The mood was heavy for a fucking good morning. For a moment, I forgot about all the shit I'm going through. But there was Urinal smiling and looking at my face. I realized that the book levitated around me. I might have unlocked a new ability. I don’t know and I don’t give a shit.

“Can we do this shit somewhere else, Uri? I think my insurance doesn’t cover angel lunacy!”

“You have no authority over my actions, pawn of Lucipher!”

Okay. I guess I have another card in my hand.

“Agatha! Teleport us somewhere else asap!”

Agatha teleported us to some rural field while Eligor and Urinal clashed in my living room. We were followed by Urinal and Eligor is teleported close to the book. I think he is bound to the book or whatever.

Eligor is slower than the bastard but the attacks of Urinal make no effect against his fucking armor. Eligor is being hit more than Urinal is, but when Eligor hits the fairy the bastard is thrown far away. Eligor is slow but damn, he knows how to fight with that huge lance. He is taking advantage of his huge defense and is awaiting the fucking fairy to get closer to bash it. Azazel would have killed this fucker by now, but Urinal would probably escape.

“I think I can help him, Nemesis!”

“How?”

“I collected his blood for an ancient spell that is able to paralyze angels! Angels are a great threat to wizards!”

“That is great, Agatha! Do your thing and Eligor can finish his ass!”

Agatha is focusing and she is covered in a weird white light.

“Duwies y ddaear, dwi'n galw'r swyn sy'n parlysu mab Duw!"

More crazy talk! Is this Russian? Agatha pointed her staff at the angel and the spell is effective. So effective, that even fucking Eligor is paralyzed.

“Fuck! I guess I have to smash his head with the book now! What happened?”

“Eligor might be an angel. I didn't know it worked on fallen angels too. I’m sorry!”

“Don’t worry, Agatha. I will summon another demon here and it will gut Urinal!”

“I think I have a plan! Don’t use the book now, Nemesis, or you can distress the Goddess’ magic and disperse it! She is very sensitive and has a great hatred of Lucipher and God!”

“What is your plan?”

“There is this old powerful spell that can absorb the energy of an angel. Remember when I gathered his blood? It is very similar, but is very dangerous! Archangels are like some nuclear weapons!”

Here I am worrying about Agatha. Fuck! The girl I just met yesterday. There was a girl among those fuckers that killed my wife and didn’t care about the nasty things Alastor did to her. I guess I’m getting fucking soft! I guess it has something to do with the demons I summon. It is not only my senses but some sort of connection. I was very angry when Alastor was summoned, horny when Azazel appeared, analytical when Marbas was near me, and now I feel like some fucking honored selfless knight when Eligor showed up yesterday. I feel I have to trust Agatha now.

“Okay, Agatha, but be cautious!”

Agatha was getting close to the fucker and shining with a weird white light. She says some fucking Russian words again.

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“Mam dduwies y ddaear, rwy'n galw ar hud sy'n amsugno pwerau plentyn i Dduw!”

Agatha sticks the staff inside Urinal and both start glowing. The fucker seems to wither as Agatha was shining like a fucking star. It was a blinding light but the book floats in front of my face to cover my eyes. The light faded and I look at them. Eligor is retreating now. Agatha is different as fuck. She had some wings made of fucking light and silver armor. Her eyes were glowing with white light. She is getting closer and she seems very angry at me.

“You think you bested me, pawn of Lucipher!”

Oh, fuck! The motherfucker took control of Agatha’s mind.

“Let her go, Uriel. I let you kill me or whatever the shit you want to do if you let her go.”

The fucker giggles and smiles. What a sadistic shithead this stalker is!

“No! Your life is important! I demand more pizza!"

“What is going on, Uriel?”

“I am messing around, you silly. I absorbed the angel’s powers and I feel great! All my insecurities are gone somehow.”

How can I trust her words? It looks like Agatha but she was so different that I was very suspicious. Agatha changed her looks to the pajamas and laughs. Azazel might tell the difference.

“Emissarium cecidit Lucifer fratrem Angelum. Quaeso, nomen tuum in conspectu tuo, et terram in qua egressus Nazareno eras!”

Azazel is summoned, she hugs me and gives me a very passionate French kiss. Nice! Agatha seems jealous and blushes. I guess that’s enough to tell that she is the true Agatha.

“Good morning, my favorite pieces of flesh! Oh, Agatha, my dear, you absorbed Uriel’s powers. That coward is finally gone and your skin is amazing! I think we should have a threesome. I won’t touch that rotten bastard though.”

Agatha seems more confident now.

“I would like to try sex, but I am not ready for an orgy.”

Wow! She is sure more confident! Eligor approached us in silence.

“I recommend Nemesis’ dick, very good for a human! You will be very satisfied, my dear!”

"I thought you were gone, Agatha.”

“How sweet of my beloved Nemesis, so worried about my Agatha!”

Azazel is messing with me. She might know Agatha has some sexual interest in me. We were talking and a light shines. An angel with a long beard and a turban is before us.

“Muhammad! The messenger of Michael is here!”

Eligor sounded concerned about the presence of the angel.

“I did not come here to fight. As my old friend said, I am only a messenger of Michael!”

Azazel starts to laugh and speaks in a defying way. She is angry at that angel for some reason.

“When angel standards got so low that a thief, murderer, polygamist rapist could become one?"

“It was God that allowed me those deeds, Azazel! I have a message and I didn’t come here for your insults, fallen one! I came here to talk to Bearer of the original Ars Goetia!”

This fucker caught my attention for some reason.

“What do you want to tell me? I am all ears. The sooner you talk the sooner I’ll get some coffee!"

I am not getting a good sensation about his news.

“Michael wants to propose a deal! Uriel was in charge to test your abilities and you are deemed worthy of the task thou shalt fulfill. I can take you to his presence, but I am also allowed to speak about his offer!”

“I don’t trust angels, my friend!”

“I don’t lie! Ask Eligor if you will! But Michael's offer is very good and honest!”

“What the fucker wants to offer me?”

“He is offering a place in heaven for you! So you and your wife can be together forever. If you do him a small favor, of course!”

I’m fucking shocked! I have to keep calm. Everyone is looking at me now. There might be some catch.

“What the big fairy wants?”

“Isa was reborn, but He was turned into a cyborg by the artificial intelligence known as Quantum of the Artificial faction. He was about to start the Apocalypse when He was caught. You need to kill Him and release His soul. We can’t even touch Him and we can't trust demons or the Eve faction!”

Azazel and Eligor were immobilized by the angel's words. Azazel was In shock and I could sense the fear that Eligor felt in his rotten soul.

“Why is this person named Isa so important?”

“Your ignorance is forgiven! He has this name in the Qu'ran, but you might know him as Jesus Christ! You have seven days to accept Michael’s offer! Farewell!”

Fuck! I need some time to digest this lunacy. Forget about the coffee, I need some cheap vodka and a fucking cigarette right now! I can’t even think straight and my hands are trembling. Fuck!