Raspelder berry. Meadowmint. Camomile. Dewdrop Pettle. Nettle. Peldeep Breakfast Blend.

So many varieties of tea. I opened a jar of the Peldeep Breakfast Blend and inhaled. It was a mix of tannins with a hint of malt. The leaves were dried and crushed, unlike the intact full petals of the tisanes.

“May I help you, Miss?” A pixie with bright blue skin and violently sunflower yellow hair flew up to the ledge of the tea shelf I was examining and bobbed a curtsy. She was wearing pants and a floral shirt… as in, a shirt made out of actual flower petals.

“Yes,” I said, pointing at each jar and asking for one of her medium sized bags. I bought enough to make 10 cups of each type of tea. I would bring them back home and pre-bag a few for my teabox, and then keep the rest sealed tight in my storage ring.

And Pixie Prim tea was a staple.

“Right away, Miss!” The pixie took trips to fulfill my order.

“Maybe I should grab some too…” Bronwynn searched the jars. “But I’m not sure which tea is Rufus’ favourite. He prefers wine.”

“I have a fine selection of red’s in the back.” The pixie offered, having flown back to grab the bag of Camomile.

Bronwynn followed the pixie to the main desk, where another pixie– this one with bright yellow skin and pink hair– showed the half-giantess their alcoholic selection.

“Is there anything you are looking for at the market?” I asked Henrietta, who was standing beside me, eying the tea.

“Actually,” The queen shot me a conspiratorial look, “I’m thinking about picking up a gift for Brownie’s engagement.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“We barely got to talk about her plans back in the Hollow.” Henrietta crossed her arms and pouted. “And she doesn’t seem that… I don’t know, serious about it?”

“Do they have to be in a rush?”

Henrietta sighed. “No, and it’s not like I’m one to talk.”

“You did fall pretty fast for tall, dark-haired and evil.” I teased.

My queen blushed, but smiled.

It had taken a year of prep work to prevent the massacre that would’ve been Henrietta romping around the Dark Enchanted Forest.

First, I’d made dueling between noble’s a common occurrence. As usual when enacting change, I’d started in North Sumbria and worked my way out from there. Anything that was popular in North Sumbria quickly caught on elsewhere. If I could get everyone to think that fighting to the death was gauche, then I could potentially prevent the full on bloodbath that was Henrietta arriving at the Black Fortress.

Even I couldn’t have anticipated that there would be no bloodshed, and that the guards would just politely let the girl wait to duel their king. That was a miracle on its own and I wish I’d been there to see how she did it.

The other thing I’d done was to kindly ask any and all magical creatures that could be mistaken for ‘monsters’ to leave the area so she had a straight path to the castle in the first place. Anyone who lived within sight of the Great Road heading towards Drendil had to be convinced to vacate.

I’d only had to bonk a few dire wolves on the nose before they’d learned that they should keep to the hills further from the path. They still followed Lake Loria, and came down to drink from her waters, but otherwise they knew to stay clear.

I’d left the unicorns and a phoenix. The mushfolk would’ve been easy experience points for the princess, so I parted with enough gold to find them a nice meadow of birch near the border to Servalt.

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And then I’d made sure I was her first real encounter, as Bronwynn would put it. Speaking of the bard, she was walking back over with her chosen bottle.

“What about you?” Henrietta asked, looking up at me.

“What about me?” I asked, confused at the turn in the conversation.

My queen’s smile took on a predatory gleam as she asked, “You went to the Spring Ball. Are you sure you didn’t see anyone that might have pulled at your heartstrings?”

“Wait,” Bronwynn returned at the worst time. “Do you like someone, Gerda?”

I managed a tight smile. “No. I don’t.”

Honestly, I’d played each of the routes in season one. The laid-back Adventurer Trevor Malory, leader of The Lancers, the obnoxious Sir Phineas, the most powerful knight her age and most likely to become Knight Commander after Havork, Duke Wyldon of Servalt, the glasses wearing prime minister’s son who came to negotiate a treaty after Henrietta killed the Dark Lord, and Knight Commander Bastian of Peldeep, an ambassador for King Lucial Neftor of Peldeep to discuss the same. After all of the routes were finished, I unlocked the two bonus routes.

I’d never played the story with the rogue Master Thomas… I was too busy replaying the other option.

The man I stanned the hardest; The elusive Duke of the North. That man needed a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Henrietta patted my arm. “I know you had a bad experience before. If you wanted to, I bet we could get you a session with Rufus. He’s brilliant.”

“I don’t–” I started, trying to figure out if it was better to play off the fact that Gerda the Bridge Troll had had an awful ex-husband or let Henrietta know that I was alright. My own ex from the before wasn’t much to write home about either. Maybe I needed a hug.

If I waited long enough, Henrietta was bound to satisfy that.

“He is.” Bronwynn agreed, talking about her fiance. She stored the wine in her storage ring. “And we see you so often that I’m sure we could work something out.”

“I’m fine.” I insisted. “Now enough about my tragic backstory - let’s go enjoy the festival!”

There wasn’t anyone waiting for me back in my old world, and Dale, my troll ex-husband, had only ever gotten the one chance to hurt me on the day I’d arrived five years ago.

…

I didn’t see the truck that hit me, but I felt it.

While I lay there, listening to the white noise and screaming, it wasn’t my life that flashed before my eyes.

It was my tbr. My to-be-read, unfinished books and games and graphic novels and all of the stories that I would never get to finish. Like this one; Dungeon Delves and Debutants. An otome romance video game that I’d adored to excess and played through every route. Even the coveted bonus love story.

And I’d finally bought the sequel.

A wave of nausea struck and I closed my eyes against the pain. I never opened my human eyes again.

It was strange, becoming Gerda. The white noise continued for some time, as our memories met and melded. A long dream that felt so very very real. Her childhood in the Baldorin Mountains. My summers at the family lake house. Her childhood friend’s cruel tricks that lead to her gaining the [Protector] Class at age ten. My parents divorce in middle school. Her unfortunate marriage to that same childhood friend. Me breaking up with my fiance in college because of my future mother-in-law’s constant and never-ending abuse. Gerda being forced to hold off monster attacks by herself with her abilities, all the while her husband took the credit. The long, hard days that felt suffocating.

The pain remained.

And then I was hit by cold water, and the pain lessened considerably. The first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was the flashing box at the corner of my vision.

[You have been Revived.]

[Warning, Health currently below 30%. Rest recommended.]

I dragged my attention away from the notifications tab. There were more, but I had other things I needed to do.

I rolled over onto my back and heaved a deep and uneven breath.

“Get up.” An angry voice snarled. “I didn’t hit you that hard.”

He was wrong, of course. He’d hit Gerda, us, me? He’d hit me hard enough to kill. These thoughts could be sorted later, for now it was time to show our husband a lesson he was never going to get.

Sorry, I meant my ex-husband.