been stuck with that creepy face ever since.” Valentin sounded tired, he was tired like me of Caruncle’s goofy occurrences and words just like I was, everyone eventually gets fed up with the jester, you know, but Valentine’s words were now tiring me out even more, maybe I should just have gone somewhere else for the night, it was clear things weren’t really going to pick up any time soon, I saw outside the window and I was able to see a couple of months trying to enter the home, they were really beautiful moths.

“I have felt this way since I have a memory,” it was almost impossible to understand him now. Between his tears, I thought about leaving once again, but seeing him suffer was becoming entertaining in his own way. Alright, maybe I could stay for a little longer.

“Ridiculous,” Felicity shaked her head.

“Have you told our mother about this?” For a moment Valentin looked panicked.

“No, I haven’t.”

“People,” Percival tried to get closer to the two brothers little by little, “Remember what we came here for, we were told by Caruncle there was something we should learn about and that if we could help him, he would explain more about what he knows. Caruncle, you can’t change into something you aren’t, but maybe we can still help you to alleviate some of your distress, is there anything else you would want us to help you with? Anything at all?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Don’t you perhaps need to change your financial situation with your family? Should you talk more about your relationship with Evelyn? Maybe if you accept your help to try and improve your confidence we could perhaps–”

“Nothing, this is the only thing I would want in my life,” Caruncle let his head rest on the floor, his tears already staining the carpet, it was a wonderful carpet too, by the way. Valentin looked back at Percival, suddenly remembering what he was talking about.

“Right, you aren’t leaving this place until you tell us what you know.”

“Screw you.”

“Look, buddy, you aren’t leaving until you speak,” he pushed him around and then hit him again on his stomach, leaving him yet again without any air to breathe.

“You will have to kill me, then.”

“Our mother would be disappointed if she knew how pathetic you are,” Valentin straightened himself.

Caruncle didn’t answer and closed his eyes, with his eyes clouded by tears and the dim light in the room, he wasn’t able to see anything at all, he didn’t hear anybody else say anything else as he let himself to sleep.