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18. On Recovery

The world came into the light. After fighting for so long, after pushing myself until I felt I was about to pass out, I made it. Right now, I’m not afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do something like that again, for the strength exists in me, what worries me is knowing what is the fire that feeds it.

I had managed to arrive at the coast at sunset, but I felt so incredibly tired that I simply let myself fall on the sand. A couple who were taking a stroll down the beach found me at night and took me to a hospital where I woke up the next morning.

“Oh, you are awake!” A nurse saw me looking at the ceiling and left, a few minutes afterwards a nun dressed in all white came by.

“Dear, we were so worried about you! How are you feeling?”

I nervously nodded and looked at Elena’s body, it was covered with scarring on the arms and even some skin blisters on the forearms, her face hurt too. She was dressed in a thin, loose-fitting gown made of rough cotton, its pale fabric worn and tied at the back. The sleeves were short and ended just above her elbows, leaving her forearms exposed to the cool air. Her feet were bare, and her tangled hair spilled over the pillow, untouched and unkempt. I slowly raised her arms to touch her face and I felt some blisters on her cheeks. Her whole back felt sore and I was incredibly fatigued.

“Wait, do not touch yourself! You could get infected!” The nun ordered me, I lowered Elena’s arms. “Now, can you please tell me your name?”

I pointed at Elena’s throat and shook her head with an ashamed expression.

“What is it?” The nurse looked at Elena, slightly annoyed. I opened Elena’s mouth, but it seems like she wasn’t understanding. “Dear, if you do not talk, it will be harder for us to help you.”

“Are you unable to speak?” The nurse at her side finally asked, I nodded at her, feeling relieved.

“How come?” The nurse asked me, I raised her hands as I shrugged, I had nothing to write on!

The nurse’s brow furrowed with concern. “Wait here, dear. Let me fetch you something.”

She returned moments later, carrying a small stack of paper and a pencil. She placed them on a firm, wooden board and handed it to me gently. “Here,” she said, “you can write down whatever you need to tell us.”

Grateful, I took the pencil and hesitated only briefly before scribbling on the paper. Thankfully the scrap of paper was a lot bigger than the suffocating chalkboard Custodio had for me in the manor.

“I haven’t been able to talk since I was born. My name is Elena Esparza.”

“Alright, Miss Elena,” The nun said. I did note that my mind got distracted as well when she called me Miss. I was finally talking with another human being and being addressed again filled my stomach with complete and utter joy. “You are in Asclepius’s hospital. God of medicine and healing, we need to know who we can contact to take care of you. We took you because you were found passed out last night. We would love to help you and take care of you, but we have limited personnel and beds. Can you tell us what were you doing all by yourself outside far away from the city at those hours? A lady shouldn’t be on her own like that!”

When she mentioned this to me, Custodio came back to my mind. I had completely forgotten about him! He was probably looking for Elena, I didn’t want to go back to his place, but what else could I do?

“I’m staying at the home of Sebastian Lysias.”

Ha, that was perfect, he could probably take me in, maybe even hide me, or something. I would come up with a plan on the go, what I wanted the most was to get away from the scowling nun as soon as I could.

“Do you know this man, Lady Arsehole?” The nurse said, okay yeah she didn’t call the nun Arsehole, but she was annoying me with that scowl of hers so much that I blocked her name from my mind completely and replaced it with Arsehole every time it was mentioned.

“Yes, he’s one of those from the… you know.” Her frown got even deeper, her abilities to distort her face surprising me even more.

“Oh, you mean?”

“Yes, I didn’t want to make contact with that group, but as long as this lady is sent away sooner, it’ll have to do, I will be right back, so take care of her in the meantime.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And you young lady, let me tell you that I noticed you ignored my question! You will tell me about what you were doing outside at those hours in a bit!” She probably had noticed me smiling when she was about to leave.

“I feel incredibly tired and sore.”

The nurse's eyes softened with concern as she glanced over Elena's blistered skin. “How long were you out in the sun? Your blistering and scarring is quite severe—it almost appears as though you were left there for days. You’ll need proper hydration and plenty of rest for the coming weeks, I’m afraid.”

Maybe I slept for more than one day? That wasn’t likely, Custodio could have found me, although I did feel somewhat hungry, although again I had been rowing for a whole afternoon for fuck’s sake.

“I spent yesterday afternoon, the sun wasn’t out the whole day.”

“Well, I see,” the nurse looked at me, concerned. “You better consult with a physician about this once you can, okay?”

I nodded, she patted me on the head which surprised me quite a bit but I enjoyed it. She left right afterwards, I slowly laid down on the bed and looked around the room. The place was dimly lit, with tall, narrow windows that let in only thin beams of pale light. The once-white walls were now faded and chipped, stained with years of neglect. Iron-framed beds lined the walls, the mattresses thin and sagging, covered with rough, off-white sheets. A faint smell of antiseptic lingered in the air, mingling with the musty scent of age and dampness.

I had been given a glass of water, but no food. As the hours dragged on, hunger gnawed at me, and by the time night fell, I was starving. Only then did the nurse bring me a small loaf of bread, an apple, and some slices of pineapple. Elena’s whole body felt hot, but the room was so cold that it helped me cool down. I thought about Caruncle, was he observing everything? Maybe he would just think he was the one doing the bidding if I left Elena’s body.

I tried to perceive him, somehow, the only thing I could feel was a crying, exhausted voice, in the very deep pits of my mind.

“Yup, there you are,” I thought, I noticed I was rolling my eyes, but I was still smiling, I know, I had taken some affection towards my own pet. “Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll get you out of this, somehow.” I looked outside the window and into the dark night, letting myself fall asleep to the sound of the crickets around the building.

You know, being taken care of like this, even if reluctantly, wasn’t half bad. Even when hurt and terribly weakened, it was good to be alive yet again.

***

In the morning I was awakened by the gentle hand of the nurse moving my shoulder. She was only using the tips of her fingers to make sure she wasn’t touching Elena’s blistered arms, why didn’t she touch the feet though?

“My dear? It is time for you to go home.” Ugh, it was the nun. Her hoarse voice was annoying my ears.

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I slowly cleaned the crust of Elena’s eyes and I finally opened to see the dumb face of Sebastian looking at me with horror.

“Elena! My dear! What on earth happened to you?”

I looked at him carefully, I was feeling very lazy to reach for the stack of paper, but there was something in his appearance that puzzled me somewhat, he looked more like a butler than anything else.

“Miss Elena, can you hear me?”

I slowly nodded, Elena’s lips felt incredibly dry.

“I think she’s still waking up, really, I must thank you all for taking such care of her,” he bowed towards the nun and the nurse. “I will take her home at once and make sure she recovers properly.”

“Mister Lysias, I do not want to see a lady under your care wandering alone at night on the beach, make sure we do not have any problems like this in the future, understand?” I smiled, she had asked me the same thing a couple of times the day before, she didn’t believe I couldn’t talk! She couldn’t believe I couldn't talk and kept pestering me over and over. “You shouldn’t close yourself to people who are trying to help!” but at the end of the day I just didn’t pay attention to her, she was such an eyesore.

“Yes, ma’am, I really apologize for the inconvenience she has caused. Are you able to walk, Miss Elena?”

“Here.” The nurse brought a wheelchair to the room to which I slowly sat down in.

“I would recommend bringing the gown back once you can, it is the hospital's property.”

“Oh, yes! Yes indeed!” Sebastian took the handles and finally we left the building. I closed my eyes with the fear of seeing the sun at full force, but thankfully it was cloudy yet again. I slowly sat down inside the carriage and then the funny weird guy that came for me entered.

“Miss Elena, do you have any idea how I am going to explain this to Mister Esparza?”

Shit, he was going to take me back to the manor, I had to stop him. I took him by the arm right away and looked at him with the most serious face I could make and I shaked my head violently.

“What is it?”

I kept shaking my head, I almost got dizzy.

“Do you not want to go home?”

I shook it again.

“But, your father, he must be worried…”

I shook my head, more slowly, for I was feeling I was going to puke, I tried to not break eye contact.

“Well, do you want to go to my home instead?”

I nodded.

“Uh, alright… but I hope you can explain this to me when we get there.”

I smiled and finally relaxed. Sebastian told the driver to change the course and we finally left the place. I looked at the hospital through the small little window. Its stone facade darkened with age and soot Cracks ran along the walls, like veins of neglect creeping through the structure. Tall, narrow windows, many with chipped glass, were lined with iron bars, giving the building a prison-like appearance. The entrance was marked by heavy wooden doors, worn smooth from years of use, their brass handles tarnished. The surrounding grounds were sparse, with overgrown weeds pushing through the cobblestones, that place looked incredibly creepy from outside.

“The nurses told me you were found on the beach at night, did anything happen between you and your father?”

I nodded slowly, but didn’t bother to look back at him, I wasn’t in the mood to answer that many questions.

“And… your face, your arms, I just can’t help but feel alarmed.”

This time I didn’t do anything to tell him I was listening, what was he expecting me to do? Give him smoke signs?

“I remember very well what Miss Ashford had told me, it is not my intention to overstep my boundaries but I have to mention that this situation is making me really worried. I hope that you do not think ill of me for getting worked over this, your well being is of a big importance to me.”

I kept a small smile on Elena's face, hoping it said enough. I looked at the worn out streets as the carriage passed by and we left the city and we ventured into the countryside. It was so beautiful, it had been so long since I had taken a ride with Caruncle, the only time we had left the manor since we were taken by Custodio was when Lucia invited us to her state and even then Custodio didn’t let us get out of the carriage through the whole trip.

I was still feeling incredibly tired, I should probably have been panicking for Custodio, but I just felt a deep sense of pace inside of me. And Caruncle being all mopey and sad, yes, that too. It was as he was asleep, but I could feel how sad his dreams were. Sadly, I wasn’t able to turn it off, so the best I could do was just ignore it.

***

I had fallen asleep on the trip, but Sebastian woke me up gently when we arrived. I cleaned my eyes and got out of the thing. The house was large but not ostentatious, with tall, narrow windows framed by dark shutters. A polished brass knocker adorned the heavy oak door, which opened onto a neatly manicured garden.

“Young master!” I saw a maid waiting for us at the entrance, she was quite chubby and a bit old, maybe around her 50s. “I was worried when you left so suddenly! And who is the lady you brought along with you? What happened to her?”

“Dolores, this is Miss Elena Esparza, she just left the hospital and asked me to help her. I’ll tell you about the details later.”

“Miss Elena? The Miss Elena you talk so much about? So this is her?”

“Dolores, please, not now!”

“It is very nice to meet you, the young master right here has told us a lot about you, I’m the head maid of this house and I will be making sure all your needs are met.”

I slowly nodded at her with a slight smile. She stood silent as if waiting for an answer from me, the moment felt incredibly awkward the more time passed.

“Are you sick?”

“Oh, Miss Elena can’t speak, she’s mute.”

“Oh, you poor thing! What happened? Is it related to what happened to your face?”

“Dolores, please, I need you to be more aware of what you are saying!”

“What? What did I say?”

“Listen, Miss Elena hasn’t been able to speak since she was born, it is not anything new of the sort, I would rather find her a room where she can rest before we can continue the conversation, would that be alright with you?”

“Oh, yes, young master! Right away! Please, follow me inside, there is a guest room on the second floor with a second you that she’ll probably enjoy.”

“Perfect.”

We walked up stairs, Sebastian was telling me about every single thing around his house as if he was giving me a tour.

“Not many people know this, I even keep it a secret to everyone in the circle, but my father died 5 years ago. He was a very good merchant back in his day, this house is his, he left me everything he owned and I basically just supervise most businesses he worked on from time to time.”

Finally, we entered the guest room, this room wasn’t actually monochrome like Elena’s own room back at Custodio’s manor, which made me glad. The walls were brown and the bed sheets were green, the ceiling was also green, and the floor was covered on a blue carpet.

“Maybe I should change the sheets now before she goes to sleep. Those ones on are clean but I changed them a week ago already, maybe if the lady can wait for a while in the living room–”

“Don’t worry, Dolores. Let’s allow Elena to sleep for nwo with the current sheets and tomorrow once she’s feeling better, we can change them.”

“Oh, sir… if you say so.”

The maid left us alone afterwards and Sebastian closed the door. He handed me his notebook and pen so I could write again.

“Now, are you going to tell me what happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Please, if you do not tell me, it will be a lot harder for me to help you.”

I could feel Caruncle on the verge of crying when he thought about yesterday, on the other hand, I just felt incredibly angry.

“Let me just say that my father is a sick bastard.”

Sebastian read what I had written, but he didn’t answer back, I was looking down at my hands, not wanting to face him, I didn’t know what face I would end up making with all the feelings bottling up inside of me.

“If he asks for me, please do not tell him I’m here.”

“Alright, let’s just focus on getting you better first of all. What about your burns? What happened?”

“I don’t know, I had to row the whole way from a weird island he took me to yesterday, the nurse said it was not normal to be so sunburnt for such a short time, so I will have to consult a physician later.”

“An island? What island?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know its name.”

Sebastian sighed and took the notebook, looking at it as if it was a very fragile creature he felt a truly great pity for.

“Okay, so, first things first, I think I will ask a physician to come tomorrow, so he can take a good look at you. How are you feeling? Would you like to take some rest by now?”

“Yes, I also feel incredibly thirsty.”

“Alright, I’ll make sure one of the maids brings you some water,” Sebastian stood up and opened the door, but he turned back to face me back again. “I’ll arrange so some clothes are made for you as well.”

I nodded with a slight smile. I felt thankful for the help, I truly did. I know I said I thought he was annoying, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t very reliable. Once the door closed, I looked at the mirror and finally saw Elena’s face. Yeah, maybe it looked a bit rough, maybe even swollen? But it was still her face. I had forgotten how my face really looked long ago, yes, as a ghost, I can see myself in the mirror, that wasn’t the issue, the issue is that my own image changed based on the perception of myself. It was handy considering I could just imagine my own wardrobe and it would come to me, but my face, my face was something I had accidentally changed many times in the past, and I couldn’t remember… I couldn’t really remember how I looked when I was alive at all.

Elena’s face was cute, yeah, she was still cute, maybe it wasn’t my face, so looking at her still felt really weird, but it didn’t upset me. It was something I could work with. I looked at the other parts of Elena’s body, but only the weariness and sleepiness came to my senses for me to even think about them. I repeated to myself, even if I felt like shit, it was incredibly soothing to finally feel something yet again, I was taking the pain with as much grace as I could.

“Well, Caruncle, Elena, I know it is close to noon right now, but really, I think we need to take some rest.” I extended the curtains of the room, also a dark green, and finally, I went back to sleep, the glass of water still not arriving when I closed my eyes, it was fine, nothing was exactly perfect anyway.