If the big, black ship wasn't enough to convince me that Kurt was not as simple as he seemed, the leering, gun-toting crew members he'd left me with sitting around the Table, with a capital T, were. They called themselves the Coven, made up of the most important members of Kurt's crew. A gnome had his grungy boots up on the table, picking at pearly white teeth with a dagger that looked suspiciously like the one {Lord} Musso lost when his cruise ship was attacked by a gang of {Pirates}. He waggled his bushy eyebrows at me.

But no, I thought. Kurt is a trustworthy man; he'd rescued me from the scheming nobles in the capital, after all! Sure, he'd been resistant to the idea at first but he came around once I told him I was the second daughter of the wealthy {Governor} Shrumly who oversaw the state of Tetrianna, known for its exports of fine wine and rare produce.

I looked back at the gnome and his toothpick dagger. 'Musso' was engraved in the leather handle.

Oh.

Sighing, I turned two of my five string-eyes toward the nearest sailor, a Human woman - at least, I thought it was a woman, what with her long, blonde hair and pointy chest - with an eyepatch. As far as I knew, Humans couldn't speak telepathically so I resorted to the primitive mouth breather style of communication. "You all are {Pirates}, aren't you?"

The Human arched her eyebrow. "Took ya a while to figure that out, didn't it?" Her friends chuckled.

My cap drooped in despair. "And my ransom?"

"What we're all here for, missus," she replied, shrugging.

"Bah!" the orc at the end of the table spat, slamming her fist on the table. "Fer some two-bit {Lady} lumper dumb enough fer a scandal? Why not tha sea town we passed by to get here?! She ain't worth two coppers!"

I scoffed, turning my string-eyes towards the orc. "Excuse me! I'm the second daughter of {Governor} Shrumly! I'm worth every copper to you low-life {Thieves}."

Growls and threats of serious injury erupted around the table. That stupid gnome threw his stolen dagger at me but I ducked with a yelp, hands covering my gigantic cap as best I could. Someone tried to stab at a string-eye but I yanked them under my cap, effectively blind aside from my aura sense.

"Enough," a rumbling voice grumbled. The shouting, hitting, and spitting ceased immediately. I peeked out from under my cap, relieved to see Kurt - if that was truly his name - ducking into the cabin. His hulking, furry form squeezed through the doorway before lumbering toward the table. We watched, tense, as he reached over the quivering gnome to grab a wicked dagger stuck in the table. Frowning, he looked out at his crew and said, "I told you to watch her. Stabbing is entirely unnecessary."

The orc spoke first. "Cap'n, she insulted us! Spat on our honor, even yours! We can't let that slide! She should-"

She broke off, flinching back under the unwavering glare the Apeman gave her. Gritting her sharp teeth, she hissed, "I was jus' puttin' 'er in 'er place, is all..."

"Her place," Kurt rumbled, stomping toward the only empty seat - it was very immaculate; I tried to sit in it when I first entered, but the {Pirates} had stopped me - at the head of the table, "is safe and sound on this ship. The deal is broken if but a single hair on her head-"

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"Myconids don't have hair," I cut in.

He stared. I stared back. He narrowed his eyes. I wiggled my string-eyes.

His shoulders drooped as he fell with a heavy sigh into his chair which, now that I thought about it, may or may not be the stolen throne of Emperor Shroomdoom. But there was no way! Emperor Shroomdoom had been dead for at least a century; the chair was in pristine condition! Perhaps Kurt and his fellows were a generation of {Pirates} that took great care of their stolen treasures?

That was simply preposterous! All noble Mycopods (that's what we call our children, for those uneducated reading this) were taught from a young age that those who pilfered goods and gold from elites were the most depraved, sinful beings to ever walk this earth! Truly, only those with noble birth could handle the wealth and splendor that came with holding such glorious titles. Now, if more peasants rode (do you ride ships? I don't quite know...) ships, it would be fine if {Pirates} raided them but should a peasant own a ship worthy of being raided, he wouldn't be a peasant then, would he...

Ah, well. Moral questions can be saved for another time. While I was getting lost in my moral quandaries, the Apeman was questioning his life choices.

"My face is known, now, to the Capital," Kurt said with another sigh (he sighs a lot. I'm not sure why. Maybe as a result of his uncouth upbringing? It's known the lands of the Apemen are rather...uncivilised). "I can't return her to the mainland without getting caught myself."

"Send her on a rowboat, Cap'n!" the Gnome suggested. "Either she'll be carried by the current or meet the fishies!"

A beaked man with black feathers crowning his head by Kurt's side nodded. "I second this statement. The hostage is more trouble than her worth. I do not recommend giving her an extended passage on our sea vessel, regardless of the wealth we would accumulate upon receiving her bounty."

The Human woman cleared her throat, leaning forward over the table. "Just how much wealth are we talkin'?"

The Birdman thought for about two seconds, his beady black eyes going blank before snapping back into focus. "Given what I have researched on the {Governor} upon our {Captain's} request, their family relations, and the success of the country's exports, the Myconid family in charge of the state of Tetrianna would likely purchase the return of our hostage for seven thousand, three hundred, forty-six full Shroins."

The crew groaned. In their eyes, I really wasn't worth more than a copper! But the Birdman hadn't finished.

"That is, of course, the main currency in all major Myconid countries and governed colonies. In order to trade with all Myconid countries and governed colonies, we must convert to the widely popular currency known as 'pieces'. One silver piece is equal to 2 quarter Shroins. Quarter Shroins being the least expensive in Myconid currency and the silver piece the second most expensive in global currency. To make one full Shroin, you need 4 quarter Shroins. This means that 2 silver pieces are equal to 1 full Shroin.

"Continuing, the estimated worth of our hostage in global currency would net our crew a total of twenty-nine thousand, three hundred, eighty-four silver pieces. There are currently thirteen members of our crew which would mean each of us would receive two thousand, two hundred sixty silver pieces, give or take. According to my calculations, on average, we would raid about three coastal cities a month and would, on average, receive around one hundred or so gold pieces which would translate to one thousand silver pieces. Every crewmember would receive 76 to 75 silver pieces, depending on how generous our {Captain} is feeling. By ransoming off our current hostage, the crew members aboard this sea vessel would make approximately twenty-nine point seven times our average salary.

"In layman's terms, that is a boatload of cash," the Birdman finished, leaning back in his chair.

The silence was all that greeted his speech as the seated members of the Coven processed his words. Since no one else decided to speak on the elephant in the room, I spoke first.

"You realize no one is going to read those big blocks of text, right?"

The Gnome groaned. "No one likes 4th wall breaks!"

The Human woman chortled. "Ain't too bad to me!"

A Wood Elf banged their tiny fists on the table. "Why am I mentioned at the end?! And why do none of us have names!?"

That'll have to wait till the next entry, I suppose.